chapter 5

Part 1

“…nii-chan…chan…wake…”

My blanket feels heavy.

On top of that, I can hear a voice gently calling to me from afar.

It’s a line I’ve been hoping to hear for a very long time…

“Onii-chan, wake up! You’ll be late! Come on, wake up!”

Onii-chan.

Roused by those sweet words, I opened my eyes.

“Good morning, Onii-chan! Now, let’s go take down that Demon King like we always do!”

And my self-proclaimed little sister whose age I don’t know cheerfully said while straddling atop my blanket…

“Get off!!”

“Oniiii-chan!!”

I grabbed the edges of my blanket as I sat up, flinging Aqua off from my bed and sending her rolling across the floor.

Without wasting a beat, I rearranged my blanket and collapsed back onto the bed.

As I wrapped myself in my blanket again, I took one last glance at Aqua.

“… Today’s awakening was kinda nice.”

“I knew it. Using ‘Onii-chan’ on the lolicon Kazuma really does work best.”

—For the past few days, Aqua’s been trying all kinds of schemes to persuade me to go take down the Demon King.

“Hey, Kazuma, isn’t it about time you give in already? You might whine and grumble, but you’re the kind of person who always pulls through in the end whenever one of us is in trouble, right?”

“Do you think I’m some kind of blue cat robot who can do anything? In the first place, you are the actual goddess here, so shouldn’t you be the one to resolve such issues?”

Despite my biting remarks, Aqua seemed completely unfazed as she got back to her feet and nonchalantly sat on my bed.

“The only things I can do are purifying water, dealing with undead and devils, and resurrecting people. Goddesses aren’t exactly that great of an existence, you know?”

“So you finally admit it. Can’t you seal away the Demon King or something? Sealing evil existences away is what goddesses are supposed to do, right?”

Aqua hugged her knees close to her chest and stared at my lower body underneath the blanket.

“The only sort of evil I can seal away right now are the kind coming from your pants.”

“D-Don’t stare at it… I can’t help it, it’s morning! Anyway, nevermind that.”

Changing the subject, I looked up at Aqua’s face.

“Right now, it isn’t a guarantee that you would be able to bring down the barrier, right? But if another General would be taken out, you’d definitely be able to bring it down, so let’s wait until then, alright?”

There’s still one more Demon King’s General hanging around.

“The last General is the Demon King’s daughter, right? I don’t know how strong she is, but it’s hard to imagine her coming out without a scratch after attacking the capital. The capital is swarming with those cheat holders, and above all, there’s my sister, the strongest in the world, at the capital as well. Once the attack on the capital fails, I’ll ask the people at the top to send a strong escort with me to take down the barrier. If they fail, well, we can think of another plan when that happens.”

This plan relies a lot on other people doing the hard work, but that’s really the extent of my abilities right now.

This is completely different from what happened in the past where we were just winging it and counting on my luck to see things through.

I’m not a hero or anything.

In fact, my party is one of the worst parties ever put together.

It’s really strange that our party has never been wiped out before this…

“General… If there’s only one general left…”

Aqua was muttering about something.

…?

“Hey, what exactly—”

“Yeah, if there’s only one general left, I’ll definitely be able to take down the barrier! Once the barrier is down, someone will eventually take the Demon King out! Yeah, definitely!”

Aqua suddenly stood up and exclaimed…

Wait, she’s not thinking about…!

“I’m heading out for a bit!”

“Hey, no, wait! Wait a minute!”

Aqua ignored my words and flew out of the room.

—After going out on a morning sprint to chase after Aqua, I finally saw my destination.

I hate to admit it, but Aqua is just much faster than me. The difference in our stats is just way too large.

“Wiz! Where are you!? Stop hiding and come out already!”

“Are you deaf? Moi has already told you that the slacking shopkeeper isn’t here! That shopkeeper orders a whole bunch of useless stuff the moment you take your eyes off her, so Moi is also—… Hey! Remove your hands from my mask!”

As I feared, the sounds of a scuffle can already be heard coming from Wiz’s magic item shop.

Seems like Wiz is out at the moment.

Walking into the shop, I saw Aqua struggling with Vanir, her hands on his mask as she tried to rip it from his face.

Despite being occupied with resisting Aqua’s efforts, Vanir managed to notice my arrival.

“Graaaa-Welcome! Handler, do reign in your rabid hound of a goddess!”

“Don’t call me a handler. Is Wiz out? Actually, this makes it really hard to talk, so cut it out.”

Hearing my words, Aqua reluctantly released her grip.

“Hey, strange devil, if those powers of yours aren’t a scam, hurry up and use them to determine Wiz’s current location.”

“Hmph. Don’t lump my powers together with that of the goddesses who claim omnipotence but are in fact unable to accomplish anything at all. Besides, Moi has already told you, the more power a person has, the harder it is for me to see through them. That defective shopkeeper has no talent for business, but the one thing she does have is power.”

Vanir disgruntledly replied as he straightened up his clothes.

“You talk a big game, but at the end of the day, you just don’t know, do you? You really are completely useless whenever it’s important. This is a little weird coming from me, but doesn’t that make you even worse than me?”

“… Very well, it has been some time, but perhaps it’s time for me to get serious. It’s best that you leave the store. Moi shall settle the score with those irritating gods today.”

These guys really don’t get along…

Just then, I felt someone’s presence behind me.

I turned around, and standing at the doorway was…

“Ah, Kazuma-san, Aqua-sama. Welcome. You came in at just the right time. I just got my hands on an interesting item…!”

Happily saying that, she smiled and motioned towards the paper bag that the penguin following her was holding.

Vanir stiffened up upon seeing that.

Seemingly unable to hold back her curiosity, Aqua wandered over and curiously looked into the paper bag.

Ignoring the penguin who seemed completely petrified with fear, I asked in place of Vanir who was similarly motionless.

“So… What did you buy?”

“I’m glad you asked!”

Wiz happily reached into the bag and took out…

“… A teru teru bozu?”

{TL Note: These things.}

“What’s a teru teru bozu? This is a powerful magic item that can control the weather. Simply hang it at the front of your house and they will forcibly clear up the weather! Normally, controlling the weather requires a long ritual and the use of many rare components, but that can be done with just this item! What do you think? Isn’t it amazing!? It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

It is amazing.

It is very amazing, but…

“… So, does that thing has any side effects? Like using it will cause it to not rain for ten years… Or it requires a large amount of mana…”

“There aren’t any side effects. I’ve learnt after getting lectured by Vanir-san so many times! To use it, all a person needs to do is pour a reasonable amount of mana into it and hang it by the eaves of your house. And it can only be used during a specific season, so there aren’t any downsides at all! What do you think? Isn’t it an amazing item?”

Vanir stiffly walked towards us, and raised the teru teru bozu-like item that Wiz seemed so proud of towards the light.

“And what exactly is the season that you can use these things?”

“It’s right now! It can only be used during this season! I’m not foolish enough to buy something that couldn’t be used. You really are a worrywart, Vanir-san.”

“… Dear customer, do come here for a moment.”

Ignoring Wiz who was smiling brightly, Vanir grabbed me by the shoulder and led me towards a corner of the store.

“… I’ll just say this up front, I won’t buy it.”

“Don’t say that. Moi can definitely feel strong magic coming from this piece of— this wonderful product. Its capabilities are definitely the real deal.”

I see. Well, if he says so, then this item must be the real deal.

I’ve heard that Wiz would prefer buying items containing a large amount of magic whenever she goes out shopping.

Still, there is one last thing that’s bothering me.

“… I don’t recall it ever raining recently. Does it even rain around these parts in this season?”

“… There was a day when it rained around this season twenty years ago.”

“I won’t buy it.”

Vanir moved closer in response to my refusal.

“Don’t say that. This world is very large. There might be a place in the world that’s troubled by extreme rains around this season. If you bring it into such a region, it shall definitely be treated as a prized treasure. If you buy it now, Moi will even throw in the forbidden potion set: number two as a free gift.”

“I won’t buy it. Besides, Aqua can make a similar item on her own. She made a Teru Teru Megumin or something a while back.”

“On top of that, Moi shall throw in a pre-release product that Moi has been developing in secret, the life size body pillow of the erotic shopkeeper.”

“I won’t… Tell me more details.”

Just then,

“Um… Is something the matter, Aqua-sama?”

I heard Wiz hesitantly say—

“—Come to think of it, it’s been over a year since we met, hasn’t it? How ironic… I’m a goddess and you’re a lich. Normally, the two of us could never have such a cordial relationship.”

“Has it already been that long? … Ah, I bought some cookies along with that magic item. Would you like some, Aqua-sama?”

“I’ll have some… No, that’s not it. Say, Wiz, we’ve become way too close to each other. Normally, it would only be natural for me to purify you the moment we met. Yes, a god and an undead. Those are two entities that should never get along this cordially…!”

Aqua said that while nibbling on the cookie she received from Wiz.

Sensing this tense atmosphere, Vanir walked briskly to place himself between Wiz and Aqua.

The shop mascot penguin— no, I mean, the former count Zereshrute was trembling slightly in fear, but he also moved to Wiz’s side.

… I really hope Aqua isn’t serious about this, but…

Standing in front of Wiz as if to protect her, Vanir sternly said.

“There’s a really dangerous aura around you for some reason, Goddess of Violence. Moi doesn’t know what happened, but if you intend to go wild here, Moi will be forced to bill you a tremendous amount for the damages. If you’re prepared for that, then feel free to go ahead.”

Saying that, Vanir pointed his finger at Aqua as a challenge.

But Aqua ignored him and focused on Wiz.

“Wiz… Please understand! We can’t protect this world without defeating you! It pains me to hurt a friend, but, please, Wiz, I want to return to heaven! I’ll make it quick, so please go back to the earth!”

After saying such dramatic words, Aqua took up a combat stance.

As for Wiz, she simply stood there with a blank expression on her face.

After a while, Wiz nodded and said jovial manner.

“… If I return to the earth, will Aqua-sama be able to go back to heaven?”

“Yes, exactly! It’s a pity, Wiz, but there are reasons why I can’t let you off! I don’t mind if you hold a grudge against me, but, as a goddess—”

“Very well.”

“As a goddess…! … It’s fine? No, wait, Wiz, you can’t give up on life so easily! What do you think your life is? You’ll get punished, you know?”

What are you saying? You were the one who was talking about returning her back to the earth and what not in the first place.

There’s a lot I wanted to say, but now’s not the time.

As for Wiz, she still had that blank look on her face as she said,

“If you purify me, you’ll be able to go back to heaven, yes? I don’t understand the details, but something must have cropped up, right? After spending so much time together, I know very well that Aqua-sama is a benevolent and kind person… If that Aqua-sama wants to purify me, I’ll go along with it.”

This time, Vanir is the one to raise a fuss.

“What are you saying, Wiz? Have you forgotten the promise you made with me!? You really are gutsy if you think you can break a contract with a devil! If you go back into the earth, who will create my dungeon for me!? Everything I’ve done for this shop is in service of that goal!”

Wiz seemed taken aback, but regarded Vanir with a smile.

“Vanir-san, you actually called me by my name. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise… Um, he’s asleep in a mansion deep in the forest right now, but I do know another lich. I’ll introduce you to him, so please make do…”

Vanir gritted his teeth upon hearing that, but in the end, he still resolutely stood between Aqua and Wiz.

Wiz turned away from Vanir, clasped her hands together, and smiled at Aqua.

“Normally, it would’ve been natural for you to purify me the moment we met. Thank you for letting me off until now, Aqua-sama. Thanks to that, I was able to manage this shop together with Vanir-san and get to know a lot of other people. I’ve lived a long time, but this past year has been the most enjoyable year of my life. That’s no exaggeration. So nevermind holding a grudge, I should be grateful to you.”

“… … ”

Hearing those words, Vanir wordlessly stepped back.

Judging from the way he’s gritting his teeth, it doesn’t seem like he agrees with Wiz, but is rather respecting Wiz’s decision.

“I originally set up this shop to be a place where my old adventuring companions could come back to. But, just the other day… Yeah, it was back when Vanir and I were talking about our past and Aqua-sama fell asleep. I managed to tell my companions, ‘Welcome home,’ when they came to visit on that day… So I have no regrets.”

And Aqua…

“U…uuuu…”

Seemed like she was on the verge of tears as she retreated, being completely caught off guard by those words.

Seeing Aqua in her state, Wiz called out to her in the same tone of voice one would use to comfort a crying child.

“Aqua-sama, I will have to be purified by someone someday, or I’ll be around forever. If I have to be purified by someone, I would choose to be purified by Aqua-sama. It’d help you, after all. Plus…”

Wiz gave Aqua a pure, unblemished smile, as if to put her at ease and remove any guilt she might be feeling.

“I enjoyed being your friend, Aqua-sama”

In the face of Vanir’s, Zereschrute’s, and my stares.

And Wiz who seemed more worried about Aqua than her own well being.

“U…uuu… Waaaaaah!”

Aqua broke down into tears before fleeing the store.

Part 2

… To think that the kindest person in this town, and the most respectable person, is a lich…

Such thoughts occupied my mind as I headed back to the mansion to search for Aqua.

Darkness and Megumin were playing a board game while lounging on the sofa in the main hall.

“Say, did Aqua come back?”

“Aqua? She came rushing back in not too long ago and shut herself in her room. I told her dinner’s ready, but she didn’t come out at all. Just what happened?”

I fell into deep thought upon hearing Megumin’s words.

What should I do? Should I just leave her alone for a while?

… No, that’s probably not a good idea.

“It’s, well… Just give me Aqua’s portion of breakfast. I’ll bring it up to her.”

After receiving a tray from Megumin, I headed up to Aqua’s room.

“—Hey, I understand how you feel, but don’t just go home without me. Megumin made breakfast, so open up.”

“… Leave me alone. I just lost a little bit of my confidence as a goddess right now.”

… Just a little bit, huh?

I called out to Aqua through the gap in the door again.

“Say… Isn’t it fine to put the Demon King out of your head for a while? Is there really a need to rush back to heaven right now?”

“… …”

At the end of the day, Aqua doesn’t hate Wiz.

She does constantly pester her and accidentally purify her when she gets into a fight with Vanir and the like, but, when all is said and done, the two of them have a fairly close relationship.

I called out once again.

“… You know that you won’t be able to see Wiz again if you go back to heaven, right?”

Of course, she wouldn’t be able to see any of us too.

… No, wait, Eris-sama does occasionally come down here to play as Chris, so that might not necessarily be the case.

But would that be the case for Aqua?

From what I recall, Aqua was the goddess in charge of Japan.

Will she be able to pop up here whenever she wants, I wonder?

Aqua was still silent.

I called out one last time.

“… I brought the dinner Megumin made up with me. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it down.”

“… Just leave the food here.”

“—What’s wrong with Aqua? She’s usually the first one at the table. Does her stomach hurt?”

When I returned to the hall, a worried-looking Megumin asked that of me.

Judging from the way Darkness was frowning as she glared at the board, Megumin seemed to be winning in their game.

“Don’t worry. She seems like she’s willing to eat the food I brought up. Give her some time. She’ll definitely come back down once she gets hungry again.”

I casually said that, but in the end, Aqua spent the entire day holed up in her room.

Part 3

I can’t sleep.

It’s probably around midnight right now.

It’s an extremely quiet night today, to the point where even the usually ever present humming of the bugs were absent.

This morning’s ruckus isn’t anything particularly unusual.

Aqua goes out, causes a ruckus, creates some trouble, and comes back home in tears.

That’s something that happens every day. It’s nothing unusual.

But for some reason, today’s incident weighs really heavily on my mind.

Aqua didn’t respond when I asked her if she’d be okay with not seeing Wiz again after she goes back.

It wasn’t Wiz that I wanted to ask about back then, but something far more personal.

“Are you really fine with being separated from us?”

That’s what I wanted to ask.

… …

… … … …

“AAAAAAAH!”

I rolled around on top of my bed.

What kind of embarrassing thoughts are running through my head right now?

I buried my face into my pillow.

No, no, what I actually wanted to ask was:

“Do you really want to go back after staying here for so long?”

After living together with these three for so long, it’s difficult to imagine life without Aqua.

What exactly does it mean if Aqua’s gone?

Living together with just Darkness and Megumin.

Even if I have the mansion and my fortune, Aqua will no longer laze around or cause trouble, nor will she barge in just as things are going well…

… Wait.

What was I so worried about? That doesn’t sound like such a bad life.

… No, no, no.

Aqua will definitely cry if she hears that.

Plus, it feels like life would be pretty boring without her around.

Sure, she won’t be creating problems for me every day, but it feels like I’ll have too much free time to know what to do with.

Still, what does Aqua think about this?

Actually, why the hell am I losing sleep over it in the first place?

This is getting on my nerves.

Yeah, there’s a clawing feeling around my chest…

“… … ”

I threw my blanket aside and got up.

It’s quite late, but I’ll go wake her up and interrogate her.

And properly lecture her while I’m at it.

I’ll explain to her exactly what the risks are in going to take down the Demon King, and how little we stand to gain from it.

I crept out of my room and moved down the corridor as quietly as I could.

They are most likely sleeping now, but I really don’t want to get caught by Megumin or Darkness and have them think that I’m trying to launch a night raid on Aqua.

Yeah, that kind of misunderstanding would haunt my name for the rest of my life.

Activating my Lurk skill, I started stealthing my way over to Aqua’s room.

But before I’ve taken more than a few steps.

I spotted Aqua gazing up at the night sky.

There’s a balcony on the second floor of the mansion, just above the entrance, and Aqua is currently sitting there.

There’s a very beautiful full moon out tonight.

Aqua was wearing her usual blue hagoromo and was seated hugging her knees against her chest.

I intended to wake her up and give her a stern talking to, but…

Aqua really does look like a goddess when she’s just sitting there, silently staring up at the sky.

Come to think of it, back when I first died, I instinctively knew that she was a goddess from the moment I laid my eyes on her.

She was really beautiful, I thought.

If only she acted like this every day…

As I watched her from afar, she suddenly seemed to have noticed my presence and turned to face me.

“… What are you doing over there? You couldn’t sleep?”

I walked out onto the balcony somewhat guilty.

I can’t possibly tell her that I got up to look for her, so what exactly should I say?

And I definitely can’t say I was taken in by her form as she was moonwatching.

If she heard that, it would definitely go to her head.

That’s why I said something that wasn’t remotely related to what I was thinking just now.

“… Well, I slept a little too much this afternoon… Anyway, what are you doing here? You’re going to end up feeding the mosquitoes, you know?”

“You really are as trashy as usual, aren’t you?”

Aqua listlessly said as she turned back towards the sky.

… …

“The only thing you have on your mind is food, so what are you doing out here moongazing? Is heaven on the moon? Are you guys like Princess Kaguya or something?”

“Of course not, I’m just looking at it because it’s pretty. You know, I’ve been wondering about this for quite some time, but what exactly do you think I am? Even I have times where I want to admire something beautiful, you know? What do you think? Isn’t a goddess looking up at the moon absolutely picturesque?”

It certainly is.

To be honest, seeing her like that got me thinking that, oh yeah, this girl really was a goddess.

Of course, I’m not going to say any of that to her.

“… Say, do you really want to go back to heaven so badly? You’ve been here for over a year now, right? You’ve gotten to know a lot of people, so don’t you ever think that it might be lonely not being able to see them again?”

“… … ”

Aqua simply stared silently at the moon.

Eventually, she turned her back on me and started monologuing.

“It’s only been just over a year, hasn’t it? It feels really strange. I’ve known the other gods and angels in heaven for far longer, but life on this world is, how do you put it, stormy and full of drama?”

The one who made our lives here so stormy and full of drama is you, though.

That line was on the tip of my tongue for a moment, but I bit it back.

Instead, I said…

“You’ve been in heaven for far longer? That means you really are an old—”

“If you say anything more, I’ll put a seal on your lower body such that it will never stand up straight again.”

For the first time in my life, I’m honestly afraid of Aqua.

Aqua continued with her monologue.

“In heaven, every day is the same. It doesn’t change the slightest from day to day. To be honest, it’s quite boring… Well, on the flip side, it does mean that I don’t end up with any unpleasant memories.”

Unpleasant memories.

Is she talking about what happened a few days ago when the adventurers suddenly turned against her?

“Ever since then, I’ve gotten several apologies from the adventurers. Though, as a goddess, I wasn’t really affect by those acts.”

You liar. Megumin told me you were pretty depressed for a while after that.

… Then, Aqua, looking up at the moon, muttered in a voice almost too soft to be audible.

“… I want to go home.”

Her face didn’t particularly look sad or lonely or anything.

It’s just that, her face looks like that of a lost child gazing forlornly at the place she used to call home.

Those words weren’t directed towards me.

It wasn’t a demand, nor was she whining. It was simply her expressing her desire, one held close to her heart.

I don’t know how long she lived in heaven.

I don’t know if she had any friends or acquaintances over there.

I don’t even know anything about her lifestyle in heaven.

Nothing at all.

… I was the one who forcibly dragged her here with me, so if she herself wants to go back, the duty of sending her back should really fall to me.

Also, I don’t really want to dwell too much about this, but it’s also kinda my fault that no new cheat users have been appearing for the past year.

But still, the Demon King…

… I should probably say something here.

“… Well, you know, I’ve been putting a little bit, just a little bit, of thought into how to take down the Demon King too… But just so you know, I’m not about to head off right now to take him down or anything, alright? For example, I could buy a large amount of explosive potions from Wiz and create a large amount of explosives with them. Then we could bury them around the Demon King’s castle like landmines and starve them out. Alternatively, I could have Yunyun register a teleport point right in front of the Demon King’s castle, and launch an explosion against it every day…”

“… Heheheh. You were so against this earlier, but you’ve finally started! See, I told you. Kazuma-san always finds a way to deal with it in the end… But, it’s fine. You were originally pretty weak to begin with, but if you take an attack from the Demon King at your level, it’s possible that there might not even be enough of your body left to perform a resurrection.”

T-This girl!

She always, always has to add an extra line.

I stepped onto the balcony and said towards Aqua’s back.

“The reason I’m weak is because I got you in place of a cheat. If I’m weak, that’s because you weren’t pulling your weight, so those words apply to you too. Do you understand, you useless goddess-sama?”

“Hey, I want to put a seal on you, so come a little closer, will you?”

“I’m sorry.”

If I spend anymore time around here, she might really just decide to put a seal on me.

I told Aqua that I should probably go back to sleep and started heading back to my room…

Aqua, clutching her knees close to her chest, called out to me without ever taking her eyes off the moon.

“Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san.”

I stopped in my tracks.

“… What is it?”

“Satou Kazuma-san. Are you glad that you’ve come to this world? Have you ever regretted it?”

Aqua innocently asked.

Back when I was in Japan, I was an unrepentant hikikomori with nothing to look forward to.

It’s nothing compared to what I’ve achieved in this world. I have a fortune, I own a mansion, and above all, I have the affections of several beauties from this world.

I did briefly consider reincarnating back when I was killed by Serena, but, even if I’m not exactly thankful to Aqua, there’s no way I can have any regrets right now.

Even if this place is a harsh world filled with all kinds of nonsense.

“I don’t regret a thing. I’m glad to have come here.”

Aqua seemed genuinely relieved upon hearing those words and let out a soft “Oh?” along with a sigh.

Just like how I feel a little guilty over forcibly dragging her with me to this world, she might have been concerned in her own way about sending me over to this world.

“That’s good then… Good night. Don’t do anything strange back in your room just because you were captivated by my beauty in the moonlight, okay? You’ll get divine punishment if you do that.”

“That’s utterly impossible.”

I instantly replied.

Aqua seemed a little miffed at how quickly my answer came and started muttering “Maybe I really should put a little seal on him…” and other such dangerous stuff under her breath.

I hurriedly back to my room and collapsed onto my bed.

But, as I expected, my head was still too full of thoughts for me to sleep.

… The Demon King, huh…

Yeah, no matter how I look at it, it really is impossible.

If only there was a way for me to easily defeat him…

… No, no, there is a limit as to what I can do.

But, if I take some time to think about it, I should come up with a good plan or two…

Just then, I noticed something.

Why the hell am I seriously thinking about taking down the Demon King?

I closed my eyes to shake away such stupid thoughts and went back to sleep.

Just before sleep took me, a certain desire dreamily flashed through my mind.

I’ve never really wanted such a thing before now, but,

—I really want a cheat power that’d allow me to go toe to toe with the Demon King—