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The Complete Guide to the Use and Care of a Personal Assistant
Translator: Jury
Editor: NomNom
First Published on Chaleuria
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Chapter Seven\n\nCough, cough—Yu Yang had not at all expected Feng Ji to unceremoniously drag him into this, and the coffee that was about to enter his esophagus went down his windpipe instead.
“Right.” Yu Yang spat out the one word with difficulty.
Feng Ji’s gaze froze for a moment.
Although he had told the truth, he had not expected Yu Yang to admit to it so candidly!
Yu Yang actually admitted it?! He should staunchly disagree! A thought flashed through Feng Ji’s mind and quickly vanished into the  darkness, but Feng Ji’s gaze had already landed on Ling Miao.
Did Ling Miao change him? This …. This is too unscientific! Love at first sight doesn’t work like this!
Feng Ji had noticed something was wrong, but neither Ling Miao nor Yu Yang had.
Ling Miao looked at Yu Yang dazedly. He could not believe what he was hearing. Yu Yang thought that Ling Miao had guessed the truth, and cleared his throat and was preparing to explain when Ling Miao said, “So all this fuss… the Great Shu likes men!”
“Pfff—” Feng Ji could not control himself and the coffee in his mouth came spraying out, as luck would have it, directly onto Yu Yang. “Ha ha! This is too funny. I thought he….” Feng Ji doubled over and his laughter did not stop for even a moment.
Yu Yang was wearing a white shirt today. The brown coffee stains spread out on the white material and a masterpiece was born.
Yu Yang’s expression  was shrouded in darkness. Ling Miao felt like he was hallucinating: clouds of black seemed to rise from Yu Yang’s head.
“Are you done.” Yu Yang lifted Feng Ji up by his collar and said coldly, “I have business with him.”
Feng Ji understood and said, “OK.”
Ling Miao looked uncertainly at Feng Ji and asked Yu Yang curiously: “What game are you playing?”
“You’ll know in a bit.” Yu Yang did not explain further and pulled Ling Miao toward the stairs.
Ling Miao struggled. “Let me go.”
Yu Yang did not let go. Ling Miao felt something hot against his ear, and the anger and worry on his face was replaced by a surprised happiness. Yu Yang had said something in his ear that filled him with anticipation.
Ling Miao broke free of Yu Yang’s hold and hurriedly ran to the second floor. Feng Ji gave Yu Yang a meaningful smile and Yu Yang gave Feng Ji a punch before heading upstairs.
The second floor was Feng Ji’s house. It was small but neat and clean, and precisely because it was small, everything in the room could be seen at a glance. There was no third person here.
“Where’s the Great Shu?” Ling Miao asked.
What Yu Yang had said in his ear was, “The Great Shu is upstairs.” In order to see his idol, Ling Miao had rushed to run up here, but now he regretted everything.
“Ling Miao, you’re really easy to dupe.” Regret overflowed from Yu Yang’s words as his forehead creased.
Ling Miao caught the regret on Yu Yang’s face. He thought in confusion, “What’s he regretting? Shouldn’t it be me who’s having regrets? This brain of mine… why did it just short-circuit?”
“Hey,” Yu Yang called, but before he had a chance to continue Ling Miao started rambling agitatedly. “What are you going to do? I tell you, I’m a man, and even though …. though I might not beat you in a fight, but … I… I can maim you, and make sure that for the rest of your life you can only be, by others….”
“Are you done?” Yu Yang slowly spat out three words, his quiet tone so heavy that Ling Miao found it hard to breathe. Ling Miao’s back was to the wall, one arm positioned horizontally across his chest. “You … what do you want? Don’t get any closer, I’m trained!” Ling Miao’s voice was unstable, occasionally high and occasionally low like a train crossing a mountain range.
Yu Yang understood the gist. If he did not explain himself clearly, Ling Miao would never calm down.
“I feel that I need to introduce myself.” Yu Yang did not take another step forward. He grabbed a chair and dragged it to his side, then sat down.
Yu Yang sat on the edge of his seat with his hands folded in his lap, and a faint smile at the corner of his lips. “My real name is Su Yuyang. My pen name is Shu Yang and people call me the Great Shu. You can call me Su-ge.”¹
“Su Yuyang? So when Feng Ji called you Yuyang, it wasn’t because your name is Yu Yang?” Ling Miao laughed. Only when the meaning of everything Su Yuyang said had sunk in did he cry out, “Your pen name is Shu Yang? You’re the Great Shu?”
Su Yuyang nodded.
“Ah—” Ptui!
A gob of spit landed on the ground in conjunction with Ling Miao’s words. If Su Yuyang had sat just half a meter closer, this gob of spit would not have landed on the ground.
Ling Miao’s disbelief was clearly within Su Yuyang’s expectations. He eyed Ling Miao, then moved his gaze toward his own laptop.
Ling Miao watched the top of Su Yuyang’s head in embarrassment. His eyes sparkled. He had considered the possibility that Yu Yang was Shu Yang, and when Yu Yang had admitted that he was Shu Yang, Ling Miao had almost run up to hug him, but he had calmed down in that same second. Maybe this guy was lying to him!
Su Yuyang turned his laptop screen toward Ling Miao and said confidently, ”This is Shu Yang’s dashboard.”
Ling Miao glanced at it. Indeed, that was Shu Yang’s dashboard. But his expression still said, I don’t believe that you are the Great Shu!
Su Yuyang also didn’t bother wasting his breath. He decided to use a more reliable way to prove to Ling Miao that he was Shu Yang!
“The name of your microblog.”
“Zero Seconds Ago.”² Ling Miao reported his microblog name without much resistance. This was also his pen name. Su Yuyang asked, “Your bio says ‘a no-name writer’?”
“That’s the one,” Ling Miao said huffily. Su Yuyang’s tone made it very difficult for him to stay calm.
Ling Miao could not see what Su Yuyang was doing. Less than a minute later, Su Yuyang turned the laptop around again.
Shu Yang’s microblog’s front page! Even more surprising to Ling Miao was the newest post: This is the personal assistant I have chosen, @ZeroSecondsAgo.
Ling Miao incredulously opened his own microblog and found in his notes a mention and a follow!
 
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Translation notes:
[1] Su-ge: Big bro Su.
[2] Zero Seconds Ago: ‘ling miao qian’, an almost-homophone for Ling Miao.