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It was self-study after the afternoon class at 5 pm. We would have dinner at 6 pm, so we had about an hour to spare. As I turned the mechanical pencil and looked through the problem, I slowly turned my head without thinking. Dae-han place and its surroundings were all empty. Dae-han disappeared after 1 pm. Originally, he was a guy who skipped classes, so the teacher didn’t even find him. I don’t know where he’s going.
Poke, poke.
Someone poked me in the back from behind as I looked at Dae-han seat. I was surprised and shivered. When I turned my head to check, Jung Ji-pil was holding a mechanical pencil. Usually, when Joong Ji-Pil had something to say, he would poke me with the eraser part of the mechanical pencil, but this time he poked me with the sharp edge. As I turned my head with an annoyed face, a notebook came over.
[Tteokbokki, go, go]
I replied with ‘okay’. I heard the sound of the notebook moving busily behind and sideways. It was not only me but the other kids also exchanging notes.
After a short while, the bell rang, signaling that it was time for dinner. Jung Ji-pil yelled as if he were a roaring lion.
“Who wants to go eat tteokbokki?!”
“Jung Ji-pil is at it again.”
Some people got up and followed Jung Ji-pil while giggling. I followed Jung Ji-pil as well while rummaging through my pockets for cash. I was about to open the back door when it abruptly opened from the other side.
I made eye contact with Lim Dae-han, who was entering the classroom with his hand stuck in his pocket. The stench of cigarettes wrapped over me.
“Let’s go home.”
Lim Dae-han said to me, tilting his head. Jung Ji-pil looked at me as if he was planning to run away again. I clenched my hand, which was clutching the money. I was forced to be taken during lunchtime, but I won’t go this time. I said it clearly with determination.
“I’m not going home now. I’m going to eat tteokbokki.”
Dae-han’s expression was strange. He laughed as he pursed his lips. He then pouted, unable to keep his lips closed.
“Are you kid? What with the tteokbokki. Let’s go home. I’ll buy you something delicious.”
I shook my head.
“I’m doing night self-study, so I can’t go home anyway.”
Only then did Dae-han’s expression harden. He asked back as if he couldn’t believe it.
“Night self-study?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you leaving at 10?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.” Lim Dae-han sighed in an unusual tone. He released his strength from his broad shoulders as if shocked by something. Then he stumbled away. He waved as he walked past me.
“Enjoy your meal.”
My eyes widened in disbelief. It was because I didn’t think that Dae-han would let me go so easily. I cast a sidelong glance at Dae-han’s expression, but I couldn’t figure out what it meant in the end. I couldn’t even think of anything to say.
“Hey, Ki Young-hyun, come quickly! We’ll leave without you if you don’t come.“
I approached Jung Ji-pil, who had called me and took several glances at the classroom, but Lim Dae-han never returned after going inside.
It wasn’t until an hour or so that I realized what Dae-han’s behavior meant. The night self-study’s reserve bell rang. I sneaked back to my seat. As I was getting ready to study, the previously closed door to the classroom opened. Dae-han, whom I had thought had left, suddenly appeared. Then he took the pink peach emoticon arm pillow from his seat and approached me.
“Change seats with me.”
Lim Dae-han said to my deskmate. He was still nicer than asking his friend to move away from his seat at the snack bar. But, since it’s Dae-han, does it matter if he was kind or not? My deskmate packed his bag without saying anything.
I stared at Dae-han who was sitting next to me in astonishment. He smelled more strongly of cigarettes than when I first met him at dinner time. How many cigarettes did he smoke? He smelled like someone who had been sitting in a smoking room.
He frowned for a moment at the strong smell of cigarettes and turned his head to the other side.
“I’m also going to do night self-study.”
Dae-han whispered. There was a sound of candy rolling from his mouth. My gaze slowly turned to him. He had at least three pieces of candy in his mouth. It also looked like he was brushing his teeth with it. It smelled like mint toothpaste, but it couldn’t hide the cigarette smell. And the sound was incredibly loud. It’s possible that everyone in the class has heard of it. Lim Dae-han settled down by putting the pink peach emoticon arm pillow on his desk. It was also impossible to imagine him doing night self-study.
I glanced at him before scribbling something in my notebook and showing it to Lim Dae-han.
[Until 10 o’clock]
Dae-han took my notebook and mechanical pencil. He wrote letters while burying his chin in his pillow. It was so messed up that it was difficult to see.
[I know]
[It’s going to be boring]
[Then you should play with me]
I tapped the paper with the sharp edge of the pencil because I had nothing else to say. Lim Dae-han thought I was going to study, so he buried his face in his pillow. Then he woke up, took the notebook from my side, and tore the paper where we were conversing.
TEEAAAR
It was a quiet classroom, so the sound was like thunder. Dae-han folded and unfolded the paper. He probably wanted to fold the ddakji, but it didn’t seem to work well. He folded the paper three times into a square and tucked it into his pocket after tormenting it and failing. (T/N: Ddakji 딱지 is a traditional South Korean game that uses folded paper tiles or Ddakji tile)
“
”
He swallowed a bitter smile as he acted as if it were some precious treasure.
I thought the worst self-study was when I first started freshman year, but the worst self-study was today. It was all because of Dae-han. Lim Dae-han buried his head on and off the peach arm pillow several times while smiling softly and turning his head sideways. I couldn’t focus, so I pulled the chair back out loud, touched my cell phone, and listened to the song so loudly that the sound rang from my earphones.
“Damn.”
And the desk was full of candy wrappers. When I was first offered one, I declined it, but Dae-han eat six of them in one sitting. Lim Dae-han, who used to roll candy in his mouth while listening to music with his earphones plugged in, buried his face in the pillow and turned his head toward me this time.
It was so distracting that I was annoyed, but I couldn’t bring it out of my mouth. I eventually put my chin in one hand, turned away from Dae-han, and focused on the question. Choose the wrong one. Everything looked wrong, and I couldn’t figure out what to choose.
Lim Dae-han, who had been distracted and doing strange things by himself, became quiet. I pretended not to notice Dae-han’s gaze, and then I wrote in the corner of the notebook.
[Aren’t you going to study?]
Then, I made eye contact with Lim Dae-han. I smiled awkwardly. Lim Dae-han, who made eye contact with me, shook his head and then quietly returned to his original position. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s obvious you don’t study

Lim Dae-han took the mechanical pencil in my hand. Lim Dae-han’s palm touched the back of my hand as if holding it, so I pulled out my hand in an instant. Lim Dae-han wrote a letter with a ‘└’ mark under my handwriting that asking if he wasn’t studying.
[└Let’s go home together today]
I felt like I had to do it like that, so I kept the same format.
[└ I have a friend who goes with me]
In fact, there was none. My friends were all going in different directions. I was the only one who lived in the area behind the school.
[└There wasn’t]
Dae-han responded. My brows furrowed. How does he know this?
[└How do you know?]
I pushed the notebook to him. Lim Dae-han rested one arm on the desk and wrote leisurely with the other.
[└I’ve seen you a few times]
[└You were always alone]
[└Hahaha]
The ‘Hahaha’ sounded strangely like snickering, but maybe it wasn’t, so I didn’t think about it for too long and pulled the question book. Even though I was alone, I hate going with him even more. Then, all of a sudden I had a thought. When I first met people, I would usually ask them, ‘Where do you live?’, ‘I live in 00’ or ‘I live in 00 apartment,’ but why didn’t I want to tell Dae-han where I lived? I thought about it for a while, but eventually shook my head and decided to focus on the question. If I had to think about all of those things, my mind would become overly complicated.
“Oh, shit
”
The bell rang at 8:20 p.m., signaling the end of the first period of night self-study. Simultaneously, Lim Dae-han jumped up and yelled curse words. The peach emoticon arm pillow was leaning in my direction. The students were tired and the classroom was quiet at this point, but Dae-han’s voice rang out loudly.
Lim Dae-han ruffled his hair and sat down again with an annoyed expression on his face. His posture was that of a gangster working for an unusual company. He stretched his legs out toward the passage, his arms resting on the desk of the guy who was still studying in the back seat. While sitting at an angle, he looked at me up and down.
“Give me a shoulder massage.”
“
 Me?”
He asked things that even my dad wouldn’t make me do. When I asked the question out of sheer absurdity, he nodded half-heartedly.
“No.”
“Do it for me. I studied too.”
What do you mean studying?
I grumbled to myself about Dae-han and looked over at the desk where he was sitting. Lim Dae-han took my notebook and wrote my name several times in it, and then the paper was placed calmly.
“Or should I massage your shoulder?”
“Oh, no
 Ah!”
Dae-han turned me around. Even if I struggled cause I hate it, I couldn’t beat it. I had to make eye contact with the person next to me after being forced to turn around. He nodded once and bowed his head as if sympathizing with me.
“No
 no, ugh
!”
Lim Dae-han’s hand was unmistakably rough. Rather than a massage, it seemed that he want to crush all of my shoulder bones. The muscles are already torn. I twisted my body, but Lim Dae-han remained motionless. At that moment, I understood the feeling of the dolls in the claw machine in an instant. I’d rather die as well.
“Ugh, ah, ah, ah, please
”
Lim Dae-han, who had been pressing relentlessly on my shoulder, stopped. I crossed my arms across my chest and clasped my shoulders like the leads in a ridiculous romance comedy. Then he abruptly turned my body.
To be honest, I was tearing up

“Ah, you, it hurts so much
 really
”
That’s what I said to Dae-han as if pleading for sympathy. Lim Dae-han scanned my lips and once glanced at me and then at my desk.
“
”
“
”
Tears seemed to fall when I blinked. I barely got through it by biting my lower lip. Dae-han’s adam apple trembled. Then he licked his lips and stood up.
“Ah
 I can’t study.”
He then walked out of the classroom. You’ve never studied before! He belatedly leaves in the last minutes.
“Hey, did you do anything wrong to Dae-han?”
The guy from the next desk spoke to me.
“I don’t know!”
I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on him. I couldn’t be mad at Dae-han. I hope he understands. Then I heard a mumble next to me: “Why are you angry with me
” But I screamed and broke down onto the desk. Studying is a waste of time. I thought I was going to die from embarrassment. My shoulder pain was still severe and intense.