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Chapter 234
t.w. mentions of self harm
“Ah. O-Originally…I wanted to wait…Hnghh…!” As Koo Hui-seo exhaled and spoke, the tentacles reflected in the shadow grew. Perhaps he could no longer endure the pain, as he doubled over and collapsed on the spot. “Hnnngh, Hah…”
In that state, the man breathed out long wheezes and began crawling to me on his knees, whimpering. I couldn’t decide if he looked like a beggar or someone in the throes of pain.
Slither—
The bulging shadow reflected on the wall could no longer be contained by its dark borders and began to burst from Koo Hui-seo’s back, pouring forth as a mass of wriggling tentacles.
However, strangely, Koo Hui-seo’s physical body only shook violently; I couldn’t actually see any tentacles.
His clothes looked fine, and I couldn’t see blood pooling from his body. The most unusual symptom was merely the cold sweat that poured from his face–enough to drench his shirt collar.
“Are you alright?” Though I knew the man wasn’t, I still asked. Koo Hui-seo blinked a few times before looking up at me. He bit his lips hard enough to make a mess of the lower lip; blood flowing from between the cracks.
However, he shook his head weakly. I couldn’t tell if that was an ‘I’m alright, don’t worry about me’ motion, but…
“I was going to wait, but…Unnn…” The sight of Koo Hui-seo spouting excuses as he hurriedly wiped at his tears seared itself into my brain.
“I-I’m in so much pain…Hnngh…Hurk…” He continued
“Excuse me… Could you explain what happened? Why is your shadow… No, just stay right there.” I said.
“……”
I wanted to get a little closer and observe the situation, but Kim Olim firmly shook her head no. Of course, I didn’t want to get too close to that strange tentacled shadow either, but I couldn’t leave him in the hallway to my living room like that.
I turned to look at Seo Dawon. The mage stood idly by and simply observed Koo Hui-seo. I hesitated briefly before asking him, “Why is Hui-seo-ssi… What’s happening? Do you have any idea?”
At that moment, Seo Dawon threw a frustrated glance at the Mage; though when he turned to me,  that expression vanished–as if it were washed away. He shrugged his shoulders, as if nothing exceptional was happening, and replied, “When his body becomes extremely weak, his sanity becomes touch and go.”
“Umm…S-So?”
“Plus, he’s always been a bit off in the head… He’s just worse now. Should I say he’s reaped what he sowed?” With that said, he closed his mouth, as if everything had been explained.
For me though, I was even more confused after hearing the Mage. ‘So, now what? He’s saying that Koo Hui-seo’s state is due to some mental issues… What does he mean by ‘he’s reaped what he sowed?”
Besides, don’t most people around the afflicted person have little idea if one’s mental health is getting worse..?
I had never heard of a mental illness that manifested in crazily fluctuating shadows like that. I looked at Seo Dawon with an ambiguous smile. Though he didn’t seem to want to explain further, he reluctantly continued when we locked gazes, “…Koo Hui-seo wasn’t mentally sound when we first came across him.”
“Mhm…”
“He probably had something more serious than schizophrenia as well.”
His expression made me recall something the ex-chimera had said… He had mentioned that the “original personality” had died, unable to endure imprisonment.
‘He said that he suffered from dissociative identity disorder… And now Seo Dawon’s implying that there was something more serious at play?’
I wondered if the ex-chimera had been attacked by someone; I stared at Koo Hui-seo and asked, “What on earth happened?”
However, it wasn’t Seo Dawon or Koo Hui-seo that answered, instead it was Kim Olim who stood in my way, steadfast. “Choi Lee-kyung, did you know that Koo Hui-seo often indulged in self-harm?”
“Huh?”
“As I thought, you had no idea.”
Startled, I looked at her; the Paladin kept her gaze on Koo Hui-seo as she quietly continued, “Koo Hui-seo’s ability… gets stronger as it feeds on him.”
“What?”
“That is to say… Though his power is a strength Koo Hui-seo needs, he’s locked in a battle for dominance with it. It’s as if he’s walking a monster on a dog leash…”
“……”
“He habitually hurt himself and caused unnecessary physical deterioration of his body in such a state. It’s inevitable that his prognosis isn’t optimistic. It’s not something we can intervene in, though.” With that said, Kim Olim adopted a complicated expression as she looked at the ex-chimera, who could now hardly hold his body upright. Her gaze seemed simultaneously scornful and sympathetic.
I followed her line of sight and stared at Koo Hui-seo, who now started to twitch, back shaking, as he laid prone with elbows propped on the floor.
Despite the bizarre and gruesome movements, I wasn’t scared nor repulsed by Koo Hui-seo. Kim Olim was defending me from the front, and Seo Dawon had not come forward in active vigilance either. It would be impossible for the ex-chimera to rush at me.
Plus, he must be aware of his own state…If that was the case, why would Koo Hui-seo appear before me in this condition?
‘Honestly, if he had the time to prepare that useless flower bouquet, he should have seen a doctor or something…’
I sighed deeply, looked at the flowers sprawled across my doorway, and asked again, “Excuse me… Hui-seo-ssi. What do you need? You must have a reason for coming all this way.”
I could sense Kim Olim looking at me, but I pretended not to feel her gaze and continued to stare at the ex-chimera.
Koo Hui-seo blinked his eyes hearing my voice and raised his head. However, his left eyeball had rolled in its socket. I could only see the whites of his eyes. Startled, I was struck speechless for a brief moment. Koo Hui-seo simply closed his eyes and then opened them; at that moment, his eyeball had rolled back into its proper place.
Slightly twitching, he said, “I-If I die…”
“…..”
“Please make me into your servant…”
“……”
“I w-wanted to ask you for that favor…Hngh…”
I’ve heard this wish from him before.
At that time, I dismissed that as more strange mutterings, but it seemed like Koo Hui-seo was being sincere back then and even now.
There was something strange about his persistence. There was an element of horror and eeriness as well, but the man looked unbearably vulnerable.
‘No way, is he going to make a suicide attempt…?’
Of course not, right? Just as I thought that, Koo Hui-seo’s clothes slipped down as he wriggled around; Terrible scars near his neck were revealed before our eyes.
It looked like he used his nails to scratch right below his neck… The sight of those deep scars and torn, exposed flesh made me speechless. I couldn’t understand how he could abuse himself so horribly…
Squeeze–!
Just then, the tentacles that erupted from Koo Hui-seo’s shadow burst through his back and suddenly began to attack him. They rode upwards, winding up his torso like a flexible snake, and began strangling his neck.
“Cough…! Co-ough.” Koo Hui-seo soundlessly opened and closed his mouth, as if he were about to say something to me. However, he could only cough as the tentacle wrapped around his neck, strangling him. He struggled and tried to use his hands to relieve the pressure–that soon turned into Koo Hui-seo scratching at his own body.
“That’s not self-harm…” Shocked by that sight, I inadvertently stepped closer to Koo Hui-seo.
Of course, Kim Olim stopped me immediately. She held me back and spoke firmly, “Don’t go near him. There’s nothing we can do except wait until he gets it under control.”
“But…” I protested; if we left him like that, Koo Hui-seo might really die. However, it didn’t seem like Kim Olim understood those feelings.
Left with no other choice, I turned to Seo Dawon. I knew he had no compassion for the man, but he might do me a favor… I looked at him with anticipatory eyes.
Seo Dawon slightly furrowed his brows–he must have understood my desires. With a pleading smile, I requested, “Seo Dawon, I’m sorry… But, couldn’t you help him once? We just need to do something about that shadow…”
“Shadow?” Seo Dawon adopted a strange expression. He looked quizzical before his face soon frowned severely, “Choi Lee-kyung, what do you see?”
“Huh?” I blinked my eyes, unable to determine how I should respond. It wasn’t just the Mage; all the Servants’ moods quickly changed.