Gu Mingxi sat at the side of the schoolyard looking down the stands. The rest of his cla.s.s was in gym cla.s.s. The girls were practicing sit-ups under the teacherâs supervision, and the boys were playing basketball on the court.
Pang Qian grimaced as one minute pa.s.sed, and she heard Li Xiaoyan report, â41.â
She got up from the mat and switched spots with Li Xiaoyan. Pang Qian sat down onto her feet and held onto her knees.
From where she sat, she could very clearly see Gu Mingxi sitting in the stands. And so, she didnât pay much attention to keeping count for poor Li Xiaoyan.
Her head was full of thoughts about Gu Mingxi. What exactly was wrong with Gu Mingxi? Did his parents quarrel again? Or did the girl he liked reject him? Or did someone bully him? Was he unhappy? Or was Gu Mingxi still concerned about the TV program?
In any case, Gu Mingxi had never acted this strangely before. It was as if heâd gone crazy.
Of course, Gu Mingxi hadnât gone crazy. He was justâŚ
How do you say it. He just felt kind of tired.
That nerve in his mind has been stretched for many years now, day and night, in every moment. A small idea and plan started to sprout inside his head. He got up everyday at 6 oâclock, took care of his daily needs, spent an hour to get to school, worked hard all day at school, and used his free cla.s.s to help tutor Pang Qian. When he got home, he didnât watch TV, he didnât read the newspaper. After he ate dinner, he returned to his room to do his homework. When he finished the a.s.signments from the teacher, he would self-study until 12 oâclock, and then heâd go to sleep.
He practiced using the computer every day for an house, but he never played games. Gu Guoxiang didnât allow him to, so he just didnât. At most, when he was itching to, heâd play a game of minesweeper.
When the weekend came, he went to his drawing cla.s.s. When he got home, heâd practice drawing some more. He worked on practice problems and memorized English. In the past, Zhou Nanzhong and w.a.n.g Song would call him and invite him out to play soccer/football. Gu Mingxi really wanted to go, but his parents didnât let him go. It was too far away, a waste of time, and playing ball wasnât safe. After a few more times, they stopped inviting Gu Mingxi.
Gu Mingxi missed living at the Golden Compound. Pang Qian lived next door, so when he was bored on the weekends, they would go out together. Even if they didnât go outside, they could play at each othersâ houses, chat about, read comics, eat ice cream together.
When Jian Zhe and Liu Hanlin invited Gu Mingxi to play, he would call Pang Qian along. Pang Qian would complain about it being a bother, but she never refused.
Her job was to help Gu Mingxi put on his sports shoes, feed him water, help him wipe away his sweat. And when they went home, Gu Mingxi would reward her with a small snack or meal.
But now, they lived at opposite ends of the city. Gu Mingxi felt much lonelier.
In the past, Gu Mingxi would always be mindful of his parentsâ demands of him. Gu Guoxiang wanted wanted him to get into a 211 or 985 university (top schools), and he wanted him to keep his position in the top 3 of his year. Now, Gu Mingxi suddenly felt that there was no point to all the efforts that he put in.
He did his best to keep his spot in the top 3, but so what? Even if he could score well enough to get into a 985 school later on, so what? He didnât have arms, so getting into the school itself was uncertain. If he got into the school, he also didnât know how things would work when he had to take care of himself on his own. Look, he couldnât even get his lunch on his own in the cafeteria. Gu Mingxi felt that to some extent, he relied too heavily on Pang Qian.
Thatâs when he met Shark, Clam, and Oyster. They let him enter an entirely different world.
That evening, at Sharkâs barbecue shop, Oysterâs girlfriend came over, looking for him to play. That girl was only 17 years old, just older than Gu Mingxi by two months, but she was working at a nearby shoe factory. She and Oyster were often stuck together, kissing, wrapped around each otherâs waists, and showing other lovey dovey signs of affection. Gu Mingxi had even seen Oyster grab at the girlâs chest, and his face turned bright red. When he looked around at the others, he saw that theyâd already grown accustomed to it.
Clam and Oyster werenât much older than Gu Mingxi. Clam studied up until the second year of high school. His family ran out of money, so he dropped out and started working. Oyster graduated from a technical high school and had been working for two years already.
They didnât have much educational background, but they were living well and happily.
Then Gu Mingxi thought about Xie Yi. When they were in junior high, Xie Yi and his test scores were pretty matched, but now Xie Yiâs scores had dropped a lot. His rank would probably only be in the middle of the year. But anyone could see, Xie Yi was a happy guy.
For him, studying was an enjoyment, a pastime. It wasnât something that chained him down or oppressed him. Just like when he played ping pong, when he played violin, when he partic.i.p.ated in the comic convention. Everything he did was by his own will. I like it, so Iâll do it. I donât like it, so no one can force me to do it.
Gu Mingxi wondered why he couldnât be like Xie Yi, so free and unaffected. Why was he so tied up on his scores and his ranking? In the last midterm exams, his score was only 2 points higher than the person in 4th place. He was really nervous about it, so he spent all night working on a pile of practice problems. When he thought about it now, it was really foolish.
Even if he got into the nationâs best university, so what? He still wouldnât bring pride to his family. He would never be the outstanding child his parents could boast about.
Because he was crippled.
Even if he and a girl were together, no matter how well they got along, he still wouldnât become the prince in her heart.
Because he was crippled.
He recalled his appearance on TV. His legs lifted up on the desk, his toes holding chopsticks to send into his mouth. He wasnât pitiful, but it really was a bit laughable.
Gu Mingxi ah, he told himself. Youâve been tiring yourself out for all these years, why donât you take a break.
When Youth Day came on May 4th, he really received the Excellence Award for his district. Teacher Dai went with him to receive the award. When they were giving out the award certificates, all the other students went to receive it on their own. Gu Mingxi was the only one who had someone accompany him to the stage.
Teacher Dai helped him hold the red certificate booklet, and she clutched his shoulder for a picture. Gu Mingxi looked expressionlessly into the camera, his eyes deep and dark.
It was May, and his grades were dropping.
His cold war with Pang Qian was over, and he spoke to her. But that feeling, and maybe Pang Qian was just reading into things wrongly, made Pang Qian think that Gu Mingxi had become a completely different person.
When he spoke, his tone had become a lot more detached. Even when Pang Qian asked him about a question in cla.s.s, his answer would be brief. If she didnât understand after he explained once, he would said, âIâm not good at explaining. You should ask the teacher.â
Sometimes he wouldnât even go to the self-study cla.s.ses. He carried his backpack and left the school campus, but he also didnât head straight home. Every single time, he would drag out the time until it was 8 or 9 in the evening, before he arrived home. Then he would brush Li Han off with a lame excuse.
Li Han called Pang Shuisheng, and Pang Shuisheng went to ask Pang Qian. She was also confused about it. She didnât know where Gu Mingxi went off to after school. She asked him, but he just impatiently told her that it was none of her business. She even tried to follow him, but was found out very quickly.
At the time, Gu Mingxi told Pang Qian coldly, âItâs very disorderly ahead. You should stop following.â
After he said that, he turned away and walked off. Pang Qian wouldnât be scared off like that though, so she kept following. Gu Mingxi ignored her. He kept walking until the 263 bus stop, and then got on the bus to go home, leaving a stunned Pang Qian standing by herself.
Over the weekend, Gu Mingxi carried his sketchpad out of the house, but he didnât head to his drawing teacherâs studio. Instead, he got onto the bus and headed to the machinery factory.
He familiarly walked into an internet cafe. The manager there saw him and said, âXiao Guâs here. Clam and Oyster are already waiting for you inside. Number 49.â
Gu Mingxi asked, âHow much money is left on my card?â
The manager checked and said, âOh, quite a bit. Donât worry.â
Gu Mingxi nodded. He found machine 49. Clam and Oyster had on their headsets and were playing a game. A colorful battle was displayed on the screen.
Gu Mingxi wriggled his shoulders and put down his sketchpad. He sat down and lifted his foot to turn on the computer. He typed in his username and pa.s.sword, and started up the game skillfully. He grabbed the headset with his toes and put them on, then started playing the game with everyone else.
Clam lit a cigarette and handed one to Oyster. He turned around and asked Gu Mingxi, âXiao Gu, want one?â
Gu Mingxi stared at the cigarette in his hand. He swallowed, then finally shook his head.
Oyster said, âDonât give Xiao Gu a cigarette. Shark said not to let him smoke.â
Clam said, âJust donât let Shark know then.â
Gu Mingxi was silent the whole time. His attention was entirely focused on the game world on his screen. His two feet were raised up on the desk. His right foot deftly pressed on the mouse, and would occasionally join his left foot to press the keyboard shortcuts.
Playing games was very relaxing, and they didnât take a toll on your mind. It was much easier than working on practice problems.
In the game, he was a muscular giant with a pair of strong arms. He could lift up a giant hammer to smash the monsters.
So refres.h.i.+ng.
Gu Mingxi stared at the screen. Really refres.h.i.+ng!
Clam saw the sketchpad that Gu Mingxi dropped onto the desk. He asked, âXiao Gu, whatâs that?â
âSketchpad.â
âWhatâs it for?â
âDrawing.â
âYou can draw?â Clam was amazed. âDo you have to go to cla.s.s later?â
Gu Mingxi said coldly, âNot going.â
âWhy not?â
âThereâs no point.â
One unit test after another, Gu Mingxiâs scores dropped.
He worked on the problems as he felt like it. Sometimes he felt it was annoying, so he would stop doing them. In his head, he asked himself what the point was. He could do all of it anyway.
When he got the failing results of the unit test back, Teacher Dai asked Li Han to stop by the school.
Everyone could tell that Gu Mingxi did it on purpose. It wasnât that he didnât understand, he just didnât study and take the test well. He didnât memorize his English, so he couldnât write any of the new words theyâd learned. Li Han asked Gu Guoxiang to persuade Gu Mingxi, but when father and son sat together, they started to argue before anything could be said.
Gu Guoxiang was so angry that he wanted to beat Gu Mingxi, but he was held back by Li Han. He said, âWho are you creating this hopeless and reckless image for!? Is it for me to see? For your mom to see? Gu Mingxi, Iâm telling you, whether you study or not is your own business. If you do a good job studying, then I can help arrange work for you in the future. But if you canât even put in this effort, if you come asking for food in the futureâ I wonât care about you!â
Gu Mingxi looked at him stubbornly. He said, âEven if I need food, I wouldnât go asking you for it!â
âMingxi!â Li Han cried out in surprise as she looked at her son. She couldnât understand it at all. It was only a month, but what happened to make Gu Mingxi change entirely?
Xiao Yujing asked Pang Qian what was the matter with Gu Mingxi. Pang Qian said that she didnât know.
Teacher Dai asked Pang Qian whether Gu Mingxi had met any difficulties. Pang Qian said that she didnât know.
Even when she was at practice, Xie Yi asked Pang Qian whether Gu Mingxiâs head had been flooded with water.
Thatâs right, thatâs what Xie Yi said. âHas Gu Mingxiâs brain been flooded with water? He failed the chemistry test? Our chemistry teacher said that your cla.s.sâ chemistry teacher had high blood pressure from how angry they were.â
Pang Qian was silent awhile. Then she told Xie Yi what she thought about it. âI think that Gu Mingxiâs made some bad friends.â
âHm?â
âHe didnât tell me. He doesnât speak to me much these days. But sometimes I can smell cigarette smoke on him.â Pang Qianâs voice dropped, âAfter school, he seems to go to some place to play. I tried to follow him on my bike once, but he slipped away.â
âAh? That irregular?â Xie Yiâs gaze looked serious. âCrab, we canât let him continue on this way. You should convince him.â
Pang Qian pouted. âHe doesnât even speak to me properly. Heâs really fierce now. When I see him, Iâm⌠a bit afraid.â
Xie Yi thought for a moment, then said, âThen weâll have to figure something out.â
That day after school, Pang Qian had practice. She carried her ping pong paddle, and without a glance at Gu Mingxi, backpack on her back, she walked out of the cla.s.sroom.
Gu Mingxi turned and watched her walk off and down the stairs.
He saw Pang Qian head to the gymnasium, then left school himself. Slowly, he walked to Sharkâs barbecue shop.
It was summer so there was more business at his place. Shark added several tables to the restaurant and even pulled the TV set out. Gu Mingxi dropped his bag and sat down on a chair to watch TV.
Shark was busy with preparations at the side. He asked, âKid, lately you seem to be coming here pretty frequently. Donât you have final exams? Youâre not busy with your studies?â
âNope,â Gu Mingxi answered. âShark, I have some money in my pocket. Take it out. Itâs money for my meals.â
Shark got angry then. âIâm not asking you for money. I just think that youâre a student, so I donât understand why youâre always holing up here after school. Donât you have to work on your homework?â
âI finished all my homework at school,â Gu Mingxi said. âItâs comfy here, and itâs bothersome at home.â
Shark looked at him, then turned back to wash vegetables.
At 7 oâclock, the sky was already dark, and the barbecue shop was packed full of people. Oyster and Clam were at the grill, and Shark was in charge of serving and collecting payment. His mom was also there to help clean tables and wash dishes.
Gu Mingxi sat at the side, watching TV and zoning out.
Oysterâs girlfriend, Pearl, was also there. It was early June, and she was wearing a low-cut tank top and tight jeans, walking back and forth past Gu Mingxi.
Oyster secretly stepped out for a smoke, and with Pearl, they sat together next to Gu Mingxi. He lit the cigarette and took a puff, and then Pearl asked for a smoke. Oyster lit another one and handed it over to her.
Pearl looked at Gu Mingxi awhile, then inhaled her smoke, and blew out towards Gu Mingxiâs face. Gu Mingxi wasnât paying attention, so he suddenly started coughing loudly. Pearl laughed, then brought her cigarette over to his lips. âHave a smoke. Try it.â
Gu Mingxi turned away forcefully, avoiding from her hand.
Just then, a girl appeared at his side, and cried out furiously, âGu Mingxi! What are you doing?!â