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CHAPTER 3 – I’M JUST AN EARTHLING, CAN I STOP AN INTERGALACTIC WAR?
PART 04
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…Accompanying the unpleasant laugh was the appearance on the screen of what looked like a humanoid pig-toad hybrid, with feelers growing out of his bald head. His bloated purple body, with five rolls of fat along his belly, jiggled with every movement. A second purple-skinned male was standing to the side, and in utter contrast, this one appeared to be skin-and-bones.
“And who might these beings be?” R asked in her usual nonchalant tone.
There was no answer, since nobody could hear her, but the council president, who had been staring at the screen with a dour look, spoke up.
“Great King of Satamonia. I do not recall opening a direct line of communication between our planets?”
So that lump was the Satamonian king…?
Hearing that, the king laughed again.
[Geb geb, don’t sound so stern. When I heard that Iris-chan had returned, I just couldn’t keep calm any longer. Right, Mr Chief?]
And skin-and-bones guy, with that irritating malicious smirk on his face, seemed to be the king’s chief officer.
[Yes. Upon hearing the news, our great king personally dashed to activate the communication troops. He even stomped on one of his pets in his panic.]
[Humm? Did I? I don’t remember losing any.]
[Because we got it replaced immediately.]
[Hmm~ Anyway, I want one of those super violent gorillas from the planet Jambaria as my next pet.]
Aren’t we all getting a little off-topic here?
As if forgetting that they had interrupted a meeting, the king and his chief carried on their animated conversation about pets. Soon, the Pheneritan council members started to grow impatient.
“…Great king, may I enquire your purpose in contacting us?”
[Can’t you tell? Obviously it’s about my marriage to Iris-chan.]
Iris’ expression hardened.
However, the Satamonian king seemed not to notice, despite all the signs pointing at how she had no wish to marry him.
Yet this planet would be in great trouble if she refused.
Everyone in the room turned to look at Iris, as if silently forcing her to accept the proposal.
“……!”
I wanted to help her, but I remained silent for now, watching her as well.
If she rejected the proposal, there would be an intergalactic war.
And if that really happened…how would I go about winning it?
Defeating the Demon King was just facing a single opponent, but a war was different. It was no longer my one life at stake; if I made a mistake, hundreds of thousands could die. That was the implication of war.
It was too heavy a burden for me to take on alone.
Besides, I couldn’t think of a suitable plan to resolve the issue.
Should I really accede to the president’s wishes and let Iris take responsibility…? I knew we didn’t really have much choice in the matter, anyway.
Then, as if controlled by the collective fervor of those present, Iris slowly nodded, face averted as she bit down on her lip. She was probably suppressing her own feelings, and agreeing for the sake of everyone.
But a single tear rolling down her cheek betrayed her emotions.
Unable to take it any longer, I raised my voice.
“Stop right there!!”
Everyone’s gazes immediately landed on me.
“…Rekka?”
Iris had lifted her head as well, looking at me with eyes full of tears.
[Hmm? Who are you?]
“Shut up, pig-toad!”
[Geb!?]
Having shocked the king into silence, I took a deep breath to calm myself before continuing.
For a moment back there, I had been influenced by the people in this room, and forgotten one precious fact.
This “story” was headed towards a bad ending at full speed.
And until I saw Iris’ tears, I had stood by in silence, thinking thoughts like “it can’t be helped” and “I can’t do anything”… I’m such an idiot. If problems could be solved by doing nothing, then we wouldn’t be in such a situation right now.
I was brought here to spur this “story” towards a possible happy ending.
I wouldn’t say that what I was about to do was the right solution…but I’ll step forward and stop this “tragedy”!
“All of you, do you really think this is for the best!?”
Everyone in the room stared at me, silently screaming, ‘what are you saying!?’.
But I wouldn’t take that for an answer.
I repeated myself again, facing the council president, who was glaring at me with narrowed eyes.
“What about you, president? Do you think Iris marrying the king is for the best?”
“Young man, please stop. This is our planet’s problem to solve.”
“I’m asking you, do you think this is for the best?”
“…That is not the issue. My duty is to protect the peace of this planet and its people.”
“Shut up! Answer my question! I’m asking, do you really think that forcing your reluctant daughter into marriage is going to grant everyone a happy ending!?”
The president’s face twisted, and for the first time, a hint of rage showed in his eyes as he bit down on his lip and glared at me. The force of his bite broke through the skin of his lip, and the speckle of blood spoke of his true emotions.
“…And what do you want me to say?”
“Nothing, but it would have helped if you had displayed your feelings from the get-go. Right, Iris?”
“Papa…”
Iris’ eyes were red and swollen, but her expression seemed like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders.
There must be nothing more horrible than being handed to the enemy by one’s own parent. Iris must feel so relieved now that she knew her father did not truly wish for her to marry the Satamonian king.
I guess things should turn out alright now.
Then…
[Hey. What are you blabbering about? Are you planning to interrupt my marriage to Iris-chan-geb!?]
The king, angry at being ignored, yelled on the monitor screen, spittle flying.
R, who had been watching us in silence, let out an annoyed sigh.
“Rekka-san, what do you plan to do now? This may spell an intergalactic war at worst, you know?”
She was right. If that happened, all would be lost.
So I had to act.
I glared at the Satamonian king.
“Of course I’m going to interrupt. Because…I’m going to marry Iris!”
[W-WHAAAT!? What did you say!?]
“Shut up! It was love at first sight! In fact, I came all the way from Earth just to marry her!”
That was stretching the truth, but the king didn’t need to know that.
“I can make Iris happy! I’ll never let a pig-toad like you have her!”
[W-w-who are you calling pig-toad!?]
“Unsatisfied? Then…”
Raising my fist to the Satamonian king’s face, I delivered the final blow of the century.
“…Duel me for Iris!”
[W-WHAT~!? You’re just a brat from some unknown planet!]
“Real men fight with their fists! You can order your army to attack planets, but you’re afraid to go one-on-one in a duel with a mere Earthling!? You’re just a coward, then!”
[GEBBBBBBBBBBUUU!!]
The king’s face had turned reddish-purple. I’d probably pushed him to his limit.
“So, what do you have to say, pig-toad bastard?”
I continued provoking the king as I clenched my lightly trembling fist tight, dripping with cold sweat.
My physical constitution probably granted me the possibility of saving a “story”, but there was always a chance of failure.
However…aside from provoking the king into one-on-one combat…I couldn’t come up with any other solution.
Having witnessed the power of the laser gun manufactured in Satamonia, it was obvious that their reputation as a militant planet was solid. If he brought such weapons to our duel, I would be easily reduced to ashes… But that would also mean that a war could be averted. At the very worst, I would be the only sacrifice.
I’d have time to think of a battle plan later. The most important thing now was to lure him into agreeing to a one-on-one duel.
[Great king. If I may.]
Just then, the skinny chief officer, who had remained silent up till now, stepped forward.
[What is it!?]
The enraged king spat as he turned around, but skin-and-bones only smiled.
[If you would be so kind, I’d like to share my humble opinion.]
Skin-and-bones started whispering in the king’s ear, and slowly, his face turned from the ugly reddish-purple back to its original color. Before long, a complacent smile came to his face, and he was soon laughing again.
[Alright, brat. I accept your challenge.]
“O-OK…!”
Things were going according to plan, but why did I feel so uneasy…?!
[But since you are the one who’s coming between myself and Iris, I get to decide the conditions of the duel.]
“……! Alright.”
Where did that come from? The situation hadn’t looked bright for me before, but now with skin-and-bones’ intervention, I could feel the worst scenario descending upon me…!
Then, the Satamonian king opened his huge mouth…
[At midnight, a meteor will strike Earth.]
…and delivered the conditions of the duel.
“……Huh?”
For a moment, I was completely stunned by his declaration.
It wasn’t that I didn’t understand what he said. My mind just refused to accept it.
I mean… A meteor?
[If you can stop the meteor, then you win. If you can’t, then you lose.]
“W-w-wait a minute! So if I lose, the meteor will strike Earth!?”
[Geb geb, don’t worry. I’ll make sure to send a meteor that’s just the right size to annihilate Earth.]
“No need for such details!”
But my anger only fed his humor. The king relaxed against his chair, bellowing with laughter.
[Geb geb geb geb! I don’t care how you do it, but your goal is to keep the Earth from being destroyed… I bet you’re regretting making me your enemy now.]
“W-wait!”
But the communication had already been cut.
Midnight? A meteor? Earth annihilated if I lose?
…Had I really taken on something impossible this time?