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Chapter 86




Chapter 7 Masked Ball (2)
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Ding dong!
[Chef Cook's Pizza House] was decorated in a bright and cheerful atmosphere that contrasted sharply with the alley's eerie vibe, where one might expect a ghost to jump out at any moment. The walls were neatly tiled in bright green, and the large front window was adorned with menus painted in oil paints, giving a quaint and cozy feel. In the center, a plump, comical-looking man with a beard gave a thumbs-up, holding a sign that read “OPEN!”
“Welcome!”
The plump man, wearing a flour-dusted apron, greeted the group with a bright smile that matched the cheerful interior.
The professor, who had entered with a slightly tense expression, immediately broke into a bright smile and waved at Chef Cook as soon as he heard his voice.
“Chef Cook! It’s been a while! How’s business? I’m back again!”
“Well, I’m sorry, but... have I seen you before? I’ve been a bit forgetful lately. Do you come here often?”
“Are you serious! Chef! You don’t remember me!? I’m the professor! A regular customer! Last week, when I took a week off from work, I ate your pizza for lunch every day! Chef Cook, I’m hurt!”
“Oh no! I’m so sorry! To forget a regular customer like that... I must be losing my touch.”
“Haha, just give me some freebies to make up for it.”
“Of course! I’ll give you a free upgrade on your order. Just tell me what you want!”
The plump man and the professor chatted away as if they were in their own little world, engaging in a conversation that made no sense. Ian and Vex, who had been watching the scene unfold in front of them, stood there with their mouths agape, then turned to each other and whispered.
“Hey, what’s going on here? Regular customer? Taking time off from work? Eating pizza?”
“Shh! The professor told us to do nothing! Look, the owner is watching you!”
At that, Ian turned around in surprise to see the owner, who had been chatting with the professor, suddenly turn serious and glare at him with a menacing look. The professor, who had been leaning against the counter, put his hand to his forehead.
“Who are these people?”
“Oh, oh! They’re with me. Friends! We thought we’d get together and have some pizza after a long time!”
“Customers, please wait a moment. Lately, the security has been bad, and there have been a lot of thieves around.”
Crunch, crunch, crunch!
Despite the professor’s desperate attempts to calm the situation, the switch had already been flipped. Chef Cook, who had thrown off his flour-dusted apron, bared his teeth and brandished a large rolling pin, crossing the counter with a menacing air.
“What is the government doing? The police, taking our taxes and doing nothing! If they can’t catch a single thief—grrrr! What are people like me supposed to eat? Damn thieves! Free meals! Black consumers!!!”
Boom!
“I have to get rid of them all! Smash them with the rolling pin! Peel their skin and make it into dough, spread red sauce all over it! Add yellow fat and toppings, and serve it to the customers! Just wait a moment, customers! Chef Cook never disappoints! No matter what happens, even if the sky falls, the world ends, or a nuclear bomb drops, I will always satisfy my customers!”
The plump man, holding a rolling pin in one hand and with bloodshot eyes, approached Ian, who instinctively reached for his empty waistband.
Crunch!
Not engaging the approaching threat was a test of patience for Ian, who had vowed to live freely.
‘Hold on... Don’t react aggressively, or things will get worse...!’
Ian managed to suppress his rising aggression and, with an awkward smile, pulled out the piece of paper the professor had given him from his pocket and held it out.
“C, cough! I came here to use this. Maybe I got the wrong place...?”
The shiny piece of paper Ian held had a pizza drawing and the word “COUPON” written in large white letters.
Snap!
The man took the coupon silently from Ian’s hand, examined it closely, scratched it with his fingernail, and even smelled it...
Squish!
“Thank you for coming back, sir! I’ve been a bit jumpy lately because of rude customers. As an apology, I’ll give you a free side dish. Please forgive me! Hahaha!”
The man’s terrifyingly scrunched face suddenly relaxed into a broad smile as he returned to the counter.
“Phew!”
When Ian turned his head, he saw the professor, who had been keeping an eye on the situation with one hand in his leather jacket pocket, subtly give him a thumbs-up. The familiar click of a holster being attached to the inside of the jacket was heard.
The professor, who had put away the gun he had half-drawn, spoke to Cook, who was now grinning with the coupon in hand.
“Um... Will it take long?”
“Oh no! Not at all! Just tell me what pizza you want!”
The professor, now fully in the role of a customer, glanced sideways at the counter. He was looking for a yellow-painted box that was always kept on the left side behind the counter, but it was nowhere to be seen today.
“Hmm... I’ll have a pineapple pizza.”
“Pineapple? Sir, how about something else? Our meat sauce pizza is famous enough to be featured in gourmet magazines! We just got in some ‘fresh’ meat...”
“Absolutely! I’ll have the pineapple pizza. I’m a vegan, so I can’t eat meat.”
As the professor signaled with his eyes, Ian began to catch on and started to play along.
“I, I’ll have the pineapple pizza too! I have a meat allergy!”
“Oh, I see. We’ve had a lot of vegetarian customers lately.”
After placing the order, the professor pulled out a few crumpled bills from his leather jacket pocket.
“Sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t have change. Would you like to pay by card...”
“Heh, no need for that. Keep the change.”
“Hahaha! Thank you! Please wait 15 minutes!”
Thud thud - Click!
The plump man, now with a servile expression, disappeared into the kitchen.
“Phew!”
“Now it’s safe to talk. Chef Cook is so focused on making pizza that he wouldn’t notice if a bomb went off outside.”
As Chef Cook disappeared into the kitchen with a hearty laugh, Ian, the professor, and Vex all let out the breath they had been holding.
“So... is this some kind of role-playing?”
“Yeah, you did well. You’re a good actor.”
“Haha, I guess. Is this guy... a psycho gang member?”
In response to Vex’s question, the professor took a sip of water from a bottle he had brought and answered.
“Phew! Yes, ‘Cannibal Chef Cook’ is one of the most famous neutral psycho gang members. There are different types of psycho gang members. The type most people in the wasteland know about is Type A, the aggressive psycho gang. They’re just lunatics who have lost their minds. They can live alone or in groups, and their common trait is that they kill and eat people, and their actions lack reason and logic.”
Tap tap.
“On the other hand, there are those who are crazy but obsessed with something, and if you play along, they can be useful. These are called Type N, or neutral psycho gang members.”
“I’ve never heard of that... It’s the first time I’ve heard of it living in the wasteland.”
“That’s because 47th Sector is the only place where there are enough psycho gang members to categorize them.”
Boom boom boom boom!
While the professor continued speaking, the sound of something being pounded with a heavy object came from inside the kitchen.
“Chef Cook’s mind is stuck in the pre-war era, and in his mind, there are only two types of people: customers and criminals. You have to play along with his dialogue. Remember when Ian said something offhand and he suddenly went crazy?”
“I was speaking in a whisper, but he has incredible hearing. I thought he was a killer from a horror movie.”
“That’s right.”
“...Huh?”
The professor pointed to the empty space behind the counter with his finger.
“Over there. Do you see the shelf with various tools?”
“Where... Oh, you mean that.”
“Yes. Usually, the delivery person from the Dome brings a yellow box containing pork or beef and leaves it in front of Chef Cook’s shop regularly. If the yellow box is behind the counter, you can order a meat dish with peace of mind, but if it’s not there and he recommends a meat dish, you have to be careful. Chef Cook grows his own flour and tomatoes in the backyard, and he has a small barn on the second floor where he keeps a cow for cheese, but he can’t do that with meat. When he runs out, he goes out to find it.”
“What kind of meat... does he go out to find?”
“Anything. ‘Customers’ aside, he’ll catch and turn anything that moves into a pizza. Quite a few people have died at his hands.”
“Eek!”
At the professor’s eerie voice, Vex shuddered and took a step back from the counter. All the menu items labeled as “Today’s Special” were meat dishes.
“There are no fools wandering around 47th Sector who don’t know how to act like a customer, so the main ingredients of these pizzas are likely to