It was only for a moment, but I felt Sendai-sanâs body heat. But my hand never connected with hers, but with Maikaâs.
ăMiyagi, youâre walking too fast.ă
Sendai-san, whose hands are not connected, pulls on my arm.
ăShiori, thereâs no need to panic, the school festival wonât run away.ă
I let go of the hand I was holding at the sound of Maikaâs voice andăapologize.ă
I was the one who rejected Sendai-samâs hand, and that was not wrong. If we had held hands like that, the decisive moment that Maika took wouldâve been different.
So, that was alright.
I shouldâve thought so, but just a little, really just a little, I find myself regretting not having shaken off Sendai-sanâs hand.
If Maika had seen me, though, I would have regretted it.
No, in fact, we might have been seen.
The moment Sendai-sanâs hand grabbed mine was filmed, and Maika has a picture of it on her phone.
Thinking of this, I sigh in my mind, âHaah.â
If Maika had taken such a moment, she would have said something.
So, itâs okay.
I tell myself and look straight ahead.
I was looking forward to the school festival, but I was worried about the presence of Sendai-san. I have never had a bad experience with Maika and Sendai-san on the set, and when they are next to me, I get tingly to the ends of my hair as if something is about to happen. Hair that has the same scent as Sendai-sanâs, dusty and burningââ
Irritating.
It was really irritating.
Most of my memories are tied to Sendai-san regardless of my intention, and whenever I think of something, she pops into my head as if a switch has been flipped. Itâs annoying because I didnât call them and they come out on their own and interrupt my thinking.
ăHeâey, Shiori?ă
I hear Maikaâs voice and pull my consciousness, which had been pulled by Sendai-san, back to the outside world.
ăEh? What?ă
ăYou werenât listening to me just now.ă
It seems that Maika was talking about something while my consciousness was submerged in my mind.
ăSorry, I wasnât listening. What did you just say?ă
ăI said, your skirt and makeup are unusual, Shiori. You donât usually wear skirts or makeup. Is it because of the school festival today?ă
I knew thatâs where the story goes.
My temples ache from the turn of events as I had expected, and I brush my bangs back. I didnât want to wear a skirt or makeup because I knew Maika would definitely say something.
ăâŠItâs not like that, but.ă
I want to tell her that Iâm not in this state of mind, but in order to do so, I have to tell her why I am in this state of mind, so I canât help but lose my temper.
ăI picked out Miyagiâs skirt and did her makeup.ă
I hear what I thought I didnât want to tell her from next to me and involuntarily look at Sendai-san and she smiles at me. I wanted to kick her in the leg for saying what she didnât have to say.
ăAh, is that so?ă
ăIsnât she cute?ă
For some reason, Sendai-san brags, and Maika stops and looks at me from head to toe.
ăYes, sheâs cute. As expected of Sendai-san. It suits Shiori.ă
ăBecause, you know, Miyagi.ă
Somehow, Sendai-san said happily, and from the other side came a voice saying,ăReally cute.ăI reluctantly open my mouth to thank her for this situation, which, by all accounts, is the only way to thank her.
ăâŠThank you.ă
ăShiori, come to the university again with Sendai-sanâs dress code.ă
ăEh, I donât want to.ă
Reflexively, I answered and took a step forward.
The university was one step closer, and Sendai-san and Maika started walking to join me.
ăWhy? Itâs alright.ă
Maikaâs voice makes me glare lightly at Sendai-san next to me.
ăSendai-san, you always try to put your skirt on me.ă
ăYou look good in the skirt. You look cute, butâŠă
I donât want to affirm Maikaâs words, although it doesnât sound like she is lying.
ăNo, itâs not. Sendai Dress Code rejected.ă
ăOh, well, Sendai-san. Next time, Iâd like you to pick out my clothes.ă
Maikaâs voice rings louder in my ears than it should.
Pick out my clothes.
Those are words I would never say, nor they are the words anyone else is allowed to say. Iâm the only one who can ask Sendai-san to do something, and she mustnât follow any other words than mine.
No. Thatâs not for me to decide.
I have no right to stop Maikaâs words, nor do I have the right to bind Sendai-sanâs actions.
I should understand, but I donât want to understand.
ăIf youâre okay with me.ă
Sendai-sanâs cheerful voice makes my heart ache as if it were being squeezed. I know that this is just a casual conversation between friends, and I know that Sendai-san is not the kind of person who would refuse this kind of thing, but my breath becomes thin and labored.
ăReally?ă
ăReally, I mean it.ă
Wanting to get away from the voices I hear, I take a big step and approach the college in a big way. I take one step and then another, trying not to walk too fast.
Entering the campus, which is bustling with the school festival.
I hear happy voices coming from next to me, and I reply with a few innocuous words, taking care not to reply too quickly.
I look at Sendai-sanâs ears and see her neck.
There is what I put on there.
The piercing that will stay on her forever and the red marks that will disappear after a few days.
Either way, I want to touch her now.
I want to feel that Sendai-san is mine.
But I canât touch the piercing where Maika is, and I canât touch her neck.
Perhaps noticing my gaze, Sendai-san touches her neck.
On the turtleneck, her fingers pass over the mark.
My eyes meet Sendai-sanâs, and I clench my own hand.
ăItâs almost noon, so letâs eat something anyway. Iâm hungry. We have quite a bit of time before the talk show, donât we?ă
In front of the school building lined with booths, Sendai-san stops to look at Maika.
ăIâm hungry too, and I have plenty of time to spare, but are you sure you want to do this, Sendai-san? I mean, talk shows are for voice actors.ă
Although high school and university festivals are both student-led, they are not the same. The school festival has a number of large-scale events that one wouldnât expect to see planned by students, and people you see on TV take the university stage as a matter of course.
The talk show that Maika and I were looking forward to was one of them, featuring the voice actor who had voiced the manga I had always read when it was made into an anime.
ăI borrowed the manga from Miyagi, read it, and was curious to see it.ă
ăYou got tired of it halfway through and kept doing different things.ă
I complain to Sendai-san, who is affable, fun-loving, and not mine.
Sendai-san doesnât focus on me when we are both looking at something.
She grabbed my hand, kissed me, and talked to me while I was watching the anime, so I couldnât get the story out of my head.
Even when we watched a movie during Golden Week, she kept doing things to me next to her that I didnât want.
ăShiori and Sendai-san watch anime together, donât they?ă
ăBecause itâs more fun to watch them together than alone.ă
ăOn the other hand, Sendai-san, you get bored easily when we watch movies together.ă
Instead of kicking my legs, I push on Sendai-sanâs arm.
ăNot that Iâm bored with it, though.ă
Sendai-san pats my neck and smiles at me.
Even though her soft smile annoyed me, I couldnât kick her legs or bite her like I usually do, so I gave Sendai-sanâs arm another push, and Maika laughed.
ăYou two really get along.ă
We donât get along with each other.
I swallow the words that are about to fly out and say something different.
ăI only saw it because Sendai-san wanted to see it with me.ă
ăHeh, is that so?ă
Maika giggles and I slap her on the arm.
ăItâs not fun to watch with Sendai-san because I canât concentrate.ă
ăHoh-hoh.ă
Maika says in a theatrical tone.
ăYou must think this is funny.ă
As I condensed a number of things I wanted to say into a single word and uttered it, I heard a crunching sound and my temples twitched.
ăI got some good shots.ă
I hear Sendai-sanâs voice and look at her, she is holding up her phone.
ăâŠWhy are you taking pictures?ă
Play
Unmute
ăEh, a memorial.ă
ăFor what?ă
ăCommemorating the visit to your school festival.ă
With that, Sendai-san turns the phone with my resentful eyes on it toward me.
I am not happy.
I didnât need that kind of consideration.
ăThatââă
The words I was about to say were interrupted by Sendai-sanâs voice, unable to be uttered untilăturn it off.ă
ăOh right, Utsunomiya. Iâll take your picture with Miyagi.ă
ăTake it, take it!ă
Maika says happily and pulls and twists my arm.
Sendai-sanâs phone probably shows me and Maika with our arms around each other.
I canât say I donât want her to take a picture of me now.
ăThen, both of you smile.ă
I hear Sendai-sanâs bouncy voice and the corners of my mouth turn up.
Itâs a common composition of friends taking pictures of each other.
Maika must have a big smile on her face, and I am pointing my awkward smile at her phone.
ăIâll take a shot.ă
A crunching electronic sound followed Mr. Sendaiâs voice.
Once, twice, three times.
ââToo many times.
ăSendai-san, youâre taking too much.ă
I moved away from Maika and approached Sendai-san who continued to take pictures. But before I could take the phone away from her, Sendai-san said in a satisfied voice.
ăI got a cute shot.ă
The phone is pointed at me and Maika.
ăI look weird. Delete it.ă
As I say this without pause, I hear Maikaâs voice next to me,ăYou look so cute, like youâre having fun.ă
ăIâm not having fun.ă
ăEh, Shiori, youâre not having fun?ă
ăâŠI do, though.ă
ăThen I will take a picture of Shiori and Sendai-san. When Iâm done, you take a picture of me and Sendai-san.ă
I donât want to be photographed with Sendai-san
And I donât want Maika and Sendai-san to be photographed.
But I canât say I donât want to because I canât say why.
Dislike without a reason is only understood by Sendai-san.
I used to think of a smartphone as a useful thing, but today I can only think of it as something I want to wipe out from this world. I am filled with a feeling of resentment toward the people who created this object called a smartphone.
ăMiyagi, your face is scary.ă
ăIâm not scary.ă
When I reflexively responded to her words, Sendai-san crossed her arms as a matter of course.
ăWait a second. Sendai-san, get away from me.ă
Earlier, I took a picture with Maika, arm in arm.
The situation was no different.
And yet, when I think that the person I am arm-in-arm with is Sendai-san, my heart starts to race. They sound like they have been running and running and running for a long time.
ăItâs fine.ă
Sendai-san is more attached to me than Maika was earlier.
I should say something, but I canât say anything.
ăUtsunomiya, take it!ă
Oh right, my facial expression.
Sendai-sanâs voice reminded me that Maika was watching me, and I hurriedly made a face that no one else could see.