It was the kind, flowing voice of a young girl. Ah, I doubted there was any man who would not answer to having his name called by such a beautiful voice.
I needed to get up. As I slept warmly, my conscious made the decision to wake up.
ââŚKurono-kun.â
What appeared before my eyes, was the familiar face of a girl. There was a tinge of sadness in her round, black eyes. She had a small, pretty nose and soft cherry blossom colored lips. Her flaxen long hair enhanced her pale skin.
She was so beautiful as if she were charmed. My sleepy eyes were rudely glued to her face. Perhaps I had already been charmed.
âKurono-kun, are you alright? You were groaning so muchâŚâ
Her face looked like it was ready to burst into tears at any moment. When I saw her expression crumble, full of distress and sadness, I immediately felt a certain panic rise within me. I did not want to make her cry.
âNo, I am fine. Itâs really nothing, so donât worry about meâŚShirazaki.â
ââŚOh, thatâs good.â
Her face expressed a relief that came from the bottom of her heart. The girlâs name was Yuriko Shirazaki. She was a fellow clubmate at the literature club. I was sad, I think. We were no more to each other, no less.
âBy the way, whereâŚam I?â
Apparently, I was currently on a soft bed and covered with clean, white blankets so that I could rest. Shirazaki was sitting on a folding chair near me, peering into my face.
I looked to the right and left and saw the waves of a white curtain hanging from a rail surrounding my bed. Peeking passed a gap in the curtains I could see the familiar and annoying sliding door and in the corner, there was a scale and height meter set.\nAdditionally, I could see a simple analog clock of practical design hanging on the wall. The time was 6:38. It was just near sunset and the whole room was bathed in the reddish light of the setting sun that shone through the curtains.
Even though I had been the one to ask the question, I could tell at a glance where this room was.
âItâs the school infirmary.â
I thought so, well, there was no other explanation. I had never actually had to use it, but I had come here for special cleaning duties at least.
But why was I sleeping here? It was strange. I could not help but be overcome with a strong feeling of unease.
Calm down, try to remember. Just a moment ago I wasâŚ
âI was really shocked when you just fainted in the club room out of nowhere. I were really close to calling an ambulance you know.â
âAhâŚah, thatâs right. Now I remember. I had felt a sensation like a massive headache and just fell over right thereâŚthat was it.â
âDo you still feel unwell? The school nurse said that it was just low blood pressure, that you would be fine once you had some restâŚâ
âNo, I donât feel any pain anywhere. Iâm really okay now.â
I said it as if I was hiding, but in reality, I really did not feel any abnormalities. The problem was the discrepancy with my memory, I donât know⌠I do clearly remember fainting in the literature club room. I do remember that, but I couldnât help but feel as if it were something that had happened a very long time ago.
ââŚI have this feeling like Iâve had the longest dream.â
âDonât worry. Youâre awake now, that bad dream that was making you groan is now over.â\nA bad dream. Was that what it was.
Bad things, painful things⌠No, it wasnât anything so simple as that. I feel like I had experienced being on the brink of death, and that I had also felt a harsher despair than death, many times over.
It was like I had dark and black emotions of chaos deep inside of my chest. Not just my heart, it was a part of my body. The pain and bitterness, the despair of defeat, humiliation, and loss.
If my heart and body had so permanently experienced these emotions, it could only mean that I had been having the most unimaginable nightmare.
HoweverâŚ
âThere should have been somethingâŚsomething I was not supposed to forget, something very important.â
âWhat is it? What do you mean?â
Shirazakiâs black eyes looked straight into me. Usually, she would be intimidated by my aggressive attitude and never look me in the eye. But right now she had the gentle look of a mother looking after her own child.
âItâs, it isâŚâ
âItâs?â
I could not take my eyes off her. It was as if her eyes were sucking me in. Like I was being sucked into the abyss.
ââŚI donât know.â
I tried to put it into words, into shapes, that memory that was supposed to be important to me. But it scattered like a cloud that could never be grasped.
âHehe, it was a dream you were having just a moment ago. But you canât remember it all now that youâre awake, that happens sometimes, huh?â
âYeahâŚit does.â
Yes. In the first place, I donât even have memories. I fainted from low blood pressure and then I woke up. There was only sleep in between, I myself had not taken any actions. Dreams were only an organizing of memories, something that happens to the body. One of the mechanisms of the living.\nâBut, Kurono-kun. Do you remember what happened before you fainted?â
Before I fainted? I guess she meant what happened in the club room.
Iâm sure I had arrived at the club room like any other day⌠No, that was wrong. Shirazaki had gone out of her way to talk with me and said:
âThere is an important meeting at the club todayâŚso be sure to come, okay.â
And when I did arrive at the club room, Shirazaki who had delivered the message was the only one there.
No matter how long we waited, the other club members did not come. There was an awkward silence as the time ticked away. I didnât want things to continue like that, so I made the decision to talk to her, but failed. I kept trying different things and then⌠Ahh, now that I think of it, she said this one thing:
âWhen I said that there would be a meeting, I lied.â
Yes, she did say that.
ââŚand, that is all I remember. I think that you were about to continue from there, only that is when I fainted.â
âGood, Iâm glad you remembered that.â
If I had not remembered at least that much, it would mean that I was showing signs of memory loss. It was a pretty awful headache, but I donât think it was that major. In that sense, I too was happy that I had âremembered that.â
âSo, why did you lie to bring me to the club room?â
âI really wanted to be alone with you there.â
I had thought she was going to say something about how they had all planned to play a prank on me. Her unexpected answer left me scrambling for a reply.
âIs, is that rightâŚâ
I returned vaguely, the empty words escaping my mouth like I was an idiot.\nBut Shirazaki did not appear to be bothered by my confusion and she continued to speak as she looked straight into my eyes.
âYes. And thankfully, we are alone together again. I can continue what I was going to say.â
Perhaps it was the light of the setting sun that was shining into the room, but her face looked slightly red. Her beautiful smile threatened to captivate me, but I kept my ears perked so as to not miss a single word that came out of her mouth.
âThe thing is, Kurono-kunâŚâ
I didnât get a headache. This time I was able to hear all of what she had to say.
ââŚI like you.â
It was a confession. It was straight emotion, there was no roundabout way of saying it, no embarrassment. Even the most dimwitted person could not hear this and realize that it was a confession.
âUhâŚreallyâŚ.me?â
But, I could not believe it. It was too much to believe.
The sudden confession, and from a completely unexpected person. And I was not so conceited as to easily accept that her affections for me were real.
This was Shirazaki. I could understand her being angry with me, hating me. If anything, that is what I had been assuming all of this time.
More than anything, I had never done anything that would make her fall for me. Our only conversations were of official matters concerning the club or talking on the behalf of other members. Of course, we also never experienced any beautiful events where I could expect the suspension bridge effect to occur.
And while it did seem incredibly rude to be suspicious of a girls confession of affection, I could still not believe it, yetâŚ
âMm!?â
ââŚMmm.â
I felt something soft touch my lips. Warmth. There was now zero distance from Shirazakiâs beauty and my face, there was a faint scent of shampoo on her.\nI was being kissed.
âI like you, Kurono-kun. Iâm not lying.â
Before I knew it she had drawn back to her previous distance from me. That moment just now had felt like a dream. But, it wasnât a lie. Like she said.
âSo, pleaseâŚbe my boyfriend.â
I need to reject herâŚsome intuition in me said. It was not that I still doubted her affections, I no longer assumed that there was something behind it all.
But I just did not have the right. I should not date girls, I should not have any lovers. Such thoughts had suddenly entered my consciousness.
However, at the same time, I also think this: I do not have anyone that I love so strongly that I would offer my body and soul to, and I was no saint who completely shunned all relationships. I was just an ordinary high school student with questionable looks. Why was I thinking about such idiotic things as whether or not I had the right.
Shirazaki herself had confessed to me. I doubt there was a single boy in Sakuragi Highschool that would reject her. Even if they already had a girlfriend, they would probably dump her in a heartbeat.
No, no. This sensation had nothing to do with all that. It was much deeper, from somewhere in my heart there was a distant memory, it pleads with me desperatelyâŚ
ââŚI guess thatâs aâŚno.â
âYes. If youâll have me.â
My lame and disturbing feelings were immediately blown away when I saw her tragic face about to crumble. How could I have been bothered by such insignificant and boring things.
It was just not possible for me to allow her to cry.
âReally? Are you really sure about this?â
âYeah, I look forward to being with you, Shirazaki!â
âThank you! Kurono-kun!â\nAnd just like that, she had pounced on me to give me a hug. I sensed her warmth and scent once again, and my heart began to beat faster.
What a comfortable weight this was. After a momentâs hesitation, I wrapped both of my arms around her.
âKurono-kun, I love you.â
And so I had my first girlfriend ever. An incredibly beautiful girl named Yuriko Shirazaki.
It seemed that this day would be the peak of my life.\n