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Chapter 59 – What Love (8)
That day, Lepis rejected a relationship with me to the end.
With empty eyes, he left the room. He didn’t love me anymore, so he couldn’t sleep with me? It was a pity that he didn’t love me and that I couldn’t sleep with him anymore.
That was it.
Several days have passed since then.
I moved to a room next to Distria. Did they say that it was the room the Emperor’s concubine used? Even so, strangers’ visits became frequent. I slept with anyone who came. They reached out and touched my body.
Thoughtless pleasure
 Just like when Arne became a fool.
I acted like a fool a little prematurely, that way, I could have s*x with other people a little more comfortably. I slept with everyone. Marionette or whatever I was being manipulated by the original story.
Wasn’t it enough to just have the pleasure I wanted? I thought so.
The typical bright morning. Then came the night, sleeping with strangers, and it was morning again
 I glanced at the empty space.
Tap, tap.
I sat down on the desk and tapped the window with my finger. The door opened. Today, without fail, a stranger came to the room with Distria. As I faced him with unfocused eyes, Distria’s expression hardened.
Wasn’t this what he wanted? I closed my eyes and smiled. Distria’s voice reached my ears. Why did he care about me when he looked so contemptuous?
“Disgusting.”
Distria spoke softly.
The next moment, the stranger put me to bed. He checked my pulse and did some tests before shaking his head.
“Is there anything wrong, why can’t you talk?”
“The body is normal, but there might be a problem with the mind?”
‘I’m not normal
 so am I crazy?’
I wasn’t sure either. I gave the stranger a smile.
“Get out.”
Saying so, Distria stared at me. Sitting down on the bed I was lying on, he let out a low sigh before his voice reached my ears.
“I killed the man you had s*x with two days ago.”
Who was it
?
I couldn’t remember whom I had slept with. As I couldn’t remember, I just glanced up at the back of Distria’s head without saying a word. He got up and buried his face in my shoulder, gently stroking my thigh.
“I also killed the man you had s*x with the other day.”
When he grabbed my hand, Distria turned his head towards me and put his lips on my fingertips.
“I killed all the bastards who slept with you, regardless of rank.”
As he licked my fingers with his tongue, the red tongue parted between the gaps in my hands. Because of that, the gaps were glistening with Distria’s saliva. I didn’t feel any emotion at the death he was talking about. I thought it was just about one supporting character dying.
In my mind, they were no longer human.
“Don’t tempt anyone like this.”
When he tugged at my hand, my body was pulled with great force. He sat me on his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist.
Distria’s breath on my shoulder was hot.
“I’m going to kill all the bastards who slept with you.”
I turned my head at the words that were overflowing with obsession. Soon, Distria’s gaze landed on my thigh, and he swept the spot where the dark mark was left.
“I have to erase this.”
All of a sudden, he grabbed my hand and pulled me with great force. I was almost dragged along by his hasty steps. The place we arrived was in front of a huge door. Putting his hand on it, he muttered something.
The next moment, the huge door opened.
I passed by the neatly displayed objects. As he walked into the vault without hesitation, Distria led me through the maze of safes by his hand.
His steps stopped abruptly.
[ Elixir ]
My head went blank. I watched Distria’s actions with an unbelievable feeling. He poured all the elixir into my mouth without leaving a single drop. Although the empty bottle fell to the floor, the container was made of special material, so it rolled on the floor without breaking.
Distria grabbed my chin and kissed my lips, causing the sweet and bitter liquid ran down my throat. As he touched my clean thighs, the corners of his mouth curled in an arc from satisfaction.
“Nothing is wasted on you.”
He reached out and touched my shoulder.
It was clean, like the mark had never been there. He spread my hands out and looked at my palms. The ugly scars were also gone as well.
‘
It’s gone.’
Gone
Leaving no trace.
Nothing.
I stared blankly at my palm and looked up at Distria. The traces of who I was were gone. The mark that seemed like a badge of honor disappeared without a trace. I stared at my cleansed palm for a long time as I was dragged along by him.
It doesn’t make any sense.
It doesn’t make any sense.
It doesn’t make any sense.
* * *
Just because Distria erased the tattoos, would anything change? As he said, I seduced those who did not come into the room outside, and I slept with anyone and everyone. Sometimes outside, sometimes inside, and sometimes with multiple people
 I didn’t care about other people’s eyes.
In their eyes, I was just a crazy person.
Now I was curious about Lepis with dead eyes. What was he doing?
Now, I was curious about the invisible Acacia. What was he doing?
Now, I was curious about Rewan’s last appearance. What was he thinking when he died?
I was the one who said I didn’t need any love, trust, or loyalty. Was it selfish to wonder what he was doing now? Would it be strange if I was curious about his end
?
It was the result I wanted. It was the future I wanted, yet why did it feel so empty?
“Kuht
 good.”
I looked at the man, who was groaning with excitement.
He reached out his hand and wiped the sweat from my forehead before kissing me on the lips and pushing me down. As I gasped for breath at the stimulation that penetrated me deeply from behind, I reached out and grabbed the sheet.
The thoughts I had a moment ago faded from the excessive pleasure
 It was the pleasure that filled me. I didn’t need anything else.
‘
I don’t need it.’
Late at night, I met Distria after returning from work. He grabbed my legs and spread them apart as he touched the inside.
The sloppy sem*n of which I didn’t know whom it belonged to, was pushed out of my love juice. He slapped me on the cheek and kicked me in the stomach. The one-sided beating drove me to the far corner of the room, gasping for breath in pain.
Distria grabbed my hair, and I met his furious gaze.
I just laughed.
When he threw me away, I fell to the floor like a powerless paper doll. With my lowered vision, I could see him moving his legs. A low sigh came.
“Hey, what more can I do, Arne? Do you want me to kill all the nobles here? Huh? Say something.”
I crawled towards his legs and licked his toes. He didn’t move and only stared at me.
“Do you want to die by provoking me like that?”
I took a breath at the wavering hateful gaze. Something I didn’t know
 It felt as if the hidden truth had been discovered.
‘Do I want to die?’
Sneer, I laughed. Why were people so selfish? I’d been chasing pleasure. Would I want to die because I didn’t like it? What did I not like? All I wanted was pleasure
 but what was wrong with me?
Distria’s shimmering eyes reached me. He held my neck with one hand, causing my feet to fall off the floor. Short of breath, I just closed my eyes. I wanted my life to end like this. The ending was different from what I thought. This was not the end I wanted.
Then, what was it?
As he put me on the bed with great force, my body bounced once upon impact. I took in a rough breath. Distria grabbed me by the shoulders and, without warning, put himself inside. My body thumped, and my brain flashed.
“Kuhk, ha-ugh
 uh
uuhht.”
Drip.
Tears flowed. Distria wiped away the tears running down my cheeks. He called my name.
“Arne.”
He put my legs on his shoulders and rammed his p*nis deeply. He carved me deeply and furiously inside. The bed rocked as I rolled up the duvet sheet and held it.
“
Arne.”
“Haa
”
Distria’s low voice reached my ears. Excited breathing sound, tongue running along my earlobes.
“Cry more. I want to hear your voice.”
He inserted his finger into my mouth and stirred it.
“Haa
 ang. Ah! Ang!”
As he called my name, he pulled himself and turned upside down. Distria lifted my knees and put me on the stomach again. Pleasure filled my body enough to make my body bend again.
Distria’s teeth lodged in my shoulder.
“Ahng
. Hu-uhk
Aahh!”
I moaned according to his movement. While he held my hair in one hand, he grabbed my hair and pulled it with force.
We kissed for a long time. The only thing I could hear was the sound of heavy breathing and the sound of him thrusting in. He occasionally whispered my name in my ear. A deep desire flickered in his eyes as he lusted after me passionately.
“
Arne.”
“Huht
 hnng.”
“Arne.”
He stopped moving and hugged me. The sound of breathing and the sound of heartbeats were heard instead.
“
I love you.”
Even in his humble confession, even on lips that whisper love, even with his affectionate gaze


I didn’t feel anything.
I felt nothing.
I closed my eyes.
‘
What do I want?’
Day and night, I had s*x with Distria while he did all his work from my bedroom. Occasionally, when he had to leave for a long time, he would tie me to the bed.
“Please, stay still. Don’t sleep with anyone else besides me.”
I gazed at Distria with blank eyes.
“Don’t drive me crazy.”
He stroked my cheek with a soft touch, and my body moved in response to his touch. The metal ring tied to my wrist rang out. Distria touched my wrist. He put his lips on the back of my hand and caressed my shoulder where the now-disappearing scar was.
“I’ll be back.”
Distria exited the bedroom.
A boring time then passed. I glanced out the window at the clouds. I liked a life that flowed without thinking. It was a life with only the pleasures I wanted.

So, why didn’t I like it now?
There was something missing, but I didn’t know what it was.