There was Sendai-sanâs head between my legs and my skirt is so disheveled that I canât show it to others. It is embarrassing to think that I am the only one dressed like this.
I want to complain about not one, but ten or twenty things, but for now I push Sendai-sanâs head as hard as I can to keep her away. Then, adjust my disheveled skirt.
ăI didnât ask you to do this.ă
Sheâd been ordered to lick my feet many times, but Iâm sure she has never had it done to this extent.
I glared at Sendai-san, who was looking at me as if nothing had happened.
ăI just licked Miyagiâs feet like I was told to.ă
ăI wouldnât call that licking now.ă
ăSo, is this what you call licking?ă
Sendai-san lifts my skirt a little and runs her tongue across my knees. My legs twitch in surprise at the act I didnât ask for. I pressed Sendai-sanâs forehead as I felt a sensation like a wet gummy sticking to my thigh.
ăDonât do that. Thatâs not a leg, for the most part.ă
ăThis is your feet. This is your knee.ă
ăItâs not. Knees are not feet, itâs knees.ă
ăBy that logic, from where to where is a foot?ă
When I said this, Sendai-san stroked my calf. In addition, she crawled her fingers on it, and I slapped her hand.
ăIt doesnât matter how far my feet are because this is the end. Go away a little further.ă
I push her forehead and her body slips away from mine. However, she only listens to me at first, and soon she grabs my leg.
ăYour socks. Iâll put them on.ă
ăIâll wear them myself.ă
ăEven though itâs right here?ă
In the removed jacket, a pair of socks can be seen crumpled up and placed on the floor. Moreover, my jacket was next to Sendai-sanâs and not in a position where I could easily get it from my chair.
ăGive it back.ă
ăI said Iâll put them on for you, so just sit tight.ă
With my legs still in her grasp, I wanted to get up, but I couldnât. I have to remain seated without being told to do so by Sendai-san and cannot take or put on my own socks.
I am unwilling, but I obeyed her.
Her fingertips touch the top of my foot.
After stroking them gently enough to tickle, Sendai-san puts on my socks with a familiar hand.
I donât like her to do these things without a second thought.
This kind of thing should not be normal, but Sendai-san quickly accepts the unusual, gets used to it, and takes it for granted. It makes me sick that I seem to have been incorporated into her daily routine.
Sendai-san doesnât care what I think.
She also puts on my jacket as a matter of course and kisses my knees.
ăI told you not to do those things.ă
ăIâll be careful next time.ă
Sendai-san says with a face that shows no remorse or desire to be careful.
If I sit here like this, I donât know what she will do to me.
I stood up and tapped my blazer, which was not touched, to adjust it. Likewise, Sendai-san stood up, dusted off her skirt, and then said.
ăSo, whatâs the exchange? I can touch Miyagi now.ă
She claim her rights as a matter of course.
ăFine, just touch it. But itâs not just kissing, youâre not allowed to take off my uniform or anything like that. You canât even unbutton it.ă
ăThose conditions, isnât it unfair to add them after the fact?ă
ăItâs not unfair. Sendai-san, youâre always trying to do weird things, so itâs dangerous if I donât add to it. Besides, you wouldnât do anything that would make me angry, would you?ă
It is a punishment for going too far.
ââI would not go so far as to say that I donât know how far the exchange of touch would escalate if I let her do what she wants. It might really be just a little touch, but looking back at what Sendai-san had done so far, there was no way I could believe it.
ăWell, yeah. Like I said, Iâm not going to do anything to make Miyagi angry.ă
Sendai-san says in a voice lighter than the leaves dancing in the wind and smiles. But the soft smile is that of Sendai-san, whom I see at school, and I donât trust her even more.
ăDonât do anything really strange.ă
When I reminded her, she responds in a disgruntled voice.
ăAm I that untrustworthy?ă
ăYou should be sorry for what you just said.ă
ăI already did, so itâs okay.ă
ăâŠThen, itâs fine.ă
There is uncertainty.
But Sendai-san kept her promise, even if she went too far.
I think I should protect it too.
I stare at Sendai-san and she comes one or two steps closer.
I donât know what she will do to me, and my body stiffens.
As close as she was to kissing me, Sendai-san came and I backed away involuntarily, and my foot hit the chair.
There was a loud clang, and Sendai-san grabbed my arm. Then she hugged me.
ăWhat are you doing?ă
I mutter to myself, closer to Sendai-san than when we kissed.
ăI think itâs commonly called a hug.ă
ăI know what youâre saying.ă
I know, but I was so close to Sendai-san that I wanted to ask her. It was the first time I had ever been hugged by her, and it made my body feel so fluffy that the cold classroom felt hot.
My heart also feels strange.
It was so loud, even though I wasnât doing anything, that I felt as if Sendai-san might hear me.
ăRemain here, donât leave.ă
Suddenly, Sendai-san says something unexpected.
ăWhat do you mean by remaining here?ă
I understood roughly what she was trying to say. Still, as I listened back, Sendai-sanâs arms tightened and hugged me tightly.
ăThe college, I mean if we can find a place where we can have dinner together.ă
I would like to see what she looks like now.
But I canât move my body because of the arm around my back.
The only thing that conveyed Sendai-sanâs emotions was the voice in my ear, but it was so flat, with no ups and downs, that I could not even imagine her facial expression.
ăSendai-san has no right to decide my path.ă
I reply in a whisper, and a quiet voice comes back.
ăEven now, we are having dinner together at Miyagiâs house, right? Wouldnât it be fun if we ate together from time to time after graduation?ă
Unable to accept any words of denial from Sendai-san, she talks about what happened after we graduated.
I donât know what to say to this kind of Sendai-san.
The future that is spoken of sounds like fun.
A meal with Sendai-san tastes better than a meal alone, and I feel safer when someone is next to me even if she donât talk. I also thought it would be boring not to see Sendai-san after graduation.
But I am not confident enough to believe her words.
I still donât know what she looks like and her voice sounds heartless. I couldnât believe that she wanted to have dinner with me after graduation.
ăMiyagi?ă
I hear a voice in my ear.
ăThis is done.ă
I tried to slip out of her arms without mentioning my post-graduation dream story, but the arm around my back would not loosen.
ăCan I have a little more?ă
ăYou canât.ă
ăItâs fine.ă
ăItâs not fine.ă
ăSay itâs okayââ Shiori.ă
Sendai-san whispered and something soft touched my ear.
I immediately know it is her lips.
It tickled me when it was pressed tightly against me, and I pushed Sendai-sanâs body as hard as I could.
ăDonât call my name.ă
I peeled off Sendai-sanâs body with a crunch, as if I am peeling off a piece of glued paper. Then, I wiped my ears.
ăIsnât there little I can do for the weight of your orders?ă
Sendai-san looks at me with dissatisfaction.
ăThatâs good enough for me.ă
Although she added the conditions later, she knew from the beginning that there was not much she could do, so she had no reason to complain. There is nothing more to do, and the place where the kiss was made, even if it was an ear, violates the condition of not kissing.
Besides, hugging is likeââ
I exhale to erase the words that come to mind and grab my bag.
ăIf I hear Miyagiâs order here in the future, will you let me touch you again?ă
ăYou canât.ă
The closer Sendai-san gets, the more it seems natural for her to be by my side.
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Even after we graduate, we will stay next to each other and have dinner together.
I feel as if these days will continue, with the same orders as before.
But that is not possible.
ăYou say no, but youâll come back when I call you.ă
ăIâm not coming, so donât call me.ă
ăOkay, okay.ă
When I say this so curtly that I donât believe my words have reached her, Sendai-san holds my hand.
ăWhat?ă
ăYouâre going home, arenât you?ă
ăHolding hands?ă
ăOf course itâs a joke, right?ă
Sendai-san smiles and removes her hand.
ăIâll leave first. Sendai-san will leave here later.ă
I move away from her, and keep my distance.
ăHow many minutes later?ă
ăTen minutes.ă
ăMake it five.ă
ăSendai-san is going to come running, so thatâs a big no.ă
I donât expect her to really come running.
I just need a few moments.
Too much has happened in a short time, and my brain, which is not even good, is not working.
I leave the music preparation room with my back on Sendai-san.