After the bird monster dug out one of Perrin's eyes, he suffered high fevers for over a month. I thought he would die this time around. I kept him with me even though I had already given up any hope of his survival, but the child managed to recover.
"It hurts…"
Perrin got up from his spot and spoke for the first time. After he lost one eye, he stopped crying and rarely ever spoke. His terribly frightened expression turned stoic and cold like a rock. However, I didn't pay this change any mind.
I was only interested in keeping him alive. I wondered whether I could keep him alive until winter or not. I wasn't interested in anything other than this.
"Winter will come soon."
Half a year has passed since I first found him in this forest. As I originally planned, the time to eat Perrin once and for all finally came. As the weather grew colder, Perrin's cautiousness of me increased. Even when I moved a little, he grew frightened and escaped as far as he could from me.
"Don't eat me."
Perrin said on the first day it started to snow, then started to back away. His body shook ever so slightly, but he glared at me with fierceness. He picked up a rock from the ground and threw it at me. I think he must have thrown it with all his strength, but it only tickled. He continued to throw all the rocks he could find from around himself.
I fended off all the rocks he threw at me, and when I took a step forward, he froze. His complexion paled and he looked like he was ready to faint at any moment. But he just balled his hands into fists and confidently continued to glare at me. He didn't pathetically plea for his life anymore.
"You're good at hunting. Don't eat me, go find something else to eat."
"There is nothing to eat. Winter is the season of endless hunger. The more the snow falls, the harder it will be to find something to hunt."
There was a lot of stockpiled food that I stored underground, but it wasn't enough to last me through winter. Perrin was an addition to this stockpile of food I saved for myself.
"You will be the most delicious. You smell very good."
When my stockpile of food runs out, I will fill my belly with Perrin and then endure until winter ends. Perrin seemed to have caught on with my plans and glared at me.
"Whether I'm sweet or bitter, what does it matter? I'm too small. Nothing will change just because you eat me. Just starve. You can endure until spring."
My father was telling the truth when he said nobles were shameless. Perrin said that I should just starve. It wasn't a request, but a command. His hands shook, but he held his fists with conviction. He was shameless and confident as he faced off against me. Why must I go hungry? I was going to rebut, but the child interrupted me.
"I'll… find something for you to eat. So just leave me be."
I was so baffled by his assertiveness. Food was so scarce during winter that even I failed to find anything most of the time. There was nothing in this forest for the child to find. Even if he were to come across a small creature, it would be poisonous.
"Okay. Go ahead and try. I will make my decision after you bring something for me to eat."
I was just curious what he would do. I was curious how much he would struggle to survive in this place. Perrin left to find food. He couldn't stray too far from my lair and what he could bring was limited.
"A frog…. Okay. You worked hard."
The seven year old child managed to dig up a frog that was hibernating underground. His hands looked blistered after digging in the ground with his bare hands all day. Maybe it was because of the poisonous frog and the fact that he brought it back using his bare hands. His hands looked like they hurt a lot, but Perrin did not cry at all.
"Eat that. Don't bother me."
He expected the great me to be satisfied with a single frog. Still, I placed a portion of my body over the frog. I absorbed the nutrients into my body. Perrin watched me with disgusted eyes, but appeared assured to a certain degree.
Perrin continued to foolishly hunt around the area. Snakes, toads, 1 meter long worms. He brought all sorts of things for me to eat. He looked for anything he could so he could keep his life.
"For real…. This isn't it."
One day, he couldn't find anything so he brought over a pile of wet leaves. He brought over a mound of it and placed it in front of me.
"You can eat anything. Stop complaining and eat this."
He was truly shameless. He probably forced himself to become shameless to survive in this forest.
Perrin's voice sounded calm. His expression was also nonchalant. But his hands still trembled all the same. He was trying to pretend not to care, but he seemed to shrink back a bit, wary of my reaction. He was scared that I would be unsatisfied with the collection of food he brought today. He feared that I would lose my temper and decide to eat him for dinner instead. Still, Perrin looked outwardly confident and shameless.
"Fine. It's not like I can't eat this."
I pretended to be oblivious of the child's lies. I should have realized from that time onwards. I consumed the pitiful pile of dried leaves, he had mixed in twigs to make it seem like there was more than it appeared. My affection for the child had grown the tiniest degree by that time.
I was still pretty much an idiot at the time and very simple-minded. I didn't think deeply about why I wanted to keep Perrin alive. I had never liked anyone in my life, I didn't imagine that Perrin had started to take root inside my heart. I just thought that winter this year wasn't so cold, so there was no reason to rush since I could still save him for my next winter.
I condoned Perrin's hunting activity to keep him alive. He dug the frozen soil with his bare hands, and he would sleep hugging his own frostbitten hands, but I couldn't understand why he would do so. I couldn't understand the child's pain in the least.
I never knew that my own actions toward the child had drastically caused a change. The child lost his own humanity gradually, and slowly his actions became psychotic and aggressive. This change however, was necessary for survival in a place like this. The price for this sort of quick growth was achieved through merciless violence. Why had I not realized? Why didn't I think to to protect the child instead?
"Perrin. I'm…"
Sorry. I couldn't speak and swallowed my words back to myself.