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Chapter 18
Chapter 1 — Blow all of heaven and earth to smithereens! • Episode 1-5 • Weakpoint ③
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
I woke up in an unfamiliar room. I am lying on a plain white bed. When I raised myself up, I noticed that I was wearing a blue patient gown.
My sleepy head gradually regained clear thinking, and I quickly put my hand on my chest as I felt a choking fear.
「I’m moving alive, isn’t it…?」
I could definitely feel my heart beating. I pinched my cheek and it hurt.
Thank goodness, I didn’t die…
I remember clearly what happened before I lost consciousness.
I was about to fight a Two-headed Sheep Diest and suddenly became drowsy, and eventually I fell asleep, unable to put up a good fight and sensing death approaching me.
Then I had what seemed like a strange, long dream, and when I woke up I was in this room.
I looked at the magiphone in the pocket of my patient gown and saw that it had been three days since that battle.
「What happened to the…?」
「You’re in a hospital at the Magical World–ran. Ryōichi kept falling asleep under the spell of Diest–ran.」
It was not a voice uttered with the intention of asking someone a question, but there was someone who answered it. It was Jack, the pumpkin-head who appears and disappears from the world.
Maybe he was here from the beginning, just because I didn’t notice him. I feel as if the sound of my heartbeat has become even louder.
Angered at Jack, or rather at the Magical World, seethes as if to paint over the fear I have felt for the first time in a long time from nearly dying.
「It was a dangerous call–ran. This time the Diest came with a sleep-inducing spell–ran.」
「Normally, such magic would not work on a magical girl–ran. But it was a deadly attack on Ryōichi, who deep down wants to sleep–ran.」
「As I’ve said before, depending on the chemistry, direct interference type magic can work on magical girls–ran.」
「I don’t know what would have happened if Elephant hadn’t come to your rescue–ran.」
「Elephant-san did…?」
I was uncomfortable and hated Jack, who was lecturing me condescendingly for reasons I didn’t understand, and I ignored the conversation and glared at him, but I couldn’t help reacting to the words I hadn’t expected.
Why is Elephant’s name mentioned there?
「Yes–ran. Elephant took down the Diest, for Ryōichi–ran. Not to mention she’s alone–ran. You should be thankful–ran.」
「No way, why……」
I said terrible things to that girl and kept her away. I cut off her hospitality and chose to be alone. I brushed away her outstretched hand. No one would blame her if she didn’t help.
Besides, her proper rank should have been Knight-class. The Baron-class would have been defeated in cooperation with her friends she usually have with. Now that we’re in a state of emergency, they shouldn’t have gone to the Baron-class outbreak notification in the first place… guh…!
「Don’t tell me, Jack did it…!」
「That’s right–ran! Be thankful–ran! I couldn’t send formal notification, so I contacted them personally to come and help–ran! Blade and Press didn’t seem to notice–ran. But I’m so glad Elephant came along–ran! I think Ryōichi should be thanking me as well–ran!」
Jack answers proudly, his voice dancing as if he were puffing out his chest.
What are you so happy about? What’s so fun about it?
I should have known. This is not a being I can trust. I thought I knew what I was doing, being made to look like this, being semi-forced to become a Magical Girl, being forced to fight.
I woke up in this room and understood once again that this guy was garbage after all. That was his plan.
But more than that, this guy is much, much more than I ever imagined!
「Explain to me!!!」
Unable to control my emotions, I screamed loudly.
Jack shuddered for a moment as if startled, then looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. He didn’t seem to really understand what I was so angry about, which made my anger flare up even more.
「Why did you ask Elephant-san for help or anything! You knew that she didn’t stand a chance by herself!」
「That’s just the way it turned out–ran. I was originally going to get Elephant, Blade, and Press to help you–ran.」
「But in the end, she was the only one who fought! Ahh, it wasn’t a dream… It was never a dream!」
In the midst of dreaming of a false past, that scene disappeared in an instant like a bubble.
The sight of the girl who still held my outstretched hand while covered in blood. That was Elephant. It wasn’t a dream. She was covered in wounds, bleeding all over, and still she smiled kindly at me.
It must have been hurt for her. It must have been painful for herm
Even now, after the battle, even I, a former adult, felt so much fear!
A girl of that age! How could she not have been scared! The truth is, she should have been scared!
But those feelings, we’re not…!
「You couldn’t have known if she was going to win! She could have lost! I could have been the one who was dead! Why! Explain it to me!? Only just because of me!?」
「S–Settle down–ran. Ryōichi must be delirious–ran.」
I am delirious!?
Yeah, I must have been in the first place!
This thing, how could this thing be so cold!?
Aggghhh…!!! How did I not see this coming! Why…!
「It’s you! I didn’t want to lose my power! So even if other Magical Girls had to die, I was the only one who you tried to save! That’s true, right!?」
「I had no intention to do so–ran. I made the best decision I could at that moment–ran. Or was Ryōichi trying to say that you should have abandoned yourself–ran? So you think it was better to die for it than to have other magical girls in danger–ran?」
「No, of course not!!」
There is no way that I could have just died!
I am afraid to die.
I hate to die.
I don’t want to do anything dangerous.
I even hate pain.
It always has been. It should have been.
That’s who I was.
I didn’t want to be a Magical Girl, I didn’t want to be told to fight Diest, I was scared and worried at first.
I can still clearly remember how I felt at that time.
Even so…
Even so!
As soon as I started fighting the Diests, that fear was gone! I felt like my courage was boundless! I’m not even a little bit anxious anymore! I don’t even think about not wanting to fight anymore!
It was taken from me! I was being changed! My mind!
There’s no way, there’s no way that was me!
That’s not who I am!
「I! Please give me back my heart! My My fears! My anxieties! Please don’t take them away!!」
I raise my voice in anger, filling my heart with rage as I begin to cry.
I felt that if I cried, if I shed tears, I would break.
I am afraid that I am not myself. I am anxious and uneasy.
But these feelings will disappear if I fight again.
Those inconvenient feelings are erased to protect this world.
I’m about to cry now, and I’ll be nowhere to be found.
I will cease to be myself.
How and why didn’t I notice? I don’t know myself.
I never questioned myself, fighting as if I am the hero of a story. I didn’t think it was strange. It felt natural to me. I fought valiantly, I won, and I felt I deserved it.
「What are you saying–ran? Fear and anxiety are a hindrance to fighting–ran. If you lose your footing at the critical moment, it’s you who’s in trouble–ran.」
Not to stir the pot or anything, Jack said with a hearty sense of wonder.
He said it was in the way of the fight. He didn’t want me to lose my footing.
I’m sure he really don’t know. Because that’s the best choice for fighting as a Magical Girl. Human dignity and pride are irrelevant to him. He was not interested.
Because it is more efficient. Because it is more effective.
「If you’re feeling better than that, you must go visit Elephant–ran! She’s still in the hospital after a serious injury–ran! You must express your gratitude to her–ran!」
「Please get out! I never want to see your face ever again!」
「I’ve told you before——」
「Get ouuuutttttt!!!」
「——Alright–ran. Elephant is in room 404, two floors above.」
With that, Jack left.
Being alone, with no enemies to fight, the fire in my heart that had been burning was extinguished.
The loneliness makes the anxiety even greater, and my heart feels crushed.
「I shouldn’t cry…」
I grit my teeth and suppress my emotions.
I take deep breaths over and over again to calm my raging emotions.
Yes, that’s right. When I sit still alone, I think about all the bad things.
I must go and say my thanks. As much as it pains me to do as Jack says, I have to thank her for hee help and maybe I can change my mood somewhat.
We can talk a bit, I’ll thank her, and that was it.
It’s alright, I’m calm.