I was fainting in my room at my parentsā house in Japan, back home after several years.
Iāve experienced this kind of pain in other countries, but back here, itās so intense that itās almost like a mental breakdown!
āNooooo!!ā
I held my head and bridged, my crotch thrusting skyward and my hips twitching.
āShut up, brotherāand what are you doing, are you crazy?ā
Chris, my sister-in-law, opened the door without knocking and walked in.
āOh, yeah, Iām gonna have to go crazy to do that!ā
When Iām here, I canāt help but have all these horrible memories of the past come back to kill me.
āAre you sure youāre okay with that? Itās Kanaeās and Yukiyaās wedding tomorrowā¦ā
Please donāt go off on another Menhera stalker-esque rant, Chris said.
āNo! Oh, no!ā
No, I wouldnāt. The reason Iāve been suffering since a while ago is because of my own black history, which is so black that I canāt wipe it outā¦!
āNo, no, no, no!ā
And again, I remember my past āmistakesā and scream in despair.
The real hell of black history begins the moment you wake up and realize it.
It all started when I was in high school and a couple of my childhood friends sent me a lovey-dovey picture. When I saw it, I was shattered.
After that, I graduated from high school in a crippled state and somehow started living with a female friend who pretended to be my girlfriend in order to stir up trouble with Kanae. After graduating from college while helping his parents with their work, I was able to find a job with the help of an acquaintance.
So, once I had broken down and experienced what was normal for me, I woke up from my funk.
In the face of the overwhelming reality of work, life, and the future⦠you canāt stay in the midst of it forever.
And when that happens, what inevitably hits you is your past. It was the painful words and actions of myself that turned my youth black.
The moment I recognized them, I shivered with chills while blotting out a lot of fat sweat, and then I burst into tears and screamed out loud. I spent many sleepless nights in agony over my shameful past.
The aftereffects of the disaster are still terrible, and it will take many years for them to fade away.
To be honest, there are times when I think that I would have been better off as a disabled person named āLonerā for the rest of my life, but the two words ācommon senseā do not allow me to indulge.
But that doesnāt stop me from ridiculing myself.
What? I mean, what was I doing? Whatās with all the loner? Is it a harem? Is it a cheat?
A friend once told me, āYouāre popular because you have a good face.ā
When I think about it, even in the novels I was referring to, in the end, the main character with a good face and high ability was popular because he was supposed to be popular.
Moreover, depending on how you look at it, he hides and falsifies his own abilities on the grounds that heās a loner, and then he sucks up to those who are fooled by him, saying that justice is on his side⦠You have no personality! Itās painful!
And that painful development was exactly what I was aiming for at the time.
āItās too hard! Itās too tight! Itās too tight!
I rolled around on the floor.
āAre you sure youāre okay? Are you sure you wonāt do something weird during the ceremony? For example, messing with Kanaeā¦ā
Chris exuded caution.
āNo, I am not! Itās a wedding! Itās already been settled ā or rather, I had no chance from the beginning.ā
At the time, my own desires had led me into a dangerous delusion that everything Kanae said or did was a favor to me, even if it was something other girls would not think twice about.
Of course, I can see now that the feelings Kanae could have had for me were not romantic feelings. At best, it was a longing.
And besides, I already have a girlfriend. I donāt have an obsession with my childhood friend now.
Chris stared at me when I said that, and then broke down.
āLetās believe for now that those words are true.ā
Of course, She donāt trust me.
āThen again, if youāre my brother now, it might be possible for you to have a harem while being a loner?ā
At those words, I squealed like a pig.
āFugi?! ā Donāt gouge my woundsā¦ā
Iām already traumatized by those words.
āAs I said, youāre only going to marry one person anyway, so itās more constructive to quickly develop a trusting relationship with one partner by sharing your values.ā
Thinking about it, Yukiya and Kanae were really reasonable.
I took out my phone and looked at a picture of the two of them that had been sent to me.
Yukiya looks embarrassed, and Kanae has a happy, debauched smile on her face. Itās a good picture. At the time, I was so shocked that I fainted, but now I can look at it with a smile on my face.
At the after party tomorrow, Iām going to put this image on the screen and celebrate with all my might.
That way, Iāll put an end to another piece of my fucking black history!
Iāve been to weddings before, but this was my first one, and I was already nervous.
Especially since I had been helping out at work and selling my face in many fields while I was still in college, before I took over my familyās construction business in the future, I had a lot of guests to invite and had to be extra careful for a fresh graduate.
Because of this exhaustion, I vividly remember Kanaeās divine appearance as a bride, her cute reaction, and Soutaās sobbing as he came all the way from overseas.
Kanae, the bride who was the star of the ceremony, was, needless to say, as beautiful as a goddess, and at the reception, she was always standing tall and her behavior was refined.
But the truth isā¦.
āYu,Yuki-kunā¦ā
The moment Kanae, who was sitting next to me at the wedding reception, smiled at me in a fluffy way as the venue dimmed for the performance.
Apparently, she was so nervous that she was frozen in place.
I remember when I saw that, Kanae was still cute Kanae⦠and it soothed me a lot.
And then there was Soutaās crying.
Souta, who had enthusiastically taken pictures of me at the wedding reception, was apparently ready from the beginning at the after-party due to the alcohol.
As a result, Souta seemed to become quite emotional, crying, getting angry, and apologizing, when his high school acquaintances who attended the after-party teased him about his past words and actions.
According to the video that Chris had taken by accident -.
āPhew⦠those were the daysā¦ā āIf you say youāre a loner, youāre a loner!ā āI really regret it. Iām sorry.ā
It seems that they finally reconciled, but perhaps because of this tension, Souta was moved to tears by the performance he had set up.
I sent a picture of Kanae and I together sometime ago. The moment it appeared on the screen, Souta said, āIām glad! Iām so glad!ā Earlier than anyone else.
After everyone was taken aback, I think the reaction was 20% years and 80% warm smiles. By the way, Kanae and I were in the 20%.
Looking at those wedding photos, I was really deeply moved.
āI was rejected the first time, right?ā
A few years ago in high school, I was rejected by Kanae once.
Many relationships have ended and begun, but the relationship between Kanae and I from yesterday must continue without end.
āI have to do my bestā¦!ā
And then, as I renew my determination, I hearā¦
āYuki-kun, letās watch the wedding video over here~ā
Kanaeās voice reached me, slow and languid.
I was alone and uptight, but Kanae soothed me once again.
With a tightened face, I muttered, āWell, weāre newlyweds, arenāt we?ā
āIām coming!ā
I lowered the corner of my eyes and headed for Kanaeās place.
I called out to Yuki-kun and watched the wedding video on the TV in the living room.
āOh, you made all the preparations, thank you.ā
I just tried to attach a digital camera to the TV as an imitation, but I was happy to be praised by Yuki-kun.
āHeh, Iām just following my dadās lead⦠Iām so sorry that you suddenly came to my parentsā houseā¦ā
What does it mean to be a bride and take your husband back to your parentsā house the day after your wedding? I think so myself.
āUgh, my sister canāt come to the wedding, and father and mother are in a rushā¦ā
My sister couldnāt attend the ceremony due to the early due date of her third child, and of course my father and mother went to visit her as soon as the wedding was over.
Well, that much was fine, but they asked us, newlyweds, to stay at homeā¦
āWell, well, my father-in-law, mother-in-law, and even my husbandās brother-in-law were at the wedding, so thank you.ā
Yuki-kun patted me on the head, and I pretended to tease him and pulled him closer.
āBesides, father-in-law and mother-in-law said they were looking out for usā¦ā
Yuki said embarrassedly.
.Thatās what my mother said to us on the way out, āIsnāt it romantic that your wedding night is the same place you had your first experience?ā And my father said, āWell, Yuki, Iām sorry, but Iām going to have to ask you to take care of the house and my new grandsonā¦ā
No, Yuki-kun! She is not being considerate, She is being funny! How do she know about my first time in the past?
Iām thinking of taking my mom to task next time, but for now Iāll just rub my cheek against Yuki-kunās embarrassed cheek.
āMmmm, letās watch the video.ā
āOh, yeah, letās watch it.ā
Satisfied and embarrassed, Yuki-kun and I cuddled on the sofa and started watching the wedding video on the living room TV.
In the middle of it, Yuki-kun put his arm around me and hugged my shoulder. It felt so natural and unconscious, even though I could see it on his face. That made me happy and ticklish.
āHuh?ā
Then, I suddenly thought.
āHey, Yuki-kun, have you ever done this before?ā
āHmm, what do you mean by this?ā
We stared at each other at close range, and I wanted to close my eyelids and poke my lips out, but I held back for now!
āWeāve done this before, you know. Havenāt we watched TV or movies together like this before?ā
āHmm? Weāve seen TV and movies at my house, Kanaeās house, and even at the cinemaā¦ā
Yeah, thatās right. Iāve only been to movie theaters with Yuki-kun, except for my parents.
But thatās not what I meantā¦
āNo, like right now, Yuki-kun and I are snuggled up together, watching TV in this living roomā¦ā
āHereā¦?ā
Yuki-kun thinks about it with a serious face.
When did this memory occur to me? I donāt have any idea, but I still have an image that is burned firmly in my mind.
The memory of watching TV together in this living room with Yuki-kun holding me by the shoulders.
āHmm, sorry. I donāt have any idea what youāre talking aboutā¦ā
Itās the same for me, because for a long time, when Yuki-kun and I played at my house, he always came to my room, and when he ate food or made snacks, it was in the dining room.
And I donāt think Iāve ever seen Yuki hugging me and watching TV in the living room since we started dating⦠When I was in high school, I asked Yuki to stay at my house with me, but I donāt remember doing that.
āYes, I know⦠but itās likeāā
That memory, which I donāt even know when, overlapped with the current me and Yuki-kun, and my heart got choked up.
The scene that I must have seen one day is here now, and it makes me so happy and shakes my heart that I feel like crying without knowing why.
āKanae?ā
ā⦠No, heh, itās nothing.ā
With that, I pressed my face against Yuki-kunās breastplate, relieved by the familiar smell and warmth.
A lot of things happened before Yuki-kun and I were able to be together like this.
At first, I rejected Yuki-kun, who took the trouble to confess his feelings to me, but then I realized my true feelings, got impatient, panicked and jealous, and pressed him, and I made a very pathetic confession, but he made me his girlfriend.