/
Yan Yi was unable to resist him, and didn’t have enough energy to argue with an alpha.
Lu Shangjin’s palm plastered itself against the bulging belly, carefully touching it centimeter by centimeter, afraid to hurt the omega and afraid to wake the baby inside. Suddenly, he felt a gentle push against his palm.
Did the baby just kick him?
The alpha’s attention was instantly drawn to the bottom of his palm. He lowered his head, concentrated on looking for it, wanting to see if the naughty little guy would move again.
Yan Yi rarely saw Lu Shangjin’s focused expression. Being so close, he could clearly see the little bit of tenderness in his reddening eyes.
He released soothing pheromones, and the little one in his belly, not knowing whether it was soothed by the pheromones or frightened by his dad, obediently stopped moving around.
“Lu Yan is so well behaved,” Lu Shangjin gently praised the baby.
Yan Yi recalled this name quietly. He had written it in his notebook and remembered that he crossed out a name and changed it to Lu Yan at the time.
Unfortunately, it was a false pregnancy and the baby he had been yearning for came late.
He was lost in thought when he was suddenly picked up and put on the bed with two soft pillows behind him.
Lu Shangjin sat on the edge of the bed, willingly bearing the responsibility of rubbing his slightly swollen calves and feet.
“Baobei, when your pregnancy is further along, don’t keep running out without saying a word. I’m worried about you two.” Lu Shangjin lowered his eyes and held back from looking at Yan Yi’s ring finger to avoid spreading a layer of salt on his newly injured wound.
Noticing Lu Shangjin’s evasive gaze, Yan Yi looked at his ring finger.
“Are you very sad?” Yan Yi actually didn’t want to stimulate him, but he couldn’t help wanting to draw his attention by deliberately provoking him.
The hand rubbing his calf suddenly paused. Without looking up, Lu Shangjin continued to rub Yan Yi’s ankle.
He reluctantly pulled out an ugly smile. “Very sad. I heard removing a tattoo is very painful. Did you cry?”
Yan Yi was silent and tilted his head to the side, but he didn’t kick him away nor struggle to resist again.
“It’s time for your checkup tomorrow. Sleep early.” Lu Shangjin kissed him on the forehead and whispered good night.
He went downstairs and stood in a daze in the empty living room.
Looking at the marriage certificate printed by Bi Ruijing on his phone, his fingers gently caressed the red cover on the screen. He fantasised about coming home from work: Yan Yi would come to receive the roses and gifts he would bring back; would take a bite or two after he finished a table full of dishes, and then give him a smile and affirmation.
He had never been so envious of having a family as he did today. Sitting on the sofa all night, cigarette butts accumulated in the ashtray.
When the little one in Yan Yi’s belly grew to four months old, they went to An Fei Ya Hospital for a checkup.
Looking at the image of the cute little one taking shape, Lu Shangjin pushed a card to the doctor, vaguely excited as he held the edge of the table and leaned over to ask about the baby’s sex.
The old doctor pushed down his glasses and looked at him before pushing the card back. “Just go back and take good care of your wife. Use snacks and keep up with his nutrition.”
Yan Yi sat on the side, looking at him. When he had just seen the baby, the light and stability in his eyes immediately cooled down. He asked with suspicion and vigilance, “Are you saying you don’t want it if it’s not an alpha?”
Lu Shangjin simply felt so wronged. He held Yan Yi’s shoulder and coaxed him for a long time, “Wife, do I dare to? An alpha’s position is so low.”
Yan Yi shook his shoulders, refusing to let him hold them.
Ten minutes later, Lu Shangjin came back from the pharmacy after picking up the medicine. He just rounded the corner when he saw Yan Yi sitting on the bench in the hallway, talking to Xia Jingtian.
The two talked and laughed. Lu Shangjin saw the kindness on Yan Yi’s face as he touched Xia Jingtian’s head like an elder showing his fondness for a junior.
If there was no mark, Yan Yi wouldn’t have fallen in love with Lu Shangjin at all. After all, a 96% compatibility fit was just not the same.
Lu Shangjin thought he would be furious like before, but his own emotions were far less violent than he thought they would be. He just felt a chill from the bottom of his heart, and his hands were cold with sweat.
It had become a habit to pull himself together and put on a look of indifference to hide his emotions. If forcibly taking Yan Yi as his own would only bring him endless pain and suffering, then he could let go and leave a little freedom and dignity for himself. Being deeply conscious of the right thing to do on the surface was just an excuse to a love he couldn’t get.
He turned around and left.
As soon as he took two steps, he turned back. Even before he could react, he pulled Yan Yi into his arms, looking down and asking him if he wanted to pick some daily necessities for the baby later.
Xia Jingtian leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets, licking his lower lip and smiled. “What’s wrong, ge? I’m not here to steal sister-in-law. This is my family’s hospital.”
Yan Yi didn’t give face to Lu Shangjin in front of the child. He gave a faint answer before going out of the door and sitting in the car.
Xia Jingtian looked back at the door and raised his chin slightly, glancing at Lu Shangjin’s right shoulder, “Find time to stay over at the hospital as soon as possible.”
Lu Shangjin weighed the medicine he just took. “He can’t have nobody around. Let’s wait until the baby is born.”
Lu Shangjin accompanied Yan Yi to the baby store for a full two hours. Soft music played in the store and couples holding a baby could constantly be seen. Yan Yi stood by the shelf and concentrated on picking a baby bib.
It was easy to become relaxed in a safe and cozy environment. Yan Yi gently rubbed the bib to test out its softness, while Lu Shangjin stood to one side and absentmindedly glanced over to Yan Yi.
There was already a small but obvious curve to Yan Yi’s small belly, but not so much as to make him clumsy. Picking up a small light-yellow bib, he touched the rabbit ears on the top and smiled. When he looked up to where Lu Shangjin was standing, he didn’t have time to restrain his smile.
He happened to meet Lu Shangjin’s eyes, but saw that the alpha’s cheeks were flushed red.
Lu Shangjin immediately avoided Yan Yi’s probing eyes, holding his chest as his beating heart accelerated, falling into a confused daze.
Finally, they bought two large bags of baby supplies and went home.
Yan Yi sorted out the new purchases while watching TV, arranging the pacifiers, bibs, diapers and small clothes and hats into several categories.
A large object suddenly stuck to his back. Lu Shangjin stuck to him from behind, wrapping his hands around his bulging belly and kissed the back of his neck, whispering, “Wifey, you look so good today.”
“What are you doing?” Disgusted at his intimacy, Yan Yi struggled hard, but was pushed down on the sofa. The alpha leaned over and pressed him down, careful to avoid Yan Yi’s belly. He lowered his head to cup his cheeks for a kiss.
“I miss you…” Lu Shangjin was a little out of control. At first, he just couldn’t help but want to hug him, but didn’t know how he ended up kissing him so blatantly. His Yan Yan was so sweet and beautiful, how could he resist him?
“Get off–!” Yan Yi couldn’t bear it. He pushed Lu Shangjin away, lifting his foot and kicking him heavily on his right shoulder. He kicked him a few steps away, before packing up the things on the sofa and going up to the second floor, fed up. He then locked the bedroom and said scornfully, “Horny1 bastard.”
Lu Shangjin stumbled two steps back, holding his painfully swollen right shoulder and raising his head up to explain, “I just want to kiss you; nothing else. Please believe me…”
…I won’t hurt you.
The door to the second floor remained tightly closed.
After his consciousness sobered up a bit, he touched his bitten lip regretfully. He went into the bathroom and locked the door. Halfway through rummaging for his inhibitor, his right hand shook violently.
He was in his rut and wasn’t aware of it. Fortunately, he was pushed away as he was more afraid of hurting Yan Yan.
Yan Yi locked himself in the bedroom and leaned against the door, holding a large bag of small clothes. After calming down for a while, he sat down at the desk and fiddled with the crumpled paper crane hanging on the neck of the lamp.
He could hint to himself that he was resisting Lu Shangjin’s touch, but he couldn’t control himself from being moved by him.
Everything Lu Shangjin was doing now was belated and what he had wished for.
Inexplicably, he picked up a pen. Despite the scar on his ring finger, he was still able to write the string of English fluently, following the font from his memory.
He took out a wet wipe and viciously wiped off the words written on the base of his finger, until his finger was rubbed red and painful, not allowing even a little mark of ink to remain.
Yan Yi clenched his teeth and clenched the wet wipes tightly. He was twenty-seven years old, he must no longer love him.
He tossed and rolled in bed, burying his face under the pillow, but still couldn’t fallen asleep at twelve o’clock. His mind was full of Lu Shangjin’s painful look of persuading him to stay as he held his shoulder.
Thinking of Lu Shangjin holding his shoulder, he also remembered his right hand which he couldn’t exert all his strength on occasionally.
Yan Yi suddenly sat up, lifted the thin quilt and got out of bed.
Lu Shangjin’s bedroom was on the first floor. The door was open, and the light of the bedside lamp was not too harsh.
Yan Yi stood by the door and looked inside, seeing Lu Shangjin lying on his side on the bed, half asleep and half awake. He took a bottle of mineral water from the bedside table and twisted the cap several times, but still wasn’t able to unscrew it.
So he clasped the bottle with his forearm and unscrewed it with his left hand. Unexpectedly, he choked and coughed as he laid to the side of the bed.
He was only wearing a tight sleeveless undershirt, and his right shoulder bore three deep gorge-like scars, bones moving beneath thin blackened skin could be seen under the deepest of which, and there were also swollen bruises and lacerated wounds of the place Yan Yi had just kicked.
Yan Yi held the door frame and frowned. Suddenly, he remembered that he had always wrapped his bathrobe tightly when he got in and out of the shower, and also only wore long sleeves during the hottest season.
Lu Shangjin put the water back and turned over. Yan Yi was standing next to the bed, causing him to sit up, trembling in shock. He quickly pulled on his pyjamas and draped it over his body to cover the shoulder injury.
“Did I wake you up? I’m fine, go back to sleep…”
Yan Yi looked him in the eyes and asked softly, “Your shoulder: when did it happen?”
Lu Shangjin paused briefly and made up a lie. “Two years ago. There are only scars left. Nothing wrong.”
Yan Yi threw a bag of bone-wound medicine hidden in the study into his arms: “What’s next in your lie?”
“Don’t make a scene, wife…” Lu Shangjin wanted to cover up the matter quickly. “You give birth to the baby well, and after serving you, I will go to the hospital. No delays.”
Yan Yi knew him well. If Lu Shangjin didn’t want to say things, no one could pry anything out of his mouth. He pursed his lips ruthlessly and turned around to leave.
His hand that jerked away was hastily grabbed by Lu Shangjin.
“You care about me, don’t you? Do you feel sorry for me?” Losing all sense of shame, the alpha grabbed him, pulling him onto his lap, his palm warming his cold little feet. “Come up here and lie down for a while. You see how cold you are barefoot…I’ll sleep on the floor, you should lie here for a while…leave me some warm presence…”
“Stop pretending.” Yan Yi pulled his foot out of Lu Shangjin’s hand and looked at him coldly. “I’m telling you, you just think I’m something you must leave at home. What are you pretending for now? After you get it, you’ll still throw it aside. I don’t want to be rejected all the time, do you understand?”
Lu Shangjin’s heart was stabbed with each sentence, like he was hugging an aggrieved hedgehog, but he was still holding him tight despite the pain.
“I’m just a rabbit made experimentally with cloned cells. You can get millions of them if you want. Why? Why do you have to bite me and not let me go?”
Wrapped in a safe little space from the alpha’s broad warm chest, Yan Yi suddenly could no longer hold back his tears as he yelled himself hoarse at him:
“What’s so special about me! I don’t even have A3 glands now, I don’t have a single bit of value left! You let me go, I’ve had enough of your favour…I dare not…dare not want any more…”
“You are my wife…” Lu Shangjin held the little rabbit’s head, pressing him into the crook of his shoulder, gently patting him as he soothed. “I’m the bad one, you’ve been wronged…”
He wanted to tell Yan Yi about how guilty he felt and apologize with all  his heart, but he deeply understood that the little rabbit had no sense of security towards him at all, not even daring to accept his love and affection with ease. How could he be comforted by a simple apology?
Footnotes
1. 精虫上脑: literally brain full of semen lol – someone so horny that he acts impulsively