When Gu MengYang opened the door that morning, he was startled to find Chen Xiao standing there.
âChen Xiao? When are you going toâŚâŚâ The end of his sentence was blocked by the otherâs mouth.
Chen Xiao held Gu MengYangâs head tightly with both hands to keep him from pulling away. He pressed his mouth heavily against his lips. First, he licked twice, then he slipped his tongue inside.
He counted quietly in his heart: 1, 2, 3, 4âŚâŚ
On the count of five, he pushed away.
âGu MengYang, I like you.â
There was no sound from the other side, so Chen Xiao repeated it again.
âChen Xiao, IâŚâŚyou wait firstâŚâŚâ Gu MengYangâs breath was coming a little quick. Chen Xiao didnât know what expression was on the manâs face right now, because he didnât dare look up at him. He stared at his toes, shook his head, and forced a smile to his face.
âI know, I knowâŚâŚâ He didnât wait for Gu MengYang to stop him, taking two steps back and quickly closing the door behind him as he entered his place. The other man didnât chase him.
He had pictured tens of thousands of confession scenarios, some cheerful, some serious, some a little sad, but could never have imagined such a mess as todayâs. He slumped to the floor in misery with his head in his arms, feeling like his heart was just as empty as the wind.
Chen Xiao thought he should hide himself away, but didnât expect that the first to disappear would actually be Gu MengYang. He hadnât seen him since that day and his door was always closed. He even imagined, could Gu MengYang have moved away?
Luo Xin called and didnât say anything beyond asking Chen Xiao if he wanted to move in with him.
Chen Xiao thought about it and said yes but they would have to wait a few more days.
Whether he could be friends with Gu MengYang or not, whether the other person hated him or not, he wanted to say goodbye, because having a good breakup and goodbye was his way.
Gu MengYang came back on the evening of the seventh day.
Chen Xiao was getting ready to go downstairs to buy something and, as soon as he opened the door, he saw Gu MengYang, who was pulling out his keys. The sudden encounter made both people a little shy. Chen Xiao couldnât say a word for a long time. He had thought that, after these days of adjustment, he would be able to face the other very well, but when he saw that familiar face, his heart ached with an uncontrollable ripping feeling. It hurt and he just wanted to grab this manâs hand and stop him from leaving his side ever again.
Gu MengYang seemed a little haggard; there was stubble on his chin, who knew if he had shaved in days, and there were two big, black circles beneath his eyes. When he saw Chen Xiao, he was unable to hide his expression of surprise and grievance.
âChen XiaoâŚâ He approached Chen Xiao, his words soft and his voice a little hoarse, making Chen Xiao, in a daze, feel as if nothing had changed, that Gu MengYang was still his little slag man. âIâm backâŚâŚI need to tell you something!â
âWell, I happen to also have something to tell youâŚâŚâ Chen Xiao was afraid to look at him again, his eyes were aching as if something was about to flood out of them imminently.
âThen you go first.â
ââŚâŚIâm moving out.â
Gu MengYang couldnât believe his ears, staring at him and asking dully: âWhoâs moving out?â
He saw Chen Xiao looking at him with a blank face. He shook his head in disbelief: âWhy do you want toâŚmove out? Why?!â
âWhy not, Iâve lived in this sh*thole for a long time. Luo Xin asked me to move in with him.â
âNo way!â This was the first time Gu MengYang had ever yelled at him. The man wore a hurt expression and his eyes were red, âIâm not allowing it! I forbid you to move!â
âForbid?! How can you forbid anything?!â
âBecause I like you!â
Chen Xiaoâs mouth dropped open and he stared stunned at Gu MengYang, just now he saidâŚâŚthat he likes him?
He had thought he would jump with joy when he heard this kind of thing, but the heaviness of his heart didnât diminish at all, instead growing stronger.
âYou obviously like me too, why are you suddenly moving outâŚâŚâ The man from across the way seemed to be crying, with his lower lip clenched tightly between his teeth. He tried to reach out and pull him close, but he was rebuffed.
âGu MengYangâŚâŚyou just walked away without a word, leaving me here alone, and now you suddenly say you like me? Are you just pitying me as an abnormal person? Even if you really liked me, did you ever think that since you didnât let me say goodbye to you, maybe I wouldnât even wait for you to come backâŚâŚâŚ? When you got back, it could have been to just an empty house, oh, or maybe you would have seen your new neighbor. Gu MengYang, I chased after you every time, do you know how tiring and upsetting that was?â Chen Xiao didnât know whether to listen to himself or to Gu MengYang. In fact, he hadnât said it but what made him the most agitated was that he wanted Gu MengYang to only look at him, only think of him. His love was too domineering and selfish, he was afraid that one day he would do something unreasonable because he was jealous. One day, those unbalanced scales would sooner or later make them both lose.
If, when they got together, they ended up apartâŚâŚChen Xiao didnât know if he could heal his heart after that.
He dared not look at the otherâs pale face again, stumbling back and running home.
That night, Chen Xiao didnât sleep at all. His things had been packed, piled up in the living room. He smoked one cigarette after another, until the sky was beginning to lighten. He seemed to hear someone calling him and he was wondering if it was just an illusion when he heard a gentle tap on the door.
He was shocked, then he sprang up and rushed to the door. It was really Gu MengYang calling him.
âYouâŚâŚâ
Gu MengYang apparently heard his voice, tapping on the door more rapidly: âChen Xiao, you open the door, listen to me well!â
Did he not sleep all night too?! It couldnât beâŚâŚhe was standing at the door this whole time? Recalling Gu MengYangâs haggard face, his heart tensed instantly.
Gu MengYang was still whispering outside: âChen Xiao, would you like some watermelon? I bought a watermelon and waited for you to eat itâŚâŚ Chen Xiao, will you come over to eat dinner togetherâŚâŚ?â The softer the sound, the harder it was for Chen Xiao to make out what he was saying. In the end, he could only catch the sound of the soft taps on the door, and then a pause.
âChen XiaoâŚâŚI miss you, come out and let me see youâŚâŚâ
Chen Xiao wanted to say âstop it, stop itâ! But before he opened his mouth, with his lips pressed together, a âwuuâ already broke free. All these years of grievance and loneliness, of so long not having his secret unrequited love and yearning answered, now he could finally stop trying to restrain his feelings, crying out like a small child.
Gu MengYang apparently heard Chen Xiaoâs cry. He was first stunned and then vigorously banged on the door in a panic.
âChen Xiao?! Chen Xiao!! What happened to you, you open the door!!â
Chen Xiao was still crying, once his tear ducts opened, they couldnât be closed. With a runny nose, he tearfully cried, âGu MengYang, Gu MengYangâŚâŚâ
ââŚâŚIf you donât want to see me so badly, Iâll never bother you again, but you open the door first! Chen Xiao, please, Iâm begging you to open the doorâŚâŚâ
Chen Xiao wiped his face and he had just opened the door and poked out his head when he was pulling into a warm embrace by a vigorous Gu MengYang, clinging to him, so strongly that it hurt.
âIâm sorry, Iâm sorry. I really, really didnât leave youâŚâŚ Luo Xin said if I couldnât make a commitment to you, he would take you away. Iâm sorry, Chen XiaoâŚâŚ I just went back and told my parents that Iâm going to take you back there openlyâŚâŚ I donât want you to be wronged, Iâm sorryâŚâŚ Donât goâŚâŚâ Gu MengYang didnât know what he was talking about anymore, just vigorously saying âIâm sorry.â
Chen Xiao stared in amazement. He had no idea Luo Xin said that to Gu MengYang. He felt a drop of water on his neck and he panicked: âGu MengYang?! Are you crying?â
The man clinging to him shook his head so he rubbed against his neck, hoarsely saying: âNo!â
âFool! Idiot! Little slag man!â Chen Xiao sobbed back and hugged him, âWerenât you going to tell me?! Donât you know I was really upset?!â
The two hugged for a long time, then released each other and looked into each otherâs red eyes and at their sloppy appearances from not sleeping all night. They pressed their foreheads together, giggling.
âThen what happened with you and your xuejie?!â
âHer boyfriend lives around here. When I ran into her, I talked for a whileâŚâŚoh, so you saw it that day!â
âYou said you had always liked her!â
âThat was before! Chen Xiao, are you eating vinegarâŚ?â
âHow could that be! Hurry up and go cook!â
âOhâŚâŚso fierce⌠Look, I got hit by my maâŚâŚâ
ââŚâŚyou deserved it! You just went back alone! âŚâŚdoes it still hurt?â
âIt hurtsâŚâŚ They told me to bring you back for the Spring FestivalâŚâŚâ
ââŚâŚâ
âChen XiaoâŚâŚ Itâs hot today, can I come over and sleep?â
âNo.â
âI donât want to sleep on the floor, itâs hard. Letâs sleep together, okay?â
ââŚâŚare you even listening to me?!â
âChen Xiao, you arenât moving out, right?â
âEverything has been packed, why wouldnât I move?â
âHow could that beâŚâŚâ
Letâs see you pretend to be pitiful! Letâs see you pout your lips! Letâs see you learn follow a bad example! Chen Xiao jumped up with an âahâ and pinched Gu MengYangâs face hard. The other side winced in pain but still let him do whatever he wanted and then smiled with a silly expression.
This guy was finally his, how could he not bully him?!
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