/
Shwaaa—
In that fountain, a stream of water rose against gravity and burst through the air, then split up as the water fell down again. Where the small drops fell, a brilliant ray of multi-colored illumination could be seen. It was a rainbow.
“……”
I stared blankly at that small rainbow. One side of my face was on Theodore’s chest, and my ear was right on top of his pounding heart. It was beating so loudly, as if in both bewilderment and fear.
I automatically tried to push him away, but it was a useless act of resistance.
“Lily… I’m sorry, I…”
Theodore trailed off, but even as he didn’t continue his words, I could guess what he was going to say. I don’t remember, I didn’t know. But it seemed like he couldn’t complete the sentence.
I was starting to feel nauseous again. Back when I tried to be close to him like this, he rejected me every time without fail. This repulsion was tinged with fear.
My heart sang when faced with his kindness, and yet I tried not to have any expectations.
It’s making me afraid.
I just wish that this futile emotion would just be killed completely. Don’t let even the smallest bud prosper from a planted seed.
I must let it wither away.
Raising a hand to push Theodore away, I used more strength this time, and he hesitated for a moment, but he slowly backed away from me. Even so, he was still holding my arms.
I struggled to shake off his touch, yet I would only stumble helplessly, and I’d end up in his arms again. So, I stood there wordlessly and took in a deep breath.
Hoping that I was in enough of a condition to walk alone, I stood still for a moment like that and organized my mind. I thought about what to say to him.
After some time, I managed to speak.
“To me… You, who did all that to me, yet can’t remember any of it. I can’t accept you.”
“……”
“You don’t remember anything, and yet you feel apologetic to me, and now you say that you’ll change. What’s the point of doing that? And… I don’t understand how it’s possible that you’ve changed so much just because you lost your memories…! You hated me. How was it possible to get rid of such a strong emotion?”
As I poured out the words breathlessly and faltered, Theodore held me firmly. As soon as his hand touched my cheek, I shook my head to avoid it. Theodore let out a low groan.
“Lily, what happened between us… There must have been some misunderstanding…”
“……?”
What he said made me laugh. It wasn’t a misunderstanding between us.
It was you who misunderstood me all by yourself.
“We can find out what that misunderstanding is and fix it.”
“…Do you know how absurd you sound right now? To fix a misunderstanding when you’ve lost any memory of it?”
“Maybe losing my memories is an opportunity to do so.”
The look in Theodore’s eyes grew serious. He took my hand and clasped it tightly. At that moment, I froze in place as though I could feel a beast’s fangs closing in on my neck. The atmosphere around him was strange.
“The day I injured my head and lost my memories, when I first saw you while I was in the infirmary—that feeling… It was definitely ardent love towards you.”
“…I don’t want to hear this.”
“No, please, listen. I’m absolutely certain that this was the only emotion I could feel. But there must have been some misunderstanding that I don’t remember which weighed down on that affection.”
“What kind of ridiculous…”
It was so preposterous that I was overcome with the urge to shed tears once more. Whatever spilled out of his lips was absolute nonsense.
Ardent love? I felt none of the sort. He cut me off whenever he pleased and refused to hear anything I had to say.
In the end, there was no one who could save me. The moment I realized that no matter how much I struggled, my situation would not change. I would always be nothing more than House Everett’s property.
And with this, I completely extinguished the singular spark of hope I had left.
Ever since then—ever since I gave up—I lived like the dead.
The only thing left in my future was to divorce Theodore and fall into Lennon’s hands.
When that moment comes, my fear of death might be completely swallowed up by the overwhelming loss of motivation to live any longer.
I might finally be able to end my own life.
However, Charlotte was still there, hoping that I would choose a different future. She told me how she wanted me to run away from all this, from both Valentino and Everett.
’Let’s just run away, Madam. Let’s go somewhere no one will know us. If we ride a ship and go to the eastern continent, we’ll be able to find a place to hide. You can become a different person, Madam, and continue living there. I’ll help you. I’ll be by your side forever.’
I wonder if I really should do that.
But back when I entertained the thought, Theodore’s power through his elemental spirit had become stronger, and House Valentino had just begun to recover. What if Everett would use my disappearance to dig into Valentino again?
And I was worried that Charlotte would have a difficult time because of me. If it weren’t for that, I might have really run away…
“…What if your memories come back before you can even find out what that misunderstanding is?”
“It doesn’t matter. It will turn out well. We can work through that misunderstanding.”
“And what if you forget about the time now, while you don’t have your memories?”
At my question, Theodore paused. He was caught by surprise, however, he soon tried to answer.
“That kind of assumption—”
“And what if only misunderstandings are left between us again?”
“……”
“Just… Just give up. All this talk, it’s no use at all. There’s nothing that could be done anyway.”