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I touched Lim Dae-han’s wet cheeks and wiped away his tears. I even ran my fingertips through his lashes.
“I, uh, I can’t get in touch with you, and you don’t come to school… So I thought you wanted to break up with me.”
Lim Dae-han’s moist eyes turned to me.
He shook his head slowly.
“… Because I am afraid.”
“… … .”
“I didn’t want to contact you because I was afraid you’d ask me to break up with you. You said you had something to say, so I….”
Lim Dae-han couldn’t finish his sentence. He bit his lip and lowered his head for a moment. I thought he was going to cry again, so I held Lim Dae-han’s cheek with both hands and lifted it.
The sorrow that had washed away like a hurricane had subsided, but a more intense emotion had raged. No one could have imagined Lim Dae-han crying because of me. That  Lim Dae-han. Lim Dae-han’s eyes were puffy as he looked at me. I felt a lump in my throat.  As it was, I kissed Lim Dae-han.
With a quick kiss, Lim Dae-han’s eyelids trembled. Tears streamed down my lashes. How could you look so pretty. I couldn’t bear the overwhelming emotions. Then I opened my mouth as casually and unnoticed as possible.
“I’m not asking you to break up.”
“…”
“Uh… and I thought, you wanted to break up with me.”
Lim Dae-han, who had tightly closed his eyes, put his palms on his eyes and wiped away the tears. Still, his eyes were red. He took a deep breath. And then I could hear his low voice.
“… What made you think I wanted to break up with you?”
“I… Uh, I’m a little rude to you… You made it obvious that you were surprised.”
In fact, I was terrified, but I changed my words out of shame. Still, Lim Dae-han seemed okay. Lim Dae-han shook his head quickly. Then he lowered his head slowly.
“I had no intention of breaking up with you.”
His voice sounded self-deprecating. I haven’t done anything for him. Why does he like me so much? But I didn’t ask. I was not in hurry to ask him why he likes me. Anyway, it was true that Lim Dae-han and I like each other. I decided not to rush into the tangle of emotions.
Instead, I took Lim Dae-han’s wrist and guided him into the room. I didn’t think it was right to just sit in the living room. When I initially entered the room, I got onto the bed and sat in the corner, while Lim Dae-han folded one leg up and sat on the bed. I was looking at his face despite my nervousness, but he quickly avoided my gaze.
“Are you not going to look at me?”
His gaze slowly moved to me when I asked. My cheeks rose as I raised the corners of my lips. I wasn’t smiling because it was funny; I was smiling because it was awkward. I was also unfamiliar with it. After scratching my cheek, I grabbed Lim Dae-hand han’s with both hands, which were silently resting on his thigh.
“I have something to tell you.”
“…What is it.”
Unlike me, who had found security, Lim Dae-han was still skeptical. He didn’t want me to speak up. My brow furrowed automatically.
“I’m not saying we should break up, so you can listen.”
Only then did Lim Dae-han put one leg on the bed and sat down in a butterfly position.
“It’s true that Lee Hyun-woo hit me. And, I was out that morning.”
Lim Dae-han tilted his head, frowning between his eyebrows as if he didn’t understand. He said calmly that he needed additional explanation here as well.
“My older brother knew about us. He saw you and me kissing.”
I was curious to see how Lim Dae-han would react. I frowned as I observed his expression. He slowly nodded. He was surprisingly calm.
It was I who was embarrassed by Lim Dae-han’s reaction.
“Is it okay?”
“I’ll tell about you one day.”
“To your family?”
“Yeah.”
…I didn’t even think about it that far.
I wondered how far Lim Dae-han thought about us. Well… When the time comes, I might tell my family about him. I bowed my head. A little shy. Even then, I wasn’t sure what to say to Dae-ryong. That was the problem. About the parents… well, I thought it would work out somehow. That’s what an eighteen years old was like. Talking about a vague future, but not being able to come to reality.
I scratched the bridge of my nose.
“… So I had a fight with my older brother and left the house.”
Lim Dae-han appeared bewildered before asking,
“You left home?”
Instead of answering, I simply nodded. Lim Dae-han then wrinkled his brow openly. That was embarrassing. I left the house after a fight with my older brother. I gripped Lim Dae-han’s finger and let it go repeatedly since I had nothing more to say. In embarrassment, I bit my lower lip. Lim Dae-han then said something unexpected.
“Then why didn’t you come to my house?”
Lim Dae-han grabbed my hand that touched his finger tightly. I decided to be honest about my feelings without hiding anything.
“I’m afraid that you would feel burdened if you knew that my older brother found out about us. And…”
“And?”
“Oh, that’s right. I’ve been thinking about it.”
He waited for the words to come from me without responding after belatedly hesitating. Let’s be honest. Alright. I slowly opened my mouth after making a promise over and over. So that Lim Dae-han wouldn’t feel bad.
“To be honest, I was a little surprised when you said you were going to a career class. I just… Uh, I didn’t mean to be so quiet about it.”
But by hurling this sentence, I become a child who had been quiet for a while. I had to get back to the point.
“I’ve been thinking about it. You said it was okay, but I…”
“…”
“I want us to spend our third year of high school together, rather than you taking a career class.  I’m not dismissing your interest in attending a career class… I don’t think it’s a bad idea to explore new things while attending university. And then we go to college together and stay together… Ung, that’s it.”
Obviously, I tried to speak as naturally and calmly as possible, but I stumbled without realizing it. I was wondering if it was already two o’clock. There has never been a finer time than dawn to reveal the hidden feelings.
I slowly raised my head. The light streaming from the window illuminated Lim Dae-han’s face in the dark room. I made another decision as I stared carefully at his face. After that, I took a deep breath and calmed my heart.
I raised my head after licking my dry lips with my tongue and looking at Lim Dae-han’s hand holding mine for a moment.
“Let’s slowly become adults.”
It was not easy to speak out honestly. Still, I wanted to be honest. On a hot summer day, Just as Lim Dae-han was honest and courageous with me.
“Don’t go ahead by yourself; let’s do all of this together and become adults. That would be nice, I think.”
Lim Dae-han softly rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. He lowered his gaze as if to think for a moment, then raised it.
“Why do you want to grow up together?”
“Why you ask…”
Our eyes met briefly. At the unexpected reaction, I glanced at Lim Dae-han. Why? Was there any question with a clearer answer than this? There was only one answer.
Of course…
“Because you like me?”
The questioning voice was lower than usual.  My heart was pounding. It was difficult to deal with the uncontrollable beating of my heart. I lowered my head involuntarily. The direct question was difficult to respond to.
“Answer me. Is it because you like me?”
I couldn’t even make eye contact with Lim Dae-han, but he tilted his head at an angle and tried to make eye contact with me. I wanted to tell him not to stare, but I already had his hand in mine. Why did I grab it in the first place?!  It was obviously my fault.
I looked up. My eyes met with Lim Dae-han’s.
“…Yeah.”
“…”
“… I, I’ve liked you for a long time. I already said it. I like you.”
I finally said it. I felt wronged somehow. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t even date him. Have I never told Dae-han that I like him? Not at all. I obviously said it on the beach. Didn’t he sense it back then? And, even if I didn’t say anything, doesn’t he have an impression about it?
I raised my gaze again, biting my lower lip. Lim Dae-han bent his swollen eyes and smiled.  My face brightened up as I saw that expression. It was becoming too much to take. I’d rather talk while staring at the wall. I wouldn’t be nervous like this if I stared at the wall.
“Wait, a minute… My hand… please.”
I twisted my wrist, which was being held by Lim Dae-han. I struggled like a fish on a chopping board, wanting to escape, but Lim Dae-han was a little faster. As soon as he let go of my wrist, Lim Dae-han pulled my waist and held me in his arms. It quickly fell silent.
“…”
“…”
I couldn’t tell if it was my heart or Lim Dae-han’s that was beating like crazy. I pursed my lips and pressed them against Dae-shoulder. Lim Dae-han’s low voice fell in my ear.
“Ki Young-hyun.”
“…”
“I’m so nervous that I don’t know what to say.”
Lim Dae-han’s warm fingers brushed over my back. He patted my back.
“I love you.”
That was what Lim Dae-han said. I stayed calmly in Lim Dae-han’s arms, pushed my lips together, and said quietly, “… Me too.” I exhaled as softly as I could. It seemed like my heart might burst out of my mouth if I exhaled too hard.
There was a strong smell of alcohol from Lim Dae-han. And I didn’t really like it. I should have told him right away. Don’t hide it, I should tell him soon. I didn’t know why. Lim Dae-han gradually moved away after a long time. He tightened his grip on my forearm. Ouch. He didn’t let go, even when I shrugged and frowned. I stared at Lim Dae-han for a long time before breaking my luck.
“Dae-han-a.”
“Yeah.”
“… Can’t you wash up?”
“…”
“Uh, tomorrow is Saturday, and I didn’t bring anything to study today… So I’ll be able to sleep over until tomorrow… That, but you smell like alcohol..”
Lim Dae-han sprang up from his seat before I could finish my sentence. He hurriedly took off his T-shirt and strode out the door. Bang! The bathroom door shut without hesitation. After being left alone, I waited and dragged my arm pillow from the corner of the bed and embraced it in my arms.