CH 56

I Ask You

From the day I found out that the memorial monument will be built on the land where Rosemary once lived, I started calling out to her, who lies dormant in my mind.

I know very well that it’s strange to talk to my past self, but my feelings were so unsettled that I couldn’t resist reaching out to her.

What would Rosemary have thought if she were alive today?

There were times when I understood her as if it were my own self. I spent my time sharing her thoughts and memories of what she would have wanted.

However, there were still many things I couldn’t understand. No matter how much our souls might be connected, Rosemary and I are different people.

I remind myself of that fact over and over again in my mind.

“It’s all Alberto-sama’s fault…”

I let out a sigh as I gazed at the sunset peeking through the window of my room.

Out of the blue, I was proposed to and confessed to once more. Although I was bewildered, I felt somewhat happy.

I could feel my heart leap in response to Alberto’s direct affection, and I was well aware that I was starting to entertain the idea of accepting it.

But at the same time,

I can’t help but wonder if his feelings are directed to “Rosemary” instead of “Marie.”

Instantly, my joy faded away, and what remained were sadness and doubt. I was unable to simply accept his feelings without reservation.

In the first place, it’s impossible for him to have feelings for me. Alberto, the Knight Commander, was more than a year older than me, and he was a knight who had sworn allegiance to Rosemary.

Although I became a maid in the Knights’ Corps, I’m nothing more than a baron’s daughter from a rural town. Furthermore, Alberto has now gained the title of Viscount. He has truly become someone worthy of Rosemary.

Not me, but Rosemary.

“Ah~so tiring….”

The emptiness of being jealous of oneself and even the deceased.

Yes. I’m jealous of Rosemary.

Even though it’s thanks to her memories that we could meet, I can’t help but feel envious of her existence.

In this state, I’m no different from the palace maids who envy me.

Yes, there’s no difference.

Reynaldo and Alberto are by my side because I’m the reincarnation of Rosemary, not because I’m Marie.

There was nothing I could do to change that fact, nothing I could do to overturn it. But I was okay with that. Because Rosemary’s memory was the same as mine.

I do indeed have memories of being Rosemary, and there’s no mistake in saying that I am Rosemary.

However, knowing that the person Alberto loves isn’t Marie but Rosemary, it was painful.

Still, I know it’s not worth thinking about.

I sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time and then looked around the room.

Tomorrow at noon, I will go with Alberto to the place where Hubert’s estate used to be. The day after tomorrow, there will be a ceremony to place Rosemary’s coffin in her memorial monument. We were preparing to leave for that.

The ceremony, the first to be held in the new McClain territory, is not a festive occasion, but a solemn rite to honor the deceased. Only the concerned parties will gather to watch over her slumber and offer prayers in the ritual.

I had mixed feelings about it.

It’s a feeling that no one has ever experienced before.

The day has come when I will see my own coffin.

That’s precisely why I can’t stop asking questions.

“Hey, Rosemary. What are you feeling right now?”

Regarding the fact that Alberto confessed his feelings to me.

Regarding the prospect of her own body finally being able to rest in the land she cherished from her childhood.

Regarding the fact that I, who have been reborn, will offer prayers at your memorial.

“I’m happy. Because I can go to the place where you used to live.”

Rosemary’s memories of her childhood in Hubert always seemed joyful.

There were challenging studies and rigorous training, and she received cold treatment from her father. Yet, she was still happy.

Because she was surrounded by her beloved younger brother and precious childhood friend. Because she was comforted by the warmth of Hubert’s land.

Seeing the scenery of Hubert directly, which I had only seen in my memories, made me happy too.

I’m not sure if that sense of joy belongs to Rosemary or if it belongs to me.

Ever since I regained Rosemary’s memories, I’ve sometimes felt like my consciousness was confused with hers. At times, it’s difficult to discern whose emotions they are. Especially when I sentenced King Gray or stopped Reynaldo and Alberto from taking revenge. Indeed, at that time, I was assimilated with Rosemary.

But now that the revenge was over, the confusion of consciousness was vague as before.

I couldn’t convey the feelings I didn’t even understand myself to anyone.

I couldn’t tell if the feelings I had for Alberto belonged to me or to Rosemary.

I kept asking myself the same unanswerable question.