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t.w. : The next few chapters will deal heavily with some gaslighting, toxic relationships etc
“I don’t know how to… tie a necktie…”
“Didn’t I teach you how to do it last time?” As he responded, the man leaned over my desk. I felt my heart pounding; it felt like my heart was being squeezed, and I was on the verge of nausea.
However, the man spoke naturally, even though he must have noticed my distorted expression, “Hurry up.”
“……” I wrapped the soft necktie that Moon Issak handed me around his neck. Of course, I couldn’t tie it properly. I followed his instructions from before, but the result ended up looking more like a scarf.
Moon Issak touched the loosely tied knot of the necktie and let out a hollow laugh. “You’re not good at a single thing, hm?”
“…….”
“I feed you and give you a place to stay for free, and yet you’re so useless…” He murmured to himself, but his volume was still loud enough–clearly he meant for me to listen.
I teared up, but I repeated what I had said many times before, “That’s why…! If you’re tired of me, just send me home…”
“I believe I’ve explained many times before. Bae Jaemin is waiting for you.”
“……”
“You can leave if you want to die. I’ve told you this over and over again, but I haven’t locked you up against your will.”
I chewed on my lips as I looked at Moon Issak’s smooth expression. Once again, I couldn’t escape today. I could sense him mocking me for my helplessness, but there was nothing I could do.
The reason why I came to Moon Issak’s house… at least, according to him… was because he saved me. Not long ago, Bae Jaemin had attacked me; Moon Issak found out, and rescued Kim Sangyoon and me from that situation.
Of course, at first I didn’t believe Moon Issak’s one-sided claim; I couldn’t remember anything he mentioned. However, when I saw Kim Sangyoon hooked up to various medical devices, fighting for his life, at Moon Isak’s house, I couldn’t deny it anymore.
According to the investigator, I was also in shock from Bae Jaemin’s attack–my memory lapses were from a mild concussion. That’s why he said he would protect me until Kim Sangyoon woke up.
Of course, I didn’t feel all that grateful inside, but I agreed. My situation was dire enough that I couldn’t reject his rare goodwill.
However, even though the incident was resolved, there were still lingering questions. Why did Moon Issak go through the trouble of rescuing me? As far as I could remember, Moon Issak and I were not particularly close.
That was, perhaps, merely my own perception, though. Moon Issak acted freely, without any restraint, while he housed me.
At first, he let me be alone for a few days, but now a month had passed since I started staying at his house. Moon Issak has become accustomed to bossing me around, whether it was making me tie his necktie–just as he did now–or asking me to cook for him.
Even though I was upset, I did as I was told since he was the landlord. However, every time, Moon Issak was unsatisfied with the results.  He would criticize the omelet that I made diligently by searching online for a recipe, saying it was too sweet or too salty. And, after complaining that I didn’t know how to tie a necktie in the beginning, he was now constantly nagging me about tying it improperly.
‘…Though, it doesn’t seem like he dislikes it all that much,’ I grumbled inwardly. Though Moon Issak complained, he had yet to undo my messy work around his neck.
Even though he criticized me for the omelet I made yesterday, he cleaned the plate in spite of the complaints. It wasn’t just omelets; he said the same about every dish I cooked.
He would say things like, ‘Even though I’m not picky, it tastes awfully bad’ or ‘Don’t cook so half-heartedly.’ Still, he would finish the plate. But, then he would tell me to make better food next time. In my mind, I would grumble, ‘There won’t be a next time.’
“I’ll stop by at 11:30 today, so prepare lunch,” Moon Issak said.
“What…?”
“Let’s eat together.”
“…Yes…”
But, strangely enough… At some point, whenever I met locked gazes with Moon Isaac, my actions would contradict my true feelings. I pressed down on my suddenly racing heart. Moon Isaac saw that and gave me an inexplicable smile.
Moon Isaac soon separated from me and entered the dressing room connected to the bedroom; he then emerged holding a well-pressed suit jacket. He calmly donned the clothes in front of the tall mirror.
I awkwardly wobbled down from the desk he had sat me down on and stared at his back. When the man’s face disappeared from view, a strange sense of unease began to fill my heart.
‘Compared to before… I think something changed. Did he change his hairstyle?’
The lines of his shoulders and his height were similar to before, but the investigator felt unfamiliar as a whole, perhaps due to his lighter hair color.
‘I like black hair better…why did he dye his hair?’
With such thoughts in mind, I absentmindedly stared at his hands buttoning up his shirt from behind through the mirror. Then, unexpectedly, a question that had been circling in my mind slipped out of my mouth. “In the past…”
“What?”
“Rings… Did you use to wear rings a lot?”
“……”
“Or am I wrong…?” I stared at Moon Issak.
Strangely enough, he was crumpling his brows as if he had heard some vulgar insult. I flinched at the fierce look and retreated half a step.
However, he soon erased that expression and answered me with a cold smile, “Choi Lee-kyung.”
“…Yes?”
“Come closer.”
I had an ominous feeling, but I didn’t dare refuse his order.
I stood in front of him, feeling like I had almost been dragged to this spot; Moon Issak reached out a clean hand–devoid of any accessories–to my face.  And, as his large hand simultaneously wrapped around the back of my head, our faces came dangerously close together.
Knowing what would follow, I felt intense resistance, and my whole body trembled. However, I couldn’t push his chest away.  Even when his tongue–moving with a hint of malice–invaded my mouth, I couldn’t move a single inch.
Moon Issak infringed upon my mouth, then returned with a pristine expression. I was gripped by an indescribable mixture of repulsion that seemed to engulf me and an intense pounding of my heart that contradicted that repulsion.
Moon Issak warned, “Don’t think too deeply.”
“……”
“What you need to focus on is here: me.”
“…Ah.”
“Don’t disobey me.”
I didn’t feel like answering, so I simply nodded my head. If I opened my mouth, I was worried I might vomit.
However, despite the discomfort, when our eyes met, this time I had to be the one to move first. Moon Issak didn’t push me away even as I placed my arms around his neck.
* * *
“When will you wake up, Sangyoon-ssi?”
“……”
After Moon Issak left for work, I was finally able to escape the torment of being confined within my own body.
As soon as I heard his car pull out of the mansion, I squeezed a generous amount of toothpaste onto my toothbrush and brushed my gums until they bled. Then, concerned about the strands of hair Moon Issak had touched, I washed my hair. In the process, I took a whole-body shower until my body was bloated from the water and my fingertips were puffy.
Exhausted from the cleaning process, I went to the room where Kim Sangyoon was laid to rest and stared at his now unrecognizable face.
Though I complained to the Warrior, in truth, I was more frustrated with myself.
I definitely didn’t like Moon Issak, but I didn’t know why I couldn’t refuse his wants or desires. I didn’t even refute his one-sided claims and, earlier, I had even clung to him first…
“Haa… I’m really fucked up.” Even though I cursed out of frustration, if I meet Moon Issak for lunch later and he demands something similar, I’ll obediently comply again.
Moon Issak said I ‘loved’ him, but how could a heart in love feel so miserable? If he did something worse than a kiss, I might want to hang myself…
“If I had Lackey, I would ask it to stop me, but…”
“……”
“I must really be crazy. I really… I don’t understand why I’m acting this way either.”
“……”
I thought Kim Sangyoon’s fingers may have trembled, but there were no significant changes in his vital signs.
I found myself wiping away the tears that had welled up on my face and tightly gripping his stiff hand. Even in this state, I was reassured by Kim Sangyoon’s presence. After all, right now I couldn’t summon any other servants, let alone Lackey.
‘Other servants…?’
My only servant was Lackey, though…
I pressed at my throbbing heart again and straightened my torso with some difficulty. Then, at that moment, I heard the door to the room open quietly.
Click–
“Ah, Da-hee-ssi….”
“Hello.”
It was the puppeteer Da-hee. She was an acquaintance of Moon Issak and stopped by the mansion once a day to treat Kim Sangyoon.
She was always polite and kind, but whenever she glanced at me, her expression would grow dark and she would avert her gaze. Perhaps she was overburdened by how much I would ask her about Kim Sangyoon’s condition.
I slipped out of the hospital room–with a regretful heart–so she could concentrate on her healing comfortably. Da-hee mouthed something when I passed by; I turned back to look at her, but she avoided my gaze again.
‘Did I see wrong…?’
I was leery, but I didn’t have the courage to ask her outright. Therefore, I bowed my head slightly as usual and exited the room.