chapter 1

I have never believed in fate. If there was such a thing, I wouldn’t be in this shape.

“Hey, you listening?”

I felt bitterness when I saw Kang Ji Seok, who suddenly showed up to confirm my condition.

I don’t know when it started, but my heart would always feel a pleasant tickle whenever I met Kang Ji Seok’s eyes. But today I didn’t feel anything; my mind was in utter chaos.

“…I’m listening.”

With tired eyes, I stared at the red ring on the ring finger of my left hand that couldn’t be seen by Ji Seok.

‘I wish I could have been connected to you’

I watched Ji Seok’s profile as he speculated who his brother’s ‘fated partner’ would be and painfully chewed the inside of my mouth.

‘If it was connected to you, I’d be able to endure the insomnia this ring gives me’

Just like before, as if nothing had happened.

I couldn’t do anything but grasp the distinct red band on my left ring finger and close my eyes bitterly.

Shin Woo Seo likes Kang Ji Seok. Not as a friend, but more than that.

It was 5 years ago when I realized that simple fact, around the time of my second year of high school.

I already knew him from the day I entered high school. Naturally, he was sociable and had a refreshing personality; he quickly stood out among the freshmen and gained many friends. I joined in, too. We got along well and quickly became close, so close that we contacted each other more frequently than lovers.

Yes, we were just the best of friends.

The problem was that at some point, I hoped for more.

There’s no big reason for why someone comes to like another person.

When I became a sophomore in high school, he was half a head taller with a slim body that looked good like he’d been working out, and I came to imagine myself in Kang Ji Seok’s arms rather than envying him like before. Kang Ji Seok’s meaninglessly tossed words would make me excited by myself, joyous by myself, and disappointed by myself.

I was concerned about Kang Ji Seok’s every move and word, and thought it was nice to be caught up in everything he did. When he laughed, I laughed; if he was depressed from the pain of a broken heart, I would readily lend my shoulder while feeling inwardly relieved. It was fun with just the two of us, I didn’t feel lonely because it was comfortable to stay by his side. I wanted to go to the same university as him and was tutored by Ji Seok’s smart older brother. I even chose computer programming, which I disliked, because I wanted to attend lectures together. All the while, I giggled and grinned to myself as I was excited for the days to come.

I was truly greedy. It’s not wrong for a person to like someone.

However, I didn’t want to confess to Ji Seok, whose heart was surely different from mine, and become distant from him. With the title of friend, it’s not strange to be close. There’s no reason to be distant. So that was all I needed.

Even so…

I didn’t expect that I would be so deeply involved with him in this way.

++++++++++

No matter which university, there always seems to be people like this.

Selfish human beings who don’t know what the group project is about and don’t want to know. Their schedule is much more important but troublesome for the people who are sick and tired.

There are people like that in our group.

“…How ‘bout it? Just us two do it?”

Group leader Kang Ji Seok scratched his cheek and searched my face. Good natured pushover, Kang Ji Seok, must have believed the group members who ran away with various excuses in their mouths. But I can’t deny I’m as much of a pushover, waiting for an hour after securing seating for six people to gather.

It felt uneasy to keep hold of a table for six with just us. However it felt cramped on the small square table for two when we opened our laptops or books.

Without hesitation, Ji Seok said we should go home. During the day, there’s no one at home, and in the evening the whole family is late so he would have dinner alone.

I didn’t expect to hear from Kang Ji Seok’s mouth telling me to eat ramen at his house.

I chuckled and followed Ji Seok out of school. Unlike my own home, which needed a bus to be taken to get there, Ji Seok’s place was so close that it was less than a ten minute walk from school.

Arriving at the newly built apartment, the interior looked just as clean as the exterior. The app development company operated by Ji Seok’s brother hit the jackpot, so he was able to move here early this year. I helped when he moved but when I saw the building firsthand, I nodded thinking the word ‘daebak.’1

We went up the elevator and I stopped after Ji Seok. Ji Seok punched in the password, not caring whether I saw or not. I didn’t mean to memorize it but unintentionally it openly came into sight. 0316.

Even if I didn’t want to remember it, the password was floating in my head like it was engraved in my memories.

The door opened and a refreshing scent lightly tickled my nose.

I didn’t know why I was so excited.

‘I’m not a kid.’

Even though I just stepped into Ji Seok’s house, I felt my heart race and became careful to take another step. I don’t know why Ji Seok’s words, “There’s no one at home,” echoed at a time like this.

I stretched out my feet and looked around without realizing. I looked more at the surrounding doors than at the spacious living room that could be seen from the front door. At the time of the move, Ji Seok only piled up his luggage in the living room and dragged me away. I had no idea where his room was. Even if I did know, it wouldn’t make a difference.

Meanwhile, he put his bag down in front of the living room sofa, naturally took my bag and asked, “Let’s do it in the living room. Sit here for a sec. What do you want to drink?”

With that bit of kindness, I felt my heart stir. All my throat wanted was some strong soju to wake me up, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was an insincere, “Anything.”

Sitting on the sofa while Ji Seok went to the kitchen, my eyes scanned every corner of the living room like a person who couldn’t keep still. Eventually my eyes stopped on Ji Seok in the kitchen, which was clearly visible from the living room sofa.

I almost made eye contact with him as he came in with two glasses of juice in hand.There was no need to be embarrassed but I flinched and looked away. Fortunately, there was a large picture hanging on the wall, so I turned to look at it like someone who cared.

“Your family photo, huh?”

“Yeah, don’t you usually take pictures and hang them?”

As I took the glass of juice, I gazed at the picture and noticed a man in a suit standing next to Ji Seok’s sister. Maybe the reason he caught my attention was because he had a mature smile on his face that looked so similar to Ji Seok.

“Did you take this recently?”

“ En2. I took it when my parents came on vacation, about two or three months ago.”

While his parents remained unchanged, it seemed that Kang Ji Seok’s brother had become more mature. I met with Kang Ji Seok’s brother often since high school especially when I was a senior, he had tutored me so I was close to him for a while.

‘Will Kang Ji Seok be like his brother when he’s around thirty?’

Kang Ji Seok mentioned that since he was young he heard a lot about whether he was Ji Geon-hyung’s3 twin. Of course, the age difference was seven years, so at a glance it was clear there was a difference in height and atmosphere, but the face was exactly the same. Now, Kang Ji Seok has grown up, so it was hard to make a distinction between Ji Geon from the back, but from the face, there was a clear gap in age and mood.

I was still looking at Ji Geon-hyung in the picture as Kang Ji Seok left the table and plopped down on the floor. Only then did I take my eyes off the picture, followed him down from the sofa and sat face to face.

It had been about an hour since each of us took out our laptops and started to find and organize the materials needed for our assignments.

“Whew, I’m already tired.”

Ji Seok sighed deeply and collapsed on the desk. We almost finished organizing the materials, so I grabbed the corner of his laptop and pulled it to me.

“If you’re tired, take a break. I’ll put it together.”

Ji Seok’s hand reached out and caught my hand.

“Forget it. What are you trying to do?”

Raising his head while pouting, he managed to take the laptop out of my hands and sluggishly tapped the keyboard.

Glancing at the hand that Ji Seok grasped, I slipped it under the table and said “Just pick the key points and send it to the person in charge of the arrangement. If they have a conscience, they’ll do it.” That’s what I said, but he didn’t register much.

With his shoulders drooped, as if it was very troublesome to tap on the keyboard, Ji Seok reached out for his cup. Because he had already finished his juice, I was too late to realize when he suddenly grabbed my cup. My shoulders flinched as I watched half the juice flow into his mouth. I turned my eyes to the laptop screen, pretending not to care, but my focus was distracted by my rapid heartbeat.

It was pathetic of me to give meaning to that even though that friend just wolfed it down without hesitation.

At this time, I heard a ‘beep beep beep’ in the hall. When I stretched my head out to look, since the entrance can be seen from the living room, a familiar face popped in.