Chapter 45

Chapter 45

“…I think we should have investigated not only my father’s case, but also how he lived while he was alive.”

Rosalind, who sat helplessly, muttered to herself with a distant face. Anna’s eyes glancing at her were dyed with a worried look.

“What’s wrong?”

“Anna…”

Her father said that a woman should not meddle in outside affairs. He had told his mother and her that a woman’s job was to keep an eye on the house.

Even though she felt a bit of a backlash each time, she pressed it down.

It was because she was a weak and powerless young daughter in front of her father, who only looked big. She always had the thought of not being right rather than rebelling and arguing with her father, and that she shouldn’t be scolded.

She knew that her father was greedy, though she didn’t know that he was so unscrupulous.

Regardless…

…Could ignorance be a reason for pardon?

It was not what she did.

She did not know… Could she be forgiven for those words? Whether she was beaten or abused by her father, she ended up living from what her father had accomplished?

When Rosalind thought about it that far, she felt like she was going to get nauseous.

Rosalind hurriedly picked up the handkerchief next to her and covered her mouth. A suffocation came out of her mouth, but she hadn’t eaten properly, so she couldn’t even spit it out.

Anna raised her voice in surprise.

“Miss!”

Even after she got married, Anna accepted her fragile heart by calling her ‘Miss’ whenever she was sick or wanted to act cute to her.

There were times when she thought that she would not have lived a single day in this house without Anna since she was by her side whenever she was trembling for fear of being scolded by her father.

“Anna…”

With Rosalind still covering her mouth, she gazed at her nanny with a messed up face.

“…I’ve always been the one who hurt the most.”

Selling them into slavery for not offering a virgin?

In her world, her victim had always been her. She was beaten by her father, suffered from her father’s promiscuity, and was always afraid that she would offend her father. She couldn’t fathom anything but herself…

Rosalind didn’t know how to look at him. She wondered how impudent she seemed all this time. That fact was so terrifying that she couldn’t stand it.

It was scary.

Would she be forgiven? What did she need to be forgiven for? Could she ask for forgiveness…? Everything was just messy and complicated.

“Are you okay?”

“Can I be okay?”

Her bewildered eyes twinkled with water.

He was a very bad husband to her. Though, was she simply a bad wife? Could she possibly have been a more terrible wife than a bad one…?

“Miss, did something happen? Shall I tell the Elder Madam?”

“No, no, don’t tell her.”

“You look very ill. Because what happened…”

“I don’t even know what it is anymore. Not one single thing…”

Rosalind’s voice mixed with weeping as she slowly approached her. Anna then reached out and gently brushed her hand under her eyes. Her fingertips were wet, like under her eyes.

Eventually, she asked in a voice that sounded like she would break.

“What should we do?”

“Miss…”

Anna’s voice rang out in the distance.

She was in so much pain that Anna didn’t even dare to comfort her. Breathing heavily, she only made a wheezing sound with her face, which looked hard to even breathe. Anna couldn’t even tell if it was a cry or something else.

“…Madam, it is the Young Master.”

The sound of running footsteps was followed by a knocking sound.

Rosalind’s shoulders stiffened. The thought of her son, Leo, seemed to make her head more complicated.

“A little later…”

But, before she could finish speaking, Leo opened the door and entered.

“Mom, are you going to see dad today?”

When she saw Leo’s face, she hurriedly wiped away her tears.

Her heart seems to be pounding and falling for nothing at the innocent voice of the child. To her, he was her ex-husband who treated her coldly, and to him, she was just the devil’s daughter. Still, at the same time, she was also a parent to Leo…

It was so tangled up that it could not be touched, like a thread that was too complicated to untangle.

“Today… I think it’s going to be a little hard on mom. How about going later?”

“Later?”

Leo shrugged his shoulders. The look of disappointment on his face was apparent.

“Can’t we go today? Dad will be waiting for me…”

“Does Leo like Dad?”

“Yes!”

If someone had asked her young self if she liked her father, she would never have come up with such an answer. Was it right for her to separate Leo from his biological father again because of her own feelings for him…?

Rosalind was not quite sure what was right and what was wrong.

“…So, shall Leo go with Anna today? Anna, go with Leo… Please.”

Anna flapped her lips as if worried about the words. As she asked if it was really okay, Rosalind nodded her head thoughtfully.

“I have to write a letter. I think I should send it to the Duke.”

Saying so, she spread a piece of paper on the desk and grabbed a pen, but in the end, she couldn’t write properly. Her hands holding the paper and pen trembled slightly.

Anna, who was watching her quietly, spoke carefully to Rosalind.

“I will call a child who can write.”

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At that, she summoned a servant who knew how to write and had her hold the pen.

Rosalind, who had been silent for a while after the servant came in, finally opened her mouth. It was difficult for her to even open her mouth, perhaps because of the feeling of being crushed.

“…Duke, I’ve been thinking about what you said before. It seems a little difficult for the three of us to live together. And… For the time being, I would like to send Leo to spend the time with the nanny Anna instead of me.”

Rosalind, who had spoken her words up to that point, swallowed her breath.

“Just finish it like that. Thank you.”

The servant nodded her head at the pulseless voice. She opened her mouth tenderly to her son.

“Leo, for the time being, Anna will accompany you instead of Mom.”

“Then, mom doesn’t see Dad?”

“Yes. I’m not seeing him.”

“…Why?”

Because I was scared.

Gazing into Leo’s innocent eyes, Rosalind swallowed those words deeply. It was because she was afraid of how he would see her, she wasn’t sure what kind of face she had to see him with. She was afraid of this situation, and she didn’t know what to do…

Squeezing the countless words that came up to the end of her neck, she barely kept a smile. That smile was as soft and breathtaking as ice that would be shattered by even the slightest shock.

“I want to go with mom…”

“Sorry. Mom is sorry.”

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry…’

Rosalind muttered those words into her mouth.

* * *

“Mom said she won’t be coming today.”

“Why won’t mom come?”

“I don’t know. She just said sorry.”

In response, Leo pouted his mouth. He replied calmly that he knew, but he couldn’t help but feel bitter.

Recalling Leo’s words, Kyle tilted his glass. Rosalind didn’t come today. There was only one letter on behalf of her. Anna’s hand clenched as she gave the letter. When asked what happened to Rosalind, all he heard was a bland thing.

“Drinking too much is not good for your health.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been drinking, isn’t it?”

“You are drinking too much.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

At Walter’s concern, he answered with a grin. As if he was already drunk, his expression and gestures were disturbed.

“We’ve only been together for a year… There are times when I feel like those times are my whole life. Why was I so stuck at those times? Am I being held captive by those times, or am I being forced to hold it?”

It wasn’t that he was starting to get drunk, it seemed like Kyle was already drunk.

Empty bottles were already scattered on his desk. A stuttering hand picked up the bottle and poured it into the glass again. Although some distance away, Walter could feel the smell of liquor piercing the tip of his nose.

“…Walter. Rosalind followed you well. You’ve been pretty good to Rosalind, too.”

“Yes, because she’s such a good person. She treats me like a father, like a friend, and always kind…”

“That’s right. She’s a good girl. She made all these people on her side like that, and when she left, she left without any regrets.”

His gaze fell on the letter from Rosalind. He read the letters quietly with his eyes slightly lowered.

‘It seems a little difficult for the three of us to live together.

For the time being, I would like to send Leo to spend the time with the nanny Anna instead of me.’

Those two insignificant sentences got stuck in a strangely painful way.

“And now, I feel like she’s leaving again… Why?”

Kyle laughed bitterly.

As he accepted Anna’s letter, he felt strangled in the throat.

Cracks broke out in the skillful, soft face he had always struggled to keep. Leo, who was watching as though that was revealed even in the eyes of the child, pulled the hem of his robe and said, “What’s going on?”

“…That good girl is really giving people a hard time.”

As Rosalind’s face shimmered, he wanted to see her with his own two eyes.

When she first left, he drank to sleep. However, alcohol was only a means to make sure that his heart was not filled with alcohol.

After realizing that, he started planting trees in the garden, focusing more on finding her than on the alcohol. He planted the things she likes. Thinking of the smiling face under that green tree made him smile a little without realizing it.

Even after four years of agonizingly learning that nothing could be solved with alcohol, there were days when he had to use it… Just like today.

“Why don’t you go to sleep now? I don’t think you should drink anymore.”

“…On a day like this, she will come out of my dreams.”

Even though the drink overflowed from filling the glass, his hand pouring the drink did not stop. Unable to watch anymore, Walter took a step forward. Kyle then took the glass and swallowed it into his throat.

A clear liquid was running down his long fingers.

“A few days ago, seeing Rosalind in front of me gave me a sense of relief that I was so lucky.”

…Because it was not a dream.

Kyle smirked. It was a smile close to self-pitying.

“But, why…”

He gulped down the drink again. Even in Walter’s eyes, he began to worry.

It had been a long time since the Master had been so disheartened and broken.

Servants and maids who did not serve him close to him would always say that he was gentle, though in Walter’s eyes, he was simply indifferent to others. He was a person who had basic manners in his body, but he did not give up on his master.

However, strangely, such a master had a different attitude when it came to the Madam’s business. He was furious, annoyed, in pain, and in longing.

Kyle, who drank in succession, glanced at Walter with shaky eyes. As he opened his mouth, a shrill voice came out.

“…Rosalind, I need to go to Rosalind.”

“Are you leaving now? It is raining.”

“I can’t stand it.”

He wanted to see her. He was afraid he’d never see her again.

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