ăDid you know the difference between seals and sea lions?ă
I hear Miyagiâs voice and I answer, looking at my tablet.
ăNhnâ I guess itâs on how they swim, or whether they have auricularia or not. Sounds like that kind of thing.ă
After finishing dinner with a bento I bought on the way back from the aquarium, Miyagi naturally came to my room and sat next to me the whole time.
ăAuricularia?ă
I looked up from my tablet to see Miyagi, who had uttered the question, and our eyes met when she was supposed to be looking at an aquarium brochure.
ăIt looks like this is the part of the ear that sticks out.ă
I reach out and stroke my hand to trace the outline of Miyagiâs ear, then tug on the earlobe. The hardness of the piercing is clearly felt in my thumb and I removed my hand. When I tried to put my lips to his earlobe instead, Miyagi called me in a slightly lower voice,ăSendai-san.ă
ăWhich has the auricularia, the seal or the sea lion?ă
ăSea lion. It says here that they have something like earlobes.ă
I hand Miyagi the tablet and kiss her earlobe.
ăJust now, my earlobes have nothing to do with it, right?ă
With a simple voice, Miyagi pushes my shoulder.
ăIâm not saying that, but we donât have sea lions here.ă
ăDoes that mean you would kiss a sea lionâs ear if it were there?ă
ăI think sea lions are cute, but not enough to kiss them. For that matter, do you need to see the difference between seals and sea lions?ă
When I pointed to the tablet I handed to Miyagi, she grimly said,ăIâll look at it,ăthen looked down at her hand.
ăMiyagi, letâs go see the difference between seals and sea lions next time.ă
ăI thought we were going to the zoo?ă
Miyagi says looking at the tablet.
ăWe could go to the zoo or the aquarium. Miyagi, donât you want to see the sea lionâs ears?ă
ăIâd like to see it, butâŚă
ăWell, why not? Weâll go both ways.ă
ăâŚAre you sure, Sendai-san? Itâs not like you like fish so much that you want to go to the aquarium over and over again, right?ă
As she said this, Miyagi looked up from the tablet, which displayed a sea lionâs ear lobe, and looked at me.
She seemed to be taking my likes and dislikes into consideration, which I thought was unusual.
Miyagi has been tolerant ever since the summer break, but today there is a frightening honesty and gentleness added to it. Even though there is still more than half of summer vacation left, I feel as if all the good parts of summer vacation have been collected today, and somehow I feel as if I have done something a bit wasteful.
I want to stretch good things a little thinner and make happiness last longer.
It is tempting to think that way, but perhaps that is too much to hope for in the days ahead. If I make today the climax of my summer vacation, the rest of my days will be tasteless, so I return my answer to Miyagi, believing that there are still better things to come.
ăI had fun at the aquarium today and hope to go back. You said you had a good time today as well, right, Miyagi?ă
Although I donât want my favorite things to be limited to fish, the aquarium has become an important place for me. Miyagi makes it look fun, and the penguins she likes are adorable. I would like to go there as many times as possible. So I would be happy if Miyagi is thinking of going to the aquarium as many times as I do.
ăâŚThatâs correct.ă
ăThen letâs go to the aquarium again. Before or after the zoo, I donât mind.ă
ăWell, thatâs fine.ă
Miyagi didnât say that she would go explicitly.
But when she uttered an answer that showed she accepted my words, she put the tablet on the table.
ăSendai-san.ă
Miyagi says in a small voice while looking at me.
ăWhat?ă
I listen back and wait for the next word.
Time passes slowly.
I donât hear her voice.
ăMiyagi?ă
She didnât say anything for a long while, but she responds to my voice and looks down at me as if she were lost.
ăIs there something wrong?ă
When I asked her what was going on, Miyagi grabbed my arm. Then she lays her lips on mine without answering my question.
I donât mind kissing.
I equally like kisses given by me and kisses given by Miyagi.
But I didnât expect Miyagi to kiss me here and now, so I canât help but think about the meaning of this kiss as our lips touch.
Appreciation for the aquarium.
I wonder if thatâs the kind of kiss Iâm looking for.
When I get the answer, our lips part.
My eyes meet Miyagiâs.
Before she can say anything, I close my eyes and she kisses me again.
I still feel like I got a good part of my summer vacation ahead of me.
This is indeed too much to be done today.
This is like me and Miyagi are dating.
For the second kiss, our lips part before I can derive the meaning of the kiss, and Miyagi grabs my arm tightly.
I look at her closely and her cheeks are a little red.
ăMiyagi.ă
I wanted to say something, so I called Miyagi, but I didnât understand what she wanted to say.
Miyagiâs hand, which had been holding my arm, slid down and touched my shoulder. A light weight is placed on me and I am pushed down by her without resistance.
I look up at Miyagi from the cold floor and our eyes meet.
I stroke her slightly red cheek.
ăClose your eyes.ă
Miyagi says quietly, keeping eye contact.
ăI wonât close it.ă
I think she wants to kiss me like that but I donât want to close my eyes.
I want to keep looking at her because I may never see Miyagi again, pushing me down, her cheeks tinted, wanting to kiss me.
But Miyagi doesnât even grant me such a modest wish.
I grabbed her arm as she immediately tried to raise myself up, even though she had pushed me down herself.
ăKeep kissing me like this.ă
If I could, I would ask her how she is feeling right now rather than kiss her, but I canât because I know that when I ask, that is when this time will end.
If that were the case, I would choose a kiss that wouldnât end this time.
ăMiyagi.ă
I call her name, which she doesnât move, and add,ăYou donât have to close my eyes to kiss me.ă
ăI canât do it without closing your eyes.ă
Miyagi asserts.
ăThen do something that isnât kissing.ă
ăWhatâs that?ă
ăGo ahead.ă
The hand that had been holding my arm stroked my neck and ran her fingers along the nape of my neck. As it was, I pulled Miyagi a little closer and heard her complaining.
ăWhat do you mean by, âgo aheadâ?ă
ăThe fact that I was pushed down without resistance means you can go much further.ă
ăIâm not fine with that.ă
ăThen Iâll ask you to keep the promise you made me back then.ă
I stroke down Miyagiâs side through the cloth, grab the hem of her T-shirt, and slowly tug it up.
I have no intention of taking off her clothes.
If I take away what Miyagi is wearing herself, she will run away from here, and if I am not careful, she may not let me touch her for the rest of my life.
I stop my hand when Miyagiâs body makes a small movement as I flip my T-shirt up to just below my ribs.
ăSendai-san, what do you mean by that promise?ă
She is obviously in a foul mood.
ăWhen Miyagi did it, I said I wanted to touch you too, and you said I couldnât right now.ă
ăThatâs not a promise you can make next time, is it?ă
ăIf I canât do back then, it means I can do it this time.ă
ăThen, now is impossible. Stop.ă
I slide my hand inside my T-shirt as Miyagi tries to grab my hand while making a messy and noisy noise.
I caress the smooth skin, checking the feel of her ribs, and stop my hand under her breasts. I let my fingers crawl loosely down her sides to let my body heat flow into them, and then I run my hands down her back.
Before, I had direct contact with Miyagiâs body in this way.
At that time, the room was dark and I couldnât see her face, but now I can see her better.
Her cheeks are redder than before.
Her lips are a little open, and I think sheâs about to say something.
I want to pull Miyagi close and kiss her, but I also want to watch her more.
A little above the waist, I poke her on the spine, and her body jerks and her brow wrinkles.
ăI told you I donât want to do it.ă
Her voice is gruff, but she doesnât grab my hand.
As I slowly stroke up her back, as if tracing her spine, Miyagi says in a stronger voice than before,ăSendai-san.ă
ăStop.ă
ăDonât say that, just let this go.ă
I slid my hand over and place it on her bra.
I check the hooks with my fingertips and wonder what to do.
I want to just take it off, but I donât want to do anything that will upset Miyagi today.
ăCan I take it off?ă
At one point, I ask, and without a pause, she responds,ăAbsolutely not.ă
ââRight.
I knew she would say that.
I knew what I was asking, and Iâm not going to force her to do anything. Still not ready to give up, I gently slid my hand down to touch her breasts over her bra, and Miyagi grabbed my hand.
ăWhy donât you want to do it or be done with it?ă
I am willing to wait until she said she doesnât want to do it now until she says itâs okay, but she should at least tell me why she was waiting.
But Miyagi wonât answer me.
ăAt least tell me why.ă
ăIâll answer if you take your hands off me.ă
Miyagi sounds disgusted from the bottom of her heart.
ăThen Miyagi take her hand off first. Otherwise, I canât move my hand away.ă
When I protested, Miyagiâs hand leaves mine.
So I let go of her hand too.
ăIs this fine?ă
When I asked, Miyagi took her eyes off me.
Then she starts speaking in a small voice.
ăâŚI donât want to do it, or be done by it, because I feel like Iâm going to lose my mind. I feel like itâs going to mess up what we did at the aquarium today.ă
I hear things I didnât expect to hear and itâs confusing.
It sounds like she is saying that it feels good for Miyagi to do and to be done. Moreover, it sounds like she doesnât want that to happen, and she doesnât want it today to be something that makes no sense.
Would Miyagi think that way?
No, she said it herself, so there is no mistake.
But I canât believe it.
ăThatâs a pretty amazing thing to say, but are you okay?ă
I fear that an important screw has fallen out of Miyagi.
ăIâm not alright, Iâm fixing my T-shirt.ă
Miyagi says curtly and glares at me.
After all, I could have die today.
With that thought in mind, I pulled on the T-shirt that I had flipped up and put it back on, and Miyagi raised herself up.