77. To You, Whom I Cannot Forget Even If I Try (1)
I think Robert is doing well. He has the nanny who always thinks of him first, and Joel and Vincent are with him too. And I am here as well.
"Just come and visit Lord Robert often."
"ā¦ā¦"
"Lord Robert is really happy every time you visit."
Robert would welcome Vincent with open arms every time he came to visit. He would run up to him with a bright smile, and Vincent would also greet him with a warm laugh, picking Robert up.
Through his actions, I realized that Vincent also cared for Robert. He was worried about him even now. So I told him the way to do it, emphasizing "often, often."
"How about you?"
"Me?"
"Have you ever felt a longing that you couldn't forget?"
I smiled bitterly.
"Everyone has invisible longings."
Just like I couldn't forget this place, or you.
After giving that heavy answer, silence fell again. Vincent was quiet for a moment. My gaze still lingered on the floor. I felt a bit embarrassed after speaking. I wondered if I had rambled too much, bringing up old memories after so long.
As I cautiously observed him, he suddenly burst into laughter. It was such an unexpected laugh that I raised my head in surprise. He was looking at Robert's door, and his face, which he covered with his hand, was truly smiling.
"I know too."
"ā¦ā¦"
"I know very well."
His face, which briefly smiled, caught my eye. What was he thinking of? What made him laugh so joyfully and yet so sadly?
"I know very well."
The smile on his face disappeared instantly. He looked at me with a dazed expression. I also stared at him blankly, and when our eyes met, I was startled and turned away.
"I've finished eating."
He pushed the empty plate towards me.
"Ah, did you enjoy it?"
"It wasn't bad."
He said that, but the plate was spotless. He had eaten the cake with a fork, even scraping the squished chocolate cream. The teacup, which held milk with honey, was also almost empty.
It was funny how he diligently ate the sweets even in the midst of all this.
I tried to hold back my laughter as I took the plate. But he held onto the edge of the plate, not letting go.
"Excuse me, your handā¦"
"Since you've finished this, can I ask you one thing?"
A request?
"I asked the nanny to tell me about Robert's daily life, but she seems to be selective about what she says, thinking she's indebted to me. She probably doesn't want to cause unnecessary worry. Besides, she will be out of the mansion often. Since you'll be taking care of Robert more, you're better suited to tell me about his condition."
"Should I really tell you such thingsā¦"
I wasn't sure if I should say what the nanny hadn't. But the man in front of me was the master of this mansion. While I take care of Robert, it was Vincent who hired me.
I hesitated for a moment about whose side I should be on.
"Do you need to think about it?"
"Butā¦"
"You made a big mistake before, didn't you?"
Mistake? When I was puzzled, he patted my thigh. Following his hand, I glanced down and then quickly turned my head.
"It wasā¦ Misa."
"Because of you, the family line almost ended."
Vincent looked more serious than ever. His request wasn't just about taking care of Robert.
"I don't have bad intentions. I just hope that Robert won't feel lonely in this mansion. Even if I can't forget, I don't want him to feel it more."
I couldn't refuse after he said that.
"Understood."
He finally let go of the plate. Then he placed the teacup on top of it. The cup was also empty. He seemed very pleased with his tea time.
Actually, wasn't the dessert the real purpose? I had my doubts and kept staring at his profile. But when Vincent turned to look at me, I quickly bowed my head. He was still as perceptive as ever.
"Do you have any more questions?"
Do I even have the right to be curious? A heavy feeling welled up inside me. I was about to say no, but the question I had just pondered popped into my head.
"Can I ask one thing?"
"What is it?"
"Are youā¦ thinking of becoming Lord Robert's adoptive father?"
"What?"
Vincent wasn't the type to easily show kindness. I didn't think he had forgotten the memories from when he was blind. Pain is a feeling that isn't easily forgotten. I was puzzled by how much he cared for Robert. Moreover, the two of them seemed very affectionate.
What kind of relationship do they have?
I was so curious that I made my own assumptions.
He soon gave me an answer. His wrinkled face, as if he had just heard the most absurd nonsense, was the answer.
This time, his opinion of me must have dropped even further, without me needing to ask.
* * *
As Vincent said, the nanny often went out. She seemed very busy with something outside. I smiled and told her not to worry and to have a good trip, feeling sorry for leaving Robert alone. I wanted to take good care of Robert so she wouldn't worry.
'What kind of misunderstanding is this? I'm afraid a rumor might spread.'
After scolding me coldly, Vincent left immediately. I had guessed their relationship was good, but now I felt depressed, thinking I had only earned his dislike. I called out an apology, but he didn't turn back.
After that day, I didn't see Vincent. He was so busy that he didn't even show his face. He had asked me to tell him about Robert's daily life once a day, but he didn't meet me directly. Instead, a servant came to ask me about Robert's day.
Actually, it was more like listing everything that happened during the day. But it felt awkward to explain in detail to a busy servant. So one day, I asked if I could write a letter to convey the information.
'Can you write?'
'I can write a little.'
The servant gave me a surprised look.
Since then, I wrote and handed over letters. The servant came every two days to collect them.
[Today, young masterā¦]
Even though the content wasn't much different from the last letter, I picked up my pen. The paper was filled with elegant handwriting.
'This is just like back then.'
I miss the golden letters.
"What are you doing?"
Robert poked his head out. He must have woken up from his nap.
"You're awake?"
"Yeah. Where's the nanny?"
"She's out."
Hearing my answer, Robert extended his hands. He wanted to be held. Lately, the time we spent alone had increased, and Robert had started to rely on me more.
I glanced at the thick bandage on his arm and then picked him up.
"Does your arm hurt?"
"No."
A few days ago, an incident occurred. When I went to Robert's room to take care of him as usual, he wasn't there. This was a common situation, and I immediately knew where he was. Sure enough, Robert was near the horse stand.
But the problem was that Robert was sitting on the floor, crying.
'Waaah!'
'Young master!'
I was terrified when I saw him holding one arm. The worst had happened.
I immediately called the doctor for an examination. Robert's arm had a crack in the bone due to a strong impact, but fortunately, it was minor. Robert's arm was wrapped in a thick bandage and immobilized.
Soon, Joel came and looked at Robert with a worried gaze. The nanny, joining in, was in a frenzy.
'If you wander alone again, I'll spank your bottom.'
To her, it was a severe reprimand.
Vincent, who heard the news late, asked.
"What happened?"
'Wellā¦'
Joel and the nanny's gazes also fixed on me. From the atmosphere, it seemed that if I said it was because of the horse stand, Vincent would immediately get rid of it. Robert clung to my skirt with a gloomy face. I hesitated for a moment before speaking.
'While we were walking in the corridor, young master was in a good mood and ran too quickly, then fell.'
I lied, but I didn't think it would work on him. He probably heard a rough account from other servants. Fortunately, they didn't mention the horse stand. They only instructed me to keep a close eye on Robert.
'Were you trying to go up there?'
When the two of them focused on Robert again, the nanny approached and asked. I just smiled. I realized that she also knew why Robert wanted to go up the horse stand.
Fortunately, Robert seemed to have learned his lesson and stayed in his room obediently after that.
Robert stared blankly at the letter I had been writing.
"I want to do it too."
"You need to be careful with your arm."
Robert nodded. I brought another chair and placed it next to me, then sat Robert down. I also brought the remaining paper and pen and handed them to him.
His tiny hand gripped the pen and started scribbling on the paper. Hmm. Hmm. He even hummed a little tune, looking quite happy. I sat next to him and continued writing the letter.
I glanced at Robert. I thought he would draw a picture, but he was writing.
"You're doing well."
"Yeah, I'm good at it."
"Yes, you're doing well."
Was it the result of his education? The letters were crooked, but I could make out what they said. Watching him, a good idea suddenly came to me.