Ch54 - Involuntarily

The feeling of confusion when entering the illusion gradually disappeared, and Lin Shu slowly became clear-headed, staring coldly at his younger self in the illusion.

He had thought about the many possibilities of his inner demon, but he had never thought of this.

Just like a person who had been in the dark for a long time. While he was afraid of the darkness, at the same time, he also felt that the flame was too scorching. It wasn’t something that he was entitled to have–but it was actually what he wanted. However, this flickering desire was completely consumed in the endless darkness of the future.

Since that day, he and the girl had never dealt with each other again. The campus was very small. When they were about to meet each other, Lin Shu would even avoid her or look in other directions, pretending not to see her.

When he came home, he wouldn’t tell his master about the events that he encountered at school. He was afraid that if he did, he would be criticized by the master– “Having your state of mind disturbed by ordinary mortals; your nature is not strong.”

Time flowed.

Many years ago, he thought that if he could integrate into human society—

But it was just a fruitless struggle.

He couldn’t remember when it started, but even this kind of thought gradually faded away. Perhaps he was getting older, and his psychological endurance was also enhanced. Or maybe he had been practicing his sect’s meditation method for a long time, and his mind was really like what the sect classics said: “Do not be befuddled by external forces.”

The students around him changed again and again, and their ages gradually increased. They no longer engaged in those meaningless tricks anymore. He still didn’t speak, and finally returned to being unfamiliar with everyone.

Lin Shu was on the roof of the building.

He sat on the edge of the roof with his legs dangling and looked up at the stars.

Sometimes he felt like he was in the water, falling down while looking up at the stars in the sky. They were far away and fuzzy, and there was no way to touch them, as though separated by a layer of a film.

Master seemed to be dead, he didn’t know.

In the illusion, everything was very chaotic, without any cause or effect. Only those events that affected his mental state would happen again and again, as if in a dream. There was a voice in his heart shouting to himself to leave here, and not to get lost in the illusion.

And the reason why he was deeply trapped in such an illusion was that——

Lin Shu retracted his thoughts, thinking about the writings in that record. He took a deep breath and jumped off the roof.

He seemed to have jumped into a kaleidoscope. The scenes around him kept changing and finally stopped on the path back home from school when he was young.

The little girl was walking alone with a pink school bag on her back.

——If time really could go back, he wanted to say thank you to her.

Perhaps from now on, there will be a person in the world who doesn’t think he’s strange.

Just one will be fine.

He walked on.

The girl turned to look at him and reached out a hand to say hello. She smiled: “it’s you.”

Lin Shu said, “Thank you.”

She responded with a smile, “You’re welcome.”

She asked, “Where is your house?”

Lin Shu: “West Street.”

“It just happens to be on my way.” She said, “Let’s go together.”

Lin Shu was stunned and nodded.

She skipped forward and Lin Shu followed.

While walking, the world around him shattered, fluttering about like autumn leaves, falling apart.

When the girl’s figure also turned into fragments and floated away, another girl appeared in front of Lin Shu.

He looked around and found that it was like the mountain road behind the hill of Shangling Academy.

Out of the previous illusion, and on to the next illusion.

Big Miss was wearing a bright red dress, which fluttered in the wind. She stood with her back to him at the end of the mountain road. A beautiful back.

He stepped forward and stopped by Big Miss’s side, wanting to see what the Illusion wanted him to do this time.

——He thought that he hadn’t encountered any unpleasant events in this world. Even if there was an inner demon, its power was probably very small.

Big Miss looked towards the front and asked faintly: “Where do you want to go?”

Lin Shu: “Anywhere is fine.”

Big Miss: “No.”

Lin Shu: “Where do you want to go?”

Big Miss: “It’s where you want to go, not where I want to go.”

Lin Shu thought for a moment and said, “I have no place to go.”

Big Miss: “You do.”

Big Miss turned her head and looked into his eyes and asked again, “The world is so big; there must be places you want to go. Where do you want to go?”

Lin Shu looked at the front. The road ahead stretched infinitely, as if to reach the end of the sky.

He said softly, “I want to go to a faraway place.”

“How far?”

“As far as I can go.”

“As far as you can go — what else?”

“No people there.”

“I see.” There was a faint smile in her eyes, and she stretched out her hand and took his wrist: “I’ll take you there.”

The red veil floated in the wind. They ran towards the wind. Everything was like that morning, when they went to the Dream Hall. The sky ahead was vast and endless, as if they were going to the ends of the earth.

The mountains and rivers, the towns, and the villages became more distant, and the scenery around them gradually faded. Until finally, the two stopped in an empty space.

Big Miss asked: “Do you like it?”

Lin Shu looked around at the chaotic void around him: “…Not bad.”

Big Miss: “Then I’m leaving.”

Lin Shu: “Leaving?”

“If you want a place where there’s no one, naturally there also can’t be me.” Big Miss said, “I will leave.”

After saying that, she really turned around and walked in the direction where they came.

Lin Shu stood there, watching Big Miss’s figure drift away.

When Big Miss left completely, he was the only one left, and he stayed in the completely empty void.

Just as he had always wanted, a place as far away as possible, where there was no one else.

But at this very moment, he felt the boundless and breathtaking emptiness.

Finally, when Big Miss’s figure was about to disappear from his sight, he called out: “Big Miss.”

Ling Fengxiao stopped and turned to look back at him: “Didn’t you want me to go?”

Lin Shu: “I didn’t.”

Ling Fengxiao: “You don’t like it anymore?”

Lin Shu: “Not particularly.”

Ling Fengxiao: “There can only be ‘like’ or ‘dislike’.”

Lin Shu: “I don’t like it.”

Big Miss smiled: “Little liar.”

Lin Shu: “….”

How did he become a little liar again?

“If one day, you can get rid of your duplicity, I will play with you.” Big Miss promised.

With that, she turned around and continued to walk forward, not only going faster and faster, but also running.

The light veil was flying, ringing with jingle bells, like a red cloud on the horizon, to be blown away by the wind to unknown places.

Lin Shu went to chase but could never catch up. Every time he reached out his hand, he could touch the sleeves of the light cloud, but it was like catching mist, dissipating in his hand.

He didn’t know how long it took, but he finally said: “Big Miss.”

Big Miss was unmoved.

He said: “Ling Fengxiao.”

Ling Fengxiao looked back at him: “En?”

Lin Shu: “Wait for me.”

Ling Fengxiao smiled: “Okay.”

Ling Fengxiao stretched out a hand and held his wrist again: “If you had said this earlier, I would’ve caught you already.”

Lin Shu: “You kept on running. It didn’t look like you were willing to catch me.”

Ling Fengxiao: “You just have to speak. There is nothing in the world that I don’t want to give you.”

“Why?”

“Naturally because I love you.”

Lin Shu: “Other people in the world may not care about me.”

“If they don’t give it to you, don’t you know how to take it yourself?”

This also seemed to make some sense.

They walked for some more, then Big Miss asked again: “Where do you want to go?”

Lin Shu finally got a glimpse of this illusion’s inner workings from its theme.

He said: “I want to go out.”

Big Miss: “Good.”

When her voice fell, the whole world turned into endless fragments and flew away with the wind.

Lin Shu returned to the misty sea inside ​​Huandang Mountain’s Boundless Maze.

As he walked forward, the white mist gradually thinned.

While walking, Lin Shu pondered the profound meaning of this illusion.

The first illusion made up for the deepest regret in his heart. He was finally able to say “Thank you”. He spent a brief time with the girl and went home from school together as a friend. The inner demon that had been plaguing him for many years was now considered to have faded away. People said that as long as they went to Huandang Mountain, they would gain something, and it really was the truth.

The second illusion, however, was a bit puzzling.

The entire illusion revolved around Big Miss and conveyed to him this message:

Don’t wait for the rich woman to offer her help. Learn to speak on your own initiative. If you like it or dislike it, you should promptly give feedback to the rich woman.

Whatever you want, just feel free to ask the rich woman.

Lin Shu: “…”

Huandang Mountain cram class: the Dao of Heaven personally teaches you how to become a qualified pretty boy.

——It’s truly a wonder.

He continued to walk forward. After the mist completely dissipated, there was no longer a mountain road, but a wider jade stairway. In the distance, he could indistinctly make out the phantom of the towering Immortal Palace.

There was a man standing on the jade steps, his figure straight. Only his clothes moved lightly in the wind.

The strange thing was that even though the clothes and manners were completely different, and even their genders were different, Lin Shu felt that the scene where Cousin stood on the jade steps was very similar to the overall temperament of Ling Fengxiao standing at the end of the mountain road in the illusion.

Ling Xiao watched him come over and walked down a few steps: “You came out.”

Lin Shu: “En.”

Ling Xiao asked: “Are there any gains?”

Lin Shu: “Yes.”

“That’s good.” Ling Xiao walked forward with him and said: “Before us, three people went to the Exquisite Fairyland.”

Those who had already gone to the Exquisite Fairyland by now instead of staying in Heavenly Staircase and the Boundless Maze to practice and cultivate their mental state of mind definitely had their sights set on the treasures of the Immortal Palace, just like them.

The Immortal Palace was guarded by the mountain keeper. What you could obtain depended largely on the guardian’s wishes. Therefore, the earlier the person arrived, the more they would win.

They quickened their pace and went forward.

On the way, Lin Shu couldn’t help studying Ling Xiao.

He felt that Cousin had said a little bit less this moment, and there was something wrong with his expression.

If it had been before, he wouldn’t ask anything. However, after he walked through the illusion and said ‘thank you’ to the girl, his language barrier seemed to have loosened a lot. He wanted to continue to overcome it, so he asked:  “What’s the matter with you?”

Ling Xiao: “I’m thinking about the Illusion.”

Lin Shu got stuck again and didn’t know how to continue.

However, there was no silence.

Ling Xiao said indifferently: “There were so many tragic events in the illusion that it is inconvenient to mention. In retrospect, everything I’ve ever experienced in my life can be summed up in this phrase: ‘Devoid of the freedom to act independently’.”

Lin Shu found that Cousin seemed different from what he had imagined.

He originally thought that for a person like this, who possessed a flawless character and was born with top-notch talents, they should have no worries and devote themselves to cultivating immortality. How could they be described as “Devoid of the freedom to act independently”?

He didn’t know how to say it, so he could only look at Ling Xiao and use his eyes to express the meaning of “Although I don’t know what you will say, I intend to listen to it.”

Ling Xiao looked at him and smiled.

He said: “Why are you willing to listen to people today, eh?”

The Dao of Heaven taught him.

Besides, I’ve never not listened to people talk either.

He continued to look at Ling Xiao, expressing “I am innocent” with his eyes.

Ling Xiao also looked at him for a while with smiles in his eyes. He stretched out his hand and scratched Lin Shu’s nose.

Lin Shu: “……”

———-

The author has something to say: Lin Shu tried to talk to the temporary owner: “Squeak.”