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Ch140 - Finding Joy in Suffering




Su Hansheng looked at the maze of wine jars around them, deeply worried.
One jar could knock Chongjue out, and once drunk, he’d do foolish things. After drinking all this wine, wouldn’t he run to the listening wall to perform an exotic dance?
But Chongjue perhaps didn’t want to remain at an impasse with Su Xuanlin, adopting an attitude of “if you want to drink, let’s drink—I’ll see it through,” determined to satisfy Su Xuanlin.
Su Xuanlin rarely saw him drink so decisively, his face showing mixed feelings.
Whatever.
Su Hansheng whispered, leaning in, “Father, his alcohol tolerance isn’t great…”
Su Xuanlin glanced at him.
Su Hansheng, unusually perceptive, quickly shut his mouth and stopped speaking up for Chongjue.
Getting past his father was truly difficult. Su Xuanlin had the whole demeanor of marrying off a daughter, looking Chongjue up and down finding everything unsatisfactory, needing to vent his anger viciously.
The two said nothing, just drank from their wine jars.
Su Hansheng didn’t dare stop them, extremely worried.
But soon, Wendao Academy’s class dismissal bell rang, and Su Hansheng’s disciple token at his waist lit up.
It was a message from Yuan Qian.
Su Hansheng hesitated.
Su Xuanlin waved his hand directly. “You’re not needed here. Go play.”
Su Hansheng: “But…”
Su Xuanlin glared at him. “What, you think I’ll eat him?!”
Su Hansheng didn’t dare offend his father further, obediently standing and leaving with three backward glances.
Chongjue said nothing, drinking sullenly.
Su Hansheng went to Falling Parasol Lodge with a heavy heart.
Yuan Qian thought he was still at Yingxu Sect. Seeing him, his eyes nearly popped out. He quickly ran down from the tree, his serpent body transforming into legs as he landed silently.
“Yuanxiao?! You’re back so soon?”
Su Hansheng wasn’t in the mood to correct his name, saying with a troubled face, “Is Baili here?”
Yuan Qian shouted loudly, “Baili, Yuanxiao is back!”
Wu Baili’s residence was silent.
Yuan Qian added, “…He looks troubled, probably worried about the Immortal Lord finding out about him and the World-Honored One!”
As soon as he finished, Wu Baili kicked the door open.
Su Hansheng: “…”
They sure came quickly to watch the drama.
Yuan Qian ran back to his room, grabbed a pile of roasted snacks and put them on the stone table, cracking melon seeds while looking eagerly at Su Hansheng, signaling him to “begin.”
Wu Baili was also cracking walnuts.
Su Hansheng rolled his eyes but prioritized the matter at hand. “You know about the Heaven-Reaching Tower incident?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Anyway, after all that mess was resolved, I lost my memory for a few days.” Su Hansheng extended his hand, and Wu Baili tossed the freshly shelled walnut meat into his palm. “After I recovered my memories, my father already knew about Chongjue and me fooling around.”
The two drew out a long, winding “Ohhh.”
Wu Baili asked, “How did he find out?”
Su Hansheng said, “My father invited Chongjue to drink. When he gets drunk, he acts crazy and dragged me into making a marriage contract.”
The two exclaimed with a short “Whoa!”
“It’s been several days now,” Su Hansheng said, chewing the walnut and reaching for melon seeds from Yuan Qian. “I was living in the residence behind the back mountain Buddhist hall, right? When my father brought me here and saw Chongjue, he dragged him off to drink.”
Yuan Qian’s eyes immediately lit up, his fangs cracking a pile of melon seeds that he stuffed into Su Hansheng’s hands, saying excitedly, “You mean the Immortal Lord is at Wendao Academy right now?!”
Su Hansheng disgustedly returned the melon seeds covered in venomous saliva. “Yeah, still drinking. They laid out over a dozen jars—quite the intimidating spectacle.”
Yuan Qian was extremely excited. “Could I have the honor of meeting the Immortal Lord?!”
Su Hansheng was silent for a long time before reminding him meaningfully, “I called you here to be a strategist.”
Strategist Yuan said casually, “The father-in-law/son-in-law problem has existed since ancient times—just let them be. What’s the Immortal Lord’s temperament like? Is he ethereal and inscrutable like the World-Honored One, with the demeanor of a great master?!”
Su Hansheng: “…”
Strategist Yuan was useless. Su Hansheng pinned all his hopes on Strategist Wu, looking at him hopefully.
Wu Baili frowned deeply, thinking hard, empathizing with Su Hansheng’s troubles!
Su Hansheng’s eyes were bright enough to serve as lanterns.
Baili was reliable after all!
Then he heard Strategist Wu say, “Legend says the Immortal Lord has a celestial bearing. After perishing for years, he could return to life—he must be a great power who commands wind and rain with imposing dignity. I want to see him too.”
Su Hansheng: “…”
Su Hansheng slammed the table and stood up to leave.
Yuan Qian extended his tail to wrap around his waist, coaxing him. “Don’t be angry, don’t be angry. We were just trying to make you laugh since you looked so troubled. Come, come, have some melon seeds.”
Su Hansheng sat back down with a dark expression. “What should I do now? How can I convince my father to stop making things difficult for Chongjue?”
Yuan Qian said solemnly, “How about I help you have a face-to-face talk with the Immortal Lord?”
Su Hansheng: “…”
Su Hansheng was about to faint from anger.
Wu Baili glanced at Yuan Qian, saying coolly, “You’d better not interfere at a time like this. The more you speak up for the World-Honored One, the more the Immortal Lord will reject him.”
Seeing Wu Baili finally speaking sense, Su Hansheng hurriedly said, “What if my father refuses no matter what?”
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Su Hansheng glared at them. “Why are you following me?”
Yuan Qian said seriously, “It’s getting dark. We’re escorting the Young Lord back to his residence!”
Wu Baili nodded along.
Su Hansheng rolled his eyes, saying irritably, “My father’s in a bad mood right now. He might beat you both up!”
Yuan Qian gasped. “Being beaten by the Immortal Lord—wouldn’t that be my honor? My ancestors’ graves would be glowing green!”
Su Hansheng: “???”
Are you sick?!
Su Hansheng was almost amused by their antics.
Estimating the time, the two should be done drinking. Su Hansheng shook off Yuan Qian and Wu Baili, returning to the back mountain Buddhist hall in low spirits.
Tonight would be chaotic.
Just reaching the Buddhist hall entrance, he smelled strong wine. Su Hansheng wrinkled his nose, not wanting to go in.
After hesitating for a long time, he finally pinched his nose and entered the hellish battlefield.
In less than an hour, Su Xuanlin and Chongjue had drunk most of those dozen jars. Wine jars were scattered everywhere, the room reeking of alcohol.
Su Hansheng frowned, waving his hand to open all windows and doors to air it out.
Su Xuanlin looked like nothing was wrong, sitting there with swagger, opening a new wine jar with a mocking smile.
“Another round?”
Chongjue across from him had cold eyes, showing no sign of drunken confusion. He elegantly lifted his hand to accept the wine, then said unprompted, “I’m not drunk.”
Su Xuanlin scoffed.
Su Hansheng frowned, sitting down. “You really let him drink this much?”
“Ha,” Su Xuanlin sneered. “Over a dozen jars, and after all that fussing, he only drank less than five. You call that much?”
Su Hansheng said, “But he…”
Chongjue interrupted. “I’m not drunk.”
Su Hansheng casually humored him. “Okay, okay, not drunk, not drunk.”
Seeing Su Xuanlin like this, Su Hansheng couldn’t keep speaking up for Chongjue. He could only frown and walk to sit by the open floor-to-ceiling wooden window to avoid being overwhelmed by their wine fumes.
Yuan Qian was messaging again, diligently asking about the “Immortal Lord,” praising Su Xuanlin to the heavens as unparalleled.
Su Hansheng looked back meaningfully.
Su Xuanlin had no “Immortal Lord” image whatsoever. He’d loosened his robes, hair disheveled as he force-fed Chongjue wine, cursing and muttering some mockery.
Su Hansheng: “…”
Ethereal my ass!
The two would drink until midnight. Su Hansheng had sat on the spirit boat all day and was exhausted from the wine fumes. He casually grabbed a cushion, placed it on the floor, and lay down to sleep.
Su Xuanlin instructed, “Go sleep in bed.”
Su Hansheng mumbled a refusal. “Here’s fine.”
Su Xuanlin thought he just wanted to rest and didn’t bother him.
Chongjue’s face was pale from being force-fed, yet he still didn’t stop.
Su Xuanlin saw his hand shaking as he held the wine jar, yet he kept insisting “I’m not drunk, not drunk,” and somehow turned his head to chuckle darkly.
By the time Su Xuanlin was fully “satisfied,” it was past midnight.
Once drunk, Chongjue completely lost awareness of using spiritual energy to dispel the alcohol. He sat there listlessly shaking the empty wine jar, completely lacking his usual composure and dignity.
Su Xuanlin disgustedly snatched the wine jar away. Seeing how uncomfortable Chongjue was, the frustration he’d bottled up for days finally dissipated considerably, having vented his anger thoroughly.
Su Hansheng was already lying on the floor fast asleep.
Su Xuanlin glanced over, reluctantly sparing Chongjue for now. “Alright, stop drinking. You’ve drunk yourself stupid.”
Chongjue’s gaze was cold, frowning. “I’m not drunk.”
“Fine, fine, not drunk,” Su Xuanlin said dismissively. “Go to sleep.”
Chongjue emphasized again, “I’m really not drunk.”
He could still drink more, definitely letting Su Xuanlin drink to his heart’s content.
Su Xuanlin was nearly driven mad. After drinking for hours, Chongjue had repeated “I’m not drunk” like a broken record eight hundred times. Tonight when he went to sleep, his dreams would probably be full of Chongjue’s annoying voice.
“I’m satisfied,” Su Xuanlin said irritably.
Chongjue’s mind was chaotic. He was about to repeat himself when he seemed to catch the key words, his unfocused eyes staring at Su Xuanlin for a long time before saying quietly, “Really?”
Su Xuanlin: “Really.”
Chongjue: “Then the matter you promised…”
Su Xuanlin hadn’t expected him to still be thinking about it despite being so drunk. He immediately rolled his eyes. “If you keep asking, I’ll take it back.”
Meaning he wouldn’t interfere anymore.
After Chongjue processed this, he finally sighed silently in relief.
…Then promptly collapsed face-first onto the floor.
Su Xuanlin: “?”
Su Xuanlin frowned, about to help him up, when Chongjue quickly propped himself up with his arms, completely disoriented. He sat there dazed for a long time before standing and staggering outside.
Su Xuanlin, thinking he was going to make a drunken scene and embarrass himself, quickly said, “Where are you going?”
“To bathe,” Chongjue said, trying to maintain composure as he headed to the back courtyard. After a few unsteady steps, he returned and solemnly said to Su Xuanlin, “I’m really not drunk.”
Su Xuanlin grabbed a wine jar and threw it at him. “Get lost!”
Chongjue’s consciousness was foggy, but his cleanliness obsession kicked in—he couldn’t stand being covered in wine smell. He wobbled off to bathe in the back courtyard.
Su Xuanlin’s ears were filled with “I’m not drunk.” Irritated, he cleaned up the wine jars, then formed a seal to clean the entire Buddhist hall, instantly dispersing the wine smell.
After autumn arrived, the night wind was cool. Su Hansheng curled into a ball, frowning as if having a nightmare.
Su Xuanlin walked over, planning to carry Su Hansheng to bed. But as soon as he moved, Su Hansheng seemed to sense something, as if stepping into empty air, gasping sharply as his eyes flew open.
Su Xuanlin froze.
Su Hansheng was trembling all over. He seemed awake, but his amber eyes were completely unfocused, staring vacantly into space.
His whole body was chilled by the wind, yet sweat beaded on his forehead, as if waking from a terrible dream, struggling to breathe.
Su Xuanlin carefully helped him up. “Xiaoxiao, did you have a nightmare?”
Su Hansheng, still shaken, quickly scanned the Buddhist hall, his face pale as paper. After a moment, he murmured, “Where’s Chongjue?”
Su Xuanlin paused slightly, about to disparage Chongjue when he saw Su Hansheng trembling all over, struggling to clutch his aching head, whispering, “He’s dead…”
The sensation of the jade shattering in his hand seemed to linger, his heart pounding painfully.
Su Xuanlin stared at Su Hansheng in shock.
Since returning from Infinite Hell, he’d seen Su Hansheng obedient and cunning—in these few short days, he seemed to have witnessed all of his child’s emotions. But he’d never seen him so anxious and desperate.
At that moment, Su Xuanlin suddenly understood—his absence wasn’t just a mere decade or so. The suffering Su Hansheng endured in his past and present lives was completely unknown to him.
Su Xuanlin’s heart ached. He gently pulled Su Hansheng into his arms, softening his voice to comfort him.
“He’s fine. He’ll be back soon.”
Su Hansheng’s vision darkened, tears streaming down as he shook his head. “But I can’t find him, he… he shattered…”
“He won’t,” Su Xuanlin stroked Su Hansheng’s face, wiping away the sweat. “Father will help you find him, okay?”
Previously, Su Hansheng had almost no one to rely on except Chongjue. Hearing these words, he looked at Su Xuanlin in a daze.
“Father?”
Su Xuanlin said gently, “Whatever my Xiaoxiao wants, Father can find it for you.”
Su Hansheng stared at him blankly for a long time before pressing his forehead against his shoulder, tears falling as if finally having someone close to confide in after being wronged, sobbing aloud.
***
After bathing, Chongjue still knew to change clothes. When he returned, he found the Buddhist hall cleaned but empty.
Even drunk, Chongjue remembered to sweep the surrounding area with his divine sense. He immediately found the person he sought in the back courtyard residence.
Su Hansheng had been coaxed to sleep by Su Xuanlin, curled up on the bed clutching one of Chongjue’s outer robes, his brow still furrowed.
Chongjue didn’t light a lamp, afraid to wake him. He quietly lifted the bed curtain and sat at the bed’s edge, looking down at the person on the bed.
His movements were light, but still woke the lightly sleeping Su Hansheng.
“Chongjue?” Su Hansheng said sleepily, relieved to see him in his confusion. He reached out to grab his wrist. “Where did you go?”
Chongjue said, “To bathe.”
The wine smell had mostly dissipated, his robes still carrying the reassuring scent of bodhi flowers.
Su Hansheng rubbed his face against Chongjue’s hand, mumbling, “Don’t wander off. I won’t be able to find you.”
Chongjue said nothing, just gently stroked Su Hansheng’s face with his other hand.
Su Hansheng was too tired to move, letting him continue.
But soon, that hand became somewhat inappropriate.
Su Hansheng’s consciousness was hazy. He vaguely felt Chongjue’s cool fingers seemingly tracing his features bit by bit. When the fingertips brushed his temples, forehead, eyes, and cheeks, it was still normal.
But when the fingertip pressed against Su Hansheng’s lower lip with slight pressure, something immediately felt off.
Su Hansheng drowsily opened his eyes, looking at Chongjue’s blurry face in the moonlight.
“What’s wrong?”
Chongjue said out of nowhere, “I like you.”
Su Hansheng froze, suddenly wide awake.
Heaven have mercy—counting past and present lives, it was rare to hear Chongjue say “I like you.”
Last time he got drunk, it was a marriage contract. This time, he was confessing his feelings. Did Chongjue only do big things quietly when drunk?
Su Hansheng had been annoyed at Su Xuanlin for making Chongjue drink, but now he immediately changed his mind, wishing his father would drag him to drink himself senseless every day.
“You like me?” Su Hansheng’s eyes curved, smiling. “How much do you like me? Mm…”
Before he finished, Chongjue suddenly leaned down and captured Su Hansheng’s lips.
Su Hansheng’s eyes flew wide open.
Chongjue’s hand moved up, his slender fingers threading through Su Hansheng’s black hair, forcing him unable to escape, only able to passively endure this extremely domineering kiss.
This sense of oppression was extremely familiar—like the World-Honored One’s cold pressure, yet mixed with the evil one’s urgent pursuit of desire from the previous life. The two overlapped, creating an experience Su Hansheng had never had before.
His scalp tingled, vaguely feeling like he might be swallowed by that tingling sensation.
Chongjue seemed to have natural talent, easily kissing Su Hansheng until his head spun and he could barely breathe.
Su Hansheng couldn’t help but struggle, reaching to push Chongjue’s shoulders away.
“Don’t…”
Chongjue was forced to interrupt his not-yet-satisfied desire, frowning deeply, still keeping him trapped in his arms, looking down at him from above.
He looked like a demon about to devour someone, yet carried an aura of Buddhist tranquility.
Su Hansheng breathed heavily, his thin eyelids red to the corners, amber eyes filled with mist, coughing and gasping. “What… cough, what’s wrong with you?”
Seeing him like this, something familiar seemed to flash through Chongjue’s mind. His dark eyes suddenly contracted, as if stimulated.
Seeing Chongjue’s expression darken, Su Hansheng thought his rejection had upset him, so he reached up to hook around his neck, leaning forward to kiss him skillfully.
Chongjue’s expression became even darker, pressing Su Hansheng down. “Don’t move.”
Su Hansheng’s head nearly hit the pillow, frowning at him.
Chongjue seemed to want to maintain control. Whenever Su Hansheng showed any skilled responsiveness, he’d immediately cover his mouth with a dark expression.
Su Hansheng: “…”
Su Hansheng refused to accept this, struggling to brush his hand away, determined to take initiative once.
But before long, Chongjue seemed to become angry and pinned him down—probably angry he’d moved his tongue. His hand held Su Hansheng’s palm-sized face, his thumb forcibly prying open his lips, pressing on the root of his tongue.
Su Hansheng: “…”
Ugh.
Su Hansheng almost vomited for him to see.
“Chongjue!” Su Hansheng was furious, about to kick him.
Chongjue smoothly climbed onto the bed, forcibly restraining Su Hansheng completely, saying coldly, “Don’t move.”
Su Hansheng’s mouth was sensitive—anything in it made him want to gag. Seeing Chongjue refusing to let go, anger rose from his heart and evil grew at his side. His teeth clenched hard, biting Chongjue’s finger and refusing to release.
Chongjue’s eyes contracted to pinpoints from pain.
Su Hansheng bit Chongjue’s thumb until it left a ring of teeth marks, nearly drawing blood before spitting it out with a “ptui,” saying coldly, “Is this how you act when drunk?”
He’d actually had some expectations for tonight!
Drunkards were drunkards—so annoying.
Chongjue looked down at his finger, finally speaking after a long time. “Don’t want you to respond.”
Su Hansheng frowned. “What do you mean?”
Chongjue apparently gave up, playing dead and collapsing onto him, his tall form pressing entirely on Su Hansheng, burying his face in his neck, unmoving.
Su Hansheng was almost amused by anger. “What, now that my father agrees, you’re showing your true colors?”
Chongjue’s hot breath sprayed on Su Hansheng’s neck, numbing half his body.
After a moment, he finally mumbled, “Memories from the past life… you don’t like them.”
Su Hansheng froze.
Chongjue’s essence was special—only two jade pieces could merge into one. After fusion, his actions were one thought to Buddha, one thought to demon.
The evil one’s memories from the past life merged into his body. What symbolized evil had no gentleness—only endless desire, with emotion becoming an easily overlooked aspect.
The evil one hadn’t noticed Su Hansheng’s initial coldness. For someone whose mind was full of beauty, even if he’d noticed, he probably wouldn’t have cared.
But now, the merged Chongjue looked at those memories and only felt sad.
Su Hansheng had fallen into Infinite Hell alone, yet still ended up in the hands of this naturally evil being to be tormented.
The youth who’d been a blank slate was taught all sorts of messy things. Even his initial rejection and coldness disappeared, as if numbly resigned to fate during each dual cultivation session, forced to respond.
Chongjue said quietly, “If you don’t like it, push me away.”
Su Hansheng was stunned for a long time, probably understanding where Chongjue’s inexplicable abnormality came from.
He pressed Chongjue’s head, patting it intermittently like comforting himself, suppressing a smile. “Who said I don’t like it?”
Chongjue said, “You just don’t like it.”
“Fine, whatever you say.”
Su Hansheng patted his head again, finding this feeling quite novel.
There was actually a day when he’d comfort Chongjue?
Though he’d agreed, the gloom on Chongjue grew heavier.
Su Hansheng said with a smile, “…Let’s say I didn’t like it before, but it’s different now. We’ve already written our marriage contract—it’s proper and legitimate, not some nameless affair.”
Chongjue: “…”
“From now on, we don’t have to call it an affair.”
Su Hansheng continued comforting him, completely unaware of the desire gradually brewing in Chongjue’s dark eyes.
“It’s aboveboard—it’s called dual cultivation between Dao Companions.”
***
Night descended from all sides.
Su Xuanlin sat atop the snowy mountain behind Wendao Academy, listlessly drinking from a wine jar, completely different from his earlier posture of deliberately trying to drink Chongjue to death.
After who knows how long, Su Xuanlin suddenly tossed the wine jar aside, thinking:
Forget it.
Come to think of it, it wasn’t so bad.
His son preferred men. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t feel at ease. At least this son-in-law was someone he knew inside and out.
Su Xuanlin found joy in suffering, rubbing his aching temples.
So be it.
After Xiaoxiao graduates, he can go train for a dozen years or so. Then they can consider registering together.
No rush.
***