If there are buttons, just unbutton them, and if there is a zipper, just take it down. Anyone can do that, and of course, so can I.
Sendai-san will not escape from my hands.
If she does run away, she will accept what I am about to do if I tell her she can do the same thing.
I turn off the light.
Not a single hard thing to do.
On the bed, surrounded by darkness without even the light of a nightlight, I reach out to touch Sendai-san and touch something Iâm not sure if itâs a cut and sewn or a blouse. I groped to remove it, and Sendai-san did the same to remove my clothes.
She pushes me down before I can push her down, and my body sinks into the bed.
Sendai-sanâs hand rests on my shoulder. Fingertips, indistinctly warm or cold, remove her bra and touch her body directly.
I wish I could see her face, melted in the darkness and invisible.
But even if I strain my eyes, I canât see it.
Both Sendai-sanâs outline and body temperature seem to disappear, mingling with the darkness, and as I reach upward, I can feel her body heat on my fingertips. I slide my hand down to check her blurring and unclasp her bra. Touching the soft bulge, I confirm the buried memory.
Her smooth skin feels good, not unlike the one I know.
ăShiori.ă
A slightly gravelly voice rings in my ears.
When I move my fingertips, Sendai-sanâs hands do the same.
She strokes my chest, my collarbone, my side.
Sendai-san keeps calling my name in a small voice.
ââWhy is this happening?
I canât think correctly because Iâm being dragged down by reason, which is getting caught up in her fingertips. The calm comfort of a lukewarm bath turns into something uncontrollable, and a voice that does not seem to belong to you dissolves into darkness.
ăCall me Hazuki.ă
I hear the words Iâve heard so many times.
ăHazuki.ă
The darkness thickens as I speak the name that I have been unable to speak for so long.
The room is pitch black, and I donât know where her hand is touching.
When I called out for Sendai-san, whom I could not see, I heard a voice in my ear say, âShiori.â
Again and again, I hear it.
I donât know if it feels good, but it feels good.
It feels good even though it is fluffy and there is nothing certain about it.
Sendai-sanâs voice, her hands, everything.
It feels good and makes me want more.
I puts my hand around Sendai-sanâs back and pulls her closer.
Our bodies are attached to each other, and a sharp sound is inserted into the infinitely soft feeling.
Itâs annoying.
It was very noisy and I could not hear Sendai-sanâs voice.
When I listened carefully, I realized it was the alarm on my phone, and the world, which had been pitch-dark, suddenly became bright.
I close my open eyes and rub both of them, then slowly open them again.
The only person by my side is a stuffed black cat, and the room is empty.
No wonder.
There canât be.
In the morning, right on time, my phone knocks me awake and I toss the black cat into the air.
ăâŚAnnoying.ă
I catched the falling stuffed animal and exhales loudly.
This is what happens when Sendai-san says strange things.
A dream that seems clear but the details are unclear.
I had a similar dream on the day Sendai-san told me that she was going to work part-time at a cafe, but it has been more than a week since then.
ăItâs annoying.ă
I say again the words I just uttered.
I could forgive it once, but I never heard that I would have to dream like this twice.
Why, why?
Why would I have such a dream after hearing such a conversation?
ââTell me if youâve done it yourself since then.
I asked, and I wanted to know, but I didnât think you would answer. Sendai-san shouldnât have answered the question because I assumed that I wouldnât get an answer. And yet, since I answered all of them, memories that had been conspicuously absent from my daily life came clearly to the surface and blended into my dreams.
Sendai-sanâs hand touching me.
Sendai-sanâs body that I touched.
The voices I made and the voices I heard.
The dream pulled everything I remembered into a bright place and peeled me away, cracked and brittle. The covering over me peels away, and Sendai-san enters and fills in the gaps. And she not only fills my gap, she takes the camp that used to be mine and fills every part of me with Sendai-san.
I put the black cat next to my pillow and raise myself up.
ăArenât you the idiot, Sendai-san.ă
Even though I know I deserve it, I canât help but complain.
I feel that if I keep silent, I will cease to be me.
With one sigh, I get off the bed.
I leave the room, wash my face, brush my teeth, and come back.
After getting ready, I put the black cat back on the bookshelf and went to the common space. Sendai-san, who was not there earlier, was preparing breakfast, and I said,ăGood morning.ă
ăGood morning.ă
A bright voice returns and I stare at Sendai-san.
Her voice and body are the same as in the dream.
If I reach out my hand, I can touch her.
Just like in my dream, Sendai-san will never escape from my hands. If she should ever run away, I can tell her she can do the same thingââ
No.
Sendai-san, who is here now, is just my roommate.
We have made an indelible mark, but that doesnât change the fact that we are roommates. We have and will continue to maintain the status quo. But we also want to put a mark that will soon disappear.
I let out a small breath.
Itâs Sendai-sanâs fault that the other me is so noisy and jumbled up in my head. Itâs Sendai-sanâs fault that I am incoherent and strange.
ăWhat is it?ă
She asks me a question and I go next to her.
ăWhat do you mean by what?ă
I take out two glasses from the cupboard.
ăYouâre looking at me, so I thought there was something going on.ă
ăItâs nothing important.ă
I answered curtly and puts my glass on the table.
ăI have a part-time job today, so Iâll be late.ă
Because of her twice-weekly part-time job, Sendai-san spends more time at her part-time job than at home. This is only for about a month before the school festival, but itâs not interesting because of the increase in the number of Sendai-san I donât know.
Her part-time job ends when the time comes and she comes home.
I know, but I still wish she could quit her part-time job.
ăâŚI know. I heard it yesterday.ă
I coldly answer Sendai-san, who repeatedly tells me what I donât want to hear over and over again.
ăI said it yesterday, and I thought Iâd say it again today. I donât want people to say Iâm punishing you.ă
ăIf youâre too late, youâll be punished.ă
ăThatâs the first Iâve heard of it. Why donât you just call me?ă
ăNo. The rule is that you canât call too late if you call too late.ă
I donât want to add more rules, and I donât want to punish her. But I would like to bind Sendai-san with something.
ăIt doesnât look like I can veto that rule.ă
ăYou donât have a veto power, Sendai-san.ă
ăI know.ă
Sendai-san accepted the new rule as a matter of course, and I poured a glass of orange juice from the refrigerator.