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chapter 4




Part 1
“Oh Komekko, you got rice on your lips.”
The morning after Aqua defeated the spectre, Lucy.
Megumin carefully supervised Komekko as she wolfed down her breakfast.
Watching Komekko eat so intently, Megumin smiled wryly after picking off the grain of rice from Komekko’s face and ate it.
“Onee-chan stole my food!”
“K-Komekko! Don’t make drama out of me eating your single grain of rice! Eat slower and steadier if you don’t want that to happen again. Your breakfast won’t grow legs and run away anytime soon.”
Hearing Megumin’s kind advice, Komekko grew serious and put her cutlery down on the table.
“When onee-chan used to steal corn from the farms, she said they would run away if we didn’t eat them fast enough.”
“Forget about that, cooked rice doesn’t run!”
Having finished her breakfast, Aqua smiled at the conversation before her.
“Being sisters seems pretty good. Ne, Kazuma, now I also want an imouto. There are gender-bending magic items in this world, you know; why not give it a try?”
“While I don’t get what exactly you’re implying, I understand your desire for imoutos. Imoutos are great, especially the cutesy ones that’d call you ‘onii-chan’—those are the best.”
Just as I basked in the bitter memories of Iris.
“Emergency! Emergency! All adventurers, arm yourselves and gather at the guild. I repeat; all adventurers, arm yourselves and gather at the guild!”
Along came a broadcast that I haven’t heard for the longest time.
I instinctively gazed over at Darkness who’s sipping her brown tea.
“Urgent broadcasts should be rare around this time, right? We’re not in season for cabbages, there hasn’t been any high-bounty targets recently either. What’s going on?”
The broadcast repeated as Darkness sat dumbstruck.
And then,
“Additionally, all Crimson Demons currently in the city must participate. I repeat, all Crimson Demons currently in the city must participate!”
In response to this unusual broadcast, Darkness and I shared another glance.
Part 2
“—What’s going on here? Oi, what just happened here?”
After we arrived at the Adventurer’s Guild, we saw a row of staff.
When Darkness asked the question, one staff member nearby told her to just get in.
Seems like they’re waiting for all the adventurers to gather before explaining.
“If possible, I want to avoid doing anything dangerous; I just want to live in peace… But, since it was an emergency, I’m afraid there will for sure be another evil antagonist…”
“And what did you mean when you said all Crimson Demons must participate? Komekko is also a Crimson Demon; although she can’t use magic yet, we’ve still brought her along for the time being…”
Megumin scanned her surroundings, visibly alert.
“You’ve finally come!”
Suddenly, a guild staff member greeted Megumin respectfully.
“…Eh? Why, all of the sudden? Unless the guild gave me VIP status after finally realizing the true usefulness and power of my explosion magic? A bit late in my opinion though…”
Then, another staff member said to the man that was greeting Megumin,
“No, not her. Actually, her attendance is optional. The more important subject is the other young lady.”
“Hey, what do you mean ‘optional’? Is that a challenge?”
The staff, however, didn’t quite grasp Megumin’s wrath and instead bowed to Komekko.
“Welcome. We’ve prepared desserts, this way please!”
Hearing the staff, Komekko followed her leisurely. Megumin went forth to stop her.
“Hey, don’t lead my sister around all willy-nilly! What’s going on? Since when did the Adventurer’s Guild turn into a lolicon club? Depending on your answer, I might call police right here and now!”
“Th-that’s not true! We have our reasons! Ah, Luna-san, what a great time for you to arrive!”
The staff sobbingly sought help, to which the receptionist onee-san smiled warmly.
“Specifically calling for Crimson demons all of the sudden only to bait my sister as soon as we arrive, what is this supposed to be?”
Against Megumin’s interrogation, the onee-san puffed out her chest confidently.
“The Adventurer’s Guild is always on the search for excellent candidates. Reasonably, we’ll serve Crimson Demons who are born with the potential to become great mages. That said, isn’t it only logical that we show hospitality to Komekko-san?”
“Excuse me, all else aside, I’m also a Crimson Demon.”
The staff members all turned their gazes away in response.
“A-anyways, this way, Komekko-san! We’ve prepared an incredible amount of snacks!”
“No! I just said that I’m also a Crimson Demon…”
The onee-san ignored Megumin’s complaint and brought Komekko to the center of the guild hall.
Waiting until most of the adventurers have showed up, the onee-san then said,
“Welcome, everyone! Sorry about the emergency broadcast!”
She then announced with a big smile in front of the dessert-stuffed Komekko—
“So, I understand everyone’s been working hard yesterday. The success rate was very high, a rare occurrence since the Axel branch was established. Even the spectre Lucy had been subjugated by Aqua-san! As expected of Axel adventurers, you are all excellent!”
Giving out compliments like there’s no tomorrow, just what is this onee-san scheming?
The adventurers were pleased too; some covering their mouths in shyness, some scratching their heads distractedly.
“Although…”
The onee-san’s tone made a sharp turn.
Not sure why, but I have a bad feeling about what’s coming next.
“We’ve prepared a new job for you exceptional people!”
Mhm, I’m calling it.
It’s the instinct of incoming trouble that I often have.
“Compared to yesterday, the work today really is only slightly more arduous and difficult. It should definitely be no problem for the adventurers here!”
A stiff-faced man then interrupted the onee-san’s irresponsible boasting.
“Hold on, Luna-san, don’t be so inconsiderate.”
Seeing that the onee-san has no plans to stop, the other adventurers also spoke up.
“Wait a second, what do you mean by ‘more difficult and arduous’ than yesterday’s quest!? Is this the reason behind the emergency rally!?”
Other adventurers hurriedly followed suit.
“Forget it, just cut us some slack!”
“We gave our all yesterday, we’ve no strength left!”
“And I was planning to relax at the bar today…”
The onee-san continued to ignore the adventurers, still smiling gently.
“There will be no problems, since the Axel adventurers here are the cream of the crop in the nation!”
She even said something that baseless and dishonest.
“Right, Komekko-san?”
She even asked for support from Komekko, who’s currently only concerned with stuffing dessert down as fast as possible.
I get it now, it’s that tactic.
“Axel adventurers are super strong. Onee-san said it, they’re the type to never back off from any opponent, regardless of how powerful they are.”
Having reaped yesterday’s benefits, she must be trying to take advantage of Komekko and plow through the remaining quests while she’s still here.
At this point, it seems that I’m not the only one who has figured out the staff’s ulterior motive.
Color drained from the faces of all present adventurers.
Then, one of them cried dramatically in resignation.
“…Damn it! I-I’ll take it, all right!? Oi, bring it on! The hardest quest! Come at me!”
Rolling with the momentum, others also began to accept their fate.
“Just w-watch, I’ll let you witness how powerful Axel mages are!”
To be honest, they aren’t all that exhausted today.
Seeing their reaction, Megumin broke into cold sweat as she reached out to stop them.
“Everyone listen, you don’t have to be absurd…”
However, her weak voice could not penetrate their ears. Her arm also waved in vain.
“Mmm… Hmm… Although I don’t quite agree with the tactics, the adventurers have indeed been weak and lazy. Durian quests aside, even regular quests were seldom completed… But all in all—”
Darkness said as she glared at me.
“Since they have defeated quite a few high-bounty targets with you, a number of them earned more money than they knew what to do with; consequently, laziness increased overall. Especially those who adventured with Kazuma; they’ve been NEET-ified thanks to you. For the sake of Axel’s security, I could see the necessity of this measure.”
This woman and her speeches, I swear.
To be fair though, ignoring nearby monsters could indeed be a hazard.
“Anyways, let’s just take a few random quests. Gotta let Komekko witness our power, at least. Right, Megumin?”
I bitterly smiled at Megumin.
“That’s right. Only Aqua got her chance to shine yesterday; if I want to keep my dignity, I’d better display my strength.”
Just as we went about taking some random quests.
“No worries. As a commission for Satou-san and his friends, we’ve specifically prepared a job aimed at strong parties.”
The onee-san said with a bright smile.
Yet I only felt more ominous.
We’ve already completed the widely rejected mission of Lucy’s ascension.
We’re not about to take yet another troublesome quest.
I linked arms with the now familiar onee-san and led her to a corner out of Komekko’s earshot.
“Onee-san, onee-san, don’t you have a clear idea of our actual, raw power? Please have mercy on us. Flattering so much right now; what are you expecting from us? Even though you’re a beauty with a body that ticks all my criteria, I still won’t be led around like a dog on a leash.”
Seemingly used to being called a beauty, the onee-san responded happily with a smile—
“Ah, haha, I’m a beauty huh… How flattering of Satou-san. What about this; should Satou-san successfully finish this commission…we can go on a date today after work.”
“Ah, I’ll pass on that. Onee-san’s anguish for being a christmas cake has spread rather extensively among the adventurers.”
As I made an excuse, onee-san’s smile abruptly vanished.
“Excuse me, but who has been spreading such information?”
“And thus, we bid you farewell. We’ll go hunt down some stray toads.”
Before I could leave, she gripped my arm with force.
“Not so fast, Satou-san. Putting the other quests aside for now, only this one requires you in particular. I can say with confidence that out of Axel, none other than you, Satou-san, can complete the quest I’m offering.”
Seeing her stern face unseen before, I couldn’t help but halt.
Totally not because my elbow touched a certain part of onee-san’s body when she had grabbed me.
Her words caught my attention somewhat.
Specifically, the part where she said, “other quests aside for now, only this one”.
“You really do rate me highly. It might sound weird coming from me; but frankly, I’m a real scumbag in face-to-face combat.”
“Of course I knew.”
Huh, she didn’t deny it?
As the adventurers hurried left and right across the guild hall—
The onee-san said staring directly at me,
“The quest that only Satou-san can complete, is—”
Part 3
Inside a small forest west of Axel grows a large tree.
This tree is infamous among the adventurers and guild staff. Although the area around it is forbidden territory, tourists from other cities still visit it constantly.
Why would people visit that particular place?
Because under the massive tree lives a monster.
Called the tranquility princess.
Probably an upgraded version of the tranquility girl I destroyed a while back—
“—Look, Kazuma, why don’t we forfeit this quest? The enemy is a tranquility princess. Do you know how she’s managed to stay rooted there for so long without getting destroyed?”
On our way to the forest that is home to the tranquility princess.
Aqua had been making a fuss behind us just now.
“Kazuma Kazuma, I actually don’t feel that motivated to destroy the tranquility princess…”
Even Megumin worked against me.
“You guys shouldn’t put all the blame on Kazuma. The tranquility princess is in fact a very benign existence to some people. For example, those who are tormented by terminal diseases can go to her and pass away peacefully—does that really count as evil? Although, also due to her existence, suicides have become rampant in that forest. Yes, that counts as suicide. As a servant of our Goddess, I frown upon suicide. Even if the subject has good intentions, I still cannot tolerate assisted suicide.”
Judging by the excuse Darkness made for me, she doesn’t get the situation either.
I dropped my backpack and looked back at them.
“How could you still have not made up your minds. Do you really think I’d destroy the tranquility princess for wealth and fame?”
(Aqua) “Of course, aren’t you the man who would brutalize cute, innocent fairies for their experience and bounty? Last time, you assassinated the snow fairy that I caught and named; I still haven’t forgiven you yet!”
This bastard even dug up the old grudges.
I breathed a long sigh.
“I didn’t do anything, all right? It must have melted when you had placed it near the heater.”
Back when we were exterminating monsters called snow fairies, she wanted to keep one as a pet.
The snow fairy she caught was gone the next day, so she firmly believed that I was the culprit.
“When we were at the Crimson Demon village, didn’t I tell you about my encounter with a tranquility girl? They aren’t at all charitable; in fact, they’re quite devious.”
At the time, they blamed me for being all that’s unholy; I had to explain myself for a long while.
And here I thought we had come to an understanding…
“I’m still skeptical after all that happened. Since the opponent was so malevolent, how then could it go unnoticed by my all-seeing eyes?”
“Are you sure your eyes aren’t marbles?”
I instantly returned fire. Aqua puffed out her cheeks in rage. I then took out a certain item from my backpack.
“Haw… Kazuma, that’s…”
It is the lie-detecting magic item that had been used on me numerous times.
If things went on like this, Aqua and her friends would definitely inhibit my destruction of the tranquility princess.
And thus, it’s time for this magic item to shine.
Using it, I could expose the lies of the tranquility princess and corroborate my account.
“So, look closely, all; I’m telling you that I’m right.”
Aqua showed a suspicious look upon hearing my confident declaration.
—We walked all the way through the dense underbrush and arrived at the giant tree.
There weren’t many monsters at all.
Rumors say that adventurers volunteered to clear the area to protect the tranquility princess from monsters.
How long had we really spent walking through this forest?
Just as I worried about having gone down the wrong path.
“Ne, Kazuma, isn’t that it? I see light over there.”
I looked at where Aqua was pointing and saw a bright clearing among the dark forest.
Heading over, I could see a giant tree and a small steam.
Trees were scarce around the stream which glimmered in the sunlight, piercing the surrounding darkness.
Suddenly, someone talked to us.
“Hello adventurers; have you come to seek a peaceful end, are you merely lost?”
The voice sounded calming, silky-soft yet clear as raindrops in water.
When I turned to look for the origin of the voice,
“Or perhaps you have come to see… me?” (TL note: soretomo wa, ta, shi? joke)
An elegant woman whose bottom half is a tree bashfully smiled at us with familiarity.
Part 4
Crap, this was beyond my anticipation.
“Ne, so you’re the tranquility princess?”
The tranquility princess tilted her head at Aqua’s inquiry.
“By ‘tranquility princess’, do you mean me? Since humans all have names, you’ve also given me a name; is that how it works?”
Having said that, the tranquility princess went on to cheerfully repeat her own name.
“Thank you. And please also offer my gratitude to the creators of my name for me, won’t you? After all, I couldn’t move in this form.”
Watching the tranquility princess talk with us so kindly and joyfully, I knew this would be problematic.
With but a few words, even Darkness started warming up to her, let alone Aqua and Megumin.
The tranquility girl we had defeated at the Crimson Demon village had been the kind which acts weak to provoke your protective instincts.
However, this one starts communicating right away to actively bond with the victim.
“Ohh, your roots are intermingled with the earth, unlike the tranquility girl which had the form of a complete human.”
Saying that, Aqua carelessly approached the princess to feel her roots, suddenly…
“Don’t!”
The so-far friendly tranquility princess yelled.
Aqua jumped, and Darkness stepped up to protect Megumin and I.
“Don’t touch my root. The roots are oblivious to my emotions and will harm you humans.”
The tranquility princess looked down sadly.
“…What is it? You can pour out any hard feelings at me, you know?”
As Aqua probed worriedly, I started to deeply question what the tranquility princess had just revealed.
I couldn’t believe she admitted to her deadliness.
What’s going on?
Is she really the upgraded version of the tranquility girl?
Something about her still bugs me…
After sharing my thoughts quietly with Darkness, she looked at me as if saying “what are you talking about after all that has happened”.
“The tranquility girl you mentioned was devious, right? However, the tranquility princess is humane—or so they say, at least. Even the adventurers dispatched by Axel to destroy her all ended up unanimously agreeing. As for whether the tranquility princess should even be eliminated, that problem is hotly debated within the guild. They argue over whether she really is harmless, whether she should be considered an enemy at all and things like that.”
“That’s why they commissioned me. Speaking of which, onee-san did mention that this was a reconnaissance mission. As a seasoned professional who had seen through the trickeries of the tranquility girl, I’m always cautious; therefore, they’ve sent me in hopes of investigating the true intentions of this monster.”
“I’m not so sure that she really trusts you, but at least she acknowledges the fact you destroyed the tranquility girl without a second thought.”
Truth be told, the existence of the tranquility girl didn’t really pose an issue. She’s mostly responsible for bidding farewell to those at the end of their lives.
The retired adventurers who had lost all friends and foes alike, who had nobody to chat with.
So, in the end, the one to accompany them for the peaceful death they craved was a monster. What an ironic turn of events.
“To pass away all by yourself in a secluded spot, or to spend your final moments hand-in-hand with a beautiful woman who truly understands your sorrows? They really had quite the debate over the better option.”
Rather die by oneself or become monster food in exchange for a gentle send-off from a beautiful woman.
So that’s the deal; can’t say she’s evil for certain when you put it that way.
…But nonetheless, that assumes the tranquility princess hasn’t a hidden, devious side.
I stared intently at the tranquility princess.
“I wanna ask, how did the recent visitors fare? How well did they take the ends of their lives?”
The tranquility princess answered,
“Everyone’s faces looked peaceful post-death.”
Her tone was indifferent, yet she forced a smile as tears welled up in her eyes.
“You seem different from the adventurers I’ve met up till now.”
The tranquility princess’ smile turned dreamlike.
“The very reason for my existence was to murder humans like you.”
Instead of making excuses, she directly told us the point of her being.
“You appear to have an iron will… While it worries me, and fills me with guilt, to ask you this…”
Her body is trembling slightly.
“For the sake of my beloved humans…could you destroy me?”
She pleaded with a troubled and bitter smile.
Crap, what was that?
Could she really in fact be a good-hearted monster?
Last time when Aqua went to purify a wizard named Keel, he had also wanted to be purified for the sake of his lover.
And now the tranquility princess wishes to be destroyed because she regrets harming humans.
But wait a second, think back to the tranquility girl.
Not sure how, but she had no problem tricking us at first.
It was a miracle that we managed to destroy her.
Had we let her live, people could still be getting caught even now.
“Don’t be that way; you should treasure your life as long as you’ve no diseases tormenting you, understand? Nothingis without use on this world. The only ones that deserve to be wiped out are the undead and unholy! There are cute and delicious monster, also kind ones like you! If even NEETs get to live happily, such a nice-hearted creature like you has no reason to stop living!”
Holding the tranquility princess’ hand, Aqua suddenly began giving speeches.
“Indeed, you’re not in the wrong. Besides, for retired adventurers, tranquility girls are normally the only hope for a peaceful death. Compared to dying a treacherously lonely death, ending their lives painlessly under company is certainly better. On top of that, as the evolved form of tranquility girls, it’s by their own choice to let you bid them their final farewell. You have no responsibility to worry over.”
Even Megumin went to hold hands with the tranquility princess and embraced her tightly.
“C-can I…really keep on living on this world…?”
The tranquility princess looked up at the two anxiously.
Only Darkness stayed and looked back and forth between the tranquility princess and I with a conflicted expression.
This scene is basically identical to what had happened near the Crimson Demon village.
How obnoxious. Using that item would surely earn me more lecturing from them.
“Kazuma, about the uh, tranquility princess, I say…”
Darkness was about to continue when she saw what I was holding.
“Y-you’re…”
Yes, it was the lie-detecting magic item.
Seeing me steadily make my way towards the tranquility princess, Darkness looked as if she has slightly given up on me.
As an adventurer, I merely want to carefully prod the true intentions of my target. What’s with the hate?
“Oi, don’t look at me that way, even I can be sensitive.”
Noticing our conversation, Aqua and Megumin also gazed at me.
“Ne ne Kazuma, what are you holding? Could it be that dingalingy thing from before? I know what it is.”
“K-Kazuma? Are you still skeptical? Even without things like that, we could…”
The two gave up on me just as much as Darkness had. I took in their stares of “please don’t tell me he’d go there” as the tranquility princess innocently put on a confused face.
“What is that?”
I answered to the truly bewildered tranquility princess,
“Ah, this is a lie-detecting magic item, it rings when it hears a lie.”
The tranquility princess and I stared at each other amid the dead-silent forest.
Aqua and company revealed looks of “this guy really has the audacity”.
I anxiously continued to approach the tranquility princess.
“Don’t fret, as long as it doesn’t ring, I’ll trust you 100%. This way, it’ll also be easier for the Adventurer’s Guild to decide their diplomacy with you. ”
That’s right, everyone here are witnesses.
Therefore,
“Makes sense. As a monster, I’m untrustworthy.”
As I’ve said, please don’t look so bitter.
I’d also feel bad, so please don’t.
“Look, Kazuma, right now I feel like you’re totally the paranoid and inadequate guy who suspects that his wife is committing adultery when she cheerfully announces her pregnancy even though he’s been saturating himself with other women on a regular basis.”
“You went too far, Aqua. However, I do agree that he is one crafty man who’s also despicably shrewd and chronically paranoid…”
As if realizing halfway that she wasn’t exactly paraphrasing Aqua’s point, Megumin’s voice trailed off.
“Thanks, you two. I’m fine; as a monster, I’ve gotten used to being doubted. Please take it lightly. And sir, don’t look so depressed, either. Please go easy on yourself…”
Only the tranquility princess consoled me. That fact alone jerked my tears.
Damn it, why did the onee-san have to shove this job down my throat?
Do I really appear that heartless in the eyes of others?
Though unironically, I am indeed very hurt…
As I stood devastated with the magic item, Darkness kindly spoke up.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I agree with you. Let me use the magic item, I can’t let you do all the dirty work.”
No, my instincts still telling me to not easily trust the tranquility princess.
Don’t act so kind towards me.
For the whole time, the tranquility princess’ eyes had been glued to the magic item.
When she had asked at first about what the magic item did, I felt that she knew very well its mechanics and the extent of its abilities.
Not sharing the same thoughts, Darkness took over the magic item.
“Dear tranquility princess, I wish to ask you a question. What do you think of us humans?”
“…Humans are incredibly important to me; I’d even go so far as to say they’re a necessity.”
Aqua and Megumin stared at the magic item, which didn’t ring.
Darkness breathed a large sigh of relief.
“Sorry for suspecting you. Please forgive me. But this way, we can officially put our skepticism to rest… See, Kazuma? Be more positive. It’s a rare opportunity for us to end a mission peacefully.”
I ignored Darkness who smiled generously as if she has seen the rainbow after the storm.
“What happened to the adventurers and visitors who died here, after you’ve accompanied them for their final stretch? Did you absorb their bodies for nutrients?”
My statement chilled the air around us.
(Aqua) “Y-you…!”
I ignored the appalled Aqua and instead continued to question the equally shocked tranquility princess.
“As you’ve said, us humans are supposedly very important to you; however, is that because we provide nutrients for your own survival?”
That question seems to have hurt the tranquility princess, who began to cry.
Crap, my conscience has been successfully damaged.
But judging by her reaction, she must know perfectly well the power of the lie detector and has deliberately crafted responses that wouldn’t trigger it.
All is well, believe in yourself.
According to my highly alert NEET-sense, I believe she has a dark side—even though it hasn’t been confirmed yet.
“I will ask this again. What did you do with the bodies of the adventurers? Did you absorb them? Yes, or no?”
The saddened tranquility princess answered in a lonely voice,
“Yes, they did become my food. They’ve become a part of me… They will live on inside my body. I’ll never forget them… Are you satisfied now?”
The tranquility princess shot me a glare.
Under this mood, I’m somehow feeling more and more antagonized.
“Kazuma, you’re a villain after all. What happened to your humanity!? Tell me where you left it so I can go fetch it for you! Same deal as when you had your memory erased; did you even forget how to be civilized!?”
“Kazuma, not sure if I should criticize your way of speaking or form of questioning… She did stop Aqua from touching her roots earlier, so she definitely absorbed those people unintentionally.”
Ah, so they won’t accept it, huh.
I, however, have gotten a clear grasp of the situation from her answer.
She is indeed acting in spite of her guilt.
Thoroughly understanding the mechanics of the magic item, she searches for white lies that exaggerate her kindness.
“…Look, I have a request for you all. Could I have some alone time with her?”
I requested to talk one-on-one with the tranquility princess.
“As a fiendish, heartless NEET, why would you want alone time with the innocent and pure tranquility princess!?”
“Could you be planning to pull off what you had done to the tranquility girl at the Crimson Demon village? Killing her off while we’re gone to victoriously inform us that she’s dead?”
“Am I that incredible? I will not chop her down while you’re away. See? The magic item agrees.”
Accepting the magic item’s silent confirmation for now, Megumin and Aqua left.
“Kazuma, I know that it is our duty as adventurers to eliminate monsters—a necessary one at that. But please, don’t push yourself too hard and dig your own grave!”
Darkness was still mistaken in strange ways. On the upside, they finally left.
I asked the tranquility princess as I watched their backs.
“So, be honest now. I know your true form. No need to play dumb, just tell the truth.”
In response, the tranquility princess said—
“…Man, isn’t it exhausting to live with paranoia?”
She’s a monster, a creature blatantly unrelated to humans; yet she started talking about my life.
Part 5
“Showing your true self at last? Little plant lecturing a human?”
“What a narrow-minded man. No wonder you’re a virgin.”
…
“Hey, I’m not okay with being called a virgin by a plant. Where does a monster learn vocabulary like that? Which adventurer taught you?”
“Living so long this way makes you wise… What about you? Which of those three shall you mate with?”
The hell is this thing saying.
“See that’s why I hate monsters; no manners whatsoever. Plus, they’re all friends, don’t look at us through such an indecent lens. Don’t tempt me to uproot you entirely.”
Facing my threat, the tranquility princess smiled placidly—
“Your friends would charge in if you were to do that. Do you not even mind hurting their affinity levels? Besides, stop making excuses; male humans should be in heat all year round, shouldn’t they?”
“What male humans; what breeding; what heat!? Change your vocabulary already! Us humans employ a graceful and patient approach to the subject matter. Humans are intricate creatures—worlds apart from you monsters.”
The tranquility princess cocked her head.
“Well, weren’t you staring at these when we first met?”
Saying that, she cupped her ripe, plump and barely fabric-covered fruits.
“That’s instinctual for male humans. Just like how you plants photosynthesize and release seeds carelessly during spring—it’s a reflexive process.”
“Putting aside photosynthesis, the way in which we reproduce has much more finesse than just crudely spreading seeds. Don’t compare me to the uncivil, inferior regular plants that reproduce without control. We tranquility monsters spread by convincing humans to transport our saplings faraway for us. I was once rooted elsewhere, and requested a human to bring me someplace where monsters and adventurers are both weak. Thus, I settled here.”
She was tougher than I imagined.
“In addition, unlike you constantly breeding humans and goblins, we germinate once every century. Unlike your mindless multiplication, we seek harmony and balance with nature.”
“Don’t drag us down to the same level as goblins! Now that you mention it, life as a plant is sure hard.”
Besides, how often does one encounter a monster as environmentally friendly as you?
“…so, you’ve found my true self, very well. What will you do about it?”
In stark contrast to a moment prior, the now alert tranquility princess looked at me with a villainous gaze.
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m an adventurer and you’re a monster. We’re blatantly enemies and not compatible whatsoever.”
The tranquility princess then answered,
“What in the world did I do wrong? Everyone who came here did so on their own accord! They’d much rather have me send them off to meet their Gods than die alone! It’s only fair that I feed off their bodies in exchange. The adventurers passed away without pain, without loneliness; it’s a blessing! I, in turn, also live a wonderful life having quality nutrients at my disposal. Why are you so ticked off by this positive cycle of mutual benefit? What a faux-humanitarian!”
This bastard is really troublesome.
Nothing gets worse than a Dunning-Kruger effect-stricken monster.
(TL note: https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect)
“Did you think dropping your shell would make you any less a scorpion? I’ve come to kill you. According to the Adventurer’s Guild, because you’ve converted this forest to a suicide paradise, their reputation took a hit. To prevent more people from seeking their doom here, they’re putting up an eye-catching warning sign at the entrance.”
“Hold on a second, don’t jump to conclusions yet. All aside, you do know that you can’t harm me, right?”
The tranquility princess smiled viciously.
What does she mean I can’t harm her?
“I’ve rooted here since nearly a hundred years ago. Do you honestly believe that no one before has found my true self during all this time? Do you know what became of them?”
That statement made me regret shooing away the others.
I forgot how strong she was as a monster.
Besides, the tranquility girl’s home was near the Crimson Demon village, amid remarkably powerful monsters.
Having come out on top in an environment where survival is for the fittest, she was surely no weakling.
As I reached for the sword on my waist.
“Oh, chill out there. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t planning to assassinate you in the dark. Rather, it was supposed to be an incentive for you.”
The tranquility princess pointed at the earth below.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Dig down. You’ll find valuable things in there.”
It suddenly struck me.
The tranquility princess consumes the bodies of adventurers for nutrients.
But where would their equipment and cash end up?
The answer is: under her body.
In other words,
“Aren’t you a little too human-esque? Even trying bribery.”
“Isn’t it nonetheless a good trade for both? You’d get the money, and I’ll be spared. Guess this is a win-win. As I’ve said, we aim to live in harmony with nature.”
So, she’s been accumulating money ahead of time for situations like this?
How depraved. What does she want, as a monster who saves up for bribing in the nick of time to avoid being killed by humans?
Although…
“You’ve found the wrong guy. Name’s Kazuma, Satou Kazuma; the adventurer from Axel who has exterminated numerous Demon Generals. Please don’t put me on their level, alright? My excellence so far has earned me more than enough money.”
Saying that, I put down my backpack. The tranquility princess was finally intimidated.
“Hey, hey, hold it, calm down. I understand now that you’re a strong man not prone to greed or lust. No, I frankly underestimated you. You’re the cleverest adventurer I’ve met thus far; a real adventurer with admirable virtue.”
I paused at such a compliment.
“Trying to butter me up after your bribery failed, huh. It’s a shame, for as someone who has showed off his skills plenty of times, I’m no longer swayed by such meager compliments. After all, just recently, I’ve been making the maids in the city list out at least 10 good points about me on a daily basis.”
“What in the world is wrong with you!? Even as a monster I find you insane.”
Right after the confused tranquility princess had fully processed my message,
“…Hey, what’s that? Wait a second, what are you doing?”
Her face turned green when she saw what I was taking from my backpack.
That said, calling a plant’s face green just now was rather awkward imagery. I decided to ignore my ironic mental description and focus on what’s currently at hand.
“Behold, herbicide.”
“I get it, let’s pause for a moment and keep chatting. If you aren’t okay with me living here, go ahead and move me to someplace in those faraway mountains… Also, please note, I’m making it clear that I did not encourage humans to shorten their lifespan; furthermore, I’ve even helped old adventurers with their toilet businesses. To be honest, much of the contents from their stories I’ve had to hear countless of times over and over. My life is filled with hardships, too! Don’t I deserve at least a little benefit?”
This time she hit quite close to home; I halted.
“How should I go about moving you? Isn’t this big tree a part of you?”
“My body consists of this whole forest. Since my roots are everywhere, you only have to dig it all up…”
“How is that possible!? You do know how big this forest is, right!?”
I uncapped the herbicide bottle by bottle and placed each one on the ground.
“Okay, I’m begging you, please spare me—take all the treasures if you want; should you spare me, I’ll remember you for life—I still recall every adventurer I’ve euthanized so far. Even those whose lives were cut short can live on within my memories. I’m willing to treasure even the ones who aren’t able to lose their virginity; how does that sound? I beg you, let me live—”
This petty plant has quite the talent in speaking.
Enough, better end it quick and easy.
I stopped listening, picked up a bottle and aimed it at her trunk.
“Oi, is this a joke? Didn’t you say you wouldn’t harm me? The lie detecting magic item didn’t ring, did it? Unless you changed your mind? Isn’t this a bit too suspicious!? You’re only threatening me, right!?”
“I never said I wouldn’t harm you. Remember how you cleverly cherrypicked your words? What I said was, ‘I will not chop her down while you’re away.’ I didn’t chop you down, did I? I wasn’t lying.”
Hearing this, the tranquility princess seriously started to panic.
“You gotta be joking, right!? I-I understand, we can talk! I’ll do anything I can! …Look, for example, I can let you play with these things you’ve been constantly staring at all you want!”
The tranquility princess lifted her ample bosom and gave it a jiggle.
(TP) “Oh please, I couldn’t really help it, could I? Putting the remains of the dead to use is a type of recycling–an environmentally friendly process. They’d turn into dust anyway, so why not let me absorb them?”
The tranquility princess who had been talkative thus far briefly fell silent.
“…Say, don’t these excite you at least in the slightest?”
“Not at all.”
Jiggling melons do indeed attract my gaze, but aren’t enough to excite me.
Even though I somewhat lack in morals, I’m still more civilized than being aroused by plant monsters.
All I need are the succubi.
“Look, why don’t we both speak truthfully? Nobody is around, see? You still are interested just a little, right?”
Is this what the boss of the most difficult durian quest is like?
More than a little deceptive and persistent. Satou Kazuma, don’t you falter.
Your opponent is a plant comparable to the sexy radish that Vanir showed you earlier.
“Siphoning nutrients from the earth is what makes us plants, just as how your urge to grab boobs is a defining attribute of males. Why criminalize basic instincts? Monsters are living, you’re also living! Come on, follow your instincts, let nature guide your life!”
Follow instincts, follow nature.
As expected of plant monsters, acting all enigmatic about the natural order.
I abruptly quelled myself when I noticed my hand unintentionally drifting towards her chest,
“The hell was I doing!? You’re too dangerous; you almost made me cross the line of humanity!”
Seeing me snap out of it, the tranquility princess realized that sex appeal has limited effect.
“YAAAAAAGH—!”
She let out a shrill cry that echoed throughout the entire forest.
Part 6
“What what? The hell happened!? Hey Kazuma, what did you do!?”
“Kazuma, what are you spraying? Could it be weed killer!?”
Aqua and company rushed back upon hearing the tranquility princess’ screams.
“You came at just the right time! Help me out here, this bastard is indeed something shady!”
My victorious expression only earned looks of disapproval.
“What in my own name did you do while we were gone? You must have exploited that dingalingy magic item, right? Explain the situation at once!”
“Do as Aqua had said, explain yourself.”
I complied and described the conversation we had. The tranquility princess then moaned teary-eyed,
“This guy suddenly tried to do unspeakable things to me…!”
“Enough! No more from you!”
I raised the herbicide high to threaten the big-mouthed tranquility princess.
Darkness tapped my shoulder in confusion.
“Kazuma, this really is difficult to digest. Why don’t you explain what exactly happened here?”
“She is indeed devious, rambling on and on when we were alone. Watch. -Say it aloud before the magic item, why don’t you? Did your attitude make a 180 degree turn while Aqua and company weren’t present? If your face didn’t flip, go ahead, and tell it to this thing!”
Interrogated by me with the magic item in hand, the tranquility princess remained silent and only made despondent faces.
“Oi, out with that attitude, you’ll worsen their impression of me! Stop resisting and tell the truth!”
Though I underestimated her.
I forgot that she’s an expert at seducing and degrading humans.
The tranquility princess did not answer, but instead played her greatest trump card.
“This gentleman had always been strongly interested in my chest area…”
“What are you talking about all of the sudden…”
The tranquility princess’ killer testimony made the trio stare intently at what I’m holding.
The magic item did not ring. The air around us chilled to absolute zero.
“You’ve got some skill! That was honestly unexpected. Although, I’m also experienced at using this magic item to my advantage. Everyone, watch this: this tranquility princess, right here, fell utterly indecent when you guys had left, spewing obscene remarks constantly. It was truly hard to watch!”
The lie-detecting magic item stayed silent once again.
Aqua and company are absolutely befuddled.
“I-I do admit that my language was unbecoming; however, please allow me to explain!”
The detector still did not ring. The girls acted as if saying “what in the world did you two talk about” and kept their distance.
They’re starting to question who’s more trustworthy.
Sensing that she’s in danger, the tranquility princess busted her killer move.
“Y-you; weren’t you poised to cop my breasts a while ago!?”
No dings.
“Because you told me to! You were the one who let me squeeze them to my heart’s content in exchange for sparing you!”
“I didn’t say it so lewdly, don’t put words in my mouth!”
The magic item still made no noise. The gazes from the trio felt increasingly judgemental.
“Damn, what a waste of time! Talking to you is fruitless, I should have taken action immediately! That’s the treatment you deserve! Taste my weed killer!”
I picked up the herbicide beside me and sprayed it around the tranquility princess’ roots.
“S-stop it! What a despicable move against an immobile monster! It’s so low of you to resort to brute force after losing the verbal battle!”
“You’re too noisy, a mere monster is in no place to talk reason! Hey, are you trying to resist? Take it in or I’ll shoot you!”
The tranquility princess clutched my arm in fierce protest to prevent me from spraying any more herbicide.
“Stop right now! Don’t be ridiculous! Stop putting such dirty stuff on me! I’m getting polluted! Save me, I-I’m being polluted by all this fluid on my nether regions…”
“How could you make everything sound so obscene? I’m merely spraying weed killer near your base!”
I kept spraying more herbicide as we bickered.
The chemical came into effect quicker than expected, because…
“—Terrible sign; I feel like vomiting yet I couldn’t—nor do I have the required internal organs to do so—nonetheless, I’m feeling extremely sick…”
Having absorbed the herbicide, the tranquility princess rapidly became dazed and fell limp.
Much like a drunkard, her face turned green and her body swayed uncontrollably.
“Great, here’s your chance; you girls, help me spray more herbicide!”
I turned around excitedly only to find everyone staring back blankly.
“D-don’t look at me that way; I was right, see? While she didn’t lie, she didn’t tell the truth either. Even I’m not low enough to be attracted by the bosom of a monster.”
Ding.
The gazes from those three became unbearable.
“Ohohohoho…”
Even though she was ill, the tranquility princess giggled triumphantly.
“Watch, little adventurer, as you are called by the shameful title of ‘monster-con’ for life! Spraying such disgusting stuff on me, you’ll go to hell for that, petty virgin!”
She started to spew curses nonstop. That’s pretty much the true personality of the tranquility princess.
“Says the one getting drunk off weed killer! If I’m going to hell, you’re coming with me!”
Blood boiling, I again approached her with the bottle in hand. The tranquility princess tossed out her last shred of dignity and began throwing insults manically.
“Again, turning to physical assault when you know you’re losing! Can’t you spell ‘shame’!? Did you finally erupt out of humiliation!? A while ago, you even claimed to be a professional adventurer; how embarrassing, a professional adventurer who’s still a virgin! Being a virgin despite having three females around you, are you sexually defective or what? You even called them friends; well guess what, you might very well be the only one who thinks that way. They probably are comfortable with you yet possibly too close to be ‘just friends’…”
Before the tranquility princess could say any more, I sprayed herbicide around her as rapidly possible.
“So disgusting! So…disgusting…! Damn this petty virgin! My roots span across the entire forest! Removing me entirely would take decades! Do you hope to eliminate me in your lifetime? Fine! Even though it’ll be way more trouble than what the treasures are worth, you can go ahead and dig as you wish!”
Even at the brink of death, the tranquility princess persisted to leave scars on my heart.
Part 7
“—Kazuma-san, you’ve worked hard. Thank you for subjugating the tranquility princess!”
“That really was deathly exhausting, took too much effort!”
We reported back to the onee-san as soon as we returned to Axel.
“The tranquility princess is so scary, I’m not going anywhere near her forest…”
Beside me, Aqua had been sobbing the whole way.
After showing her true form, the tranquility princess went berserk and caused much collateral damage.
“Say, Kazuma… Am I really that insignificant? Do people really not care about me? A lot of things make sense when she puts it that way… Aqua and Megumin both had their chances to shine yesterday; and today, you single-handedly defeated the tranquility princess. Is she really right about me being useless? According to her, I might as well be a snail made of adamantite; is that really true?”
Darkness is more depressed than ever. It seems that the verbal massacre did a number on her—she couldn’t even walk straight.
“Waga na wa Megumin, the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan and the apex archwizard in all of Axel. It’s all fine; I’m unmatched; It’s not like I’m bottom-rung in the clan. Words of a monster mean nothing to me, including the ‘you call yourself a resilient lone-wolf when in fact you just can’t make friends’ part. It’s all fine, I have friends here, I have my dear friends. It’s all fine, all fine, all fine…”
Megumin had been dropping flags non-stop, too. She seems to be more scarred by the tranquility princess than I thought.
(TL note: Flags are a troupe for foreshadowing very predictable secrets. Eg. “Nothing can go wrong” means “something will definitely go wrong). In this case, Megumin’s denial is blatantly the “I’m fine but not actually” troupe.”)
“I knew Satou-san could do it for sure! That was none other than the tranquility princess! The tranquility princess that many adventurers had given up subjugating! Because a number of people had claimed that the tranquility princess was harmless, the bounty is very small… however, having a monster close to the city still had a large impact on the guild’s image! Furthermore, even though the quest for Satou-san had only been reconnaissance, you still went ahead and subjugated it. We’re truly thankful for this!”
With our self-esteem shredded, we were smiled at brilliantly by the onee-san.
Komekko also gazed at us respectfully from beside her.
…Then I remembered something.
“I only defeated her upper portion, please also remove all the roots under the whole forest without trace. Speaking of which, why do you trust that I’d be able to defeat the tranquility princess?”
The onee-san paused a moment at my inquiry.
That’s right, the tranquility princess is immobile; technically, anyone can destroy her.
It’ll only shred your conscience to do so.
“Could it be because you see me as a man so heartless that he won’t have moral issues killing even the tranquility princess?”
The onee-san chose not to answer directly but instead passed me the bag of rewards.
“Well then, Satou Kazuma-san, you’ve done well this time! Goodbye Komekko! Come play again tomorrow!”
“Not so fast, I’m not done yet! In addition, I will not be bringing Komekko again. In fact, starting tomorrow, I won’t be coming either! I’ve grown tired of all this business. Now that I’ve finished the toughest of the durian quests, you guys can’t complain anymore!”
Ignoring what I had said all in one breath. The onee-san—
“I’ll be preparing a huge cake tomorrow.”
“I’ll come.”
Tossed aside all subtlety and blatantly baited Komekko with food.
Part 8
We returned home after finishing our businesses with the guild. To heal our immense psychological trauma, we went to take a break.
By the way, Aqua and Darkness went to visit the pen hoping that playing with Emperor Zell might console them.
“Come here for a second, Komekko. I have something to tell you.”
While I lazily sprawled on the sofa, Megumin—who seems to have recovered the quickest—patted her sofa across from me, gesturing Komekko to go to her.
“I’m not sure what went on, but onee-chan looks angry, so I don’t wanna.”
“Komekko!”
Komekko felt something with her powerful sixth sense. Megumin then continued—
“Listen closely. How many times did I tell you to not ask food from strangers? Both today and the day before. How could you, a Crimson Demon, be so easily baited by food…?”
Megumin, who had claimed that she ate nothing for days and begged us for food when we first met, started to lecture Komekko.
“Back in the village, onee-chan told me to nag anyone I see for food.”
“Oi.”
I couldn’t help but interject. Megumin evaded my gaze.
“That is that and this is this. In a small community like the Crimson Demon village, the people we meet are most likely familiar. In cities like this, however, you should never naively accept meals from strangers. After all, we don’t know what they might possibly demand in return.”
“I refuse.”
Komekko answered instantly.
“Komekko! This is not something you can ‘refuse’; what would you do when everyone knows that you’d obey anyone who gives you free food? I’m only telling you this because I know you dumbly follow strangers.”
“Of course I would dumbly follow strangers and let them feed me.”
Seeing her words bounce right off Komekko, Megumin repeatedly banged the table in frustration.
“Stop being stupid and listen carefully!”
“Onee-chan is so irritable.”
Megumin instantly stood up and Komekko ran for her life.
“Hold it Komekko, running is no use! Watch as I teach you a grave lesson today!”
But Komekko had escaped to the kitchen.
With a click, the door was locked from the inside.
“Komekko, get your butt out here at once or else there will be no dinner for you!”
“I’ll come out when there’s no food left in here.”
So that’s the strategy; she didn’t choose the kitchen randomly.
“Komekko, stop saying nonsense! We’d have no dinner if you don’t open the door; we must start cooking now, so open up… Komekko, what are you eating in there!? Don’t make rash moves and come out! Or else, I’m tearing this door down!”
“No need to break the kitchen door for a mere sibling fight.”
Since we’d all have no dinner if Komekko keeps dwelling in there, I started to help Megumin persuade her.
“However, Kazuma, if we don’t teach her right now, we’d regret it sooner or later. We can’t afford to be too late.”
Indeed; Axis priestess Cecily had also talked about how Megumin submissively followed her to church upon mentioning food when they first met.
“Real convincing from someone who had been corrected ‘too late’ herself.”
“Oi, if you want to fight, I’m all for it!”
“Let’s show ’em, onii-san!”
“Komekko! Stirring up fights while hiding inside is too despicable! Come on, get out of there!”
Should this sibling relationship count as good or bad?
…Well, only siblings with a healthy relationship would fight, right?
“I found a big chocolate in the cabinet!”
Komekko’s gleeful voice came from the kitchen.
Megumin’s expression instantly changed.
“Komekko!? That’s not for eating, I prepared that specifically for… Komekko, I understand! I won’t be mad, so just come out! Let’s make up!”
I listened to the healthy siblings’ conversation.
“I’ll come out as soon as I finish this.”
“Komekko—!”
I experienced once again how great imoutos are.