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I think Sendai-san has the right to ask.
And after what she did I should answer the question.
But,「why?」can’t I answer this question. I’d be more than happy to know why I did that.
「Miyagi, answer me.」
Silently urged, I peel off her hand that is stuck to my neck.
「Our mouths touched, but we didn’t kiss.」
「I don’t think my mouth would touch these places if I were normal.」
「The answer, you know the answer. It’s because you weren’t being normal.」
Sendai-san is right.
If things were normal, there is no way my lips would touch her sleeping neck.
However, I cannot explain my actions. I didn’t do it for any reason, and if there was a reason, it was somewhere I wasn’t aware of it.
I close my textbook to escape Sendai-san’s gaze.
Now, if I command,「Don’t ask me any more questions,」I can force an end to this awkward moment.
「I’m not doing anything more than that. Are you convinced?」
When I add without looking at Sendai-san as if I were making an excuse to the teacher, she tugs at the sleeve of my blouse. When I tried to avert my eyes from looking at Sendai-san, whom I did not want to see, she looked at me very seriously and said she don’t want to see me.
「How about now? Do you want to touch me?」
I don’t understand why you decided to ask that.
And I don’t know if she were satisfied with my answer.
She is still strange in her distance, she is still close to me and continues to hold the sleeve of my blouse. I want to move away a little more, but the air is filled with the feeling that if I don’t answer, the blouse won’t let go.
「Is that an order to answer?」
「It’s Miyagi that gives the orders, isn’t it? This is just asking a question.」
「If I ask you to touch you, will you let me?」
「Where do you want to touch it?」
「Who said you can’t ask a question until after you’ve answered it?」
「Because it depends on Miyagi’s answer.」
She will let me touch her in some places.
I think that’s what she mean.
But why?
I can’t think straight, because Sendai-san always says things I wouldn’t say.
Answer.
If I say where.
Maybe she are just teasing me.
In the first place, do I want to touch Sendai-san now?
Various things float around in my head and then disappear like bubbles in cider. Fragments of memories pop up together, reminding me of Sendai-san, who was asleep in bed.
I also touched Sendai-san’s lips that day.
Before touching her neck, I traced her lips with my fingertips, and they were soft like marshmallows.
I reach out to Sendai-san.
I didn’t answer her question, but she didn’t run away, as if my intentions were understood. The sleeve of my blouse, which had been gripped, is released and my fingertips touch her lips without any obstruction.
I knew it, they are still soft.
With a light push, Sendai-san licked my fingers and I hastily withdrew my hand.
「Tell me what you want me to do.」
Sendai-san says in a slightly low voice.
But it is up to me to decide when and what I will order you to do.
It is not up to Sendai-san to decide.
「Miyagi.」
Names are called strongly, as if to encourage them to give orders.
It is upsetting to be told and ordered to do something, and it is strange to be ordered to give an order to Sendai-san.
I think so, but I had to say it.
「…Your eyes, close it.」
「Alright.」
Wrong.
If she knew what the order meant, shs would have complained. But Sendai-san closed her eyes. There was no way she could have known what would happen next, but she followed orders.
I touch her cheek.
There are her eyes, her nose, her mouth.
However, Sendai-san, who has a slightly better arrangement of those things than others, has a well-defined face, though not as well-developed as a model or an idol. You can say that she is beautiful.
If it were true, Sendai-san would never come to my house, nor would she listen to my orders. If we were in different classes like we are now, I would be forgotten and not even remembered.
I had no contact with her until I gave her 5,000 yen at the bookstore.
So this is something that should not have happened.
I could not understand why Mr. Sendai closed her eyes.
If I approached her, she might open her eyes and laugh at me, wondering if I took her seriously. I know I’m not the kind of person who would do such a thing, but I can’t wrap my head around the impossible situation.
Even so, my body is getting closer to Sendai-san
I found that the distance between our lips was less than five centimeters.
My heart aches.
I can’t breathe in and out well.
I think I forgot how to breathe.
I touch the edge of her lips with the thumb of my hand on her cheek.
Sendai-san doesn’t move.
I come a little closer and I close my eyes as well.
——I’m not sure I can really touch you.
I pushed her shoulder, thinking that if I kissed her, Sendai-san might stop coming to this room.
「Sorry. You should go home today.」
「Eh?」
Sendai-san opened her eyes.
「Miyagi?」
I pull her hand, which she sounds surprised to hear, to stand up and let her carry her bag. I open the door and push her back.
I don’t know what is the right thing to do now, and I can’t think of anything. There may be a better way than asking them to leave, but I don’t have the time to find that way right now. Besides, I didn’t want Sendai-san to see my face.
Don’t look back, I want you to leave.
「Wait—」
Sendai-san, who apparently had no intention of leaving without telling me, tried to turn around, but I forcefully took her out of the room and to the entrance.
「Sorry. We’ll be in touch again.」
Why, or, do we need to talk about it, or something?
Sendai-san says a lot of things, but I can’t get them into my head.
Anyway, I put on her shoes and kick her out the front door.
「Miyagi. Open this up.」
I hear a knock on the door.
But I don’t intend to open it.
If I open it, she will be absolutely furious.
Normally I would walk her downstairs, but today I can’t.
「Miyagi—」
On the other side of the door, Sendai-san is calling me.
Why did I try to kiss her?
Why didn’t I kiss her?
I’m not sure anymore and lean against the door.
A heavy thud echoes down my back.
Oh, I forgot to ask about the eraser.
I remembered that now.