I checked to make sure no one was around before taking off my clothes. The water had soaked into my clothes and they were heavy. If I walked like this, the water would probably continue to drip down.\n
I wrung out the clothes I had taken off. I also wrung out my underwear. When I thought I couldnāt squeeze anymore, I put them on again.\n
It was a lot easier than before.\n
Standing normally, there would be no dripping water.\n
I left from under the bridge. I walked up the riverbed and stepped onto the open road.\n
There was no one there either.\n
Just the quiet city of the night spreading out in front of me.\n
I didnāt want anyone to see me like this. I was in shabby shape. If they saw me, they would think I was crazy. I quickly put on my hood.\n
It was the same four years ago. Four years ago, I had lost a fight and was embarrassed to be seen with my battered body, so I walked with my hood pulled up tight and my hands in my pockets.\n
Each step felt heavier than the last.\n
My legs screamed. The damage to my right leg was particularly bad. When I tried to walk normally, the pain became unbearable.\n
As I walked along the river, I could see the surface of the water glittering under the streetlights. I crossed the bridge and headed towards the house. The number of streetlights gradually increased. I turned my face away, trying not to be seen by the occasional passerby.\n\n
Eventually, I arrived in front of a house.\n
The light was leaking from the windows of the house. I wondered if they had noticed that I was gone yet. I cautiously opened the front door.\n
The inside of the house was much the same as when I left. I could hear the TV blaring in the living room. I took off my shoes and climbed up the stile so as not to make any noise.\n\n
But that didnāt seem to be enough.\n
When I was about to go up the stairs, the door to Sayakaās room opened.\n
Sayaka looked at me.\n
Then, she rushed downstairs.\n
āWhatās with the injury?ćI mean, where have you been?ā\n
I thought it was bad and turned my face away. But I accidentally ended up showing her my swollen face.\n
It was too late though. She grabbed my sleeve and forcefully dragged me to the living room.\n
When the door to the living room was opened, I saw my father leisurely watching TV.Ā \n\n
Sayaka shouted,Ā \n
āDad! Dad!ā\n
And then he turned his head toward us. At that moment, my fatherās expression froze.\n
I turn on my heel to escape. But neither of the two people present would allow me to do so.\n
āNaoya!ćWhat happened to you!ā\n
He walked up to me with agility he usually didnāt show. He took off my hood and grabbed my face with both hands. My cold cheeks felt warm in his hands.\n
Stumped for an answer, I said in a quiet voice.\n
āNothing, ā¦ā¦.ā\n
āItās not ānothingā! Letās check those wounds!\n
My father took the liberty of ripping off my clothes.\n
What he saw was a body covered in wounds. It was obvious that something had happened to me.\n
āYou ā¦ā¦ā\n
Both my father and Sayaka seemed to be at a loss for words.\n
Even when I was a delinquent in the past, I was rarely injured this badly. I didnāt allow myself to be beaten unilaterally.\n
āDonāt worry about it. Itāll heal in overnight after a good night sleepā\n
I tried to take back my clothes, but my father held them behind his back.\n
Donāt look at me like that. Iām really fine.\n
Next, Sayaka grabbed my arm. She looked like she was going to cry a little. I wondered if I had made her think that I was back to being the horrible brother I used to be.\n\n
āItās nothing serious. I just got tangled up with some delinquents and got beaten up unilaterally.ā\n
āā¦ā¦Fine already. Just sit there.ā\n
She pointed to the sofa where our father had been sitting earlier.\n
āI said I am fine.ā\n
āDid you forget what you told me yesterday?ćYouāre the one who started treating me without permission yesterday.ā\n
I was forced to sit down. I decided to give up. Itās true, what I was saying to Sayaka and what Iām doing to myself is too different.\n
Sayaka took out the bandages and gauze I had bought for her. She also put the first aid kit on the table. Then she poured the disinfectant on my wound first.\n\n
āIt hurts.ā\n
āEndure it.ā\n\n
I had wounds all over my body. The antiseptic solution was roughly poured on each one of them. I guess she wasnāt used to this kind of thing. There were times when it almost went into my eyes.\n\n
My father said,\n
āThis is not enough. Iāll go to the convenience store and get some. Sayaka, Iām counting on you.ā\n
āYes.ā\n\n
And then my father went out.\n
Itās become somewhat exaggerated. I think heās going to tell me to go to the hospital. Thinking that Iāll keep from doing that alone, I continued to be attacked by disinfectant.\n
āā¦ā¦ Sayaka. Can you at least put some gauze on it for now?ā\n
There were times when the same wound was sprayed twice. There were so many wounds that she lost track of where she had disinfected.\n
āI got it.ā\n
Sayaka was not very good with her hands. The way she applied the gauze and the tape was not very neat. Her hands felt warmer than usual.\n
About five minutes later, my father came home. He had bought up a lot of plasters, ointments, and other things he could afford. The bag was full of medical supplies.\n
āIsnāt that a bit much?ā\n
āThereās no such thing as too much when you consider how much you need to replace later.ā\n
On the other side of Sayaka, my father also started his treatment. Sayaka grabbed my left arm and my father grabbed my right arm. Iāve got nothing on me. Iām wearing only my underwear, but thanks to the warmth of the room, Iām not cold. I watched in silence as the ointment was applied and the bandage was put on.\n
After ten oāclock, it was finally over.\n\n
My clothes had already been put in the washing machine. I wanted to take a bath, but I couldnāt do it in this condition. I gave up, thinking it would be better if I took a bath once before I left tomorrow.\n
My father asked,Ā \n
āSo, what happened?ā\n
I gave him the same explanation as before. The story is that I tried to go to the convenience store and got beaten up by some delinquents. Itās a half-correct answer, so Iām sure he wonāt see through the lie.\n
āWhy?ā\n
He sympathetically asked me, neither blaming me nor comforting me.\n
āWhy donāt you rely on me more?ā\n
āā¦ā¦ā\n
I donāt mean that.\n
Iām just doing what I think is right. ā¦ā¦\n
My father cradled my head. I took a small breath from my fatherās chest.\n
āYou can rely on me more, you know. You may be blaming yourself. But nobody is going to blame you. So, donāt worry. You donāt have to work too hard.ā\n\n
My fatherās voice was gentle, and I replied, āYesā.\n\n
I went back inside my room and let out a big breath.\n
āI canāt go to sleep yet.\n
I turned on the light and looked around the room again.\n
The breeze from the slightly open window was shaking several papers.\n
There was a sound of fluttering. The letters on the wall fluttered in the wind.\n
A lot of papers were pasted all over the walls of the room.\n\n
āFirst place in the grade.\n
āpass Tohashi University entrance exam\n
āBecome rich.\n
āKeep working hard.\n\n
And so on.\n
These are just some of the words Iāve written as Iāve thought of them. When I started to work hard for my new goal, I wrote and wrote and wrote to inspire myself. And I put them all over my walls.\n
As I walked a little further, the loose leaf I used to study hit my feet.\n
Another step and the pile of problem books would hit my knees.\n
I thought again that I couldnāt say that Sayakaās room was dirty.\n
Itās a place I spent my entire life just studying. When Iām in the room, I canāt help but remember the past. It makes me feel like Iām going crazy. Thatās why Iāve been trying to think only about my studies.\n
I set up my pen and write words in my notebook. As I did this, everything that was in my way disappeared from in front of my eyes. I felt even clearer. I could concentrate only on my studies.\n
For me, studying was my salvation.\n
There was one time when I looked at myself in the mirror while studying. At that time, my eyes were bloodshot. I had a scary look on my face. It was the face of a man desperately trying to escape his past.\n
Thatās why I knew that I shouldnāt let anyone see me studying seriously.\n
I should only study in my room.\n
Otherwise, I would be questioned about my character.\n
I sat down on the chair in front of my desk.\n
I turned on the desk light. On the desk were my notebooks and reference books that I had left behind. Iām only halfway through my studies.\n
Despite my wounds, I picked up a pen.\n
Iām not going to stop studying just because of this.\n
I opened the reference book and read through the contents. I moved the pen. Solved the problems. Checked my answers.\n
Anyway, I have to write.\n
Focus my mind on studying.\n
The more I use the pen, the clearer my mind becomes.\n
I donāt feel the pain anymore.\n
The pain and suffering I felt today fade away.\n
Before long, I had fallen into a state of detachment. Tomorrowās test, the fact that Iām aiming to be the best, all of it was being overshadowed by what was right in front of me.\n
My vision was narrowing.\n
All my senses were failing me.\n
This is the only way I can live anymore.\n
I keep running, running, running.\n
I will keep trying, and keep pushing my motherās death far away from me.\n
Even if the time comes when I have to stop.\n
Even if there comes a time when I am unable to run anymore, even if I am at a loss.\n
I will continue to run with my eyes fixed on the road ahead, to the very limit of my ability.\n\n
ļ¼ćļ¼ćļ¼\n\n
(āI will never lose sight of the people I love again.)\n
Ā On the day of my motherās funeral, I met Yamazaki and quietly said that.\n
My voice was dry. My voice was so faint that it was almost drowned out by the wind.\n
I knew that if I didnāt put it into words and let it out, I would be crushed and my heart would be broken. So I tried to spin my voice as hard as I could.\n
Yamazaki just replied, āI see.ā\n
(Thatās why I wonāt see you anymore, either.)\n
Yamazaki just nodded back at me.\n
I turned on my heel.\n
A gentle breeze whipped up a cloud of dust. Narrowing my eyes, I put my hands over my eyes and slowly start walking.\n
āI had no idea what I was going to do.\n
I had nothing. That hadnāt changed.\n
But then I realized. The people I care about still exist. I can live only for them.\n\n
Thatās why Iāve been and will continue to move forward. I will not look back.\n\n
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide">\nTN: Well, I lied. Might as well finish it all in one go. The guyās room reminded me of Miyukiās room in Kaguya sama.\n\n