### Chapter 93: Preparation (1)
The chill of the frozen ground seeped into my knees, which were huddled on the ground.
The people standing around were obscured by shadows, making their faces invisible, but I could tell how they were looking at me.
Was it pity, or sympathy?
It was a cold, emotionless gaze.
I was looking only at the woman's face amidst those gazes.
The tears that flowed incessantly, the hand that caressed my cheeks.
I just looked at the woman with hollow eyes.
I couldn't understand the meaning behind the apology that slipped from the woman's lips.
What could she possibly be sorry for?
The sorrowful voice repeated.
I still couldn't say anything.
What expression did Father have on his face as he stood beside me?
I couldn't bring myself to look up.
If I had looked up then, I would have surely collapsed.
Or perhaps, I had already collapsed by then.
Father's firm voice rang out.
Mother's hand, which had been touching my cheek, slowly lowered.
Those three damned words pierced my heart.
My body started to shiver from the cold.
Mother's coat, which had urgently wrapped around me, slipped away in the wind.
No one paid any attention.
This was the first time I had felt such cold, not from the season but from within, a feeling of freezing from the inside out.
Only now did I realize how terrifying it was.
After a few exchanges, Mother bowed her head deeply.
I watched her silently and then asked Father.
I couldn't bring myself to look up.
But I knew Father was looking at me because of my words.
[•••Why are you showing me this?]
Why did I have to see this?
Why did I have to watch Mother cry?
I didn't want to understand.
[What do you want from me…?]
Father's low voice pressed down on my shoulders.
What emotion could I sense from his voice?
It was too calm to be anger.
It was too dry to be sadness.
At Father's words, I involuntarily raised my gaze to meet his eyes.
[There's nothing I want from you. Just live, that's all.]
The sharpness in his eyes made my heart constrict, and I struggled to hold back.
After staring at my eyes for a long time, his gaze shifted.
With those words, a small, trembling gesture, and a massive gate appeared, tearing through the air behind Mother.
The red aura that emanated from the gate, accompanied by a pungent smell, was overwhelming.
As I felt confusion and fear, Mother gently took my hand.
I looked at her with trembling eyes, but she had her head bowed, and I couldn't see her face clearly.
[•••I'm entrusting you with the Linghua.]
I wanted to hold on to her.
Where was she going? Why did she have to leave us?
It was too late to ask as I desperately reached out, but the aura that flowed in touched Mother, and her body began to disappear instantly.
I tried to grab onto something, but Father's hand pushed me back.
I managed to regain my balance and tried to run forward again, but the gate had already closed in that short moment.
Nothing was left where Mother had been sitting.
It was as if nothing had happened.
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Why did you do this to us?
I screamed, filled with the emotions I had bottled up, but Father still didn't look at me.
I didn't want him to love me.
I had known from the beginning that he was a distant person, and that was fine.
I didn't want him to have expectations. As a child, I had been too busy trying to hold onto what I had.
[•••Why…! Why, why! Why!!]
I lunged at Father, hitting the wall with all my strength.
It probably didn't leave a mark, but I felt like I would go mad if I didn't do something.
When my arms grew weak and I couldn't hit anymore, Father spoke to me.
His voice was dry and emotionless.
I collapsed to the ground.
Darkness enveloped my vision.
Only then did I realize what despair felt like.
Sitting in that bitter and revolting emotion, I gasped for breath, tears streaming down my face.
Father passed by me without a care and said,
[Follow me, I have something to show you.]
It was more of a command than a request.
My body was already being dragged along.
I couldn't think of anything, and I didn't want to think of anything.
I just wanted to disappear into the darkness.
As I was led by Father's hand into the underground of the Gu family, I finally understood what the Gu family (灛家) was.
What it was for and what I had to live for.
Father called it our destiny.
In the pitch-black winter night, I had to realize that my life from now on would be hell.
In response to the Sword Empress's question, I remained silent for a while.
It was an unexpected question.
I had never thought she would ask me about this.
It could be, since I had said Mother was like a friend, but that wasn't my question.
Had she not heard from Gu Linghua?
Or did she know something?
She knew that Gu Linghua had been watching that day.
But since she had lost consciousness quickly, I didn't think she had seen everything.
“Why are you asking this?”
My voice was slightly sharp without me realizing it. I needed to calm down.
The Sword Empress maintained a calm expression.
Where did Mother go? It was a question I had wondered about all my life.
Ironically, I only realized the answer after meeting the Heavenly Demon.
I had my doubts, but I didn't want to open this up.
It was better to leave Gu Linghua's resentment and hatred as they were.
Damn it, I had to carry it.
“I can't tell you the details. It's a matter of the Gu family.”
I deliberately showed that I didn't want to answer.
It was better than trying to dodge or beat around the bush.
The Sword Empress looked into my eyes for a long time after hearing my answer.
After a long moment, she closed her eyes.
“I'm sorry for asking about something painful.”
“It's fine. It's in the past.”
“I appreciate your understanding. By the way, when do you plan to return to the Gu family?”
“I think I'll be back in a day or two.”
“The Jihua Festival is starting soon…?”
From her reaction, it seemed she didn't know that Gu Linghua had decided not to return home.
“Originally, we planned to wait and leave together, but since my sister said she wouldn't go back to the Gu family, I decided to leave early.”
Gu Linghua had to return to the Gu family from Huashan Sect at regular intervals.
This was one of the conditions set by the family head for the Sword Empress.
In that sense, it was a necessary trip.
But if I thought about why Father had sent me to Huashan Sect, walking all the way to Taixian Hall,
‘It's a condition, but if I throw a tantrum, I don't have to fulfill it.’
The elders and higher-ups of the Gu family would be watching.
If I acted stubbornly, I would be punished, but it wouldn't cause a major problem.
‘If it wasn't intentional, I'll handle it myself.’
If they had sent me despite knowing I didn't want to go, it was their fault.
‘I don't need to do things I don't want to do alone.’
Handling the tasks I had left undone from my previous life was enough for me.
The Sword Empress had a strange expression on her face.
She seemed to be saying it was fine, but perhaps there was a problem.
Contrary to my worries, she nodded and said,
“I'm sorry for taking your time.”
“I've said what I needed to say. I need to disappear quickly. The gazes from outside are a bit scary.”
The Sword Empress walked out the door, and I followed to see her off.
“I'm looking forward to what you'll ask of me.”
“You don't have to be that excited.”
It was an important matter, but I still needed to think about it.
“The next time, the Divine might come with me.”
“•••There's no need for that. I'll come and see you before I leave.”
At my words, the Sword Empress smiled and deflected the topic.
Is she saying she doesn't want to hear it…? I felt a bit of fear.
When I followed the Sword Empress outside, I saw Gu Linghua and Nangong Bia standing there.
I thought they would have gone to practice, but something was different.
Nangong Bia was looking at the Sword Empress and me with a blank expression.
I was about to approach when the Sword Empress went to Nangong Bia first.
Nangong Bia looked slightly surprised as the Sword Empress approached.
Since the Sword Empress was a senior in the martial arts world, Nangong Bia bowed slightly.
The Sword Empress gently took Nangong Bia's hand.
“Thank you for saving our disciple…. I'm really grateful.”
Nangong Bia, looking flustered, was a different sight.
“I've heard a lot about you from my disciple. She says you're a beautiful and helpful big sister.”
Nangong Bia looked away, slightly embarrassed.
“You're as beautiful as I've heard. I've never seen such a lovely girl.”
This praise made Nangong Bia's head lower, as if it would bury itself in the ground.
The Sword Empress said to Nangong Bia,
“I heard you're Yang Chanyi's fiancée.”
I thought something when I heard the name from the Sword Empress.
She called her so affectionately.
Nangong Bia nodded slightly.
She didn't seem to have any intention of denying it.
I had almost given up on it, but…
“You and Yang Chanyi both have good hearts, so you'll surely make a good match.”
‘I don't think so at all.’
I didn't say it out loud, but I immediately disagreed in my mind.
The Sword Empress said she wanted to see Nangong Bia again to repay her, and then left.
After confirming that the Sword Empress had left, I asked Nangong Bia,
“Didn't you go to practice?”
Fortunately, her broken arm had healed in a few days, and she had taken off the bandage.
“•••Hmm, it's fine… What's wrong?”
“I just thought you looked happy.”
I felt like Nangong Bia was smiling slightly.
She usually had a blank expression, but… it felt like she was in a good mood.
Nangong Bia answered my question, but to me, she clearly looked happy.
‘Maybe it's because she received praise.’
I thought she wouldn't care even if I told her she was beautiful.
But it seemed she was more sensitive to praise than I thought.
On the way back to the hut, the Sword Empress thought,
It was about the children's mother.
Gou Yangchuan seemed to know something.
But he was intentionally hiding it.
If she pressed further, he might show hostility.
That wasn't what the Sword Empress wanted.
She felt grateful for the life-saving favor, but also guilty for not being able to do anything for Gu Linghua.
She wanted her disciple to be happy.
It was something she always thought about as a teacher.
When she was on her deathbed from a terminal illness, she only wished for her disciple's happiness.
At the Sword Empress's call, Gu Linghua stopped walking.
Her face was filled with a smile, as if holding her hand was enough to make her happy.
“I heard you said you won't return to the family. Is that true?”
At the Sword Empress's words, Gu Linghua's face darkened instantly.
“It's… I said I didn't want to go, and they said I didn't have to….”
“But you still have to go, it's a promise, isn't it?”
Gu Linghua couldn't answer.
The Sword Empress knew she was healthy. It was a miraculous recovery.
They could go for walks together, and she could watch her practice sword skills when she had time.
It was a dream-like time for Gu Linghua.
That's why she hesitated.
She didn't want to return to the family, but it wasn't just because of that.
The main reason was that the Sword Empress didn't have much time left.
‘•••What if something happens while I'm away?’
It was just a feeling of unease.
Noticing this, the Sword Empress gently stroked Gu Ling