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A Heart’s Thirst
TW: Death, disturbing scenes.
***
MarryAnne put down Cesar’s legs and blinked her one black eye.  Her gaze weighed heavily on Cesar.
“…..After all, if you only look good, she won’t know.”
Cesar’s face turned white at the low murmur.  He forgot his pain at that moment.
“Wait, wait. Wait!  In that case, I’m not acting!  The acting of the father who loves Kyrie, I can do very well!  Wouldn’t it be better to see a living father for Kyrie too!”
On Cesar’s face, a sad face came to mind, perhaps for the first time in his life. In the meantime, he was certainly resourceful in that he offered a deal that would have been dreadful to MarryAnne before.
“So…….”
Cesar said with his eyes wide open so that she could see the purple eyes that resemble Kyrie as much as possible.
“But…..live…….”
A faint smile appeared on MarryAnne’s face.
“I don’t like it. Die, you scum.”
MarryAnne clung together the leaves she was holding until they were crushed. As she took a step back and spread her hands out, the shredded leaves flew like petals over Cesar’s body.
It started making a squeaky sound.
Sasasasa. Sasasasa……
Cesar knew immediately what that meant.  It was the footsteps of the multi-footed ones he would hear above his head in the middle of the night, under the floor in quiet moments.  Before long, dark red insects began to creep in between the alleys.
Cesar’s face turned pale.
“No…No! Ack! Do not come! Hik!  I want to live! Help me!  I’m not good!  I will do well!  I’ll go straight to Kyrie!  I will go right away!”
Cesar foresaw his future and screamed. But MarryAnne just stared at him with dark cavernous eyes, and the worms marched without understanding his words.
“Please! Help me! I want to live!  No! Hik! Go away!  Aaaaaah!”
Cesar’s screams grew higher in fear.  Cesar somehow managed to shake off the bugs that climbed up his body and rolled down the floor like crazy, but in vain.  Caterpillars, stag beetles, earthworms, bedbugs, unknowns, beetles, ants, spiders, centipedes, ticks, fleas…….Little things with shiny carapaces and soft skins climbed over Cesar’s clothes.  The worm-covered area scorched as if black oil was boiling.  The bugs passed through the throat, and small bugs started to penetrate Cesar’s body through the open ends of the body.
(T/N: open ends of the body are- ears, mouth, nostrils)
Cesar couldn’t scream any more.  The little bugs squirmed with their buzzing arms stretched out toward MarryAnne.  MarryAnne said softly.
“It doesn’t look like it. Please chew on the inside…As long as possible, painfully.”
MarryAnne soon left Cesar behind and moved her gaze to the other side of the city.  Presence of other people disappearing one by one.  “That” seemed to have entered the city.
Now it was time to wait for Kyrie.
***
“…….What if I say no?”
Kyrie asked. Leschaux bowed briefly.
〔I’m sorry. Even if you say you will remain human, I will give you powers.〕
“You mean it (powers) isn’t from Nathaniel?”
〔That’s right.  Nathaniel would have wanted me to protect you, but if he wanted to, he wouldn’t have waited this long.〕
(T/N: she is asking if that power isn’t of Nathaniel’s, so he replies that it isn’t if Nathaniel really wanted her to transcend humans he would have done it way Before, he didn’t do it because he didn’t wanted Kyrie to experience loneliness)
Kyrie could understand Nathaniel’s thoughts.  Leschaux doesn’t like her, but Nathaniel’s request would help her by keeping a proper distance. Kyrie made a voice that was suppressed by her confusion.
“……is he really dead?”
Leschaux, who had been calm and immediate throughout the whole time, stopped responding.  He stared at her Kyrie with unblinking eyes.
〔I told you not to ask me.〕
“Tell me.”
〔He could not die, so he chose eternal sleep.  Where no one can wake him up anymore.〕
Leschaux immediately opened his mouth.  Kyrie noticed that he actually wanted to say it.
〔Now Nathaniel will not appear among the royalties.〕
Kyrie let out a trembling breath.
“That…..You mean he sealed himself up?”
〔It is similar.  It is only expressed as ‘sleep’ for convenience, but it is different from that in reality.〕
“How is it different?”
〔Nathaniel does not sleep. So it is correct to say that he just sits still with his eyes closed.〕
Kyrie made a blank face. She mumbled as if she was squeezing her words.
“……It must be painful.”
The corners of his lips softened slightly.
〔If you have any sympathy for him, I think you should stop. He didn’t want that.〕
Kyrie raised her trembling eyes and looked at him.
“What was it that he wanted to achieve by doing this?  He must have entrusted me to the Lord because he wanted me to do something, but I—”
〔No, Kyrie Buchanan.〕
Leschaux interrupted Kyrie.
〔I will tell you. You are not responsible for Nathaniel’s death. He chose that hell for himself, and he never asked for anything from you.〕
“No matter how much he wants to stay still for the rest of his life and just wait for time to pass……How long?”
〔That is, until the end of the world.〕
Kyrie opened her mouth slightly.
“……Are you lying?  Or did he leave a will for me?”
Leschaux laughed briefly, like an adult listening to a child’s tantrums.
〔Kyrie Buchanan. Is he the kind of person who would do such a cute thing?  There was only one thing Nathaniel wanted you to do.〕
“What is that?”
Leschaux replied softly, without erasing the smile that had faded from his lips.
〔I said that I want to do what I want to do.〕
At that moment, Kyrie felt her heart stop.
A single memory of her unfolded in front of her like a panorama.  It was the engagement celebration where only enemies were everywhere.  People were chattering, and the musicians’ hands were busy.  The air flowed slowly.  Even though it was winter, the atmosphere was as gentle as spring.
Nathaniel and Kyrie danced a waltz between them, as if saying that the world is dirty.  The gaze staring intently at her own profile, his firm hand supporting her back, and the pretty shape of his clasped fingers came to mind all at once.
The last thing that came to mind was the conversation of that moment.
‘It sounds like people just kept asking for you.’
[Not wrong.]
‘Then can I ask for one?’
[Tell me.]
‘Do what you want to do. That’s my request.’
She stopped breathing. Tears welled up in her eyes, and her stomach felt hot as if on fire.
It was the starting point.
It was as if Nathaniel’s voice could be heard in her ear.
[Do what you want to do. Kyrie Buchanan.]
Tears were dripping down from Kyrie’s eyes.
Someone said once that—
People tell the words to others what they want to hear.
That was indeed true. She deliberately pushed herself to such an extent that others would think it was excessive.  There must have been people who cursed at the degree of being too involved in other people’s work.
In fact, it was deliberate. She was hoping that if people around her became happy enough, she would give the crumbs of happiness. If Kyrie says ‘I want you to be happy.’, she thought there might be at least one person who says, ‘I want you to be happier than me.’. She was hungry for that word, and she also expressed her sincerity to the passing greeting.
It was desperate
How childish and immature it was, she knew.  But the young Kyrie Buchanan inside was still thirsty for her affection.  Adult Kyrie Buchanan didn’t know how to fix it. Unsatisfied with her thirst, her heart did not grow, only her head grew and her world stained.
So she cut herself off and gave it to others, and picked up the price for it. She didn’t know how. Because she never learned. Like Nathaniel, who was restless and couldn’t say anything but gave money, fame, jewels, and power.
The more she consumed herself, the more burdens went up on her shoulders, and she couldn’t even know what she had been working so hard for in the past.
And now, Nathaniel says,
You have to be so desperate.
Because, as he said, whoever Kyrie is, whatever form she looks like, good or bad, she will be his world.
“This…….”
Knowing that Leschaux was looking at her, her face contorted uncontrollably.
“Really…….”
Kyrie bit her lip.  Her tears dripped down her cheeks and wet the floor.
“It’s a foul……”
She quickly closed her eyes.
Leschaux, who was staring at Kyrie with her soft eyes, opened her mouth.
〔This is the last time.  Kyrie Buchanan.  Decide.  Will you remain human, or will you transcend humans?〕
Kyrie listened to Leschaux’s words, but didn’t reply for a long time.  Her tears didn’t stop as her eyes closed.
She stood for a long time as the darkness passed over her head, before she finally opened her eyes.
“My choice is…….”