I canāt deny that I was very conflicted about pushing her back.
Because it would be tantamount to sending her down a path where she could fall off a cliff if she took a wrong step.
If she could keep her foot on the path, there would be great happiness waiting for her.
But if she falls off the cliff, she may suffer the consequences of her misfortune.
If that is the case, it would be better to take the path that is safe and has some happiness waiting for her, instead of taking the dangerous path.
Sure, the ideal happiness may not be there, but the possibility of unhappiness is infinitesimally small.
As an older brother, I think it is natural that I wish Azusa would choose this safe path.
But what Azusa wanted to choose was the high-risk path.
āOnii-chan⦠Can Azusa, can I try my best?ā
Voila. Azusa does not reject the word to do her best.
The answer had been decided in her mind from the beginning.
However, the hesitation was probably because she was thinking about ⦠me.
āI might cry a lot again. I might get hurt so badly that I canāt recover this time, and I might make ⦠you worry a lot, okay?ā
āI know that.ā
Iāve been worrying about you for a long time, even if you donāt tell me.
Iām not your ideal ābig brotherā, but Iām the only ābig brotherā youāve got right now.
āI really want to say no. I want you to be a normal girl and lead a normal life⦠I canāt watch Azusa suffer because of Ryuzaki.ā
āI wonāt do it then ⦠If Onii-chan is going to suffer, then itās fine for Azusa to be normal.ā
Oh, thatās right.
Iām sure Azusa would say that now.
The Azusa that used to be blind, seeing only Ryuzaki, is no longer there.
This girl has grown up a lot after one heartbreak.
āI know how much you care about me, Onii-chan. Iām really grateful to you for forgiving me even though I said a lot of terrible things to you. When I was in pain, you were always there for me, so Azusa could get well again.ā
When you get hurt, there are others who get hurt.
Now that Azusa understands this, she will no longer act irresponsibly.
āI donāt want to worry you any more. ⦠Iām done bothering you. Azusa will continue to be a normal girl, right?ā
But you know, Azusa,⦠thatās not what I mean.
āā¦No, itās not. Itās okay to worry. Iām Azusaās āOnii-chanā and family. Because I am Azusaās āOnii-chanā and ā¦family.ā
I donāt need to worry about my family.
Sheās always blunt with me, a little bit naive, and a little bit over the top, but I love her in that way, too.
I love Azusa as a family member.
So I donāt care how much trouble she causes me or how much she worries me.
A sister who is good at listening is not a sister.
She likes Onii-chan, serves Onii-chan, and makes Onii-chan feel comfortable ⦠Such a sister who is only convenient for her brother is enough only for a sister in the world of romantic comedies.
The only thing I am looking for is Azusaās āhappinessā.
Iām not going to be able to do that,
āDonāt let that stop you from having āregretsā.ā
Azusaās life belongs to Azusa alone.
Please live selfishly. Please think only of yourself, without being bound by stories, roles, or anything like that.
If it is a distorted love held at the end of opportunism, I wonāt accept it.
Azusaās feelings now ⦠are surely the āreal thingā that she herself has chosen and embraced.
āDo you still love Ryuzaki?ā
ā⦠Iām sorry ā¦. I still love him very much.ā
āOkay then, thatās fine.ā
Then, I want you to cherish that feeling.
Donāt worry about me, just live your life the way you want to live it.
āIf you like him, go for it. ⦠I told you that before, didnāt I? Iāll always be there for you.ā
As your brother, I will always be there for you.
āEven if youāre unhappy later, Iāll take care of it.ā
Even if it turns out to be something you donāt want, I wonāt make you unhappy.
Iāll just have to do my best again at that time.
āAzusa⦠Iām rooting for you.ā
I told her and touched Azusaās head.
I used to stroke her head like this.
I didnāt touch her much in high school, but ⦠I suddenly felt like touching her for the first time in a long time.
āā¦Onii-chan.ā
The moment she was stroked, Azusa had big tears in her round eyes.
But those tears were not cold but ⦠warm and gentle.
āā¦Thank you.ā
Saying that, Azusa leaned toward me.
I catch the small body firmly and move my hand once more.
The hair I hadnāt touched in a long time was just as comfortable as it had been a few years agoā¦