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Chapter 151
Distance chosen by Sendai-san — 151
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
I spend more time in common spaces than before.
To be precise, I am consciously spending more time with Sendai-san.
That has not changed in June.
「Miyagi, what’re you going to do when you’re done eating?」
Sendai-san asks as she wraps the dinner of cod roe pasta around her fork.
「I’d like something to drink.」
「Okay, I’ll make you some tea.」
It has been difficult to go to Sendai-san’s room since then. Sendai-san doesn’t ask me to come to her room. I didn’t go back to my room right away but stayed in the common space, so if I try to be with Sendai-san, I spend more time in the common space.
I twirl and wrap the pasta around my fork and take the last bite.
I don’t want to make any major changes to my life here.
I would like to continue to live like this with Sendai-san and be her roommate.
If I want to fulfill that desire, I cannot keep running away from her. If we stay together, even if a little awkwardly, we should be able to get closer to our former selves. And although I don’t feel comfortable around Sendai-san, I don’t feel comfortable away from her either, so we have to be together.
「I’ll wash the dishes.」
I see that Sendai-san’s plate is empty, and I get up.
「Thanks. I’ll leave it to you.」
I take down the plates for two and serve water.
I wish I could just let the things that happened on Sunday go like water, but I don’t think I can simply let what happened between me and Sendai-san go away. The more I try to forget that day, the more strongly I am aware of it.
Where did Sendai-san touch me, what voice did she whisper to me?
It brings back memories.
I can easily recall the feel of her hands and lips because of the many times Sendai-san touched and kissed me in the past.
Sendai-san is also concerned about Sundays, though not as much as I am. If I keep dragging it out, we won’t be able to live together as roommates for four years.
The sooner things get back to normal, the better.
What happened on Sunday is over now.
I put away the dishes one by one.
The plates get cleaned and the pots get cleaned.
I wash everything I used for dinner and sit down in my chair.
「Sendai-san, I’m done.」
「I’ll make you some tea, then.」
With that, Sendai-san stood up.
It is not a given that we drink tea after a meal. Sometimes it’s orange juice, sometimes it’s barley tea. Yesterday we had ice cream. The menu changes from time to time.
It doesn’t matter what we drink or eat.
It’s about what I am sitting here for.
「Sorry for waiting.」
I hear Sendai-san’s voice and a mug is placed in front of me.
「Thanks.」
After taking a sip of tea, I look at Sendai-san sitting across from me.
She has the same face she had yesterday, the day before, and the day before that.
She’s probably trying not to change.
The only way to diminish the awkwardness between us is to spend time as if nothing had happened. So I guess Sendai-san is treating me the same way she usually does, but it bothers me because I sometimes feel a distance from her unlike before.
I’ve been approaching her unreservedly, but she wasn’t approaching me.
I look at Sendai-san to know what she’s thinking, but I don’t always know what she’s thinking.
There is only so much that can be seen and understood.
If there is something I want to know, I should put it into words.
I know, but it’s hard to ask, so I have to look at her.
There must be a reason why Sendai-san has a part that’s clearly different while doing the same as before.
I cannot put into words what the obvious difference is, but I would like to know the difference. But if I ask her, she will probably mention that day.
「Sendai-san, when was your birthday again? I believe it’s August, right?」
I ask one thing I didn’t know before instead of what I really want to know.
「Yes, but. Why did you ask all of a sudden?」
「It’s coming up, and I just wondered when it would be.」
I have been with Sendai-san for quite a long time, but I don’t even know her birthday. Even if it’s not a big deal, I think that if I get to know Sendai-san, I might be able to learn at least part of what I really want to know about her.
「August 23. It’s the end of August, so it’s not too soon. What about Miyagi?」
「September 25.」
I didn’t tell her for a long time, but today I answer honestly.
If I don’t have to answer Sendai-san’s question, I would rather ask her about her family than her birthday.
I remember well how I put her in a bad mood last summer vacation by asking her about her house. It doesn’t look like she is still in contact with her family. I don’t mean to speak to her family environment, but I am curious.
The reason I didn’t ask Sendai-san about her family is because I can’t just not answer myself when she asks the same question back. I can answer if it’s my birthday, but I don’t really want to talk about my family.
「Is the 25th in Virgo? Or is it Libra?」
「Libra.」
「I see. They say Librans are sociable, but
」
「What is it?」
「Nothing. Just thinking about the meaning of being sociable.」
Sendai-san chuckled.
She doesn't think I'm sociable by any stretch of the imagination.
Fortune-telling is random.
If everyone is as the horoscope says, then there are only twelve different personalities. There are only four blood types, so if you did fortune-telling, there would only be four different people.
「Sendai-san, you believe in fortune-telling?」
「I only believe the good parts.」
Sendai-san smiled and drank her tea.
Then, as we talk about something that may or may not be of interest, our mugs are empty. After a few moments of having a second cup filled, I stood up.
「I’m going to go back to my room now.」
After lowering his mug, I said so and Sendai-san comes up to me.
「Miyagi.」
A soft voice calls me and grabs my hand.
Then she put her lips on my fingertips.
Maybe because I allowed it once, she kissed my hand when I tried to go back to my room after having dinner since then. Sometimes it’s just a touch with the lips, sometimes it’s a lick of the fingers or the back of my hand. I’m not saying that I’m going to let her do this all the time, no matter what kind of touching she does. But I have no reason not to let her, so I let her do what she wants.
I’m fine with this.
I have done this many times in the past, and now Sendai-san is just doing it on her own without my orders.
A damp object is pressed against the first joint.
She doesn’t intend to end the day with just a kiss.
Her tongue, which feels more clearly heated than her lips, clings tightly to the finger and moves toward the second joint. The sensation of the wet fingers and tongue connects with the memory of Sunday.
I’m fine.
I’m alright.
Between the first and second joint, a small sound is made and kissed.
The tip of her tongue is on my finger again.
I tugged at her bangs, my hands almost hotter than Sendai-san’s body heat.
「We’re done.」
When I said this, Sendai-san kissed the back of my hand and then looked up.
At times like this, I feel distant from Sendai-san.
I was the first one to get out of here and create distance.
Before I could close that distance myself, Sendai-san came for me. This time I tried to spend more time with her to see if I could shorten the distance I had created, but I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. It seems to me that she was doing something that feels extraordinarily distant.
If it had been Sendai-san up until now, she would not have just kissed my hand and that wouldn’t have been the end of it. She stops at odd places, which makes me wonder how different she was from the usual. If I want things to be the same as they have always been, I can do that in these situations.
I think Sendai-san is going around after coming back from Maika’s house.
I turn my back on Sendai-san and went back to my room.
I stare at the black cat on the bookshelf, in front of the black cat, at my hand.
Nothing changes just because Sendai-san touches it.
It’s just my hand.
I press my lips against my fingers.
The sensation is different from when Sendai-san touched me.
I take a piece of tissue from the alligator’s back. Then I wiped my fingers and lay down on the bed.