That happened only for them, not me. I would remember everything. My experiences wonât disappear. Killing Mickey because of my carelessness would always remain with me. The guilt would always remain no matter how many times the days repeated, and others forgot about it.
While learning magic and other techniques, I had increased my experiences and my knowledge. Then why didnât I think about such a thing? Why didnât I think about the side effects and the pain? I was so complacent and foolish. I took death too lightly. I wasnât playing a game or reading a novel, so why had I been so confident when giving the medicine to Mickey?
I was scared. It seemed as though the spirit of Mickey would come up to me and shout at me any moment now. They were not wrong. I killed someone today. I was a murderer.
I felt sick. I felt nauseous. I vomited on the bed. The nausea didnât subside. The image of Mickeyâs to my stomach and vomited on the bed, but the nausea did not go away. The image of Mickey dying did not disappear from my mind. It bothered me excruciatingly. I lay on the dirty bed and sobbed. I had fits of vomit until nothing could come out.
I want to get out of here.
How long do I have to wait for Kaichen to come? Exactly how much time should pass in this repeating world for him to come and break the magic? I know that heâll come, but I donât know when â 5, 10, 20 years from now? Time went by and I became so accustomed to this repeating world that I did this horrible thing to Mickey.
What if he suddenly breaks the magic tonight? Then Mickey canât come back to life! Am I going to be called a murderer all my life? My body trembled. The more I thought about it, the more fearful and anxious I felt. What should I really do?
Thinking about all these, I fell asleep in exhaustion. When I opened my eyes, it was already the next day. The bed was clean as though it had never held a person who had vomited her guts out on it. My body which had been wrecked with nausea and stained with my own vomit was clean as though it had never happened. The day had come back as new. As though nothing had happened, I jumped up and hurried out of the mansion and headed for Mimiâs house.
âHuh? MissâŚ.?â Asked Mimi, looking at me as though I was acting very strange while I panted and gasped, holding the entrance gate. I sat down and burst into tears. Mimi handed me a glass of water, probably thinking I was just having one of my âfitsâ after drinking in the morning.
âMiss, whatever you are going through, you shouldnât rely on alcohol. I canât believe youâre drinking until morning in such a dangerous way because you told people to pay taxes. What are you going to do if something happensâŚ.â
Just yesterday, she had slapped me and called me a murderer, and today she is reaching out to me as though everything was fine. This was just hell for me. Alone.
I couldnât sleep properly because of the nightmares. I stared at the night sky, dawn breaking. I saw the Angel snooping in the front gate as it became lighter. As he saw me sitting on the railing, he startled, and his lips curled up in surprise.
I thought for a moment that the nightmare wasnât over but looking at Angelâs face reassured me that it was over. It was adorable to see him startled and jump in surprise. âWelcome Angel, you didnât have to come this early. Very diligent, I see.â
âBecause newspaper delivery has become a habitâŚâ
Angel glanced at the shabby and abandoned mansion and then turned to the overgrown garden where bushes and weeds reached oneâs knees, and gulped loudly. I burst out laughing.
I rumpled Angelâs hair and stroked it lightly. âTake this first,â I said and handed him a pouch of gold coins.
âAt first, I just wanted you to clean up the mansion, but I have to leave in a hurry. I donât know when Iâll be back, so I want you to take responsibility for managing the mansion for a while.â
âWha-What does that mean? Miss!â
He looked at me carefully, thinking that I was under the influence of alcohol. But there was no bottle of wine in my hands, only a pouch of gold coins. Looking at his pale face, I placed the pouch in his little hands.
âItâs because I think I have to leave urgently. Itâs just a momentary departure so that I can devote myself to Acrab. I am running away temporarily. Well, thatâs how it is.â
âMiss, whatâs wrong with you? You have a deadly disease, right? Uncle Lars at the bar said the same thing yesterday. Miss tried to pay back her credit. He was worried. He said that people change when they are about to die. Are you really going to die?â
There was nothing Lars hid from the little boy. But the thought of Lars talking about me when I just wanted to do a good deed made my mouth twitch. I took his face in my hand and shook my head. âI donât have a disease. I am leaving to find someone who can help Acrab. So, donât worry too much.â
âMiss, your hands are shakingâŚâ
âThis is proof that I stopped drinking.â
âWhy are you surprised? Iâm not lying.â Taking a deep breath, I crouched down to Angelâs height and pulled his soft cheeks.