Kill the Lights by Jangryang
Proofreader/Editor: Kaima, Hwarang
âMr. Raycarlton did stop by your house for a short time. It seemed like he brought something outâŚâ
Mason remembered what Phil had said to him and thought about it for a long time as he stood in front of the door to Noahâs room.
Should I go in or should I not? Should I knock, or should I turn back?
It seemed like heâd guessed right; it was Noah who took his stuff. Mason wasnât sure if Noah took anything else, but it was apparent that he got the two things that didnât belong to Haley, the picture and the bag.
âHow far does he knowâŚ..â
Originally Mason thought that it wouldnât be strange for Noah to know everything. But in reality he felt quite in panic when faced with the prospect that Noah knew everything.
âNo, itâs too early to judge.â
Those things, heâd poured them in front of Noah once in New York. So there was nothing wrong in picking them. If there were no problem with your attention, it would not be difficult to pick out his stuff in that fancy house.
Well, then the question is, why did he take it-
Mason bit his lips. From there on his thoughts were blocked as if even a needle couldnât go through. As if someone was pulling from behind and he couldnât go any further.
Every time Mason met Noah with Haleyâs body, a question of âwhy?â kept adding on. Mason never did know. âWhy is Noah standing in front of my New York house?â âWhy is he attacking me?â âWhy is he asking if Iâm alive?ââŚ. Heâd thought maybe Noah had something for him to do. Still, the questions he couldnât explain kept increasing, and he couldnât think of anything else.
Mason was used to working without knowing the reason. Either in a war, or in a mission, it was rare for higher ups to tell him the reason. Mason also knew himself that knowing in detail would give him a headache, so he never asked for a reason.
So Mason wondered, standing in front of Noahâs room. If he knocked on the door to look for his stuff right now, could he face the countless questions that he had been avoiding?
âDo I really need to take those stuff back?â Mason thought sullenly. âI can just make a new passport even though itâll be difficult; actually it will be nearly impossible to use a fake passport with my new face. My fortune is too bad, but at least I can earn again, and my wife and daughterâs picture isâŚ.â
Mason bitterly thought about what happened. It had been 10 years since they both died. It was only a month before going to Afghanistan that he had a hard time and felt sad because of their deaths. His body was tired like crazy and many people had died. After seeing families murdered every day, more cruelly than his wife and daughter, he couldnât think of anything else to do but to simply survive.
Keeping the picture was Masonâs apology. Sorry for forgetting, pretending to be oblivious because he was busy surviving. He was afraid of forgetting them, so he stared at the picture every day to remember.
And it had been 10 years. Also he had been dead once. No one was calling him Mason anymore. Wasnât it better to cut the ties like this?
ââŚ.No, thatâs not right.â
Mason sighed one more time. He didnât feel right about abandoning it like this. If he himself had thrown the picture away itâd be okay, but this felt like being taken away by force.
On the other hand, there was no reason for the picture to not be taken away by forceâŚ
Mason was tired of muttering to himself in front of Noahâs door like a crazy person.
âAh, I donât know. No way that Iâm gonna get killed. If Noah really does try to kill me, then itâll be easier to grasp the situation and move accordingly. But then, can I? Donât know. I really donât know.â Mason reined in his complicated thoughts and knocked on the door.
Mason waited for a sound from the inside after knocking on the door. Is he sleeping? Already? The time was indeed late. It was past 11 when they ate dinner, so it wouldnât be weird if he were sleeping alreadyâŚ.
Mason knocked on the door again. Is he not in his room? Mason waited a little bit more and knocked on the door again. -Knock Knock. This time he put his ear on the door. âŚ..There was a small rustling sound.
Mason wondered a little bit and carefully turned the doorknob. The room was dark, and somebody was lying down on the bed. There were strands of brightly lit hair on the blanket. It looked like Noahâs.
Was he sleeping? Mason looked around. No one noticed him. CCTV was running, but it was not like he was going to kill him, so it didnât matter.
Mason carefully entered Noahâs room. Mason depended on the moonlight coming through the big window and looked around the room. If he didnât really explain to Phil, he probably tossed it somewhere in his room. The picture and some money, those were probably not that important to NoahâŚ.
Mason glanced at Noah, who was sleeping curled up with blanket all the way up to his head. Mason carefully passed by his side.
He saw a black bag on the right side of the bed, next to the table and underneath the chair. Mason recognized his bag at once. He moved a little faster and got hold of the bag. He glanced at the pile of blankets that he suspected was Noah.
It seemed like Noah was deep asleep, and Mason carefully checked inside his bag. When he opened the zipper slightly, he noticed that the picture, passport, and the bundle of money inside were quite untouched.
Just like Phil said, it seemed like Noah would just have returned it to himâŚ. Mason clicked his tongue, shouldered his bag and turned around. Anyhow Noah took something that was not his, so even if he noticed the bagâs disappearance itâs not like he could complain or anything.
Compared to wondering in front of the door for a long time whether to bump his head or to run away, the situation got resolved quite easily. Mason thought he could now carefully get out of the room and close it and then pretend to not know anything about this.
If only he hadnât heard that small sound.
Mason was passing by Noahâs bed when he heard a sound from the pile of blankets and turned his head. Mason hadnât noticed it before, but once he did, he kept hearing the small sound.
Mason thought that may be Noah was awake and turned around with a frozen face.
But he wasnât awake. When he turned around, there werenât any cold eyes staring at him. Instead, something strange wasâŚ
Mason mumbled and carefully approached Noah. When he lifted up the canopy, he could see Noahâs hair spilling out from under the blankets. Mason touched his hair.
Just as he thought, the blond hair underneath the blanket was drenched wet with sweat.
He could hear the small sound clearer. It was a painful breathing sound mixed with sobbing. The body underneath the blanket was trembling.
Mason sighed quietly. âShould I just leave, pretending not to have seen it?â When Noah acted like this, it wasnât something Mason could do anything about anyway. It wasnât something he should care about, and also he was in the ownerâs room in secret without permission.
But even as he thought that he should just ignore it, his hands were already carefully pulling down the blanket.
Noahâs beautiful face appeared, huddled between his arms. The face was drenched wet with sweat and extremely pale. Tears were streaking from his eyes, and his pretty lips were closed but panting heavily.
âSave me, rescue me, help me pleaseâ, Noah was begging while crying. He was murmuring endlessly to save and rescue him and begged in fear.
It was no different from ten years ago. No, because he has grown so confident, generous and beautiful, Noah seemed smaller than from 10 years ago.
âDo I have an illness. Why canât I just leave?â Mason clicked his tongue lowly and stretched out his hand.
Noahâs wet and soft hair wrapped around his fingers. When he removed his hair from his warm forehead, a side of Noahâs face appeared, both pitiful and beautiful.
⌠He is indeed prettyâŚ.
Mason sat on the bed and touched Noahâs hair. Rather than comforting, what if he was simply fulfilling his desires? Mason thought it was somewhere in between and kept fiddling with Noahâs soft hair.
âHas a lot of money, is smart and prettyâŚ. I wish he could live well too.â
âHow can he live without knowing that the world is a scary and a vicious place? I hope he eats and lives well enough to make everyone jealous,â Mason mumbled while touching his hair.
He had been unlucky only once. And probably because of dissociative amnesia, he canât even remember the details, and it had already been 20 years. So why was he in so much pain like this?
Mason felt that, Noah who was having a nightmare still looked like a seven-year-old child trapped inside the luggage. Mason felt so pitiful and sympathetic that he tasted bitterness in his mouth.
ââŚ.Itâs nothing. Itâs nothing.â
âBad things have all passed, and there is nothing to be scared of anymoreâ, Mason murmured in a low voice. He didnât think Noah would be listening and so he went on.
âSo donât cry like this by yourselfâ, Mason was about to murmur, but Noahâs lips, wet with tears, moved.
Mason stared at his eyes dripping with tears.
âDonât go. Donât leave meâ, Noah was saying. Mason swallowed his dried spit.
He remembered another desperate voice. It was the voice of a child who stopped him after he rescued him out of a travelling luggage and was about to call the ambulance. And begging hands that were scarily hot with fever.
Mason stared at Noahâs big hands and before he knew, it was grabbing onto his clothes. Just like when he was a child, earnestly and desperately.
Instead of hugging Noah just like the last time, he touched his forehead, which was sweating cold sweats.
âIndeed, he is difficultâ, Mason thought while staring at Noahâs hands grabbing onto his clothes. It was difficult and dangerous. If he had grabbed onto it stronger and hit him, he could somehow manage to escape, but he couldnât shake off this trembling hand grabbing onto it. He wanted to sit down and hug him right away.
Mason bitterly thought that it wouldâve been better if they hadnât met again. Instead it would be better for him to think once in a while that, somewhere, Noah was eating and living well. Of course, except for having a nightmare like this sometimes, it seemed like he did eat and live well, but after seeing him in this state, Mason couldnât feel comfortable.
Mason stared at Noahâs hands and sighed. He said,
ââŚItâll be all right.â
Just like how other people rescued him when Mason left Noah to call an ambulance with a heavy foot, Noah will be okay. Thoughts of, âIt canât be if itâs not me,â âI want to save him,â made Mason feel annoyed and troublesome in his head, but he tried his best to think rationally.
Mason removed Noahâs hand that was trembling as he held him. The hand that was drenched wet with cold sweat came off very easily and dropped on the bed. Mason sighed quietly. Why does he feel unhappy even though it was him who removed the hand? Mason worried about himself, about how easily he turned into a retard if it was anything related to Noah and stood up.
ââŚ..going, âŚ-son,â
âI should just leave quicklyâ, Mason thought he should just run away but was startled when he heard a quiet begging voice behind his back and turned to look at him.
â⌠Did he just now call Mason, me?â -Mason blinked and peered at him. Noah was panting and biting his lips. Mason stared at his face, which was crying like he was sad, mad, and painful at something and clicked his tongue and turned away again.
âI just heard it wrongâ. Mason worried if he was actually started to go crazy and picked up the bag heâd left on the floor.
Mason, who had turned away, looked at Noah again. This time he definitely wasnât hearing things. âDid he really just call out my name?â Mason moved his lips and gasped.
Mason paused, stopping to breathe. Noah, who was sleeping, had opened his eyes. He blinked and opened his green eyes wide in surprise as the tears gathered in them dropped onto the bed.
âNo, âŚ.Mr. Raycarlton.â
âWill you please let it go?â Mason said, pointing to his wrist that was caught firmly by him. Noahâs left hand that Mason had just removed was strongly and painfully grabbing onto Masonâs right wrist.
Blink. Noah blinked his eyes one more time. The wet, long lashes looked dramatic.
ââŚWhere are you goingâŚ?â
âPardon? What do you meanâŚ.,â
âHe wasnât even asking why I was here but asked where I was goingâ. Mason wondered what kind of question this was and answered, âMy roomâŚ.,â then with a strong pain in his arm, the world spun.
Mason inhaled a moan and curled his body. Very quickly his back was touching the bedsheet. Noah had pulled down and tossed Mason, who had been standing, on the bed. Masonâs breath stopped at the shock and he raised his head frowning, âWhatâs thisâŚ?â
Noah was looking down at him, expressionless. âHiccup!â Mason gasped and turned his head to see that Noah had caged him in with both of his arms.
âUm, Mr. RaycarltonâŚ..,â
âThe position looks very strange, and you are scary⌠â, Mason stuttered, and Noah asked slowly,
Mason rolled his eyes and said, âI thought this was my room, so I came in.â
âYou want me to believe thatâŚ-, -Aha.â
Noah moved his eyes and saw the black bag lying on the floor. He nodded his head in comprehension.
âYou came to take your bag.â
Noah said it gently than heâd have imagined. Like, âYes, that can happen.â
âI was going to return it right away. I forgot about it yesterday, and today too⌠I remembered in the afternoon, and I thought of giving it to you after dinner, but I forgot about it once again.â
âI wasnât going to keep it.â Mason nodded when he heard Noahâs quiet explanation. There wasnât any item that he would want in it anyway. To a man who said that the yacht was annoying, there was no reason that a few bundles of money, fake passports and the picture of dead people were important.
âI didnât misunderstand or anything. Also you are not that kind of a personâŚâ
Mason was about to just smile and stand up. He thought he could just apologize for scaring him and leave the room amicably after Noah naturally moves to aside.
ââŚ.Can you move your arms?â
Noah glanced at his arms and returned, âArms?â Mason thought, âSomething is weird. Why is he acting like an idiotâŚ?â Hearing Noahâs unconvincingly guileless tone Mason tried once again.
âYes. Iâm trying to stand up, but your arms are blocking me.â
Noah stared at Masonâs face and looked at his arms again. âAhhh!â He murmured quietly as if got Masonâs point. âWhy is he like this. Is he not fully awake?â Mason smiled at him slightly and Noah, who had been expressionless, smiled slightly too.
Mason held Noahâs shoulders to move his arms, but Noah turned expressionless again and said.
Mason thought he heard it wrong and asked again. Noah stretched out his arms and grabbed Masonâs hair and pulled it lightly.
Mason got up as his hair was pulled, and Noah whispered into Masonâs ears.
âWhere do you think you are going?â
His knee firmly pressed between Masonâs legs. Mason felt goosebumps and looked at Noah with a frozen expression. He tilted his head like he was puzzled and said.
âWhen youâve wet your lower body dirty like this?â\n