/
How many times have we talked about part-time work?
I squeeze the platypus’s hand even tighter.
The few times I have talked about part-time work in the past have not ended well for me.
「What do you think, Miyagi?」
What a question she is asking me, but Sendai-san’s answer is obvious. Besides, this is not the first time I’ve heard this conversation.
I remember her saying,「I’m thinking of doing a short-term job that I can do only during winter break.」
I let go of the platypus hand that I was holding tightly.
「I heard it before. You said you’re going to work part-time during winter break.」
「May I?」
I don’t dislike Sendai-san trying to get my permission to work part-time, but I wish I didn’t have to ask her since I already knew the answer from the beginning.
「Do what you want.」
Efforts to change answers that I know I can’t change are just a waste of time. The only thing that can be gained by continuing with meaningless efforts is frustration with Sendai-san.
「Is that what you really think?」
Sendai-san says quietly and pats the platypus on the head.
「It doesn’t matter if that’s what I think or not.」
「It does.」
「With or without, you can do what you want.」
I grab Sendai-san’s hand as she strokes the platypus and place it on the floor. Instead of her, I stroke the platypus’ head.
「Does that mean I can have a part-time job?」
Sendai-san’s voice is cautious and probing.
「I’m not saying it’s a good idea. But you want to save money because you don’t plan on going home if your job doesn’t work out.」
「You remembered that story.」
Sendai-san said somewhat happily, but I was not happy at all.
「I remember. So I think you can do whatever you want.」
「Just say yes.」
I hear a voice forcing me to say something I don’t want to say, and I pull out a tissue. I ran away from Sendai-san’s hand, which was supposed to be on the floor, as she touched my hand and tried to squeeze it. I then curled up a tissue and threw it at Sendai-san.
「Sendai-san, what is this?」
「What is this, what do you mean?」
Sendai-san picked up a lump of tissue that hit her body and fell to the floor, and threw it into a trash can. However, the white lump didn’t reach the trash can and fell to the floor with a thud.
「Sendai-san, you don’t listen to me when I say I don’t want you to do something. I’m not going to change my answer when you ask, so do what you want.」
My opinion is not that important to Sendai-san.
Besides, it is I who should change my opinion.
I am the one who insists on my roommate having a part-time job, and I am the one who is crazy.
Anyone would do part-time work.
Asakura-san does it, and Maika might do it too.
So, if Sendai-san wants to work part-time, she can do so, and she is doing so now. Whether she increases or decreases is up to her. It is not for me to say.
I know exactly what I’m talking about.
I understand, I just don’t feel like it.
If it was Maika who said she was going to work part-time in front of me, I could just say, “I see.” I could just smile and say, “That’s good, go for it.” But when I’m dealing with Sendai-san, I can’t do the same thing. Even though I know it in my head, my mouth starts speaking differently and I can’t stop it.
「Even if the outcome is already decided, I want Miyagi to say it’s good for me. I belong to Miyagi, so make sure you give me permission.」
There is a strong will in her eyes, and no matter how I look at it, she is not going to accept my opinion. What I really wanted to say in the back of my throat sank deep into the bottomless pit of my heart as if pushed by Sendai-san’s straight eyes. Some of what I want to say turns into something muddy and sludgy.
「…the part-time job, when will it start?」
「After Christmas is over.」
「How long is it?」
「I plan to do it until the end of winter break.」
「If you’ve already decided, why don’t you just do it on your own?」
Sendai-san belongs to me, so she shouldn’t do something selfish without me.
I know that to think so is just selfishness, and I know that I am just spoiled by Sendai-san who accepts most of my words.
Still, I cannot return the word「okay」that Sendai-san wants me to say.
「Miyagi.」
I was called strongly and I look at the blue stone on Sendai-san’s ear.
My replacement is there, it’s okay.
Why can’t I think otherwise?
I gave her the earrings to take my place and I don’t think she’s okay with it. I just get frustrated with Sendai-san who tries to force me to change my opinion even though she’s mine.
「…I told you, I don’t like empty houses.」
I blurted out and looked down at the platypus. I squeeze the soft little hand and look only at the platypus.
「It’s not that I won’t come home, or that I won’t work all day long. I’ll stay by your side until I go to my part-time job, and I’ll stay by your side after I get back. You can sleep with me.」
「I never asked you to sleep with me, and you don’t have to do that.」
That’s not what I want from Sendai-san.
I want her to stay here without going to her part-time job, not until she goes to her part-time job or after she comes back, and I want her to stay within my sight, not to sleep with me.
「I was kidding about sleeping together. If I don’t have to do that, tell me what to do.」
I hear a soft voice and see Sendai-san.
I gulp down what I want to say, because it’s not what I should say.
「On your part-time job, wear those earrings.」
The stone that means the month I was born is not enough to bind Sendai-san. But I can’t find any other mark that anyone can see that I can put on her, so I have to put up with the blue stone.
「I told you I’d keep them on.」
「…I’ll mark you, as well.」
At times like this, Sendai-san will do whatever you say.
The other day, instead of asking me to do a part-time job, I asked her a question,「Tell me if you did it yourself,」and got an answer. That’s why, I would like something instead of saying words that I’m not willing to say today.
I want something that Sendai-san is as uncomfortable with as I am, but I still have to say it’s okay.
「Okay.」
「I’ll put it where I want to put it, and you’ll never complain.」
「You can put as much as you want where you want, and if there are other requests, I can do that too, Miyagi.」
「Don’t go anywhere over winter break except your part-time job.」
「Okay.」
The word “okay” comes back too easily and is out of sync.
「Sendai-san. Are you going to say okay, no matter what I say?」
「If only I could.」
「…What if I told you to take off your clothes, underwear, and everything you’re wearing right here, right now?」
She doesn’t want to do anything.
She just wants to annoy me.
「Is that what Miyagi wants me to do?」
「What if I told you it was?」
「…That’s okay. I’ll let Miyagi take it off for me.」
Sendai-san says it like it’s nothing.
I reached out and touched her cheek.
I slid my fingers down, strokes her neck, and then reached around her neck and into her clothes to touch her shoulders.
Sendai-san doesn’t move, nor does she change her facial expression.
She just looks straight at me.
Perhaps her words do not lie.
I can take off her clothes and underwear at this point.
But I don’t know where I’ve taken everything off.
I don’t know myself well. When I am with Sendai-san, my mind is messed up with all the things I don’t understand.
「Miyagi, why don’t you take them off?」
Sendai-san’s voice brings to mind the promise she made me to wait until Christmas.
I wonder what will happen to that promise if I continue to undress her.
I let go of the hand that touched Sendai-san’s without being able to make up my mind.
「You can work part-time.」
I don’t know what I want to do, and I end up saying words I don’t want to say.
It’s not interesting.
I glare at Sendai-san as if to vent my frustration.
「Thanks.」
「Also, you don’t have to ask about your part-time jobs every time. It’s frustrating that you force me to say yes. If you want more part-time jobs, you can get more on your own.」
「I’ll ask you every time, so say it’s good every time.」
「You don’t have to ask, so don’t tell me.」
I don’t want to hear about part-time work.
I don’t even want to reply.
It makes me angry to have more added without my permission, but it makes me nauseous to have the answer「okay」pulled from the back of my throat like this every time.
I hold the platypus to my chest and pat its head.
Even without Sendai-san, I have the crocodile tissue cover in my room and the stuffed black cat. I don’t like an empty house, but I am not a child who cannot stay home alone.
I pull a piece of tissue from the platypus.
As I was making white lumps as I had done earlier, Sendai-san quietly called me「Miyagi.」
「What?」
「If there’s a warm day during winter break, let’s go to the zoo like we promised.」
「Why are you suddenly changing the subject?」
「That’s fine. We’ve already worked out the part-time thing, and now we’re talking about the zoo.」
「Going to the zoo, that’s impossible. You’re going to work part-time during winter break, aren’t you?」
I throw a white mass towards next to me.
「There are days when I don’t. Also, after my part-time job, I would like to have dinner together and watch a movie in my room or Miyagi’s room. If you don’t want to go to the movies, we can play video games.」
Picking up a rolled up tissue, Sendai-san says in a gentle voice to put me in a good mood. But when I keep quiet, not wanting to reply, she takes away my platypus.
「Miyagi.」
She calls me small and puts her lips on my ears without refusal.
「Sendai-san, you’re too close.」
I take the platypus back and push her arm.
「I want to get closer more.」
I want to keep her away, but Sendai-san whispers in my ear and holds my hand, as she should. Her lips were on my ear again, and something raw and warm and wet touched my earlobe. For all intents and purposes, it is the tip of her tongue, crawling over the ear, lips pressed against my neck.
Wait until Christmas.
The words I didn’t want to be aware of make my heart race and thud.
「The promised day, not yet, right?」
I push Sendai-san’s shoulder and ask her.
「I haven’t gotten a response saying that’s okay.」
「Forcing me to answer is, frustrating.」
I have given up on the part-time job, but I will respond to other matters when I want to. I don’t want Sendai-san to decide when to reply.
「It’s okay. I’m only going to kiss you now.」
Not knowing what is okay, her lips lightly touch mine once and immediately leave.
I am relieved that she’s not lying when she says she only kisses me. But I squeezed the platypus’s hand, feeling somewhat unsatisfied.