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Why did he come?
Lee Wooyeon was asking himself that question.
Why did he come? Why was he here?
He turned his head and looked inside the bathroom to find the person holding the answer. He frowned at the musty smell peculiar to public toilets. Outside, a group of women were waiting for him, some still standing.
Did they have no shame?
No matter how good a man was, he wondered if he would want to do that in front of the bathroom. When women fell in love, it seemed that their body secretes hormones that made them lose their mind. When he remembered that women often waited for him in the shower or locker room even when he was in America, it didn’t seem to be a particular characteristic of Asian women either.
Wiping off the moisture on his hands, Lee Wooyeon remembered the women who were fighting while waiting for him in front of the locker room, punching and fighting. A soft smile hung on his thick lips.
He couldn’t even remember the names or faces of the women who fought over him. All he could think of was the people gathered around him with excited faces saying there was a fight between the two queen bees, the ones who were the best in school.
It was a fun scene.
Wooyeon wiped the corner of his mouth with his still dry hands.
‘You shouldn’t play with people’s emotions’, said Dr. Arnold, his doctor. No, it may have been Dr. Henry. It didn’t matter who. From a young age, he had always been indoctrinated with that.
‘People have feelings, and those feelings are to be respected, and under no circumstances should you play with people’s feelings.’ At the age of eight, he accepted the doctor’s advice. He realized that he could not be healed even after hundreds of treatments, but one day he decided to accept that fact.
He thought that if he couldn’t understand, he could just memorize it.
Still, he had to admit that sometimes things that he couldn’t memorize existed. Such was the behavior of the manager who brought him here today. Human emotions generally moved within a pattern that could be memorized, but Choi Inseop did not. He was a mess, like a person without a frame. The existence that was moving hard along that messy movement caught Lee Wooyeon’s attention. He was intrigued by the behavior he saw for the first time. He knew he would lose interest once he got used to it, but it was true that it caught his eye at first.
Gradually, he got tired of it, but something interesting happened.
After putting on sunglasses and a hat before going out, Lee Wooyeon looked inside the bathroom again. The only thing that caught his eye was the bastard who had been staring at him with anxious eyes. The manager and him seemed to have missed each other.
As he turned around, he paused and stopped his feet.
He didn’t hear it wrong.
Lee Wooyeon looked back. When their eyes met, the yellow-haired bastard standing at the edge of the bathroom was noticeably anxious. Without hesitation, he walked to the end of the bathroom and pulled the doorknob. Pushing the bastard trying to stop him, he kicked the bathroom door with his foot. A couple of kicks broke the doorknob. There were still scenes that were difficult for Lee Wooyeon to memorize.
“What are you doing?”
Lee Wooyeon asked. In fact, it was a situation that anyone with eyes could understand at a glance without asking. A dirty-looking man was holding Choi Inseop from behind with his undershirt upright. Choi Inseop’s face, covered with dirty hands, was covered in tears. The man who had been anxiously watching Lee Wooyeon from before was either on the lookout or waiting for his turn. Either way it didn’t matter. The fact that he was faced with such a situation itself was unpleasant. He’d come across scenes like this a few times in his life, but he couldn’t help but be stiff every time. It was something he didn’t even want to acknowledge.
Even while attending school in the United States, it was not limited to women who showed a crush on him. It was easier than closing his eyes for him, who had a social and physical advantage over the losers who looked at him passionately. As long as it didn’t harm him, it was enough to pretend he didn’t know. He didn’t feel the need to spend his emotion on it. But now, it was someone who had something to do with him.
With a hardened face, Lee Wooyeon reached out and grabbed Choi Inseop’s shoulder.
“You’re late.”
With strength, he pulled his body away from the man. Lee Wooyeon, who pulled Choi Inseop out of it with ease as if he was shaking off dirty dust, continued talking as if he didn’t care about other men.
“The CEO and the manager are waiting in the car, so please go first.”
“I, I
”
It was disgustingly sad to see him trying to say something with his pale blue lips because he couldn’t breathe properly.
“I’ll listen to you later.”
He didn’t really want to hear what was going on inside. What was important to Lee Wooyeon was to get out of this unpleasant situation.
“Go to the car and wait.”
“I
”
He was annoyed at Choi Inseop, who was trying to explain as if he still had something to say. Lee Wooyeon gave strength to the hand holding his shoulder and whispered in a low voice.
“I’m not doing this out of curiosity. There’s nothing good about being noticed by other people. Such a dirty situation.”
It was a small voice, but it was enough to be heard by Choi Inseop as well as the man who was holding him.
“What? Dirty? Who are you, you bastard?”
The man grabbed Lee Wooyeon’s neck. Choi Inseop reached out and tried to stop him, but Lee Wooyeon told him with a soft tone.
“Go out and wait.”
“No, I
”
“Go out and wait.”
His eyes were smiling, but his voice was cold. Choi Inseop’s shoulders trembled. Lee Wooyeon pushed his shoulder. He arranged his ruffled clothes with trembling hands and went outside. A group of women were standing in front of the bathroom waiting for Lee Wooyeon. His legs were shaking and he had to lean against the wall in front of the bathroom and wait for Lee Wooyeon. Not long after, Lee Wooyeon walked out with a clean expression as usual.
“Let’s go. We’re late.”
When Lee Wooyeon wrapped his arms around Choi Inseop’s shoulder and said that, screams erupted from among the women around him. He looked like a kind celebrity who took care of his manager.
Choi Inseop lost strength in his legs and it was not easy to even walk. If Lee Wooyeon hadn’t supported him by pretending to be walking shoulder-to-shoulder, he would have hesitated because he couldn’t even walk a few steps. Choi Inseop tried to explain the accident in the bathroom. However, there were too many people around to see Lee Wooyeon.
Lee Wooyeon gave strength to the hand that was placed on Choi Inseop’s shoulder and released it. With that brief movement, Choi Inseop was able to accurately grasp his intentions.
Don’t do any nonsense.
It wasn’t a ferocious look or a harsh voice, but with a simple gesture, it felt like the other person’s malice was flowing into his body. He didn’t feel well. Choi Inseop stood, covering his lips with the palm of his hand.
“Are you unwell?”
Lee Wooyeon’s voice was very kind and his eyes were also friendly. But Choi Inseop could no longer stand leaning on him. He was out of breath. He couldn’t breathe, as if someone had pumped out all the air around him. He knew he was fine now, but he often had psychogenic seizures like that. He felt like he was drowning. He pushed Lee Wooyeon away. It was a struggle to live. He didn’t know how he swung his hand. As far as he could, he pushed Lee Wooyeon away.
Actually, he was pushed back a couple of steps, but that was enough for Choi Inseop.
It was as if he had been clamped in a vise, his breathing was open. He was coughing and salivating. After a while, he heard a soft voice from behind.
“People are watching.”
“
”
“Then I’ll take you to the car.”
Although he sounded worried, Inseop knew that he was as worried about him as he would about his fingernails. Lee Wooyeon stood next to Choi Inseop and waited for him to raise his head.
“
Sorry. For causing trouble
 ”
“It’s okay. Never mind.”
Choi Inseop discovered that there was a small blood stain on Lee Wooyeon’s collar. There were no scars anywhere on his face.
“I’ll take you to the car.”
Choi Inseop looked helplessly in the direction of the bathroom he had come out of earlier. Once inside, he didn’t know that the evidence he had been looking for so much would remain. But he couldn’t go back to that place again because of that one possibility. Just the thought of going back there made his body lose energy and his breathing quickened.
“Let’s go.”
Lee Wooyeon grabbed his arm. He could feel the strength that pushed him away easily before in the firm hand. Lee Wooyeon grabbed his arm and led him into the car. There had never been a moment when his will, weak enough to cry, was so resentful.
The morning of the day he went to school, he felt like he was getting worse. In fact, he didn’t have a fever and he didn’t have any problems, but he felt several times worse than the days he laid in bed and did nothing. From the moment he got on the school bus, his whole body felt weak. A dwarf and small Asian boy entered the school with a wild imagination that his body would shrink and disappear from the world someday. After a long absence from school, no one greeted him. Even after class, it was time for a break. He often imagined that his name might be a curse word that should not be uttered. If someone calls out his name, the curse may be lifted.
It was a secret that no one could tell that he, as a man, imagined the ugly duckling becoming a swan. But he couldn’t stop imagining it. If he stopped even that, it was as if the support to withstand the difficult reality would disappear.
In his imagination, he was the best at whatever he did. Physics, math, running, fencing, basketball. No matter what he did, he received praise from people, and their love was monopolized.
「Isn’t it a bit harsh to be monopolized?」
He shook his head and headed to the library. He was thinking of borrowing a book for a long time. As he spends most of his free time sitting in bed or on a chair, he thought that the habit of reading a book might be self-defense in order not to die from boredom. He greeted the librarian, one of the few people he knew in school, and went into the library. He picked up a few travel books. He has never traveled because of his health, but he made a plan to go on a trip when his body was healthy. Just like his parents, his sisters, of course. So, who will take care of Will? Did he want Aunt Stacey to take care of him? Aunt Stacey was very forgetful and may not be able to take care of Will’s food.
Worried about his incoming thoughts, Peter left the library with the borrowed book. Someone tapped him on the shoulder as he was walking with a book in his bag. As a result, the books spilled on the floor. Peter quickly picked up the book.
「Hey, China.」
He heard a voice over his head. It was Fred. Fred was in the same grade as Peter, but he was tall enough to look a couple years older. It was only natural that Peter’s complexion turned blue when he heard the voice of Fred, who had been following and tormenting him since the beginning of the semester.
「China. Where are you going?」
Chino and China were nicknames used to demean Asians. Peter wanted to say that his nationality was American and that he was born in Korea, not China, but he already knew that all those things were useless. Such a distinction was meaningless to humans who deliberately used the name Chi-na and Chi-no to insult Peter.
「China, what are you going to do after reading a book like that?」
Fred and the others around him giggled and made fun of him.
「Where are you going to travel?」
「What does it say? Korea? Where is Korea?」
「Isn’t this a country where war broke out? Hi, Arigatou.」
The ignorant guys who couldn’t even tell the difference between Japan and Korea giggled again. Peter quickly picked up the book and tucked it into his bag. He wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible. Seeing that Fred was stepping on a book, Peter carefully pointed to the book with a trembling hand.
「I
I am reading that book.」
「And?」
「It’s a book I borrowed from the library, so I have to return it cleanly.」
Noticing the trembling of Peter’s voice as he was speaking, the people around him burst into laughter. Fred picked up the book under his feet,  「This?」he asked.
「Yes. Back
 !」
He reached out, but to no avail. Fred raised his heels below him and looked down funnily at Peter, who was stunned.
「What are you going to do with a book like this?」
「Give it back.」
「You want to go back to your country?」
Occasionally, they cursed Peter to return to his country. Adopted to America at the age of one, Peter had no country to return to. The country he had no memory of was just one of the distant countries. He has been learning Korean since he was a child according to the will of his second-generation Korean father, but he never thought of himself as a Korean.
「Get out of our country. China.」
The boy standing next to Fred kicked Peter in the ass and teased him. 「I understand,」 exclaimed Peter in an angry tone.
「What?」
「I’m going. I’m leaving, so give me the book!」
Fred, who didn’t expect a skinny Asian boy to yell at him, was stunned, while Peter stole the book.
「I don’t want to be with kids like you either!」
「So you’re going back to China?」
「It’s Korea, not China, you can’t tell the difference, but it’s completely different
 !」
He couldn’t finish speaking and shut my mouth. Fred slapped Peter in the face with his fist.
「Fuck, where do you think a bastard like you goes!」
Fred was furious and started punching as if Peter had uttered something he shouldn’t have said. At first, the guys who giggled and watched started to look worried as the severity got worse.
「Fred, this bastard has a heart condition, so if you hit him like that
 」
「Shut up, damn, who said I’m going to hit him?」
「There are too many eyes to see Fred
」
Fred grabbed Peter’s hair as he was spilling his nosebleed. Then he dragged him into the empty gym room.
As he threw him on the dusty mat, he felt a lump of blood rushing down his throat. The friends who knew Fred’s personality only pretended to stop him a few times, but no one followed. Fred came in and locked the door.
「What? Where are you going?」
「
 」
「I asked where you were going!」
Thick palms caressed his cheeks. The blood that had pooled in his mouth splattered onto the mat. Peter didn’t like Fred. Even though he did not commit any crimes, he could hardly understand him, who often followed him, teased him, hid books, and tormented him.
「
 does not exist.」
「What?」
「It doesn’t matter where in the country as long as you aren’t there.」
He still couldn’t understand where that courage came from. Even after saying those words, Peter’s hands and feet trembled in fear of being beaten. Fred, who had a look as if he had been hit with a single blow, bit his lip and spoke.
「Take that back.」
「
 」
「Take that back, you asshole!」
The more Fred’s face grew, the more frightened Peter became. But at the same time, it was refreshing. The reason was unknown, but it was clear that he had hurt Fred’s self-esteem.
「Take that back!!!」
He was terrified of Fred, who used his evil squeaking sound, but Peter shook his head. Fred screamed and flew over Peter’s body. Peter closed his eyes, ready to be beaten. But it wasn’t physical violence that came over his body.
「You fucking Asian bastard.」
It wasn’t until Fred unzipped his pants that Peter realized what this meant. Peter saw that the blonde haired bastard Fred had blonde hair down there too.
「What, what
 」
Before he could finish speaking, Fred grabbed Peter’s pants and pulled him down. It was then that Peter realized that the other party was trying to use violence against him with other intentions. He was nauseated. He waved his arms desperately. However, it was not enough to face Fred, who was twice his size.
「Fuck, be still. Be still!」
Excited, Fred grabbed Peter’s arms and pressed them to the floor. Peter shouted, shaking his head with a bloody nose. 「Take it off, don’t like it, don’t touch it.」 Fred then covered his mouth with the palm of his hand. His palms were thick as steel. He couldn’t breathe. Peter struggled to breathe, but the more he did, the less oxygen he had. Even in the midst of his increasingly distant mind, he felt goosebumps at Fred’s touch, panting and touching his body.
That was when with a popping sound, Fred’s heavy body fell on his own.
「Are you
 okay?」
It was a trembling voice.
A fat girl with bad-grained blonde hair with side braids held a flat trophy in one hand. Her face, stained with sweat and dust, looked incredibly messy. It was a fact that he learned later, but that day, she also said that she was locked up in the gym for more than two hours because of bullying by girls.
「Can you stand up?」
She held out her hand. Her hands were larger and more generous than Peter. Peter took her hand.
That was his first meeting with Jenny.