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This awkward atmosphere continued under the stalemate between the two.
Chen Yuncheng wanted to leave, but Ning Junyan refused to let go. Chen Yuncheng’s clothes were all soaked through, and even though the room was well-heated, he still felt cold after a while as they clung to his body wetly. He said to Ning Junyan, “It’s too cold.”
Ning Junyan asked, “Is it cold even when I’m holding you?”
Chen Yuncheng said, “You should let me go back and change my clothes.”
Ning Junyan seemed to be hesitating, but after a while, he finally let go of his hand, “Go.”
Chen Yuncheng hurriedly climbed out of the bathtub and found his other slipper on the floor. He walked outside despite the water dripping all over his body, went back to his room to find a change of clothes and went into the guest bathroom to take a shower with hot water.
After he took a shower and changed clothes, almost half an hour passed before Chen Yuncheng felt that his whole body had warmed up. He looked in the mirror and saw that his cheeks were still red, not knowing whether it was because of the steam from the heat of the shower or the little bit of alcohol that hadn’t dissipated.
When he wanted to go back to his room, he was suddenly worried about Ning Junyan. He didn’t know if Ning Junyan was asleep now, or if Ning Junyan had just put on hot water to take a shower again, after all, when Chen Yuncheng was sitting there all drenched and cold, Ning Junyan was also wet and without clothes.
He walked gently to the door of Ning Junyan’s room, this time he didn’t knock on the door, but just opened the door a crack. He saw that it was already dark inside, Ning Junyan must have turned off the light and gone to sleep.
Chen Yuncheng closed the door and wanted to leave, but just as he turned around he turned back and opened it again. He walked in at a lighter pace and after his eyes had adjusted to the darkness in the room, he saw Ning Junyan lying on the bed, wrapping himself in a quilt.
He went to the bed and squatted down, approached Ning Junyan’s face, and asked softly, “Are you asleep?”
Ning Junyan simply responded, “En.”
Chen Yuncheng reached out to touch his forehead, and asked at the same time, “Did you take a hot shower by yourself afterwards?”
Ning Junyan did not answer.
Chen Yuncheng worriedly reached into the quilt again to find Ning Junyan’s hand, “Are you cold?” He touched Ning Junyan who wasn’t even wearing pyjamas.
Ning Junyan suddenly grabbed Chen Yuncheng’s hand. Chen Yuncheng was startled, and subconsciously wanted to withdraw his hand, but Ning Junyan held it too firmly, so he failed. Ning Junyan’s palm was hot, but not too hot. Ning Junyan took Chen Yuncheng’s hand and placed it on his chest, and his skin was also warm.
Chen Yuncheng was a little relieved, “You are not cold, right?”
Ning Junyan said, “I’m cold, come up and give me a hug.”
His tone was still flat, but to Chen Yuncheng’s ears, it sounded like he was being coquettish. Chen Yuncheng pinched his nose with his hands and said, “You’re thirty years old and you’re like this in the hospital?”
Ning Junyan said, “No, only to you.”
Chen Yuncheng didn’t say anything, he could already see Ning Junyan’s facial features clearly in the dark, and he knew that the other party was looking at him with his eyes open. They weren’t full of affection, but they were just full of attention as if he was the only one in the world worthy of looking at so intently.
For a moment, Chen Yuncheng felt guilty for the rejection he had been giving Ning Junyan, and he said, “Do you really think this relationship of ours can last?”
Ning Junyan asked him back: “Why not?”
Chen Yuncheng touched Ning Junyan’s eyebrows with his fingers, “We are both men.”
Ning Junyan asked him, “Are you disgusted with me?”
Chen Yuncheng shook his head, “How could I be disgusted with you?”
Ning Junyan said to him, “Come up, I’m going to say something to you.”
Chen Yuncheng did not move.
Ning Junyan said again, “I won’t do anything, after all this time, have I ever forced you to do anything?”
Chen Yuncheng finally got up and sat by the bed.
Ning Junyan moved to the middle of the bed, let Chen Yuncheng lie down beside him, and covered them both with the quilt.
Chen Yuncheng moved a bit, his body was a little stiff, “Why aren’t you even wearing any underwear?”
Ning Junyan said, “I don’t want to wear it, this is my bed.”
Chen Yuncheng also felt that his accusation was a little unreasonable, he moved to the side of the bed uncomfortably, thinking that he had just laid down on the bed, and he couldn’t go back and leave immediately, so he could only say, “What do you want to say?”
Ning Junyan was lying on his side facing him, still holding his hand, “Do you like me?”
Chen Yuncheng was taken aback by his question as this question was a bit difficult to answer. Naturally, he liked him, but it was difficult for Chen Yuncheng to say what kind of like and to what extent. Up to now, he could only say that he didn’t love Ning Junyan to the point of death, otherwise, he would not have wanted to distance himself from Ning Junyan before it was too late, but if he was asked if his heart ever skipped a beat, he did not want to lie to himself. He must have felt it once, and more than once.
But a heartbeat might not necessarily turn into love, nor because of one or two heartbeats that two people must be together. After all, people were not just animals manipulated by their feelings, they also have a reason.
Chen Yuncheng didn’t answer his question. Ning Junyan was not in a hurry and asked another question instead, “Have you ever liked anyone else? Whether it was a man or a woman?”
“No,” Chen Yuncheng answered dryly this time.
Ning Junyan moved closer to kiss his temples, and asked him, “If it weren’t for me, what kind of person would you be with?”
Chen Yuncheng said, “I don’t know.” After he said that, he added, “Maybe an ordinary woman.”
“What kind of woman?” Ning Junyan asked him.
Chen Yuncheng still said, “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it carefully, just someone ordinary. She didn’t need to be too outstanding, or too excellent.”
“Why?” Ning Junyan’s voice was very soft, with a rare soft tone. Although the breath smelled of alcohol, the articulation of each sentence was clear.
Chen Yuncheng felt that Ning Junyan inserted his fingers one by one into his own and clasped them tightly, and said, “No reason, just thought it suited me.”
“Have you ever met such a woman?” Ning Junyan asked.
Chen Yuncheng was silent, he was seriously thinking about it, in fact, he had met one, and there was more than one. Someone had expressed interest in him, giving a vague hint that he had picked up on, but had not acted further. It was clear that it was a girl he thought was right for him, but his heart never skipped a bit.
It was as if Ning Junyan knew the answer, “Why didn’t you stay together, wasn’t it your choice?”
Chen Yuncheng was no longer able to answer with the word unsuitable. He felt a little embarrassed and wanted to get up and leave, but Ning Junyan put his arms around him and said to him, “Yuncheng, I am the most suitable person in the world.” Your people, you can’t leave me, and you can’t live without me either. You are afraid to answer my question, you know you are attracted to me. “
“I didn’t,” Chen Yuncheng subconsciously denied.
Ning Junyan put one palm in front of Chen Yuncheng’s beating heart, and said firmly, “I asked it, and it said you did.”
Chen Yuncheng couldn’t help laughing, “Ning Junyan, you’re drunk.”
Ning Junyan said, “It’s okay, you will love me more and more, just like I love you, and we will be together for the rest of our lives.”
Chen Yuncheng suddenly felt curious, and asked Ning Junyan, “If you hadn’t met me, what would you do now?”
Ning Junyan said, “Just fall asleep on this bed alone, work, eat, and sleep every day, and die alone without emotion.”
Chen Yuncheng was a little startled as he asked, “Must it be me?”
Ning Junyan nodded, “Only you.”
They hadn’t seen each other for sixteen years, how did these sixteen years pass by, and where did Ning Junyan’s so strong feelings come from, Chen Yuncheng didn’t ask, nor did he quite dare to ask. He was always soft-hearted, and once the other party expressed too much affection, he would feel unable to bear it. At the same time, he could not help but want to run away when he felt he could not return the same affection.
There were feelings of affection, indebtedness, and many other things, such as the dependence on each other when they were young, and the reluctance to leave when they were apart. His feelings for Ning Junyan were too complicated to be summed up by the simple word “like”, and Ning Junyan was different from the girls who had shown him affection in the past. For the first time, he felt that he could not escape.
Ning Junyan hugged him, his forehead brushing against the side of his face. Chen Yuncheng’s heart beat violently as he reached inside the quilt and groped down, holding Ning Junyan. Ning Junyan’s movements jerked to a halt and his eyes widened in the darkness to look at him.
Chen Yuncheng was too nervous, his throat was so dry, he said, “Didn’t you say you wanted me to touch it?”
Ning Junyan lowered his head and kissed him fiercely on the neck, his breath unsteady as he said, “Well, it likes it very much, do you feel it?”
Chen Yuncheng was really not used to talking to him like this, so he closed his mouth and eyes. When Ning Junyan’s hand touched his lower abdomen, he immediately bent his legs together and said, “Don’t.” He wouldn’t let Ning Junyan touch him.
Ning Junyan didn’t force it, and replied softly, “Okay.”
Chen Yuncheng felt that Ning Junyan’s kisses kept falling on his side face and neck, and his breathing became more and more unsteady. Even in the dark, he still felt unspeakably shy, so he raised his other arm and put it over his own eyes.
He couldn’t see anything but he could only hear with his ears. Ning Junyan’s breathing sound was too noticeable to ignore in any way,  spreading in all directions in the wide bedroom, hitting the walls and coming back to his ears.
The kisses also became intense and unruly.
It was the passionate voice of an adult man, and Chen Yuncheng suddenly heard his own breathing in it, which was also full of emotion, hot and intense.
He held his breath in fright for a moment, not wanting Ning Junyan to hear himself breathing like that.
Ning Junyan’s voice was hoarse, and he called his name in his ear, “Yuncheng.”
A thin layer of sweat broke out from Chen Yuncheng’s body, and his heartbeat became more and more violent, almost to the point where he couldn’t even stand it anymore. The moment he felt the wetness in his palm, he lifted the blanket off the bed and left Ning Junyan’s room with quick steps as if he was running away.