ăNow, Brother, wake up. Letâs prepare and go out. Come on, hey, come on, come on.ă
ăNm, Mmm? Is it Mai? Wait for a bit, Brother is still sleepy⊠At least let me sleep until mister alarm clock permitsâŠă
While I was violently shaken, I slightly opened one eye and saw that time was even earlier than the one we wake up for school.
ăOh, that wonât do. Lazing like some pig will lead to the downgrade from hopeless brother to outright-garbage-brother. I would not want my beloved brother to turn that way. I want you to become a brother of one rank higher, the one that actually cares for his sister.ă
ăâŠâŠă
ăBrother that ignores his little sister gets this!ă
ăHugyaa?! Ah, Ah, Ah, hegyyu.ă
I let out a weird voice because of strongly pinched cheeks.
And just like that, like a caught fish I was dragged out of the bed and then released.
I unsightly lost my balance and plunged to the floor.
ăWell then, Mai will go and dress up, Brother should prepare as well.ă
ăYup.ă
As Mai was leaving the room with light steps I followed her with my eyes until she was out of sight and then got up.
ăâŠThat was one weird dream.ă
Contents of the dream, that I faintly remembered, made me feel bitterness in my mouth.
ăAaaah, it bugs me so hard, enough, ainât gonna think about anything today.ă
The problem is, Iâm was thinking way too much these days. To begin with, as if I can reach an answer by seriously thinking with my dumb head.
For this whole day, I am not going to think neither about that knife or about lost memories.
Iâm going to completely empty my head and enjoy the date with my little sister. Such is my decision.
ăăBrother, breakfast is readyăă
ăI am coming!ă
After answering to the voice the came from the lower floor I took off my sleepwear and put on clothes.
ââââââââ
ăWhew⊠That was a good movie. Very touching.ă
ăEh, for real? Touching? That movie?!ă
A crowded and noisy city, my dear sister was wearing a one-piece with a cardigan on top of it, a beret and fake glasses. I was in my casual clothes with sunglasses and a cap.
Itâs the disguise for the times when we are going somewhere far away from the school.
I have spent last three hours, which felt like an eternity, watching a movie about a squirrel and a cat just messing around and was absolutely astonished by the impression that my little sister shared the very moment we left the building.
Eh, but that movie is really just a movie about a squirrel and a cat endlessly messing around.
There really was no story or sh*t, simply put, that is just home video deluxe edition.
Moreover, itâs pointlessly long, three-hour epic. Just what were they trying to do?
ăI think you must polish your sense for art more. That was a rare masterpiece.ă
The face of my little sister saying that was completely serious and I could feel that she really meant it.
Thatâs absolutely not the case, but even if I tell her that she wonât admit it.
It didnât matter what clerk looked at us with almost a pity when we bought tickets or what no one else was watching the movie besides us. Yeah.
ăWell, itâs still early, wanna go someplace?ă
ăPet shop letâs go to a pet shop, Brother.ă
ăYes, yes, as princess wills it.ă
We pass through a block of urban building and head towards the shopping mall with a lot of tenants.
Today as well, we were holding hands and got from a people passing by reactions likeăSuch a cute coupleă.
Yup, though we are siblings, Iâm quite happy⊠Perhaps, I might actually be a siscon.
ăWelcome.ă
ăBrother brother, here, there are squirrels, squirrels! Aah, and there are kittens.ă
Mai was ecstatic after seeing the movie about her beloved cute animals.
She was trying to control herself, but her jolly behavior and the way she spoke showed, that she was unable to contain herself, which was extremely cute.
Yup, I really am a siscon.
ăThis little one was born in the previous month. Would you like to touch it?ă
ăI can?ă
ăYes, please, pet it gently.ă
Encouraged by the shop assistant, Mai happily holds the kitten.
ăBrother, Brother, please look, itâs so squishy and fluffy and fuzzy, itâs too cute, what, what should I do, Brother?ă
Yup, the kitten is one thing, but you are what should I do as well. Soo cute.
I donât care if I am siscon anymore.
For a while, I was admiring cute Mai, that was admiring small animals.
ăWhew, I am satisfied. Kittens, pups, hamsters, squirrelsâŠă
ăI see, I see, thatâs good.ă
ăBrother letâs check fancy goods store. Your little sister wants a plush toy.ă
ăAh, Wa, Wait!ă
My hand was grabbed once again and I was dragged into the cutely store, what a guy would find a bit hard to approach.
Inside it was crowded with couples and schoolgirls.
ăHm, Hmmm.ă
Itâs not like Iâm doing something bad, but for some reason, I feel guilty and unwelcome.
That must be that, since we are just siblings and not a real couple, Iâm conscious of being a fake normie, so being in a place for true normies causes me pain.
ăBrother, that is the face showing, that you are thinking about something strange?ă
ă?ăMai?ăMuguh.ă
When I turned around after my shoulder was patted from behind, I felt the sensation of a cloth filled with cotton on my cheek.
ăYour sister knows, when Brother makes that face, he is worried about something stupid. You know the saying, dumb ideas are worse than none at all, Brother should only be thinking about Mai. Understood?ă
ăNgu, ngu, mugugu.ă
She was pressing the limbs of the plush sheep against my cheeks.
Suddenly Mai appeared from behind the stuffed toy.
Aah, what is this feeling of happiness?
What is this, isnât she just way too cute?
Yea, itâs really is not my fault that I became a siscon. No mistake.
She played with hand puppets of a frog and a cow, tried various hair clips, aaah, I understand, this is what being a normie is like.
Siblings? No, no, thatâs even better. Right now I am a complete normie.
I mean Iâm on a date with such a cute girl. She is my sister though. But that doesnât matter, right?
ăBrother, there is one more store I would like to check out.ă
ăOh yea, I will go anywhere with you.ă
ăThatâs great. Then, letâs go in there together.ă
ăM?ă Which store do you, me⊠an⊠ă
ăLingerie Shopă»A Cutieă
In the direction that Mai was pointing, was located a pink, sparkling, and shining store, that rejected males.
Light and happy feeling disappeared as if a filter was removed by an impact.
ăNot happening.ă
ăOh, whatâs wrong? Suddenly making such a serious face. Your face is not that great to begin with so you donât have to get so concerned, Brother. Now, letâs go.ă
ăNo, I am not going. Only a truly brave man can enter there. Or rather, why are you so naturally luring your brother into such dangerous places? What were planning to buy at that store together with your brother?ă
ăLately, my breasts grew one size bigger, so I thought of purchasing another bra for sleeping.ă
ăAaa, aaa, aaa.ă
ăSo I thought I might as well choose something that would go along with your preferences.ă
ăI am pretending not to hear, so get the hint and give up?!ăGoing against the rules isnât cool!ă
ăBrother, selfishness isnât good. You are going to turn into a bad brother.ă
ăBrother that tells little sister his preferences in underwear ainât just bad brother anymore, he is gonna be called sex offender at that point!!ă
In the end, our argument continued until I persisted my way to victory.
I shouldnât have gone on a date with my little sister after all.
There I thought, that we should have properly named it a walk instead of a date. Over.
â
ăYour order is a drink bar, drink area is over there, please use it freely.ă
In the family restaurant with well-working air conditioner I finally calmed down, poured myself a soda, and returned to my seat.
I was about to get sucked into the purgatory known as women lingerie shop, but barely was able to fight off my sister and thus able to escape.
She said she will come out in about an hour, so it became, that I had to carry all of the stuff, that we bought until now, like stuffed animals and accessories, and had to kill time somewhere.
ăâŠEven so, one hour⊠Thatâs quite long.ă
I realize that itâs nonsense to compare it with buying manâs underwear but exactly what can take a whole hour.
ăSo freee, so booredâŠă
ăWell well, as expected of a high school student. Such a magnificent display of thoughtless indulgence in what we, corporate warriors fighting on a daily basis, are longing for.ă
ăAh, Kawakami-san, hello.ă
Leaning on the table and drinking juice through the straw, I was approached by Kawakami-san in her suit mode.
A faint fragrance of sweet perfume somehow reminded me that Kawakami-san is indeed a woman.
ăItâs been around two months since we last met, are you here for some kind of an interview again?ă
ăYeah, came for some pretty boring scoop on an idol. And I just found out that I wasted my time, since it was hoax, so Iâm in a bit of bad mood. Therefore, why wonât you treat me?ă
Kawakami-san that sat in the opposite seat as if that was the most natural thing to do, pulled a smile of a capable woman and said an outrageously unreasonable thing.
ăNo, no, what is this absurd reasoning, you are an adult, donât try to sponge off a high school student.ă
ăAh, Miss, one rib steak set with a large serving of rice!ă
ăShe isnât listening⊠And even nonchalantly ordered the priciest item on the menu.ă
She is as pushy as always.
Well, she didnât take back the thirty thousand yen that I borrowed from her when we first met, so I wasnât really against this.
ăAnd, what are you doing at such a place?ă
ăWaiting until my sister is finished with shopping. So for almost an hour, I am an idler.ă
ăDate with your little sister? What a sad youth you are having.ă
Those words stung deep.
ăShut up, you just donât understand. I am super normie. A winner in life. How can you say that Iâm having a sad youth when I can have a date with such a cute little sister?ă
ăEh? But she is your sister? She isnât your girlfriend or anything, right?ă
ăâŠâŠă
The woman before me easily shreds my bluff into pieces and keept stabbing me right into the heart.
Enough, this person, I hate her.
ăWell, fine. By the way, how is your memory? Did you recall anything?ă
ăâŠI did not recall anything. Unfortunately for Kawakami-san.ă
ăHuh? Are you mad at something?ă
ăIâm not mad. âŠI just temporarily put on hold all recalling activities.ă
ăHuh? Mm? âŠWhat does that mean?ă
With a fingertip, I drop a condensate from the cup onto a crumpled paper bag, in which came the straw.
ăâŠTo be honest I thought that I perhaps I donât have to recall anything. I donât think that anything would change even if I were to remember something.ă
While I was watching the paper wiggling around, those complains came out a lot more naturally than I expected.
When I said it out loud, it suddenly dawned on meăAaah, so thatâs what I actually thinkă
Iâm trying to find various excuses, but Iâm just afraid of remembering.
While thinking that I should do it for Yuuto or for detectives or for resolution of those incidents, but in the end, I was afraid of the stranger inside me.
ăMore importantly, I want to entertain my sister at the moment. She suddenly became all alone and most likely had a very bitter time during this year. And as I finally came back she became a bit emotionally unstable. My own affairs can wait.ă
Nonetheless, those words also were true.
Right now, Mai has only me. For me, Mai holds priority over everything.
ăHmm, is that so? But in that case, isnât it all the more reason to work on your memory? ă
ă?ă Why is that?ă
ăWell, isnât that so? If she is emotionally unstable then wouldnât she worry even more having beside her a big brother carrying a time bomb called amnesia?ă
ăâŠâŠâŠă
Her words left me speechless.
ăFurthermore, you are her only blood relative, right? And you already disappeared once, with this matter being still unclear it is not strange to worry on when will you disappear again.ă
ăEh, no, thatâs, eh?ă
ăI donât know if anything would change with your memories coming back butăIâm not going to recallăisnât an attitude you should be taking?ă
ăâŠâŠă
As I was unable to reply anything, Kawakami-san continued as if she sensed something.
ăâŠWell, your case is a special one, but you know, people that experienced a long term memory loss seemed to ponder about it a lot, yet when they manage to regain memories itâs often pretty trivial.ă
ăâŠIs that, so.ă
ăSurely there are a lot of troubles, but do your best, big brother.ă
A waitress brought Kawakami-sanâs order.
ăThank you for waiting. Here are rib steak and large rice.ă
ăToday as well letâs do our best aiming for a scoop, Kumiko-chan!âȘă
Faced with the sizzling meat on the iron plate in front of her, Kawakami-san said that while making a triumphant pose raising both of her hands and completely throwing away all the serious mood.
A second later I remember thatăKumikoăwas the first name of Kawakami-san.
ăUuhm, this, this, this is what I wanted to eat after all. Something that makes an impact on the stomach.ă
Watching her cut the meat and put it into the mouth with great relish, all I could do was keep quiet.
â
After that, Kawakami-san consumed ordered food and left leaving only a few parting words.
Shortly after, I rejoined with Mai and since it was getting late we started to head home.
Rattled by the train, by the time we passed through a ticket gate, surroundings were dyed in red by the sun, that already was quite low.
Holding hands, we were walking together on a path illuminated by a red sun.
ăWouldnât she worry even more?ă
ăDo your best, big brother.ă
I was ruminating on my short conversation with Kawakami-san.
ïŒMai looked dependent on me only because she was worried about meâŠ?ïŒ
Iâm certain that Maiâs mind grew unstable.
However, what if that instability leaning towards dependence, was the result of the fear that I might disappear again.
ăBrother? Is something wrong?ă
ăM? Ah, no, I was just thinking about something.ă
I stare at the little sister walking next to me.
Hand in my grasp was as warm as always but it felt very cold.
ăâŠBrother, you couldnât get a change of pace today?ă
ăMm? Change of pace?ă
ăLately Brother is a bit strange. Are you reluctant about regaining your memories?ă
ă!!! WhyâŠă
I gasp in surprise.
ăMai cares very very deeply for her brother. I can see that you always look a little depressed when you come back from the hospital and that you act apologetic towards Yuuto-san.ă
Stopping, Mai looked at me worried.
ăBrother, if you donât want to remember, I think itâs fine not to force yourself⊠No matter what others say Mai is on your side. Mai does not want Brother to get hurt. Memories associated with such injuries must be awful. Matters related to the incident should be left to the police. There is no need for Brother to overextend yourself.ă
ăâŠâŠă
She saw right through me. Moreover, on top of seeing right through me, she even consoled me.
And Maiâs grip on my hand got stronger.
ăBrother is together with me. When you are with Mai you should smile as you always did, think about stupid things and get scolded by me. That alone is enough.ă
Such Mai looked far more likely to disappear than me.
ăâŠSorry, I made you worry.ă
ïŒSh*t, having my hands full with Mai? What a nice delusion.ïŒ
Made wrong conclusions on my own and then used them to run away from the unpleasant thing, how disgusting.
Aaah, just how spineless I acted. Iâm so embarrassed.
ăBut itâs okay, Iâm gonna be fine. Because no matter what, you always gonna be by my side.ă
Thatâs right, if I canât do it, then what kind of a brother I am.
I once again face forward.
What scary is still scary butâŠ
Iâm really scared of accepting that me, butâŠ
ăYou will end up losing something important again.ă
I suddenly remember the dream I saw this morning.
ïŒâŠIs this the time to be afraid? Isnât this where I should show my will?ïŒ
Tomorrow, letâs once again start the day from trying to regain memories.
After recalling everything and coming to terms with the other me, I will get rid of my anxiety. I will close the case and tell Mai that I will never disappear again.
About that bloodstained knife as well, I should face it without running away.
I have to put an end to all of it, so we can walk forward.
At that time, I truly had faith in such misled determination.
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