When the executioner lifted the ax high into the sky and its blade shone briefly, reflecting the sun, I saw him laughing at me.
As if he was so happy to get rid of me, he was laughing.
âHahaha,â I feigned laughter.
In a lonely and empty world, he was once my only light and salvation. I thought he was the only reason for my life.
Even though he had never taken care of me, I tried to comfort myself, thinking that someday he would pay attention to me.
I was happy to think that I could be of some help to him even though I spent every day subbing for the clumsy empress who didnât know anything about her work and role in the kingdom.
But obviously I was just a hindrance to him.
The moment the ax fell, I saw the empress covering her mouth and turning her head as if she didnât have the nerve to see me, and the empress cautiously hugging her.
I flopped down.
My consciousness faded. A stream of tears flowed from my eyes.
If I could start all over again⌠Iâll never⌠love⌠youâŚ
***
<You are the woman who will receive my attention, the one who pioneers your destiny.
The way you go is your destiny, and what you want is your way.
Your name means the one who pioneers destiny,
Aristia Pionia La Monique>
I opened my eyes. There was something blurry and out of focus in my eyes. I blinked my blurry eyes and slowly got up. As I opened the white curtains on my bed, I noticed a carpet embroidered with a silver shield and four spears. I also saw a full-length mirror whose edge was decorated with silver with the same emblem.
âWhy do I see the crest of my family here?â
I felt something strange, so I got out of bed and looked around. I approached the window and opened the white curtains. I stiffened when I looked at the scenery outside the window.
âWhat happened? Why do I see my garden here? â
I stood in a daze for a while and then looked again at the room.
It was strange. I canât believe this is my room. Itâs the same room inside the mansion owned by the Monique family that I left shortly after my sixteenth birthday.
Tilting my head, I approached the silver mirror that was shining in the sunshine. My silvery hair was curled down to my back and my golden eyes looked back at me. Obviously, it was me. But why do I look so short? My eyes, facial expressions and body are slightly different from what I remember about myself in my memory. It looks like me in my childhoodâŚ
âGood morning, my lady. You got up early this morning.â
âLina?â
I opened my eyes wide at the brown-haired girl coming in, wondering while looking in the mirror.
Why is Lina here? When I entered the palace, my parents married her off to a good man. This is very strange. Why does Lina also look so young?
âI know you find it difficult to get up early in the morning, but you woke up early today. You must be excited about the good news. â
âHuh? What news? â
âOh my gosh! Donât you know you have decided to take the courses for the role and duty of the empress, starting today. Three days later, you are supposed to go to see the emperor. â
What the heck is this? Am I taking the empress course? To the best of my knowledge, I took it when I turned ten.
âVery strange. Did I have a nightmare? I was definitely arrested and beheaded for treason⌠Wait a minute, daddy?â
âLina, where is my father?â
âI guess he is on the training field. As you know, he is usually practicing around this time. â
âThanks!â
âWell, where are you going, my lady?â
I had to check. I thought I could be relieved after I checked with my own eyes that he was safe. I was not sure if what I experienced was a dream or reality, or if Iâm dreaming now or not. All I wanted to do right now was go and see my father right away. As a noblemanâs daughter, I am not supposed to run no matter how busy, but I didnât care about such manners now. I missed my father so much.
Ignoring Linaâs loud call, I grabbed the cumbersome hem of my dress and ran. I ran downstairs through the second floor corridor where my room was, to the entrance, past the beautifully decorated garden, and to the training field.
âDady, daddy, daddy!â
My father had been a loyal servant of the imperial family for generations, always putting the interests of the empire before anybody else including me, but in the last moments of his life, he thought of me first rather than the empire, and promised to take me back home, realizing that I was having an extremely hard time.
My determined wish that he would come back soon came to my mind. I was afraid that I could not see him if I did not find him right away.
The servants and maids looked at me in surprise, but I didnât care. When I caught my breath and looked around, I saw his silver hair shining in the sunshine far away. My heart began to pound. I once again clenched the hem of my skirt and put my feet down.
âMy lady?â
âItâs dangerous!â
âWhat are you doing? Get out of my way!â
I saw knights sparring or training in the middle of the training field looking at me in surprise when I was running across the field. Some of them seemed to be groaning while they were withdrawing their swords urgently, but I didnât care. Normally, I wouldnât be bothering them, nor visit the training field, but that was not important to me right now.
âTia?â
âDaddy!â
As I approached him quickly, he was surprised and looked at me. My heart was so full.
I ran faster and reached out to my father, hanging on to him desperately.
I felt him stiffening when he instinctively held me in his arms. I felt his warmth from practicing when he hugged me. I had never felt it before. I buried my face in his chest and rubbed my cheek against him, hearing his heart beating fast.
Ah, how fortunate! When I fully felt his warmth, I could confirm that he was alive with his vivid heartbeats. I hoped that I was not dreaming now.
âTia?â
Suddenly my vision was blurry because he had never called my nickname since I started taking the empress courses. For fear I fell, my father carefully embraced me and spoke in a hesitant tone.
âYes, Daddy.â
âT-Tia?â
I was choked with emotions when he stuttered, calling my nickname in embarrassment.
I noticed his concerned eyes and his voice full of anxiety. It was the first time I felt his warmth. Was it because I felt relieved? Tears kept coming down my cheeks, and my father carefully wiped my tears and asked me in a low voice.
âWhy? Whatâs the matter with you, Tia? â
âDaddy, daddy, daddy, daddyâŚâ
Suddenly, my father stiffened, at a loss about what to do, breaking out in a cold sweat.
I came to my senses a bit when I saw him. As I took a deep breath and looked around, I saw him standing blankly and the knights brightly smiling at me.
âAre you okay, honey, now?â
âYeah, daddy.â
I barely answered with a feeble voice. I was ashamed. How come I cried like a child in front of these knights? I didnât have the nerve to raise my head, so I buried my face in his chest.
âWhy did you cry so sadly? Did something bad happen? â
âOh, that was becauseâŚâ
My father carefully put me down on the ground, kneeled on one knee and made eye contact with me. I folded my hands together and hesitated at his unusually kind posture.
There was a moment of silence between us.
âWhat happened, Tia? Tell me. â
âUgh?â
âOh, I just wanted to see you.â
There was a deadly silence throughout the training field. As I carefully looked around, I saw my father with a rather hardened face and the knights staring at me blankly or with a burdensome expression. I regretted that I came here.
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Stupid me! I should not have expressed my genuine feelings before them.
Let me get out of here before I get more embarrassed.
I heard someone calling me from behind, but I ran out of the field without looking back.
Returning to my room, I tried to calm down my throbbing heart. I felt so ashamed, but I didnât care. I was not sure if I was dreaming now. Or it might be Godâs final consideration, who twisted my life in the past by sending that girl of prophecy.