I played friends with Miyagi, stopped by her house and kissed her.
That was all I did yesterday, and the 5,000 yen that Miyagi gave me is in my piggy bank. Five thousand yen is the price for a kiss. And 5,000 yen is too much for the price.
I donât need this.
After the kiss, I said no several times, but Miyagi did not back down. The 5,000 yen that was forcibly given to me weighs down my piggy bank just a little bit, and I come to Miyagiâs house today, unable to sleep well.
Simply put, I donât get enough sleep and I canât think straight.
Not enough to doze off, but my eyelids are heavy and I lie in bed at Miyagi. When I close my eyes, I notice the smell of Miyagi, which usually doesnât bother me, and I feel lightheaded when I should have been sleepy.
I really hate it.
There are a number of reasons why I couldnât sleep.
I wonât list the reasons for this, since mentioning them wonât solve my sleep deprivation, but I can roughly sum it up: itâs Miyagiâs fault. Even now, when Iâm taking a break from studying, I canât even doze off because of her.
I canât complain because the master of the room is not here, so I turn over. Miyagi should be in the kitchen by now, pouring cider and barley tea into empty glasses.
Since I told her I donât like cider, Miyagi keeps serving me barley tea like a fool. She was never asked if I wanted anything else to drink or what my favorite drink was.
I think she should be a little more interested in me since we have been together for over a year, but I have never asked Miyagi such a thing either, so maybe itâs a mutual thing.
If I close my eyes tightly and listen carefully, I can hear the sound of walking down the hallway.
Soon I hear a door open and Miyagiâs stunned voice echoes in my ears.
ăSendai-san, donât fall asleep.ă
ăIâm awake.ă
As I answered while occupying her bed, I heard a hard clinking sound, as if she had placed a glass on the table.
ăYour eyes arenât open.ă
ăIâm taking a break, I donât have to keep my eyes open.ă
I turn my body in the direction of the voice and round my back.
ăSendai-san, wake up.ă
I hear a voice closer than I expected, and a touch on my cheek.
When I opened my eyes, Miyagi was sitting in front of the bed.
As was the case yesterday, Miyagi touches me thoughtlessly, saying that we cannot be friends.
Sheâs always been in a bad mood, but sheâs a selfish person.
Yesterday Miyagi didnât like me and tried to leave without me. Even though I tried not to spoil her good mood by playing friend with her. I still donât know what was wrong with her.
In the past, Miyagi has told me that we are not friends, but this time she told me that we will never be friends in the future, and even called me disgusting.
It is indeed not funny.
It is also annoying that she doesnât seem to care at all. But it is true that the word âfriendâ was too unfamiliar to us.
Iâm not sure where sheâs coming from.
The air, the distance, everything seems off.
The word âfriendâ seems to be the closest and farthest thing that doesnât fit snugly between us. The piece, which seemed too small and too big, had no place to fit.
ăThe problem collection, I havenât finished yet.ă
Miyagi says quietly, sliding her hand from my cheek to my neck.
Before I can say tickle, she stops on my collarbone and lightly presses her palm against it.
ăDo it first.ă
ăI donât know.ă
She brought up the issue book herself, but Miyagi remained motionless as she turned to me.
If I had not met Miyagi at the bookstore, we would have graduated without ever talking, let alone becoming friends. I was never the type to make friends to begin with. Still, I thought it would be best if my relationship with her could settle into that of a friend, but now it doesnât seem likely that it will end that way.
I lay my hand on Miyagiâs hand on my collarbone.
ăWhat?ă
Miyagi says in a low voice and tries to pull her hand away, so I squeeze her hand.
ăAre you nervous now?ă
ăâŠNow?ă
ăYeah, now?ă
ăIâm not right now, yet.ă
ăYet?ă
ăHow about you, Sendai-san? Are you nervous now?ă
ăI donât know if I do.ă
I am aware of being by her side, but my heart is not pounding so loudly that I feel it now. And by the way, I donât want to walk the streets holding hands with Miyagi. But such a place next to Miyagi is where I belong, and I have no complaints or discomfort about that.
I release Miyagiâs hand and touch her lips with my fingertips.
ăSo youâre thinking of kissing me again today?ă
I ask quietly and I will get a quiet answer.
ăâŠAm I not supposed to think that?ă
ăWell, I donât know.ă
This is correct.
This is wrong.
It would be nice if everything could be categorized into one of the two, but there are some things in the world that cannot be categorized. And what is between us and Miyagi is by far the most unclassifiable.
The answers, with their mixed colors that cannot be neatly color-coded, are too vague and unstable. I am afraid that if I try to force them to sort, they will break and disappear. Then itâs better to leave it alone than to categorize it. Besides, Miyagi doesnât listen to me when I tell her not to.
ăMiyagi. Iâll tell you what you donât understand in the problem book.ă
I raise myself up and look at the table.
After teaching Miyagi how to solve a problem she says she doesnât understand, weâll end the day with a preliminary lesson for the new semester.
With this in mind, I try to get off the bed, but Miyagi gets up first and pulls something out of the desk.
ăHere.ă
Miyagi said bluntly and tried to hand me a 5,000 yen bill.
Apparently, she no longer cared about the rest of the problem book.
ăI donât want it.ă
ăJust take it.ă
ăYou think you can just give me money?ă
ăI donât think Iâm wrong.ă
Miyagiâs words are unclassifiable words, right and wrong.
Though 5,000 yen is necessary to connect us, we do not need this 5,000 yen for our summer vacation. Since I have already received 5,000 yen in the form of tutoring fees, any more than that would be too much.
ăIf you want to order something, do it. I donât teach that much study these days, and Iâm willing to bet that the tutoring fee includes the right to give orders.ă
It would be a great thing to say that I have become less of a handful, but the number of times Miyagi says to me,ăI donât understand,ăhas decreased compared to before the summer vacation. The new semester should bring better grades.
ăBecause thatâs a separate issue from this. Take it.ă
Miyagi looks at me as if I deserve it and places the 5,000 yen in my lap.
This 5,000 yen is different from the 5,000 yen before the summer vacation.
As the story goes, it is the same kind of 5,000 yen as yesterdayâs 5,000 yen.
What is at the end of the order is probably a kiss, and I donât need five thousand yen for just a kiss. Iâd feel more comfortable if you decided to include it in the tutoring fee. I feel that the 5,000 yen that is paid on purpose is going to make a big deal out of something that is not a big deal.
ăI said I donât need it.ă
Miyagiâs eyes wavered as I said it strongly.
I could see the anxiety in her eyes and I exhaled heavily.
Perhaps she donât want to be turned down after having made it this far, or something like that.
I fold the 5,000 yen bill on my lap into four pieces and put it on the bed once.
ăIâll take it. Just order me to do it.ă
I said in a flat voice, and Miyagi looked relieved.
Miyagi wonât do much anyway.
She gives orders like a big shot, but she is a coward.
ăThen.ă
Miyagi stares at me as if to preface an order. Then, after a few moments, she uttered a command I had heard many times before,ădonât move.ă