From Now On, I Can Smile (Part 7)
Since when did I start wanting to hug Elizabeth? Perhaps it was after I got married, when I saw Elizabeth drunk alone in her room, murmuring Inardās name? Iām still not sure. I knew Vyvyan much better than I knew Elizabeth. My initial impression of Elizabeth was a majestic, dignified and tyrannical Empress. Afterwards, I learnt she was a mom no different to Vyvyan. She was a mom who loved me, yet was clumsy. Later on, I discovered she was actually a scared, young girl all along. Elizabeth wore countless layers of masks, making it virtually impossible to see her true thoughts. Fortunately, I eventually learnt what they were.
Mommy Vyvyan got everything she wanted. She had her parents, her brother and me. She possessed powerful mana and a superior lineage that allowed her to rule without any threats to her rule. There were no natural disasters or man-made disasters in the elven lands. It was what Vyvyan desired for it to be. She didnāt need me to take care of her or protect her. I just needed to be her son. I just needed to be a son who depended on her and needed her thigh to sleep on. The circumstances were different for Elizabeth, though.
Elizabeth didnāt have anything. Nothing she wanted stayed with her. Her parents, her husband and even I left. She couldnāt keep anything. She couldnāt snatch anything. She quit trying. She was the Empress, the heart of the empire, but she was still just a girl roaming the forest, looking for warmth. She wouldnāt struggle; she didnāt dare to struggle, because she was just a pitiful child without others around her.
āUhm, I knowā¦ I know,ā said Elizabeth.
Elizabeth leaned on my chest. She sounded as though she was sighing, yet sounded as though she was murmuring. She closed her eyes. The warmth of her body closest to my heart transferred into my blood and circulated to every corner of my body. She tenderly wrapped her arm around my back. In a gentle tone, she said, āMommy knows. Mommy knowsā¦ Mommy loves you, tooā¦ My most beloved sonā¦ Mommy was scared, truly very scared youād be angry with Mommyā¦ Mommy was afraid youād never acknowledge me as your mom, but youāre so gentle. Mommy cruelly left you behind, but you still called me, āMom.ā Mommy reallyā¦ loves you so muchā¦ā
I didnāt speak; instead, I tightened my arms around Elizabeth. She smiled: āItās truly so blissful to have a son. Son, with you by Mommyās side, Mommy will have an embrace to rest in and lean on. Mommy wonāt have a man to lean on when Mommy returns. This is the last time. This is the last time Mommy will rest in your embrace. Let Mommy have a good rest. Let Mommy have a good restā¦ā
When I heard Mommy Elizabeth choking on her tears again, I clenched my teeth, and then grabbed hold of her hand. Her hand was somewhat rough, but nonetheless, warm. Fearful, she quivered. She was prone to being scared. She wanted to have somebody keep her company, but it was impossible. She, herself, had already given up.
āI said it before, Iāll destroy her cage. I have bathed in the blood of a dragon. I can no longer be hurt, yet I canāt keep my mom by my side. Whatās the point of this power?ā I asked myself.
āIf your dad could see you, he, too, would probably be happy. I know you went to the place your father died. I wonder if you saw your dad there. Inard didnāt stay with you for long. You might not have any impression of him. Now, though, youāve grown up, so I donāt feel as though I owe him.ā
Mommy Elizabeth raised her head from my embrace and touched my face. She nostalgically chuckled.
I was very annoyed when I saw the yearning and love in Momās eyes. I said, āMomā¦ you donāt have to continue missing Inard. Inard never missed you. While you were waiting him for eighteen years, he never thought of you once. He was romping with a dragon in the desert when you were missing him! You can go and ask the dragon. I brought back. She considers herself his legitimate main wife!ā
To my surprise, Elizabeth looked at me with a sluggish look. I expected her to be upset, sad or perhaps angry, but she didnāt wear any expression. She even shook her head with a smile: āItās all right. Mommy was the one who left anyhow. Mommy left you and your father behind. I had no hope that heād return to my side. It doesnāt matter anymore. Itās all in the past now. Son, Mommy is happy as long as youāre by my side. Inard gave me warmth and was the first to protect me. He also gave me love. Thatās enough. What heās done has nothing to do with whether or not I love him.ā
I couldnāt take it anymore, so I aggressively kissed Elizabeth on the lips. She violently jolted. Elizabeth sent me reeling. I eventually crashed into a wall. Frankly, that wasnāt enough to hurt me anymore. As a matter of fact, I was worried Iād destroy the wall, instead.
Elizabeth shouted with regret but more so anger, āSon! What are you doing?! What are you doing?! Iām not your wife! Iām your Mom!ā
Elizabeth hadnāt finished, but she approached me due to concern, since I was grabbing my head as I pathetically got to my feet. She carefully clasped my face. With a tinge of fear in her tone, she said, āAre you all rightā¦? Are you all right? Son, sorryā¦ Sorryā¦ Mommy shouldnāt have hit you so hard, ugh!!ā
I grabbed Mommy Elizabethās hand without any hesitation and pressed her up against the wall. Having bathed in dragon blood, I was longer the old me. I was stronger than Mommy Elizabeth. She was strong, but she now couldnāt move her wrist that I had a grip on. Although she could give me a thrashing as she would if I was criminal perpetrator, Mom was worried about hurting me, so all she did was desperately try to break free.
I kissed Elizabeth without hesitation. She didnāt resist this time, but she bit my tongue, instead. As a result, I released her. She raged, āWhat are you doing?! Son! Youāre my son! What are you trying to do?!! Iām not your wife!ā
While she said that Elizabethās tears continued to splat all over the place. I let go of one hand. I easily restrained her with one hand. I pressed down on her black hair that was wildly swinging about and stopped her from shaking around. Her gaze was filled with terror and tremendous grief.
I sincerely said, āMom, I want to protect you. Iāve remembered what happened that night. Iāve recalled all of it. Mom, I want to protect you. Didnāt you say that Iām very similar to Inard now? I can give you what Inard gave you. Forget Inard. Inard betrayed you, but I will never betray you. I told you before that Iād destroy that cage, and I will protect you. Iām your son, but itās a fact that I like you. Be with me. Iāll let you be with me, Mom. You can be whoever you want by my side. You can be my mom if you want, too. Just donātā¦ leave meā¦ā
When I mentioned that night, Mom shuddered, and then meekly lost all of her strength. She weakly leaned onto the wall and stopped struggling with her hands. She bit down hard on her lip and shifted her line of sight away. I knew she was resisting, fighting the urge to explain herself and the tears that wanted to surface. I quietly added, āI will protect you, Mom. Iāll let you stay by my side. Believe me. Believe in me, Mom. I can give you what Inard gave you. Please stay by my sideā¦ Donāt leaveā¦ I love youā¦ Momā¦ I reallyā¦ love youā¦ā
Mommy Elizabeth didnāt respond. I kissed her again. This time, she didnāt put up any resistance. Her cold and trembling lips were still so soft.
I released Elizabeth for a while to wait for her reply.
āā¦ All rightā¦ā She muttered under her breath.
I smiled and then kissed her once againā¦ Mom didnāt resist, but she didnāt respond, eitherā¦
The White Deer King watching us from behind snorted. Displeased, she turned her head away. The White Deer Kingās gaze then abruptly stopped on the opposite side of the road. A dark silhouette appeared on the opposite side of the road at some point. Not even the White Deer King noticed the individualās presence. Perhaps the individual, like the White Deer King, was too focused on watching the pair. The silhouette looked frail and weak, similarly to a sheet of paper swept up by a strong wind. He looked as though heād collapse at any momentā¦