"Then why run away? You could just stay here and live well. Working for a prestigious viscount family might be a bit difficult, but it’s still better than working outside. The pay would be much better too. Even though you’re on probation, I’m sure someone like Pola will be smoothly hired."
"Sir Ethan. I—"
"Actually, isn’t it what Vincent hopes to find out?"
That’s impossible, isn’t it? It would be meaningless. What could he do even if he recognized me? Back then, I endured all his nasty temper, so this time, are you going to ask me to be nice to you? Or are you going to pour out your complaints because your butler tried to kill me?
I shook my head again.
"Sir Ethan. I’m scared here. You know why I ran away."
"Don’t worry about that."
When I asked what he meant, he just smiled again.
"How about this? Do you think Vincent will remember?"
"…He will remember. He often said I was arrogant, so I doubt he could forget me."
"Haha. I can imagine."
"…."
"Then, did he miss you?"
That… I don’t know. Sometimes, while living a hard life for five years, he might have thought of me occasionally. Back then, this happened, and then that happened. On some days, he might have recalled good memories, and on others, bad ones, getting lost in the past. But I don’t know if he missed me.
No, I don’t think he missed me. Missing means wanting to go back to a certain moment. He wouldn’t want to go back to the time when he couldn’t see. Just because he remembered a maid who endured his temper, there’s no reason for him to miss me.
"I don’t think he did."
"Want to bet?"
I shook my head vigorously, repulsed. I didn’t even want to mention a bet with him. My whole body still remembered the suffering I endured when he forced me into a bet in the past.
"No."
"You’re arrogant. To refuse a suggestion from your superior."
"…."
Ethan’s expression hardened. How cowardly.
"Sir Ethan!"
"You’re also shouting."
"Please, please… don’t do this…."
"Why?"
"Well…"
"Are you afraid Vincent will be disappointed?"
I nodded immediately.
"Shouldn’t he be disappointed?"
"Excuse me?"
"Of course, he might be disappointed. He thought you looked different, so he might feel let down when he realizes you’re not the person he knew. He might feel disillusioned every time he recalls the past."
"Sir Ethan, that’s—"
"It’s okay."
"…."
"Even if he’s disappointed, it’s okay. As Pola said, he might be disappointed by the difference from his imagined appearance. But so what? Is that really important? What’s more important is that the maid is alive and by his side, isn’t it?"
"…."
"If Vincent says it’s okay even if everyone is disappointed by your appearance, have you asked him? Oh, Pola said she’s afraid of disappointing him. So, you don’t want Vincent to be disappointed by you?"
…That’s impossible, isn’t it? I deceived him, and he was deceived by me. It’s scary to think that he might be disappointed when he finds out my lies, but that doesn’t mean he hates or dislikes me. I think he would understand. Even I dislike myself, so how much more would he?
Ethan understood my feelings well.
"Pola, it’s wrong to judge someone’s feelings based on your own desires. Do you know what Vincent wants and say such things? Do you want to portray Vincent as a bad person?"
"No."
"Then, what if Vincent really misses Pola?"
"That’s impossible."
"That’s just your guess, not Vincent’s feelings."
His firm words cut through my heart. I couldn’t hide my discomfort. He continued to look at me with a gentle gaze, even though I felt uneasy.
"Everyone has invisible longing."
His words sounded familiar.
"Not everything is visible. Just because you don’t say it out loud or show it on the surface, it doesn’t mean you don’t miss someone. Sometimes, you don’t even know the depth of your own longing. That’s what Vincent often said."
"…."
"Pola, I think Vincent missed you. Have you ever thought about how worried he must have been when the person who left after listening to his words suddenly disappeared?"
I had thought about it. But I concluded that he would soon forget such feelings. How mean. He’s such a mean person. He brought up something I wanted to hide again.
"I respect Pola’s feelings, but I also want to respect Vincent’s. Do you understand my feelings?"
"…Yes, I understand, but…"
But understanding doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed. I barely managed to answer and turned around. I walked away with my mouth tightly shut. I didn’t want to face Ethan anymore. The warmth I felt a moment ago had cooled down. I wasn’t angry at him, but his probing made me uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to be with him anymore.
"Are you angry, Pola?"
"Don’t call me Pola."
Despite my curt response, he followed me closely. Pola? Pola? Pola! He kept calling my name even though I told him not to. Fortunately, there was no one around.
"Let’s go see Lucas later."
He suddenly said. I hesitated and then nodded slightly. I heard a laugh from behind. The innocent, childlike laughter made my discomfort ease a bit. Ethan seemed to suit a smiling face more than a stern one.
The maids passing by looked at us strangely as Ethan followed me. When I told him not to follow, he argued that it wasn’t strange for a servant to follow his master. Communication was impossible. In the past, I used to be exasperated by Vincent’s stubbornness, but now I see that Ethan is just as stubborn.
In the end, I ran away from him. I heard Ethan’s flustered breathing behind me as I suddenly started running. He couldn’t chase me, pretending to be a stern viscount.
After shaking him off, I trudged back to my room. I was tired. It felt like I had been dragged into a very annoying situation. I sighed deeply and muttered curses under my breath about Ethan.
Suddenly, someone grabbed my arm. I turned around in surprise to see Vincent standing there.
What? Why is this man here? Surely he didn’t come to see me? Despite my doubts, he asked me.
"Do you know Sir Ethan, the Viscount Christopher?"
"Excuse me? Ah…"
Caught off guard by his sudden question, I glanced down. He followed my gaze and gently released my arm. I took two steps back, clasped my hands, and bowed my head.
"Yes, that’s correct."
It was too late to deny it now. Did he come here just to ask this?
Recently, Vincent had been treating me as if I didn’t exist. He didn’t need to pay attention to every servant, but his attitude was so obvious that even the nanny noticed. Until just now, he would turn his head away as soon as our eyes met. This was the first conversation since the night of the thunderstorm.
After a moment of silence, as if thinking about something, Vincent asked me again.
"Have you found out about the ink?"
"Ah, I… I’m sorry. I couldn’t find it."
"You couldn’t find it?"
Vincent’s eyes turned fierce. I swallowed quietly, nodded, and immediately bowed, saying I was really sorry. His eyes became even sharper, and I fumbled in my pocket. I think I had put a candy in there.
"Then—"
Just as he started to speak in a threatening tone, someone put a hand on my shoulder. I turned around in surprise to see Ethan.
"What’s going on?"
Ethan asked casually. I quickly composed my expression after a brief frown. I tried to twist my shoulder to remove Ethan’s hand, but he held on tightly.
Vincent’s gaze shifted from my shoulder to Ethan, as if asking, "Why are you interfering?"
"I have a question."
"A question? What about?"
"You don’t need to know."
"I’m curious. Tell me too."
Why is this guy acting like this? I read this thought in his emerald eyes.
"What? What is it?"
When he didn’t get an answer from Vincent, he turned to me. I was flustered and alternated my gaze between Ethan and Vincent.
"You know about colored ink."
"Ink?"
"Yes. Last time, Robert wrote a letter, and the ink wasn’t black. I’ve only seen that kind of ink in your family. Colored ink. You know what I’m talking about, right?"
Ethan looked down at me. I opened my mouth slightly with a gloomy expression. I knew it was for sale. I wasn’t sure if he understood, but Ethan seemed to think for a moment before continuing.
"I lent it to him."
"What?"
"I lent it to him. Isn’t that right?"
Caught off guard by his unexpected answer, I rolled my eyes. The question came from Vincent.
"You lent it to him?"
"Yes. I said we knew each other. He used to work in our mansion."
"What?"
"Excuse me?"
This time, Vincent and I asked in unison. Vincent looked at me in disbelief, so I quickly composed my expression.
"He said he borrowed it from another servant."
"You were too interrogating, so he must have been scared. I lent it to him. He begged me to lend it for a short while, so I did."