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Chapter 182: Were it a beautiful female assassin I might’ve gotten away even with melting everything and getting tentacles involved
Day 54 – Evening, the Castle at the Fake Dungeon.
I thought I’d go home after guiding them to the audience room, but the aide stopped me? Eh? Isn’t my work here over after repelling the invaders? No one is coming, you know? You can get your hopes up, but you won’t get even a naked middle-aged man now? Are you actually hoping for that? And here I thought that this aide is just like me, one of the sane people here, but turns out he was the most dangerous one! Let’s run away, the danger is real!
「Your Royal Highness Princess Shariceres. Here is the audience room. It’s a shabby place, but
 No, it’s actually not! It’s a splendid audience room, without any faults to it. Thank you very much, it’s amazing! I don’t have a single complaint about the audience room that Haruka-kun made, okay? Okay?」
「No, I’m not mad or anything. I just thought about modifying it a bit if you had complaints? Why are a count and a princess shaking in their boots together? If you have any requests I’ll listen? Want to add traps? 」
Indeed, that might’ve been careless. If there is a place where the enemy spy might slip through, this is it, countermeasures against assassins are also needed, and naturally, traps for beautiful female assassins are undoubtedly needed too. And most likely, if it’s a beautiful female assassin no one will get angry even if everything gets melted, even tentacles might get a pass. As for dudes, a pitfall should be more than enough. It’s fine if they stay there forever as well.
「Are you going to put traps here?! Are my clothes going to be dissolved again? Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything cruel. Please don’t dissolve them. I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything cruel. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything lewd as well. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry
」
I got scolded?
(Jiggle Jiggle)
And told off?
Eh? Asking for requests on modifications results in a scared princess and me getting scolded? Is she perhaps against any renovations? No way, was she sent by a new building faction?! No, wait? This is a new building? Yeah, I just erected it? A brand new, freshly constructed property. No idea what the problem is, but I think it’s not my fault. I mean, there wasn’t a single case when it was my fault?
「I already asked earlier, but this splendid fortress is Omui-sama’s castle, right? Why are you asking this
 Person from a faraway land, for his opinions? And the way you talk is incredibly and utterly casual? Is this Haruka-sama really that eminent? I’m sorry if that’s indecent instead. Please don’t do anything indecent to me. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry
」
「You are trying to make it look as if you are apologizing, but you are calling me indecent? It is because I found you with Rajingan, had Armored Pres-san deliver clothes, and Slime-san became a wall to cover for you that you weren’t seen by anyone, you know? I sent her your way immediately, so you shouldn’t be bothered by how lewd the dress looks, okay? Well, indeed, that dress was supposed to help us enjoy a lewd night, all night long, all through the night, but that’s a secret. Like, FEVER, sort of?」
「As I thought, I was put in this lewd dress because you were planning to do indecent things to me all night long, all through the night? From whom was that supposed to be a secret? I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything indecent to me. Please spare me the all-night-long lewding with this dress. I’m sorry. Nothing lewd, please. Are you going to FEVER me? I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

」
Armored Pres-san is giving me a Flat Gaze while patting Royal Girl on the back. No, I didn’t say anything wrong, did I? I gave a proper explanation, right? And Meripapa-san, can you stop sighing and do something too? I’ll get one hell of a scolding if anyone sees this? I’ll be branded a criminal under false charges.
「I don’t need this nameless castle in the middle of nameless nowhere, so I decided to gift it to the nameless Meripapa-san? Or rather, force it onto him? Like, it’s a handy thing to have? With a name, it might be even more convenient? How about leaving it to Merimeri-san and naming it Merimeri castle? But it sounds like Merry Merry castle, which is sort of weird, might get merrily taken over? How about giving it to her mommy, and naming it Murimuri castle? Oh, that sounds strong! Like it’s impossible to take, impregnable even in family quarrels!
」 [1]
「Stop. I’m losing all of the quarrels with her as it is, can you not give her a castle on top of that? If she holes up in this castle, I’d perish along with the entire frontier’s army when I’d try to reach her with an apology. Please, don’t? Also, I do have a name, so please remember it already. After hearing it so many times, the only two words you remember are Meri and Muri, right? My name is not on the list, is it? I do have a name, alright?」
A short while ago Royal Girl was calling Meripapa-san an undefeated knight or something, but is the undefeated knight who is always losing to his wife really fit to be a knight? Or could it be that the frustration from always getting whipped by his wife made him into the undefeated knight? Yeah, I get how that feels.
「Now that I think of it, suppose Meripapa-san can’t stand, but there is no place for us to sit in the audience room? There is a conference room right there, so let’s sit there and talk. No idea why I can’t go home, but since I can’t leave I’ll be making dinner here, meanwhile you can have a chat. I’m sure it must be because I’m not making dinner that Slime-san is angry with me. This way.」
With everyone finally getting to sit down, it looks like they are going to start talking. It seems in this world they have a hard time moving the conversation along, getting things tangled up at every turn. Perhaps there is a problem with the syntax of this world’s language? I mean, everyone keeps trying to get my words translated through the pres?
「
Eh?」
「
This is?」
As I thought, the audience room should have an open and friendly feel to it, while the neighboring conference room should be the place to apply pressure. In negotiations, words are a weapon. That’s why the opponents should be shut down, and put under stress. High ceiling, precisely lined up columns, and the round table standing right in the center of it. All of this creates an illusion of being surrounded, the design meant to put tension on the other side. It turned out pretty good, you know? Since no one would praise me, I have to describe and react myself? Since no one would praise me.
「Well, well, well, welcome to the distant place, sort of? Like, Have a seat and make yourself comfortable~? As I said, don’t just stand there and sit down? I worked very hard on this? Probably? Thought it’s my first time seeing this too?」
And finally the conference, or rather, negotiations, or rather, information extraction, or rather, the circle of getting apologized and scolded, began.
In the end, it seems that the kingdom, or rather, the midland nobles, or rather, the central part of the kingdom, still thinks that they can simply threaten the frontier into submission. It seems she knew that the military is useless here, yet was planning to perish while doing what she could. What an idiot, there was an even bigger idiot than idiots. Does this world have no one but middle-aged men and idiots? Why would she obey an order knowing full well that she cannot win? I can understand if that was a fight for the sake of protecting something, and thus impossible to avoid. But attacking for the sake of losing is pointless, at the very least, not worth losing your life over. We found the biggest idiot yet. Even our idiots are not this dumb. There is no dumbass among them who would die just for the hell of it.
「Haruka-kun. Her Royal Highness Princess Shariceres is about to cry, or rather, is actually crying, so please, don’t glare at her like that? Even I’m scared, so don’t glare at me as well? The princess
 Her Royal Highness Shariceres was trying to protect the frontier by meeting a defeat here with the force of the best elites. She was trying to stop the war using her own life. So I ask you, can you please forgive her? Haruka-kun, please.」
「Omui-sama!」
Meripapa-san kneeled and lowered his head. To the angry me and the crying princess.
By showing the dumb nobles the utter failure of the handpicked elites led by the princess she wanted to make them realize that victory is impossible. They are all idiots. If she is going to lose an unwinnable fight, she might as well have challenged those stupid nobles. Going to the frontier to self-destruct is nothing but a loss for the kingdom. That’s what the idiots would’ve done, and that is the right thing to do. It’s still stupid though.
「You don’t have to ask me, and you also don’t need to apologize, it isn’t like I’m going to do anything? I’m just fuming, looking down on her in the amazement and disgust of this stupidity, so don’t mind me? I have no intention of doing anything at all, or rather, I see no point in even moving a finger? There is no meaning in doing anything with a person that seeks death? If the person is trying to survive I can rescue, assist, and give sweets, but there is nothing that can be done with a person that wants to die? So, since I can’t care less, can I go home? 」
「As foolish as it may be, this is the only way! There was nothing else I could do! Conflict among nobles will split a country and might split even the royal family, so this was the best thing I could do for the kingdom. What else would you say I should’ve done? There is nothing! There is no person who would want to die on their own!」
Oh my, looks like I was wrong? Let’s give her a candy then. After all, only living can enjoy nice sweets.
「Things that can be helped can’t be helped? Do whatever, there is nothing that can be done about them? Who cares if a country or royals that can’t be helped were to split? I mean, they are like that because you can’t get them in order because you can’t get them together, so who cares if they were to split at this point? If they don’t want to split, if they don’t want to break, then they shouldn’t do things that will result in that? What’s the point in protecting something like that? That’s just dying in vain? You will be in the right if you choose to kill instead of dying. After all, you’ll be dead if you die? You won’t be able to have any more sweets? Here, have another one. This is Sweet Potato-san, quoting Stalker Girl, it’s 『tastilicious』? Stalker Girl also went off to die, but since she didn’t, she still eats sweets and laughs every day. You won’t be able to do that if you die. That’s why you can’t die. Throwing your life away, putting your life on the line, sacrificing yourself for the kingdom, all of that is whatever, if you die it’s all over. Although there are cases of coming back to life here and there?」
Yes. Usually, with death comes the end, and nothing can be done about that, but the person nodding beside me became Skeleton-san after death, but now she is back to life and is enjoying her every day. She didn’t die even after dying, that is an example to follow. Even though everyone is saying that they don’t want to die, even though in the underground depths of the frontier there was a person that kept fighting without giving up even through death, I wish people would not be so casual about dying.
[TL Notes:
[1] ムăƒȘ (無理) – Impossible. So basically, impossible castle.