Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It’s the summer of my 13th year, and Mother has just died. Though no one had told me, apparently she had been very, very sick for a long time.

It was me and Ashley who had found her initially. We had picked a bouquet of flowers and had gone to her room to give them to her. We found asleep in bed, as per usual. But when we walked closer to her, she still didn’t open her eyes. I figured that she must just be soundly asleep, but then Ashley put his hand over my eyes and said, “Let’s go outside,” before he guided me out of the room.

Once we had left, Ashley called out to a maid who had been passing by and I heard him whisper “Mistress has….” in her ear. When he had finished speaking though, he walked back over to me and hugged me.

‘We still haven’t given her the flowers yet, Ashley. We grew them just for her, right?’ Is what I wanted to say, but somehow I couldn’t. Not while Ashley was holding me and making such a pained expression.

The funeral service took place soon after, basically immediately. Father must have already been resigned. He must have known that she might die soon, and so he probably did some preparations for the funeral in advance, trying to prepare his heart in the process as well. But no matter how prepared you think you might be, nothing can help with the sadness that follows.

Standing in front of Mother smiling in her coffin, Father clutched at me and cried just like a child. ‘At least for today, I want Father to be able to cry’ I thought, deciding not to cry in front of him.

And when it became time for children to go to sleep, Ashley and I were sent back inside the mansion.

“Cecile-Ojousama….” Ashley hesitantly calls out to me while I’m resting in my room afterwards.

“Ashley, what should we do? We still haven’t watered the garden yet today.”

“Ojousama….” Ashley says, hugging me tightly, trying to comfort me. Huge tears are falling from his eyes one after another. His crying face is beautiful too.

“Are you crying for Mother’s sake?”

“Mistress was a wonderful person. Kind and compassionate, and Ojousama’s a lot like her. She must have been a beloved and irreplaceable person to you, right?” Ashley pulls me even tighter into his embrace.

“So please, don’t overdo it. You can cry. I might be lacking as a shoulder for you to cry on, but still, when things are painful, don’t try to bear them all by yourself.”

Up until now, just how many times have I cried in front of this boy? Even though I’m supposed to be the older one.

“That’s not fair, Ashley….. You shouldn’t try to overindulge me like this. I’m already 13, you know?”

“No matter how old you are, you should cry when you’re sad.”

The thing is, Ashley. I knew. I knew that Mother would die. Ashley had said it in the game. That both of my parents had always been extremely kind to him, but that when he was 12, Mother had ended up dying, and that he had never gotten over it. But I had tried to forget all that. I tried to tell myself that nothing was set in stone, that she might not die. Since Ashley and I had already started breaking away from the game’s scenario, I told myself that Mother would too, that she’d also be able to have a different fate.

But in the end, nothing is ever that simple.

“All I ever do is cry in front of you.”

“When Ojousama relies on me, that makes me happy.”

This is the first time someone close to me has died. It’s the first time I’m experiencing how cruel the world can be. I, myself, have also died once, at the age of 17, so I suppose my parents and friends may have experienced this fear themselves as well when it happened to me. But I’ve never really thought much about that.

Somehow, I’ve always been thinking of my previous life like it had belonged to someone else. I just had someone else’s memories. It was like I had read about their life and feelings in a book. And now I’m now Cecile Alldington, and no one else. So when I saw, for instance, ‘my’ grandma die in my past life, she wasn’t ‘my’ (Cecile’s) grandma, so it felt like I had almost nothing to do with her. So that’s why this is the first time I’m experiencing it. The fear of losing someone.

But Ashley had been forced to bear this sadness when he was only six. Imagining this, my heart squeezes painfully inside my chest.

“Ashley…. No matter what, please don’t ever leave me…..”

Even if the moment comes when you have to leave my side, don’t go anywhere that will make me never able to see you again.

“Of course…. I will stay by your side forever…..”

As I think about Mother some more, without even noticing, I eventually fall asleep. When I next open my eyes, I am laying in bed in my room, and Ashley is sitting on a chair next to me, holding my hand. The morning sun shines on his blonde hair making it glitter. It feels like a gift Mother sent down to me so I can’t help but brush my fingers through it. Ashley’s hair reaches just past his shoulders, and mine, as well, has finally grown out to be about the same length as his. His silky locks slip so easily through my fingers.

“I wonder, if I…..”

If I died, would Ashley cry as much as he had for Mother? It’s not like there’s no chance of me dying and leaving him behind.

I’m no longer worried about Ashley possibly killing me, but the biggest threat to my life has yet to appear. I wonder how the hidden character will come into play…. My hope is that when he shows up, he’ll turn out to be the “I’ll die if I can’t have you” sort of self-harming type of yandere. Since this type hasn’t shown up yet, it’s not altogether unlikely, and it would be the best case scenario for me. With this type, I wouldn’t have to worry about him coming after me or attacking Ashley. All I’d have to do is tell him to “please get along well” with the heroine, and I will be fine.

The only thing is, there’s another, much more dangerous type that hasn’t shown up yet either: the world-ending last boss sort of yandere. He’s the “If I can’t have you, then this world is worthless to me” sort of ridiculously dangerous, superpower toting type. If the hidden character is this type, that would be extremely bad. And not just for me. With that type of character, there will be innumerable victims in the case of a bad end.

“Even if I wasn’t here, you’d definitely be fine, right….?”

“….. Don’t even mention such scary things.”

“You were awake?”

“I just woke up.”

With his head still lying on my bed and without turning his face towards me, Ashley squeezes my hand. I can feel him trembling through our interlocked fingers. Mother has only just passed away, so I guess saying something like this so soon afterwards might be a bit tactless.

“Are you trying to follow after Mistress?”

“No way. I won’t cut my life short and leave you here alone.”

I, myself, won’t at least. Though that doesn’t mean that someone else won’t come along and snatch my life away from me… But I’m going to try my best not to let that happen.

“If you ever leave me, I will search to the end’s of the earth to chase after you….” he says, starting to cry again.

“Don’t cry, Ashley.”

“……….”

This boy also spent a lot of time with Mother… Ashley had always been a favorite of hers. But I had to go and say such a thing at a time like this. I wish I hadn’t said that.

“When Ashley cries, Mother and I will both be sad, you know.”

“Then please stop saying those sorts of things. I’ve already decided to spend my entire life serving you. I will never let you to leave me.”

I thank him for wanting to stay with me and start to stroke his hair again. Since he in turn loosens his tight grip on my hand, returning it back to a comforting interlocking of fingers, I figure my words must have put his mind at ease, assuring him I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.

“I wonder if Mother was happy.”

“She probably was. She did have a daughter like Ojousama, after all.”

“She also had you and Father by her side, too.”

I’ve never met Mother’s parents before. I heard from a maid who’s worked for us for a long time that they had been against Mother’s marriage to Father and so Father basically had to kidnap her so that they could be together. But that made me wonder, did Father marry Mother against her will? One time I asked her about it. In reply, she just smiled beautifully before saying that she loves both Father and me, and that she had chosen this path in life herself.

“I also want to live a life so that when I die, I can say that I’d been truly happy.”

I need to live my life to the fullest so that when my time comes, I’ll be able to sleep peacefully in the end.

“Please don’t talk about those sorts of things.”

When Ashley turns his face towards mine, I can see that there are dark shadows under his eyes. It looks like even though he was clearly tired, he didn’t manage to get any sleep.

“Whenever I looked at your face, Ojousama…. I started to get worried.”

“Ah……”

“If I stopped listening to your breathing for even a moment, I started feeling uneasy thinking something bad had happened to you. In those fleeting moments when I closed my eyes, I would imagine that your heart might have stopped, or my mind would show me some other terrifying delusion.”

Seeing Ashley still so shaken makes me want to sooth and take care of him.

“I’m here, Ashley.”

I’m still…. here.

“I know…..”

Don’t go.

Although he doesn’t say it out loud, he doesn’t have to. I can see it written on his face as he leans his forehead against mine and slowly closes his eyes. He then places his hands on my shoulders and takes in a deep, quiet breath.

“Ojousama, if something bad ever happens to you, then I will protect you no matter what, even if it costs me my life. That’s my duty but it’s also what will make me the happiest.”

“Don’t say things like you’ll give up your life so easily. If the time ever comes when you have to choose between my life and yours, please just forget me and think about yourself.”

“But I’m you’re servant.”

“Even so. Please, Ashley.”

“If it’s just a request, then I have the right to refuse.”

This chapter is scrapped from readlightnovel.org

He really is too good at arguing with me.

“Ojousama, I wish you would think more highly of yourself.”

“I could be saying the exact same thing to you, Ashley Carlyle. I would hate for you to end up leaving me like that.”

I carefully separate our foreheads and lay a gentle kiss on his temple just like Mother used to do.

“You’re someone important to me, Ashley.”

“……….”

“…Ashley?”

“…….!!”

Ashley flings himself backwards and ends up falling off his chair. I hear a huge crack as his head hits the ground.

That didn’t sound good. That was a truly horrifying sound that his head made.

“Ashley, are you okay!?”

Placing one hand on the back of his head, he stares intently at my face even as he keeps opening and closing his mouth like he wants to say something but can’t find the right words.

“Important…..?” he finally manages.

“Huh? Oh. Yes. Of course. Since we’ve always been together. You’re my servant, but you are also like my precious little brother. You are extremely important to me.”

“……….”

More importantly though, doesn’t his head hurt?

“Ashley, is your head okay?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Huh? I mean, your head….”

“Are you trying to say there’s something wrong with my head? That I’m misunderstanding things too much?”

“What!? No! Of course not! I didn’t say anything like that.”

Why is he suddenly in such a bad mood….?

Setting his chilly eyes on me, Ashley springs up from the ground and comes over to flick me on the forehead.

“Honestly, that dense side of you is the only thing that I really could do without.”

Ashley straightens his rumpled clothes and then glances at the clock on the wall.

“It’s still pretty early. You can sleep for a little longer. I’ll come back and wake you up in a bit.”

“What about you?”

“Weren’t you worrying about the garden earlier? I’ll water the flowers and then come back.”

Even though Ashley was the one who didn’t get even a wink of sleep?

“Then let me go instead. Ashley should–“

“If I go to sleep now, then I’ll be asleep the whole day. So don’t mind me, Ojousama.”

“Then let’s go together.”

“If that’s what what you want.”

It’s the garden that we had raised for Mother’s sake. Although she can’t admire it anymore, if it were to wither and be overrun with weeds so soon after her death, wouldn’t she be sad? Besides, these are flowers that we painstakingly planted ourselves. The least we can do is take care of them until the end. And maybe, just maybe, Mother might still be looking down at us and admiring them from above.

“In just two more years, it will already be time for me to leave this house.”

I randomly remember as we walk down the corridor.

In this world, there are multiple academies and your social rank is what decides which one you will go to. And since the Alldington family holds the title of Viscount, I will inevitably end up being sent to the school meant for the upper echelons of society. As for the servants of these upper class children, if they happen to be similar in age to their master, then they will also typically end up attending the same school as them in order to be able to continue to care for them while there. It seems like Father also plans to send Ashley to the same academy as me, seeing as everyone has to stay on campus in a dorm. He would probably feel more at ease if Ashley is there with me.

Well, I suppose if it wasn’t like that, then the game wouldn’t have been able to gather all of the important characters together in one place.

“When it’s time for me to go off to school, I’ll have to leave the garden to you.”

Now that I think about it, the garden is probably the one place that Ashley and I have spent the most time in together over these past few years.

“I’ll be leaving very soon after Ojousama does though.”

“Once that happens, I guess the responcibility will fall on Father then.”

“The other people living in this house would also be willing to take care of Ojousama’s beloved garden, you know. Because everyone working here really cares about you.”

“You think so?”

“Dense as always,” murmurs Ashley, as he gives me one of his rare soft smiles.