While I was deep in thought, purple eyes suddenly appeared in front of me. I leaned back in surprise.
âWhat are you thinking so deeply about?â
It was Heinley. He kneeled on the floor, placed his chin on my lap, and looked up at me.
I shook my head with an unconcerned smile.
Truth be told⊠I was wondering if it was possible that Sovieshu lost his memory.
However, I couldnât tell Heinley that I was thinking about Sovieshu.
âI was thinking about the painting.â
As soon as I brought it up, Heinley flinched and stood up.
âI see.â
He walked over to the table, drank a glass of water and, acting nonchalant, tried to leave my room.
âHeinley.â
When I called his name, he slowly turned back to me.
Come to think of it, heâs been like that since yesterday. He changes the subject every time I want to talk about my painting.
âDid you receive my gift?â
When I finally asked him about it directly, Heinley put on a serious expression as he carefully studied the gold trim around the edges of the bed.
He observed the decorations with so much care, it seemed like they had been spoiled.
âHeinley? You didnât receive it?â
âYes, I did, My Queen.â
âWhat did you think?â
âItâs a wonderful painting. I think My Queen is a talented painter.â
As I nodded happily, Heinley continued cautiously,
âThe meaning implicit in the painting is⊠very deep.â
âDeep? Why does he sound unconvinced?â
âIt took me a while⊠to understand.â
He hesitated again on his last word.
âMy Queen, I realized that the meaning of your painting coincided with⊠my thoughts.â
I canât believe he hesitated for the third time.
Also, why does he act so nervous? If he understood the meaning, why did he seem so unsure?
When I frowned, Heinley paused before turning into Queen. He was hidden beneath the pile of clothes, but then he emerged, spread his wings vigorously and began to dance.
He was adorable⊠but he was also suspicious. Even his dance steps were a little different from when he danced with joy in the past.
Whatâs the matter with him? Is my expression scary?
Although I rubbed my cheeks, I couldnât tell if my expression was scary with my hands alone.
âThere is nothing to worry about.â
Still, he was so stiff that I became concerned and spoke in the softest voice possible. Heinley stopped dancing, hopped to my side, and returned to his human form.
When I clicked my tongue and stroked his messy hair, his blond hair felt soft between my fingers. Maybe because he is a bird, his hair was like silk. I liked the way it felt, so I closed my eyes and stroked his hair while leaning against Heinleyâs chest.
Suddenly, Heinley called out.
âMy Queen.â
He sounded a little uncomfortable. How long has it been? The last thing I remembered was stroking Heinleyâs hair. When I opened my eyes, I was asleep, using his chest like a pillow.
âIâm sorry, I must have dozed off.â
As I hastened to raise my head, Heinley reached out and gently placed my head back on his chest.
âI donât know if I should tell you thisâŠâ
âWhat? Wait, why do you like to move my head as you please?â
âYour head returns on its own to my chest.â
I didnât protest but tickled his chest, when he added,
âIsnât Emperor Sovieshu acting a little strange?
At his words, I stopped tickling him. I remembered what Sovieshu said about losing his memory.
Of course, I had thought it was a lie. But now that Heinley pointed it out, I began to wonder⊠âCan it be true?â
âWhat did you find strange about him?â
âHmm, about thatâŠâ
Several wrinkles appeared between Heinleyâs brows.
âItâs hard to put into words.â
âWhy?â
âThe way he talks is⊠a little different.â
âWhat do you mean by âa little differentâ?â
Heinley frowned as if it was really hard to explain.
In the end, he couldnât find the right words, and as my bedtime set by the palace doctor approached, he pulled the covers over me, kissed my forehead, and left.
However, the doubts in my mind did not disappear and settled in a corner of my head.
Did Sovieshu really lose his memory?
***
Yesterdayâs weather was beautiful, but over the course of one day, the sky turned completely dark and gray. Judging by the thick, dark clouds, it would rain at any moment.
However, the wind was still pleasantly cool, so I kept the office windows open.
As I worked sitting at my desk, I looked out the windows whenever I got bored. I also spoke to my baby with my hands on my belly.
âDo you see that? Those are clouds. Dark clouds. Clouds like that appear before it rains.â
ââŠâ
âThis is a pen. And this is an ink bottle. To write, you have to dip the tip of the pen in the ink⊠Well, youâll learn that later.â
ââŠâ
âIâm sorry I canât read a childrenâs story to you right now. If youâre bored, you can fall asleep.â
Of course, I never talked to my baby when someone was around because it would look strange. People would think that I was talking to myself.
Time passed quietly until around lunchtime.
Just as I debated about whether I should have lunch with my ladies-in-waiting, with Heinley, or eat in my office while I finished my work, one of my attendants came in with an awkward look and reported.
âYour Majesty. Emperor Sovieshu has come to discuss an âofficialâ matter.â
Once I nodded as I grumbled on the inside, my attendant left and a moment later Sovieshu entered.
Yesterday, I got carried away due to his unexpected remarks, but today I definitely will not react emotionally.
I waited until Sovieshu was standing in the middle of the office and asked coldly.
âWhat have you come for?â
Sovieshu approached me steadily and placed his hands lightly on my desk.
âI heard that Your Majesty Navier is a mage.â
âThatâs correct.â
What does he care?
âFirst of all, congratulations.â
âYou came here to say that?â
âIâve come to discuss an official matter.â
âWhat is it?â
âIâm here to make a proposal.â
âIâve told you not to speak to me informally.â
âWe can both talk informally. I donât mind.â
ââŠâ
What I would like to do is insult him, but then the line between us would fade away. I wanted to keep my distance from him, so I didnât answer.
Sovieshu smiled slightly as if all was well and got to the point.
âYou can study at the magical academy if you want.â
His proposal was strange.
âYou want me to become a student at the magical academy?â
âIf you donât want to attend classes with other students, I can arrange private lessons for you. Of course, you would have to come to the Eastern Empire.â
I still hadnât mastered my magic because my ability had manifested very recently.
Although I may seem extraordinary to others, itâs only because Iâm also the Empress. In fact, I knew better than anyone that I wouldnât even measure up to an average mage.
For that reason, I had put a lot of effort into my magic practices with buckets of water before Sovieshuâs arrival.
Given how badly I wanted to improve, the proposal was very attractive.
HoweverâŠ
âItâs not necessary.â
I asked for his help to build a temporary dam because it was an urgent problem faced by the people of the Western Empire. I didnât want to receive Sovieshuâs help to improve my personal magic ability.
âIt will be very hard to learn on your own.â
âItâs not necessary.â
âWhy wonât you accept my help?â
âYou know perfectly well.â
I didnât know if Sovieshu really had lost his memory, but I did not care to confirm it.
I looked down at the papers and waved my hand, signaling to him to leave.
I would never act so impolitely before the Emperor of a neighboring country, but now it didnât seem wrong. Wasnât Sovieshu the first one to treat me without respect?
ââŠâ
But no matter how long I waited, I didnât hear the door open.
When I finally looked up with a frown, he was just looking at me, amused.
âWhy are you still here?â
Despite my anger, Sovieshu answered with a smile.
âItâs wonderful.â
âWonderful?â
âYou grew up so wonderfully. Did you use a rare spell to grow? Can you now eat as much as you want? Iâm curious about everything.â
â!â
âWhat the hell happened to me, watching you grow into such a wonderful woman andâŠâ
Sovieshu swallowed the last words. It was as if he didnât want to say them.
It was a good choice. I didnât want to hear it either.
ButâŠ
âHave you really lost your memory?â
âYes, even if you wonât believe me, itâs true.â
If it was true that Sovieshu had lost his memory, I suppose it was because he suffered a blow to the head. Didnât he receive the proper treatment? Is it because Evely was here and could not heal him on time?
I sighed. If that were the case, it was impossible not to feel partially at fault.
Besides⊠if he had indeed lost his memory, it was surprising that his memories went back to the days when we had a good relationship.
After I spent a while tapping a document with the tip of the pen, I finally opened my mouth and spoke carefully.
âIf you really lost your memory, I hope someday you get your memories back. But we canât go back to the past.â
ââŠâ
âWe canât go back to the time you remember, so all thatâs left for you is to adapt to the present.â
ââŠâ
âYou hurt me a lot. You married someone else, and I also married someone else. And now, I love my husband.â
Sovieshuâs expression darkened and his smile faded.
I belatedly realized that I was still tapping the paper with the tip of the pen as I spoke. The ink seeped out and turned into a black tear.
âI once cursed you because I didnât want you to be happy. Now, I donât care so much.â
As I blotted the ink spot, I spoke with complete sincerity.
âI hope that you also find happiness with someone else.â
Of course, as long as he was not as happy as I was. That could still make me angry.
âNavier.â
âIâm serious. Sometimes I donât mean it when Iâm angry, but at least this time I do.â
âNavier.â
âWhat?â
âYou want me to be happy?â
âYes.â
âDo you want me to find love again?â
âYes.â
âBut you canât come back to my side, right?â
âI canât.â
âThen, can I be your lover?â
âUh⊠what?â
âThat way I can love someone, live happily, but you wonât have to come back to my side.â