This was the situation I had always wished for since falling into this world.
It was the moment I became friends with a girl who, in my original world, I wouldn't even have dared to speak to.
I wanted to cheer and dance with joy.
I smiled and nodded.
Sylvia beamed with happiness, as if it meant the world to her.
Looking at her smile, I felt joy and happiness.
Whenever I saw Sylvia at school, those emotions welled up inside me.
I had decided to do this.
I pushed all other feelings to the side.
Not to be aware, not to think.
Even so, I forced myself to smile brightly while desperately suppressing the flames that threatened to burst forth.
*
After class, I went to the infirmary and had my left hand treated by the nurse.
"I told you not to do anything that could hurt your hand!"
As expected, I got a lecture, but I listened quietly, knowing I had brought it upon myself.
Fortunately, the injury wasn't too severe, and the treatment was quick.
It was surprising that it had only ended up this bad, considering I had knocked down a metal sign from a high place.
Without exceptional physical abilities, it wouldn't have been strange for my left arm to be severely injured.
After throwing away the blood-soaked bandage and wrapping a new one, I left the school.
It was a happy day, finally becoming friends with Sylvia.
I walked home from school with a light step.
I climbed the stairs and pushed my way into the small room on the second floor.
Then, I slammed the door shut.
At that moment, the emotions I had forcibly pushed aside began to surge back.
My hands were shaking.
I threw my bag onto the bed and started to take off my clothes with trembling hands.
Faster, faster.
The more anxious I became, the more my hands shook.
After taking off all my clothes, I tried to unravel the new bandage.
However, the bandage, which the nurse had wrapped more tightly than before as a warning, took longer to remove than expected.
I eventually gave up halfway through and ran into the bathroom.
As soon as I turned the lever and the water from the shower started pouring, flames burst out from my body.
The water turned into steam upon touching the flames, filling the bathroom densely.
I was short of breath.
I couldn't tell if it was because of the steam filling the bathroom or the emotions churning inside me.
When I first fell into this world, I was flustered but immediately thought about how to survive the longest.
The first thought that came to mind was to stick closely to Yun Siwoo.
But recalling the content of "The Holy Sword of the Academy," it was a ridiculous idea.
While he might be the center of events in the early stages of the story, as the plot progresses, Yun Siwoo becomes the focal point of various incidents.
During his struggles to overcome adversity, the people around him lost their lives for various reasons.
Whether they were used as sacrifices for the protagonist's awakening or to make the story more dramatic, the author's intentions were unclear, but even characters I thought would never die were mercilessly killed off.
However, there was one character who survived until the end, regardless of whether she was by the protagonist's side or not.
That was Sylvia Astra.
Yun Siwoo's seatmate, known for her outstanding beauty, was one of the main heroines because she survived.
How could a dead heroine be called a main heroine?
Therefore, I thought that staying away from Yun Siwoo and getting close to Sylvia would allow me to survive the longest.
Fortunately, we were in the same class, so I planned to become friends with her and naturally spend time together.
I considered this my only lifeline and poured all my efforts into the plan.
I knew she loved macarons.
I knew she wanted a friend who didn't expect anything in return and didn't try to use her.
That was all the useful information I had, but it was enough.
There were two things I needed to focus on.
First, to give her macarons without asking for anything in return.
Second, to control my thoughts so that Yun Siwoo, who possessed the Sword of Truth, wouldn't sense anything strange.
The Sword of Truth only judges the truth or falsehood of words and expressions.
From the original story, I knew that if someone strongly believed something was true, even if it wasn't, the Sword of Truth would deem it true.
So, whenever I saw Sylvia, I only thought about how beautiful she was and how much I wanted to be her friend.
It wasn't difficult, as I usually hid my struggles and pretended everything was fine.
However, each time I saw her opening up to me, I realized it wasn't as easy as I thought.
Yun Siwoo's interference had disrupted my plan to become friends with Sylvia, but I remembered that Leonor occasionally kept in touch with her and came up with a new plan.
I would invite Leonor to my house and tell her that I was making homemade macarons for Sylvia to become friends.
I was confident that Leonor, with her nosy personality from the original story, would tell Sylvia about me.
I believed Sylvia wouldn't refuse the macarons I gave her after hearing such a story.
And the plan was a huge success.
I finally managed to become friends with Sylvia.
I was happy and relieved.
But more than that, I was so angry I couldn't stand it.
Angry at myself for standing by and letting so many people die to survive.
Angry at myself for only thinking about using a kind person who considered me a friend.
Angry at myself for acting just like the kind of people I despised the most.
Feeling disgusted with myself for being happy and relieved.
Feeling angry but lacking the courage to choose a different path.
...
After standing under the shower for a while, the flames coming from my body subsided.
I turned off the shower and opened the bathroom door.
The steam that had filled the bathroom flowed out, blurring my vision.
Through the blurred vision, I saw the small room.
Scattered school uniforms on the floor.
Among them, a band-aid with a bear drawn on it had fallen out of my pocket.
I sat on the floor without realizing it, holding the band-aid in my hand.
I felt suffocated.
Even though I had chosen this path.
Now, I didn't know what I really wanted.
"It's... hard."
I muttered.
My blurred vision wavered.
Drops of water fell from my body onto the floor after the shower.
I listened to the sound absentmindedly, then suddenly, on impulse, I opened the refrigerator door.
Inside the refrigerator were:
Macaron ingredients.
Daikon radish.
And a piece of chocolate stuck in the corner.
The chocolate the class president had given me.
"Eat it if you're having a hard time."
I took out the chocolate, which had melted and hardened again in my pocket, and slowly peeled off the wrapper, despite it being difficult to tear.
The chocolate was sweet.
So sweet that I couldn't help but grimace.
There were still chocolates left in the refrigerator that the class president had given me.
But one was already enough for me.
Just as the class president said, eating something sweet when I was having a hard time made me feel a bit better.
Since I owed her, I had to pay it back.
I put on my pajamas, tidied up the school uniforms on the floor, and opened the window.
The steam that had filled the room slowly dissipated through the window.
Through the gaps in the flowing steam, I could see the street.
It wasn't a great view from the second floor, but I could see people on the street.
It was peaceful, and that was a good sight.
The steam that had filled my mind seemed to have cleared, making me feel more lucid.
I prepared and ate dinner, then lay down on the bed.
I could feel my hands trembling slightly, but I didn't clasp them together.
*
The next morning, I woke up early, made macarons, had breakfast, and went to school early.
When I opened the door to the staff room, I saw Eve, who seemed unusually subdued today.
To the class president and to Eve.
Since I'm a coward, this is the only way I can repay my debt.
I approached her and opened my mouth.
Author's Note:
The protagonist is an ordinary person.
He fears death, and because of that, he decided to make selfish choices.
However, he is also the type of person who helps an elderly woman with her groceries while walking down the street and instinctively jumps to save a child in danger.
He feels guilty about using kind people.
Therefore, he struggles and suffers mentally with his choices.
It might seem irrational or strange, but I believe people are inherently like that.
I'm not sure if my portrayal of the protagonist's character will be convincing, but I tried my best to describe it...
Please check out the fan art board for the amazing fan art drawn by Pins.