Chapter 32

When we arrived at the camp it’s midnight. Jingyang which is occupied by Wei country’s army is only twenty miles away. The moment Chu Kong arrived at the camp, he began preparing for the war. I lay in the general’s camp, clutching my and rested with a peaceful heart.

Outside the tent everyone was busy. I didn’t need to move a finger. I feel happy by itself. This is really what I want to pursue in life, ah.

With the state my body is in right now, I’m not suitable to live with the other soldiers. I have been sleeping in the general’s tent. At night, I sleep with the general. At day Chu Kong is so busy that even his shadow can’t be seen. Then I also sleep in the tent. Not long after there’s a rumor about the general liking man and can’t even be apart from him when going to a war. In my heart, I feel wronged for the deceased general Chu Qinghui. This is really called not protecting someone’s name.

Every day, I was too relaxed. Chu Kong sat all day by the candle thinking about tactics. He forgot about escaping and I also accidentally forgot it……

Just because he is wearing an armor now, his expression turned more serious. He looks a lot like Lu Hai Kong from the first lifetime. That lifetime Lu Hai Kong was saddled with a blood feud. Not even a half smile can be seen on his face. He pretended to be mature at such a young age. He alienated himself and was difficult to get close to. Everytime, I thought about him trying to walk with a straight back, I couldn’t help but sigh. Even now it’s the same.

Then I didn’t know how to be hurt for other people. I didn’t give Lu Hai Kong comfort. Not even once. Now I’m afraid that it’s still the same.

At day, Chu Kong will arrange the military affairs in the barracks. I’ll sit quietly outside the tent and watch him. At night, he will frown while staying up all night. I’ll lie on the bed and stare blankly at him. It’s such a strange fate. They are the same person and not the same person. When I thought that that person has disappeared from this world completely, he’ll occasionally appear in this form before me, making me almost unable to tell who is Chu Kong and who is Lu Hai Kong.

What also made me confused and I couldn’t tell apart is the feelings I have for Chu Kong right now. Are they left by silly Xiang or is it that my heart has moved inadvertently? Either way, there’s one thing I have no way of……denying.

Silly Xiang from the previous lifetime was dependent of shifu like how she was dependent of air. Such feelings of dependency went got into the bones and went into the veins. They couldn’t get out anymore. Hiding behind him, pulling his sleeves will let me feel a sense of security. Am I myself or am I silly Xiang? I couldn’t tell anymore. Maybe this is something that isn’t clear. I am me; that fool is also me.

A “pu” sound came from where Chu Kong was sitting at his desk. He put down his brush, turned his head, stared at me and said: “From the day before yesterday I wanted to ask did I steal your meat or did I not give you a bed to sleep at night? Why are you staring at me gloomily all day and all night?”

I looked at him blankly. My soul hasn’t returned to my body yet, but my mouth asked: “You say, how can you fall in love with someone?”

Chu Kong was surprised by my question and stayed quiet for a while. Suddenly he said ferociously: “How the fuck would I know?!”

He seemed like he really hated my question.

I wondered: “Don’t you like me? Come say it. What do you like about me? How did you fall in love with me?”

Chu Kong crushed the brush in his hand with a “pu'sound. He gritted his teeth and said: “Don’t push your luck.”

“So you also don’t know.”

I have a sense of loss. In the end why would you fall in love with someone……

Somehow, in my mind flashed that day in the dark cave. Chu Kong’s ambiguous and hoarse voice blowing in my ear, making it all hot and itchy. My ears inexplicably got hot. I was silent for a while. The whole tent went silent. Suddenly I heard Chu Kong coughed lightly. I looked up and saw him picking up the brush again. He dipped in the ink again.

“Don’t you know,” he asked. “Once……once you’ve fallen in love with Lu Hai Kong. Why did you fall in love?”

Why did I fall in love with Lu Hai Kong? This question of him is really difficult for me. I wondered for a long time before I replied: “Probably because…….he was easy to bully.”

Letting people bully him and didn’t resist even a little bit. I thought for a moment and then said: “Maybe it’s also because he is only gentle to me.”

Thinking about the really tired Lu Hai Kong who still insists to smile in front of me, I couldn’t help but feel warm in my heart. I smiled, but the next moment I felt sour again. I buried my head in silence.

It took me a while to dissipate the rest of my emotions. I looked up and was surprised to see Chu Kong with a serious expression. The complexity in his eyes is something I couldn’t understand.

I sighed: “You don’t need to be like that. I know he isn’t you.”

Chu Kong blinked and hanged his head. He leisurely wrote a few words on the paper with the brush. Then he spoke again: “Don’t think that other people are as stupid as you.”

He continued: “I always know who I am and who is me.”

His words are too profound. It’s beyond what I can understand. I pondered for a while. I felt that discussing the topic of love with a man really won’t get any result. So I changed the subject in a sensible way: “I didn’t see it before, but you also know how to go into war. You really played the character of the general well.”

“There are many things you don’t know.”

I glanced at me once. Then he resumed his daily prideful self.

“Before xiaoye worked for the Morning God, I was in the military.”

I thought for a moment and then said: “That’s right, only there can there be a god who can tolerate that temper of yours.”

Chu Kong’s mouth twitched: “You go sleep to death early.”

I did as he wished. I closed my eyes, stretched my legs, wrapped myself in the quilt and slept.

After surveying the training for several days, Chu Kong finally put on his armor and struck right in. I was left with a few soldiers to guard the food supplies. Naturally, I was left behind, while the others guard the food. To me this isn’t any different from a normal day. It’s just that the camp is a lot quieter now. I opened the curtain of the tent and didn’t see the busy Chu Kong’s shadow.

In the afternoon, fireworks can be heard from Jinyang city. It seemed that Chu Kong made quite a big shock. I was bored and brew a pot of tea. I stretched my legs and watched the sky.

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Suddenly there is movement from where the soldiers are guarding the food. My heart went into panic. I hesitated a lot. I thought that Chu Kong will agree to go to the mountains only if he wins this battle. For him but also for myself, helping him a little isn’t wrong……

I hid a dagger, carried a sword in my hand and quietly went over there. Sure enough, dozens of people in black are fighting with the soldiers guarding the food. Some of them took the opportunity to set fire and burned the food. Here you can see the fireworks of Jinyang. This means that at Jinyang you can also see the black smoke from here.

This time the backyard was on fire. War is an inevitable mess of morals. Chu Kong wants to win; it may be difficult……

I am now a weak woman with a very weak body. I will be pulled off the ground with just a gust of wind. I have no ability to act recklessly. I can only hide behind a tent and carefully observe the people in black. Although they are dressed the same, but there’s always a leader. If he is killed, the others will be easy to handle.

I looked carefully for a moment. I gradually found out that these people in black are unintentionally guarding a small person and obey his command. I chuckled in my heart. It’s you.