Perrin was very relaxed after the cliff side episode. Before, he was constantly trying to kill me, so he didn't bother looking around this place at all. However now, he looked at peace since he stopped trying to kill me. He took the initiative to look further into this cave on his own.
"What's all this?"
He brought out a bunch of clothes that I had stored deep inside my lair. I had kept all the clothes I wore during my childhood days and several others that were much too big for Perrin. I was planning to give it to him when he grew a little more, but he found them first.
"These don't look like clothes for adults… has other children come by this place?"
"No. I used to wear those clothes when I was younger."
"You did?"
Perrin looked shocked, as he looked at the clothes then to me. It would be impossible for me to wear human clothes in my current state. His expression turned sour and he looked away.
"Don't misunderstand. I also used to…"
I used to look human as well. I swallowed back my words dryly. Though I used to have human legs and arms, that was much too long ago. There was no point talking about things that I don't have any more. If I chose to, I could still change into my human form. However, eight out of ten times, I'll only be able to move around by crawling on the floor so I didn't want to.
[Disgusting.]
I remembered what father used to say as he looked at me. I was disgusting and ugly. So, if possible, I didn't want to show Perrin that side of me.
"Then based on your explanation… the clothes I'm wearing right now also belonged to you."
"You can wear it. You won't get sick. There is no poison on it."
He looked uncomfortable so I hurriedly explained. The only things that a human child could wear comfortably were limited to the items in this cave. The clothes I wore until I was 15 and the clothes my father left behind. Perrin could wear these clothes as he matures.
Perrin seemed to have lost interest and returned them to their original location. The second items he brought out were old worn out magic books and a mage's robe.
"Those belonged to my father."
"Your father was a mage?"
"Yes."
Perrin quietly looked down at the robe that he held. He was probably thinking delusional things such as escaping from this forest with magic. As I expected, the third item that Perrin brought out was a worn out old magic theory textbook.
He brought out all the magic books one by one. Soon more than 20 volumes had piled on the ground and I simply just watched quietly. I didn't try and put a stop to his new found interest in magic. If he was interested in reading books, that would be fine. If he wanted them, he could have them. However, it would be near impossible to try to obtain what he truly wanted from those books.
"It will be useless."
If he could learn magic by just reading those books, all the humans in the world would be able to become expert magicians. All the magic books that father left behind were books that were easily obtainable by everyone and anyone. Put plainly, just common magazine type books.
All the books remaining were considered trash. The books my father personally authored were all burned before he left.
"Do you by any chance want to learn magic?"
Most of the books were gone, but I still perfectly remembered all the magic theories that father taught me. When someone was born with the ability to cast even the bare minimal level of magic, they would be given preferential treatment by their own noble houses. Though in some families, they were expected to work to the bone, but in general they were given better treatment. The problem now was that there were many stages to go through until one could truly master magic.
"Magic isn't good."
It was an inevitable part of the learning process of magic to get beaten. If he didn't have talent for magic, I would need to beat him with a cane and if he failed to cast a spell I would need to kick him. I didn't understand why he would want to try his hand at something like that.
"Perrin. You don't have the talent for magic."
I tried to teach him the reality of learning magic. I didn't sense or smell the tiniest bit of magic from Perrin. He didn't have even a bit of the unique 'smell' that powerful mages had. Not even a whisper of it.
"If you want to learn anything, it will be better to learn swordsmanship."
I thought it was a good proposal. Anyone could master swordsmanship as long as they had legs and arms. He wasn't frail like me in the past, so he wouldn't need to get beaten like I had.
"I could teach you swordsmanship."
I tried my luck, but he only glared at me. Of course he wouldn't believe a shapeless monster like me could teach him swordsmanship. I was planning to change into my human form if he wished to learn swordsmanship. I would hide my disgusting face under a robe.
I usually failed at transforming, but when I succeeded, I could maintain my form for a few days. In those days, I could guide him in swordsmanship every so often.
"No need."
Perrin firmly rejected my offer. He was more interested in magic than swordsmanship. He was focused on the teleportation magic circle.
"I am very skilled in swordsmanship."
I lingered around him and tried to convince him, but it was useless.
"I've mastered the sword style of many famous noble houses."
I was forced to master basic sword styles to hidden styles from prestigious noble houses. I've memorized not just magic theories, but all sorts of things related to swordsmanship. I tried to convince Perrin, but he held steadfast to the magic books.
"Perrin, teleportation magic is high level magic. It's rare even amongst mages for them to be able to use it. Even if you practice all your life, you won't be able to learn this skill.
"How do you know?"
Instead of answering, I elongated a portion of my body to the size of a finger. I used this to draw a small magic circle on the ground. I poured all the magic I could muster and initiated the magic circle. A small flame ignited from the circle.
"Ah…."
Perrin's eyes grew wide in shock. Maybe he was shocked to see actual magic, but this was a truly low level spell. I could only manage a small flame.
[ This thing is all you can do? ]
There were very few mages in this world and so I heard even this level of magic was praised very highly. Still, theories didn't help very much in reality. My father referred to my magic as "trash." When he wasn't happy with my performance, he would kick me. When I couldn't even manage to make this small flame, he would beat me with his cane that was embedded with magic gems.
"My father was a mage. He taught me magic."
Was he surprised? He must be surprised. He must be surprised that a monster like me could use magic. He should be very shocked to see actual magic in person. Perrin was from a noble family, so he should have had many chances to see magic. Still, he was only 7 so his memories shouldn't be very clear. This flame should be nothing short of marvelous.
"Hum hum."
I satisfactorily stood tall. He should see me in a new light. I felt slightly happy for some reason at this thought. But Perrin's reaction was different than what I expected.
"You… you, if you could cast flames like this then..!"
He looked angry and furious with me. I stood dumbfounded and hesitant from this unexpected reaction. Perrin clamped his mouth shut tight, but his furious expression disappeared the next instant. He looked like he gave up on this conversation. He face palmed himself and sighed heavily. I felt all my joy leave me at his reaction. I quickly erased the magic circle on the ground with a sweep.
"If you could so easily make fire… then… you could have done so."
"Do what?"
"Fire. Starting the damn fire."
Perrin's voice sounded a bit dejected. I tried to thoroughly digest all of Perrin's words. Fire. Camp fire. Perrin would always rub two sticks together to start a fire. It didn't look easy to start a fire, but Perrin was perfectly capable of starting a fire himself. I didn't understand why I needed to do something for him when he could do it himself.
"Why do I have to make the fire? I don't need a fire."
Perrin was the only one who needed a fire to cook his food. I absorbed all the necessary nutrients with my parasitic core, so I didn't need a fire. Even in winter, it took more energy to collect firewood than to curl up in the corner of my lair.
"I don't need fire."
I tried to be direct, but he didn't react. Was he confused?
"I really don't need a fire."
I repeated my words, to which he let out another heavy sigh. I shrunk back a bit and then my eyes fell to his hands. His hands looked very rough unlike his age. He had many small and large wounds on his tiny hands. His hands weren't very nice looking, then suddenly I realized something.
"By chance, is it difficult to make fire?"
He didn't reply and just massaged his temples. I became restless from his response.
"I… that is, I didn't know. I had no idea. I will do it from now on. It is alright for you to just rest."
"Don't say things that are obvious."
His voice was quiet, but it had been a command. The command that it was my job to make fire from now on. I thought it was very strange. After the third winter, Perrin had greatly changed. He no longer feared me in any way.
He had seen my true form when I fought against the deer and I thought he would come to fear me even more. Ironically, he had dropped all his guard against me. He stopped worrying that I would ever eat him. One concrete evidence of this was the way he slept. He started to sleep in front of me. Before, if I even moved a little bit he would wake up in fear, but from I don't know when he started to sleep very deeply and disregard me.
"Perrin. You sleep very well these days."
It must have been very out of the blue for Perrin. We were talking about magic so it might have sounded a bit stupid to hear that I thought he slept well these days. Still, Perrin didn't comment much on it. I wasn't sure what he was thinking while he stared back at me, but after awhile he turned away without a word.
Looking back, I think Perrin might have noticed the feelings that I kept in my heart, even before I had noticed them myself.
The stupid monster has grown attached to me. It will no longer try and kill me. I don't need to pay it any mind.
He might have come to such a conclusion and dropped all his guard against me. Even a 10 year old child was smart enough to figure it out, but why couldn't I?
"Didn't you say you knew how to use magic? Then… can you use teleportation magic?"
"I know the theory. I can't use it."
I knew the theory of all the magic spells. As I said, I only knew the theory. I knew many things. I wanted to brag about my intelligence, but it didn't work on Perrin. When he heard that I couldn't carry out the spell, he immediately turned away from me. So useless. I heard him mumble under his breath.
"Perrin, do you know why you are able to survive in this forest? Why do you say such things to me?"
I wanted to prove my usefulness to Perrin, but he remained silent. He just flipped through reading the many books and then he looked to me.
"Since you understand the theory, then-"
"No."
I didn't let him finish. I already knew what he was trying to ask me. He wanted to ask me to teach him magic. No, he probably would have commanded me to. Perrin just frowned at my stern rejection. You dare to reject me? I somehow felt those words from the way he glared at me.
"Perrin, you don't have the talent for magic. So I will not teach you."
If I wanted to, I could teach him as much as he wanted. I already memorized all the theories and I didn't even need the books to teach him. But I didn't want to.
"If you want to learn magic, then I'll need to hit you."
A child like Perrin and I with no talent for magic, would need to go through endless beatings in order to properly master magic. I didn't want to go out of my way to teach him for this reason. I didn't want to throw Perrin anymore.
"If your goal is to learn teleportation magic, then you should give up. Even mages who study magic for over 30 years have a hard time learning teleportation magic. This spell is very difficult."
I tried to warn Perrin, but he didn't listen. From that day on, Perrin began to learn magic. Rather than learning magic, he just read the books related to magic. Sometimes, he would come across things he didn't understand and ask me for help. Even if he didn't want to ask me for help, he didn't have anyone else to ask. So, in the end, he always came to ask me questions.
"Explain this part for me-."
"No."
Whenever he asked me for help, I always said the same thing.
"I won't teach you anything. Go away. Don't come here. Don't talk to me."
Why must he choose the painful path for himself? If this was a fairytale, then Perrin would have mastered magic through self studies. He would have unlocked a hidden talent and then learn a powerful spell to kill me then succeed escaping this forest. This story would have had a beautiful ending. However, reality wasn't so simple.
"Perrin. You should give up."
The result was obvious, but Perrin couldn't even master manifesting any sort of magic. He was stuck just trying to understand the basic theory of magic. Magic couldn't be learned through self study to begin with. To start, the books he was trying to learn from were too basic and brief that it would be impossible to learn any sort of magic.
He just wasted his time looking through the books while deluding himself with impossible dreams like escaping this forest with teleportation magic. 3 months passed before he broke down.
"I already told you it was impossible. Perrin, you don't have talent for magic. Not even a bit."
"…."
"Don't ask me to teach you in the future. I won't teach you."
"If you're teasing me then just shut up."
"I'm not teasing you. I'm just telling you how it is. You don't have talent. Even if you were to die and be reincarnated, you cannot use teleportation magic."
I was just telling him the facts. But Perrin threw his book at me. The book hit me and bounced off. He was just venting his frustration at me, but I was okay with it. He would always go to sleep hugging those books, now that he threw them it meant that he was ready to give up. He was finally giving up.
"I… I really hate you."
Perrin massaged his throbbing head and left the cave. I picked up all the books that were strewn all over the floor. I absorbed all the books that he piled up into my own body.
"Magic is no good."
It will be best not to attempt magic as long as he didn't have any talent for it. I thought of my past. Whenever I failed to cast magic, father would shoot fireballs at me until half my body was burned to ash. After he finished burning me, he would say I looked disgusting and throw me outside. As long as I didn't meet his expectations, I had to experience pain.
[Father, stop. I will do better next time. Put your cane down.]
[I'm sick of your excuses. If you do well from the start then I don't need to hit you.]
I remembered the cane he raised to me over and over. His staff had heavy gems attached to it which I could still remember very clearly. So, since Perrin didn't have any talent to learn magic, I would not teach him.
"Magic is not good."
I collected all the magazines and books related to magic and left my lair. As long as he had these books, he would hold onto hope. I needed to get rid of these before his interest in magic rose once again. I took the books to the lake in my territory and threw them all into the lake. Even if he fished them out, he wouldn't be able to read them. The ink on the pages would blur.
The water swallowed all the old dusty books in a short moment. I watched them sink for awhile and turned around. I froze. My eyes met Perrin's glare. I was unsure since when had Perrin been standing there.
"Perrin, you are…"
You truly look like a baby monster. I mumbled to myself. I wasn't able to sense his presence behind me at all. Perrin's behavior slowly grew to that of a monster. It was good to see that he was adapting to this forest, but his eyes were so cold that it made me shrink back.
"Why did you throw those away?"
Perrin asked quietly. His expression was blank, but great anger resounded from his quiet voice.
Perrin. Those books are useless, I was going to explain but my words stopped.
Those books might have been special to Perrin. It didn't matter that they were useful or not, these books were the only thing Perrin had that related to human society. There were many other books still in the cave, but the number of books was probably not the problem here.
"Perrin, those…"
I remembered the time when father threw his cup of water on my story book. Perrin must have been feeling the same emotion as me from that time.
"The books… I mean…"
If it were the case, Perrin might cry. I couldn't forget the day my story book got wet. I could clearly remember my feelings that day.
"I'm sorry."
I apologized immediately. That was the first day I apologized to Perrin. I didn't apologize that I caused him to lose his eye. I didn't apologize that I caused a dent to his forehead. I apologized that I ruined the items he truly cared for. I had also lost what was special to me in the past, so I could understand Perrin's feelings very well.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry… that I threw them away. I'm sorry."
In the past, when I lost my story book, I cried very hard. So, I thought that Perrin would behave the same way I had. I decided I won't hit him even if he cried. I made up my mind, but I didn't see any tears from his eyes. His eyes looked calm. He just silently watched me, then quietly turned around.
"Ah."
Perrin didn't hit me like father did, but I could feel a certain emotion with clearity.